SomeRandomArtist

your mate comes home. everyone thought they were dead, maybe you did too, but they’re the only survivor. that ship had so many eridians on it. you probably know their families. maybe they’re your friends. maybe they stop talking to you because they can only see your good fortune to have your family return, and they can’t make themselves stop wondering “why couldn’t my family have survived” when they see you. your mate is different. maybe they’re quieter, slower, and they have odd scars on their body now that they don’t want to talk about, even to you. they sometimes speak strangely, like they aren’t sure how to order their words anymore. and they brought back this alien, who’s star was also dying, because the alien is dying and can’t go home. and your mate is spending so much time with this alien who they’ve only spent a fraction of their life with, worrying and fussing and acting so different from the mate you knew. everything is different and frightening and you just wanted your mate back. and you know it’s terrible to think this, because the alien saved your mate’s life, and someone has to watch him sleep, of course, and your mate is the only person he trusts

Comic based on a post I liked a lot

The first death would certainly have been scary since they didn't know the reason, and deeply sad ofc, but the 22 Eridians left would have dealt with it, together.

The second death? The third death? The fourth death? For the same unknown reasons? That's when they all started getting terrified. They would have felt so helpless, not knowing when any one of their friends or themself wouldn't wake up again, getting more and more certain they all would die along with their entire species.

They all would have tried desperately to find a way to fix it. Especially Rocky. After all, isn't that why he's here? That's what he does. He fixes things. He has to find a way to fix this. And after a while they realize he's the only one who's not getting weaker. He knows he has to fix it. He should be the one with the info to figure this out; he should be the one with the strength left to figure this out; he shouldn't be the only one okay while the others are not.

But he can't and his friends keep dying and it's not fair and he's so scared and he doesn't want to be alone, and he tries not to blame himself but he can't help it just a little bit.

If you like the idea that the Eridians wouldn't do space burials—imagine the corpses piling up one by one. They are in a ship of the dead. It's constantly in the backs of their minds, the fact that their dead friends are on this ship with them. They can never forget that their friends are gone. They can hear the whole ship, so they constantly see the image of those still shapes, with no one watching over them because there is no soul left to protect.

After 12 deaths, there are more cold bodies on the ship than living Eridians. After 16 or 18 deaths, the ship feels horribly quiet. Their captain is dead by now. Maybe sometimes someone focuses their hearing on the part of the ship where the captain lies, staring through walls at their dead face, and silently asks "what should we do? you're supposed to tell us what to do."

Imagine how much the last few Eridians must have loved each other by the end. They were all each other had.

Imagine when there was only Rocky and one other crew member left. Imagine Rocky pleading to their weakened self "don't leave me. please. please don't leave me." And he knows he shouldn't, because it's not his friend's fault, and he shouldn't make them feel worse than they already do, but he's so so scared and he doesn't want to be alone he doesn't want to be alone.

They don't want to leave Rocky alone. They're scared, and they're scared of dying but they're even more scared of leaving their only remaining friend all alone in space with no one to watch him sleep. It's not fair. They don't want to leave him, but they can't help it.

They don't want to die.

When they're awake he tells them that he'll fix it. He'll fix it. He'll fix them. It can't end like this. When they're asleep he watches more intently than he's ever watched sleep before, and each time after hours have passed he pleads to their unhearing shape, "wake up. please. you have to wake up. don't leave." And each time they wake up, but each time it takes longer.

And then they don't wake up.

22 deaths. One by one. Each death like a stone falling and chipping off shards of his body. 22 deaths of friends. At least for 21 of those deaths, he had someone to wail with. Someone to talk to. Someone to press close to. Someone alive.

these were the rejected ones

grace having rocky review his math to ensure he's got his rations measured out right, that he's correctly calculated the rate of taumoeba growth, that the human food to synthetic food ratio is proportional in relationship to both. grace explains the symptoms of starvation and vitamin deficiency so rocky doesn't get scared and think something's gone wrong. lets him know there's nothing he can do, nothing he can fix. that the rations will keep him alive but only keep him alive, and that's the plan. keeps it clinical, textbook, for both their sake.

grace teaching rocky about cabin fever and touch starvation and the effects of human isolation. lets him know what to expect, what behavioral and personality changes might happen, that it won't just be his body that rots from the inside out, and that's the plan too.

grace showing rocky the gun and the lethal injection kits, tells him humans try to kill themselves when they get like this, that grace doesn't want to kill himself now but in the future he may want to, and that rocky has to keep him from doing so. put out airlock question? the lethal injections kits can be reverse engineered by eridian doctors to make human medicine, grace will need it in the future. and the gun can be reverse engineered by eridian scientists to keep erid safe, earth might not want to be friends. passing them through the flexible barrier, telling rocky to hide them and don't reveal them until they get to erid, no matter what he says or does. better take the ropes for good measure, don't give these to him unless he has to do a space walk.

rocky helpless but to watch as grace can do less and less and less, until he spends all his time curled up in the holochamber wearing layers of his dead crewmate's clothes. rocky building walls up around the platform so grace can make a nest of pillows and blankets and clothing, keeping himself warm, watching videos of other humans, crying at random for reasons he either doesn't know or can't explain or refuses to say.

rocky desperately trying to be enough companionship for him. their language barrier makes it difficult, even with their mutual study during the years when grace was sharp. like the taumoeba, it's only just enough to keep grace alive. the xenon barrier allowing only enough touch, enough warmth, to keep grace grounded and no more.

rocky plagued with thoughts of what grace would have done if he'd not come back for him. how would the return trip to earth have been? would he have stayed awake, allowing himself to go crazy and risking suicide, or would he have put himself back under, completely alone with not even a corpse to give the impression of safety, and still risked death from a malfunctioning life support system? grace has the worst of both worlds now. companionship so close but not close enough, a barely satisfied need for conversation, a barely satisfied need for touch, and rocky's needs making it so grace can't go into a coma for the trip. disgust disgust disgust.

rocky building the first version of the form-fitting suit while grace is asleep, which is often. he doesn't want to get his hopes up in case it doesn't work, but rocky will do everything he can to make it work. and when it finally does work and he hugs grace for the first time, grace doesn't let go for a long, long time. rocky isn't used to being so still, so immobilized. he could pick grace up and move him but grace seems better, more like himself, being held and warm and looking at pictures of people.

cloth mother in the form of a basking rock.

grace doesn't want to ask rocky for anymore than he's given, always laughs off his tears and tells him he doesn't have to do this, doesn't have to stay, can do his own thing, do whatever he wants, don't worry about it. but rocky can't. what else is he supposed to want to do but lay there in the nest next to him, limbs draped over him so grace is weighed down but not crushed, reaching up to pet through his hair, wipe his tears, listen to his breathing and his heart beat, and whatever nonsensical meandering conversation his brain tries to drum up. his stomach doesn't growl anymore.

rocky's in hell. this trip has been hell. what did he do to deserve to be tortured in this way? first his crew and now grace - there will be 23 corpses after all if rocky fails this. he can't fail this. and even if he does fail this he can't even kill himself, he has to get the taumoeba back to erid, teach them how to use it, get home to adrian.