Did You Say Nerd?

forget every other goal I had for me life this is everything I want to be

what

a few days ago bf told me that a couple years ago when he played counterstrike he would respond to dudes getting angry and aggressive and hostile by saying “a kissaroo from me to you” in a slightly goofy friendly voice sort of like the voice you’d associate with a dog muppet.  he said they would absolutely lose their shit every time, insisting things like “i dont want a kissaroo from you!  only tall blonde girls!”.  they always said kissaroo.  i cant stop thinking about this

oh my god these are actually funny

i’m back at my ancestral home (lowe’s) and I just watched a very burly man in a lot of flannel carry a potted orchid SO TENDERLY across the parking lot

A sentence that starts with “i’m back at my ancestral home (lowe’s)” has to work really hard to make the end of that sentence equally as amazing and by god you’ve done it

That’s the face of a man that could turn his opponents hand into strawberry jam, but he’s not listening to that part even though it’s really convincing

That face says “Is that all you have, my good bitch?”

how do i explain plato’s allegory of the cave  to a dog