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James is standing in the courtyard with Lily, telling her about something funny that happened during quidditch practice when he sees you exiting from one of the buildings. His eyes light up as soon as he sees you.

“Hey, look! Y/N’s over there!” He tells Lily excitedly, his story long forgotten, having lost his train of thought the moment he saw you.

“How did you even spot her?” Lily asks with an amused laugh. “There’s like a thousand people out here.”

“Are you kidding?” James asks with a scoff. “How could I not? It’s Y/N!”

You’re so lost in your head, you don’t even realize that you’re walking straight towards them until James jumps right in front of you, startling you out of your thinking.

“Hello darling!” He shouts with an excited smile.

“Oh, shit.” You flinch, scared by the sudden noise before sighing in annoyance when you see him standing in front of you. “Hello James…Lily.” You nod, giving them both a polite smile.

James frowns at that. Your smiles have gotten smaller since that weekend you took off. They’ve gotten dimmer. And your eyes have started to lose that sparkle he loves so much. Lily hardly knows you, but even she can tell that something’s wrong. Standing in front of you, she notices the slight bags under your eyes, and the way your shoulders are sagging, as if you have the weight of the world resting upon them.

“Hey, are you okay?” She finds herself asking before she can stop herself.

You pull your gaze away from Lily and James’ clasped hands, looking up into her inquisitive, green eyes instead.

“Hm?” You hum in confusion, as you feel a familiar tickle in your throat. “Yeah,” You nod curtly. “I’m fine.”

You try to walk past them, but James steps to the side, blocking your path. You let out an annoyed sigh while James gazes at you in concern.

“Are you sure?” He presses softly, taking a step closer to you.

You silently stare at him, scared that flower petals will spill from your lips if you open your mouth.

“Darling, I know something’s going on.” James tells you. “Something’s been bothering you for weeks now.”

You look away, releasing a shaky breath.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” James assures you.

You shake your head just the tiniest bit. You can’t tell him this. James’ life is perfect right now. He’s finally getting everything he’s ever wanted. You refuse to ruin it for him by spilling this secret. Your feelings will not get in the way of James’ happiness. You won’t let them.

“Y/N, come on. We’re best friends. Whatever it is, we can figure it out like we always have. Just you and me. Together.” James promises you with a warm smile.

You nod your head and give James a small grin. You even open your mouth to give him some sort of a reply when you notice Lily’s hand on his shoulder. When did that get there? You watch as she moves her hand to his back, giving James affection, giving him support, giving him love, giving him everything you can’t. And suddenly the moment is ruined, the words sitting on the tip of your tongue are gone. The only thing left is the bitter taste of betrayal. Betrayal and jealousy and pain and…flowers. You turn away from them as you cough, a telltale sign that flower petals are on their way.

“Y/N?” James calls in concern. “You good?”

“I have to go.” You mumble, pushing past James and Lily. You cover your mouth with your hand before running into the castle. You run straight into the girls bathroom and lock yourself in one of the stalls, dropping to your knees in front of the toilet as you start gagging.

“Y/N?” Lily’s voice calls softly as she knocks on the stall door. She grimaces at the sound of your retching. “Are you okay?”

“Everything’s just peachy!” You say sarcastically before throwing up some more.

“James sent me in here to check on you.” She continues. “He saw you run off and got worried. Are you sure you’re okay?”

You can’t help but groan in annoyance. If saying you’re fine didn’t get her to leave, maybe saying you’re not fine will.

“You know actually, I’m not feeling very good.” You admit, leaning against the stall door as you try to catch your breath. “Could you maybe just leave me alone?”

“What is it?” Lily asks in concern. “What’s wrong? Do you want me to get James?”

“No!” You immediately shout.

James, having heard his name, curiously pops his head into the girls bathroom.

“Are you sure?” Lily asks again, looking over at him. “He’s your best friend. And he’s right outside. If you want me to, I can go get-“

“For fucks sake! No, Evans!” You shout in exasperation. “I don’t want James! I don’t want him in here!”

James looks at Lily with a frown, confusion and hurt evident on his features. Lily shrugs her shoulders helplessly before shooing him away. James sighs before going back into the hallway.

“So what do you want?” Lily asks. “I can’t just leave you in here alone.”

“Sure you can!” You assure her. “It’s not like we’re friends.”

“Us being friends has nothing to do with it, Y/N.” Lily presses.

You sniffle, eyes starting to water as you stare into the toilet. For the past two weeks you’ve only thrown up flower petals. This is the first time you cough up a fully intact flower, stem and all. The flower sits floating on top of the water, mocking you.

“Daffodil.” You chuckle, wiping your nose. “It had to be a fucking daffodil.”

“What was that?” Lily asks, reminding you of her presence. “Y/N, I can’t hear you. You’re talking too low.”

“It’s nothing, Lily.” You sigh. “I’m just talking to myself. Hey, what do you know about flowers?”

“Just that I was named after one.” Lily shrugs.

You reach into the toilet and grab the daffodil, leaning against the stall door once again as you gently trace the petals with your finger.

“Daffodils have many meanings, you know.” You tell her. “They symbolize regard and chivalry. They indicate rebirth, new beginnings and eternal life. Not many people know this, or maybe they just don’t care, but daffodils also symbolize unrequited love.”

“Y/N, you’re not making any sense.” Lily says with a shake of her head.

“Yeah…I know,” You mumble with another sniffle. “Can you just leave me alone? Please? And take James with you! I just- I can’t-“

“Sure.” Lily finally relents, stepping away from the bathroom stall in defeat. “Yeah, sure. We’ll…we’ll see you later.”

The second Lily steps out of the bathroom, James is standing in front of her, eyes full of concern.

“So?” He asks anxiously.

“I don’t know.” Lily shakes her head sadly. “She wouldn’t let me in.”

“That’s alright.” James says. He takes a step towards the bathroom, only to be cut off by Lily. “Maybe if I-“

“She doesn’t wanna see anyone right now.” Lily tells him with a grimace.

“What? Including me?” James asks with a chuckle. “We’ve been friends since we were toddlers.”

James tries to walk into the bathroom yet again, only to have Lily block his path for a second time.

“She wants to be alone, James.” She informs him softly.

His smile drops as he takes in what Lily’s telling him.

“She…she doesn’t want to see me?” He asks dejectedly.

“Not right now.” She says with a shake of her head. “I think we should give her some space. If you keep pushing her to talk before she’s ready you’ll only end up pushing her further away. The last thing you wanna do is lose her, right?”

James nods his head, letting Lily turn him around and lead him towards the Gryffindor tower.

“Then just leave her be.”

“I can’t help it. She’s the most important person in my life.” James rambles. “I’m worried about her. Well, I always worry about her, but this time feels different. And I don’t know what I can do or how I can help her. Did she say anything?” He asks, looking over at Lily.

“She just said something about daffodils.” Lily tells him with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Daffodils?” James repeats with a confused frown.

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You don’t know how long you sat locked in that bathroom stall. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. What you do know, is that when you finally stand up, your legs are stiff, and your butt is completely numb. You walk out of the bathroom with your gaze glued to the floor. You only make it a few feet before you bump into someone. You look up with a startled gasp, prepared to apologize when you see who you bumped into.

Remus stands in front of you with a bright smile, one hand holding onto his messenger bag. His smile drops, however, when he sees what state you're in. You look sad, you look tired, you look…defeated. Remus has known you for seven years, but he’s never seen you like this before; and that terrifies him. He places a hand on your shoulder as he looks at you, eyes full of concern.

“Hey love…are you okay?” He asks softly, ducking his head down to catch your gaze.

Your lower lip wobbles and your eyes immediately start to fill with tears. Remus feels his heart break as he watches you.

“No,” You finally admit, shaking your head as tears start to fall.

He wipes under your eyes with his index fingers, desperately trying to fix the smudged makeup as you continue to cry. Remus curses softly when he turns his head and sees a few students looking on curiously. He grabs one of your hands, shielding your body with his own as he pulls you behind him, leading you into an empty classroom before shutting the door behind you both.

“What is it?” Remus asks urgently. “What’s wrong?”

You don’t answer him, you can’t. You just keep crying, and Remus watches anxiously, unsure of what to do.

“Love, what is it?” Remus repeats, practically begging for you to tell him something, anything!

“Oh, Moony. I’m so scared!” You cry, burying your face into his chest as you hug him.

Remus doesn’t know what’s going on, but he knows that you need him, so he wraps his arms around you. When you start sobbing, he pulls you closer to him, resting his head atop yours as he rubs your back soothingly, heart breaking as your body heaves with every shuddering breath you take.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He consoles you softly. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“It’s not.” You tell him, pulling away from the comfort of his arms to shake your head pathetically at him. “I’ve done something stupid. Something horrible!”

Remus puts his hands on your shoulders and pushes you away, keeping you at arms length as he takes in your appearance. He sees the fear in your eyes and his heart seizes.

“Did you…did you get the dark mark?” He asks breathlessly, gaze dropping to your forearms; your forearms that are covered by the jumper you’re wearing.

“What? No!” You tell him, lifting up your sleeves for him to see.

Remus releases the breath he was holding, shoulders dropping in relief.

“Godric, Y/N. You scared me!” He scolds. “What is it?” He asks for a second time. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“Remus, I…I’m…I’ve fallen in love.” You stutter out, nervously toying with your fingers as you avoid his gaze.

And just like that, Remus feels his heart break for the third time in the span of only a few minutes. This must be some sort of record, he thinks bitterly to himself.

A part of him wonders why he’s so surprised in the first place. He supposes it was bound to happen sooner or later. Still, he can’t help the disappointment settling inside of him. He gives you a pained smile, not that you notice. You’re still nervously wringing your hands together.

“That’s what this is about?” Remus asks with a chuckle. He hopes you don’t hear the sadness in his voice. “Y/N, being in love isn’t a bad thing.”

“Except in this case it is.” You argue cryptically. “I’m- I- He doesn’t feel the same.” You tell him with a shake of your head.

“Come again?” Remus asks with a confused frown.

What do you mean he doesn’t feel the same? That doesn’t make any sense to Remus. Not at all. Sure, you’re not like the typical girly girl; you’re loud and rambunctious and mischievous. You’re a bit more rough around the edges, but boys loved that about you! You had many admirers, himself included. Not that you ever paid any of them any mind. So the thought of someone, anyone not loving you back is…insane.

“He doesn’t love me, Moony.” You sniffle, eyes starting to water again as you gaze up at him. “He doesn’t love me and it’s…it’s killing me.”

“Then he’s an idiot.” He says immediately. And he means it.

“Moony-“

“Whoever he is, he’s a fucking idiot. And he doesn’t deserve you. Yeah?” Remus says firmly.

You manage to muster up a small smile, before focusing on your hands again. Remus feels his heart clench when he sees how much your chin is quivering, when he sees how strong you’re trying to be, how hard you’re trying to keep yourself from crying.

“How can I help?” He asks, desperate to be of aid to you in any way he can. “How can I make this better? How can I make you feel better? Tell me what you need me to do.”

If there’s one thing you’ve always loved, it’s being in Remus’ arms. You thought- no, you knew he gave the best hugs. He was always warm, and he always smelled so sweet; like the chocolates he would nibble on with just the faintest hint of jasmine. You always felt safe in his arms, protected. You felt like nothing could ever hurt you, physically or otherwise.

You remember when you told him as much, one day during sixth year, and how he looked at you like you were absolutely crazy. Remus didn’t understand how you could possibly feel safe with a werewolf of all things. He still doesn’t, if he’s being honest, but he’s stopped questioning it, questioning you, because he’d always get the same answer. You’d just smile at him and say that werewolf or not, there’s no place you’d rather be than in his arms. And Remus, as much as he hated it, would always have the same reaction, shyly looking away so you wouldn’t see his cheeks turning red. With that in mind, there’s only one thing you think to ask of him, one thing you think will make you feel even the slightest bit better.

“Can you hold me?” You ask with teary eyes, voice sounding as small as you feel. “Just for a minute?”

“Of course,” Remus nods, immediately pulling you to him and wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. “I’ll hold you as long as you want. I won’t let go until you say.”

“Thanks Moony.” You sniffle, shoulders shaking as you start to cry again.

“Anything for you, love.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. His own eyes start to water as you continue to break down in his arms. Sniffling, Remus holds you just the tiniest bit tighter, thinking that if he holds you long enough, if he holds you tight enough, he might just be able to piece you back together.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

When you and Remus finally walk into the common room, you’re surprised to see James sitting there, waiting for you.

“Finally!” He breathes, rushing towards you. He moves your head this way and that, checking for any injuries. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Jamie.” You mumble, pushing his hand away.

“I’m going upstairs,” Remus tells you softly, pulling you in for a quick hug. “Call me if you need me.”

You smile up at him with a nod, following him with your eyes as he makes his way up the stairs to the dorms. James looks between the two of you with a confused frown before turning to you again.

“What happened earlier?” He asks.

“Nothing.” You shake your head, walking past him.

“It wasn’t nothing.” James insists, he grabs your hand as you pass him by, turning you around so that you’re face to face once more. “You just ran off!”

“Okay, fine. It was something.” You admit, avoiding his gaze. “But I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“But why not?” James asks. “Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

“It won’t.” You shake your head.

“How do you know?” James presses.

“Because I already talked about it with Moony!” You groan in frustration. “And it just made everything worse!”

“You…talked about it with Moony?” James asks softly. “But you always come to me…” He all but mumbles.

“Look James, I’m sorry if I scared you earlier. I didn’t mean to. But I really don’t wanna talk about it right now. Can we just drop it?” You ask. “Please?”

“Okay,” James nods. “Sure.”

“Thank you.” You sigh, turning around and heading towards the stairs.

“Oh wait!” James calls, causing you to turn back around yet again. “Before you go, I have a surprise for you.”

“Really?” You ask with a confused smile.

“Yeah!” James nods excitedly. “I’ve been working on it for hours. It gave me a bit of trouble, but I think I got it down.”

“Orchideous!” He exclaims, waving his wand; and then suddenly he’s holding a bouquet of daffodils. Unlike the yellow one you just coughed up, these are white with a light pink center. James holds the bouquet out to you with a sheepish smile, almost bashful as he’s unable to hold eye contact.

“Lily said you mentioned something about daffodils earlier…” James informs you when he sees the lost look on your face. “I thought these might cheer you up.”

You reach out and grab the flowers from James with a shaky hand. Your eyes start to water as you take in their delicate petals.

“Thank you, James,” You say softly, because he looks so proud of himself and you refuse to hurt his feelings; no matter how badly you want to throw the bouquet into the fireplace and run away. “They’re very beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you.” He answers with a smile.

“I’m just gonna run upstairs and put them in some water.” You tell him, making your way towards the staircase. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Not waiting for an answer, you turn around and run up the stairs. In the safety of your dorm, you stare at the bouquet in contemplation before eventually shoving them into your water bottle. You didn’t have a vase, so it would have to do for now.

You had just finished changing into your pajamas when you felt your stomach getting queasy again. You run to the bathroom, grateful that your dorm mates aren’t around to hear you throw up.

You come out of the bathroom a few minutes later with another yellow daffodil in your hand. Exhausted from the long day you’ve had, you add the yellow flower to the bouquet on your nightstand and get in bed.