everything is more than itself

thinking of how arthur's "i thought i knew you. i trusted you." "why didn't you tell me?" "merlin, you're not a sorcerer I would know." were less "i trusted you and you lied to me?" and more "i trusted you, i thought you trusted me too?"

some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.

I couldn't remember the word "doorknob" ten minutes ago.

REBLOG TO SAVE A WRITER'S LIFE

maybe I'm dumb that it took me this long to realize but when Arthur tells Gwen he has a dream to run away and be a farmer his only frame of reference for how farmers actually live is that one time that he was in Ealdor with Merlin sleeping on his cold floor and eating porridge and he hated it, my god, did he hate it but he was also with Merlin and it's the only time he didn't have to be Prince Arthur he could just be Arthur and he remembered that feeling of being just Arthur and Merlin and he coveted it so deeply that it became his dream?????

btw. merlin suffered loss where arthur suffered betrayal. will, freya, balinor, lancelot/morgana, agravaine, uther, gwen. “you were deceived. it could happen to anyone” — “and yet it keeps happening to me.” like grief grown on different branches or something. then ultimately of course they do it to each other don’t they? all in the last episode. except the difference between them and the others is they didnt really. merlin wasnt truly disloyal and arthur isnt truly dead. they’re each others exception. two sides of the same coin blah blah. am i making sense? is anyone listening?