Captain Copernicus Qwark

“Some hip movement and some eye batting is ok, but, you use it far too much, especially the eye batting, it’s like it’s you crutch. Unlike hip movement, which you need a little bit of almost all the time, too much eye batting makes you look creepy. Eye batting is a limited resource, and overusing it is dangerous,"

"Simple. Wear stilettos. Those do a lot for your glutes, legs, and if you’re being adventurous, your ‘breasts’,"

"Okay... so some hip rotations... that I can do! But it may take a bit to tone down the eye batting... should I just use it after every other sentence?" Though the comment about breasts caught the captain a bit off guard... he'd used fake breasts before... but he unfortunately didn't have them at school. They simply didn't fit with his Nurse Shannon outfit- and he didn't want to ruin the uniform. 

“Also, like I said, people will not believe you to be a girl if your body language is not one of a girl’s,”

Ritsu didn’t know how to be a seductress, but, he knew Qwark’s attempt was anything but. Besides, if he wanted to seduce someone, he had to make them think he was of the gender he was portraying.

“Alright, first off, you bat your eyes more than would ever be needed, and you swing your hips out too wide. Girls do swing their hips slightly when they walk, but, never as far out as you do. Oh, also, most girls aren’t batting their eyes twenty-four-seven,”

"But without proper hip swinging and eye-batting, there's no way I can properly enchant people with my skills at seduction!" Maybe this 'Ritsu' had a point... but he wasn't trying to be a realistic woman- just a sexy one! One capable of charming and extracting information from any students that may have information regarding their circumstances in this bizarre academy...

“For one, your costume is totally wrong. Even normal nurses don’t wear that kind of stuff anymore. You look like you’re going to a slutty Halloween party, are about to be in some bad porno, or you’re doing a really bad cosplay of a Silent Hill nurse,”

Oh, whoops; he had let out something game related. Divas…They didn’t play videogames. H-Hopefully, the other didn’t notice!

Ritsu kept on walking to his room, a bit fast-paced, but, still made sure the other was following. Finally, they got to his room, and he opened the door.

"I don't understand women? Pshaw! I'm exceptionally successful with the ladies! And with eight years of high school theater workshops, I can assure you, I'm certainly beyond capable at acting incognito." Qwark paused a moment at the comment about his nurse's outfit... True- he hadn't been to a hospital in... since he was born- but who needed to go to the hospital when there was nanotech? All of his 'personal' nurses wore outfits that were similar anyway... hmm... perhaps he would need to get more in touch with the little people.

Silent hill... that sounded familiar... hadn't they mentioned it at that Platformer Awards Ceremony Ratchet had dragged him to? Eh. He hadn't been paying much attention anyhow. Nathan Drake had beaten them again... hmph. 

From the corner of her eye, she noticed someone very familiar walking through the halls. Madoka’s head turns in that person’s direction and…

“N-no way…”

She rubs her eyes, not believing what she had just seen. Why is he in a nurse’s outfit? Am I starting to see things?

Another look. Swinging his hips and in a nurse’s outfit was someone who looked very much like Qwark. The girl takes very slow steps towards her roommate. As she got closer, Qwark’s heroic build and all the green under the dress became more apparent. There was no mistaking it. It was him. What was he doing? Was he trying to hide himself? Questions needed to be answered. “Qwark-san! Why are you wearing that?”

"Madoka!" He certainly was glad to see the girl here. He didn't know most of the students, and therefore didn't have many allies- and currently this girl looked like prime sidekick material. She was no Skrunch the monkey... but given that they were trapped in this school, she would have to do.

Qwark dropped to one knee and put a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Madoka, it's great to see you! Ah... and this? This is all part of my ingenious plan. You see- by using the feminine wiles of 'Nurse Shannon' I should be able to find some more information about our whereabouts from other students..."

Holy shit, this guy’s hands are huge.

After a moment of hesitation, Ritsu gave a quick hand shake to the other. Also, what a weird title.

“I’m Ritsu Namine, SHSL Trap Diva,”

“Let’s hurry up and go, we have a lot of work to do,”

“You’re not foolin’ anyone, boy,”

Ugh, he hated people who crossdressed to make fun of the culture or without looking up any tips first! They almost always ended up looking horrible and shaming all crossdressers! Though…This person did seem pretty insistent on claiming he was female…Maybe he was just a newcomer who had no guidance, or maybe he was a…

Ritsu took a close look at the other. Hm, this was going to be a challenge, but, he was determined to help him now.

He let out a sigh.

“Follow me back to my room,”

Qwark grit his teeth anxiously as the student before him called his bluff. The only person who'd ever seen through his disguises in the past was Ratchet... or Clank...Sure, he'd still had Nefarious' goons try to kill him, but they'd been trying to kill him as Shannon. Of course he'd been beyond irritated that they had tried to shoot a lady, but that was besides the point now. Whoever this person was, they knew without a doubt that his name most certainly wasn't Shannon.

Though as this strange person offered to give him some pointers his demeanor changed instantly. For the moment at least he didn't even bother to use a falsetto.

"Hey, that's great! I could always use some pointers! Or new foundation..."

Ritsu then walked back in the other direction and got in front of the other.

“Wrong, wrong, all wrong!”

Had this person already seen through his ruse? It wasn't possible... such an ingenious disguise had easily managed to deceive the galaxy's most intelligent super villain... there was no way. Qwark raised a brow nervously. If he said the wrong thing now his cover could be blown... and he had no idea if the person before him were somehow involved in their current situation. He couldn't trust them enough to inform them of his identity as the Universe's greatest super hero.

Qwark grinned down at the rather eager boy before him. It was about time someone in this establishment realized how awesomely blessed they were to have the Captain as a classmate. Qwark ruffled the boy's hair and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. The was something about this boy... he almost reminded him of himself when he was younger- except less strapping and impressive. 

"Makoto, eh? Well, Makoto, it's certainly a pleasure to meet a boy with your sort of... energy. Have you ever considered a position as a sidekick?" Qwark tapped his chin in thought for a moment, having asked the question before even really considering it... no matter what though, he'd see about making the boy a member of the Q-Force at the least...

But…no, that was rude. After all people were like that. It wasn’t a bad thing, not at all. So when the boy realized he had been staring he shook his head, instantly averting his eyes and tried to move on. However by not looking he ended up crashing into the other. “Ah—sorry.” He grumbled, staring at the floor still.

Lights, camera, protagonist.

With his lack of an appearance lately, this protagonist decided today that he would make a reappearance in the world of despair. The leader considered what location would best suit his taste.

Maybe spend time in the library? Or he could visit the swimming pool? No no, of course he was going to visit the art room. Scratch that, Minato wasn’t even sure of where to go.

While Minato made his way through the halls, he lost track of where he was. You’d think in a locked room scenario people would know where they were going. Minato reached into his right pocket to make sure his Monomessager was still there. It was.

“I should really keep a map on me.”

Qwark made his way through the hallways rather slowly, swinging his hips widely as he proceeded through the corridor. He wasn't sure where to start looking, it was rather quiet for a school that was supposed to be crammed with bright young minds... perhaps they were brooding over their situation- Yet they needn't be down for long! Captain Qwark- their ridiculously attractive savior was on the case!

“If you truly are a hero then I look forward to working with you soon. Let us find an escape from this twisted game.”

Who wouldn’t find a rocker zombie and a space hero cool?

She gives a small bow to Qwark and picks up her box. She walks to the center of the room then gives another quick boy to Zed too.

“I guess I should tell you two my name too. My name is Kaname Madoka, but please call me ‘Madoka’,” she introduces herself with a wide smile. “Umm… I hope we can all become friends! Let’s not fight a lot, all right?”

She giggles happily and finally gets a good look at the room itself. On the left, FLEXING QWARK. On the right, QWARK WITH A BLASTER. On the center, QWARK FLEXING ONE ARM. ON THE CEILING IS QWARK WITH SOME DRINK. EVERYWHERE IS QWARK. HIS WHOLE LIFE WAS UNLIMITED QWARK WORKS.

“W-why are there so many pictures of Qwark-san?” she asks while staring flabbergasted at the overly green and muscular setting. “W-was there some decorating going on? Is that why you two were arguing?”

Jesus, he hasn’t even been in this room for a day and the tool had already decorated it with posters of none other than his hideous mug. Zed kept in mind that he’ll have to deface all of these later and replace ‘em with posters of his punk band and band on some anarchy signs. At least he should have the privilege to do so in his assigned space of the room.

Pink haired gal— er, Madoka was a kind gal. Nothin’ like that cheerleader bitch or his hippie friend Mariska. Huh… He just couldn’t find himself to be as obscene with her as he usually is with everyone else. She was a special case, and that was fine with him.

"Look... Mr... Zed... guy. I was just trying to make this place feel more... homey. I mean- back in Metropolis there were flyers everywhere... holo-boards, statues, blimps! Heck. I had flyers for Qwark-Os, Qwark cola, my epic films Unicop, and the renowned 'My Blaster Runs Hot'... it's just... weird not having some of my publicity around... It's even weirder not having my agent, or personal assistant either, but hey- I'm just trying to live a normal student life like anyone else."