USE YOUR TEETH

god it feels so cheap (though i don't feel that way abt other people saying similar) and i really don't know what i feel about "this is when artists get to work!" (reminds me of 2016's "art/comedy/punk is gonna be so cool under trump") but with my anger burnt off into sadness for the moment... i gotta say i'd really like to keep making art. i am old, disabled, and have been trans for so long, i have no connection to family and for most of my life i've struggled to walk back from the ledge. whatever political criticisms i've had, and will have, come from a deep, complex place, just as it must for you. i really don't think i'm stupid or thoughtless or evil for maybe differing from your own feelings or actions by what i'm certain is a very narrow margin. most of us— at least most of the people i know and respect— are in some way vulnerable and suffering, and it's unbearable how many people i Don't know are suffering in conditions i can and profoundly cannot fathom. there is work beyond art to do, certainly. obviously. personally, i want to want to live, and atm (and most of the time) i don't know how to do that other than through art. i want to honour the life/lives that've always been intimately viscerally real to me, freakish, sick, perverted, difficult, complicated, and often unseen and unaccounted for. and, honour and imagine lives as of yet unattained. it's my tether, my language, and i hope it always brings me closer rather than pushes me further away. to you, even. that was true before and it's true now.

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