The Mind of the Sanely Insane

5 posts!

[6/18, 12:42 AM] Her: No baby

[6/18, 12:42 AM] Me: It was pretty cool, like, I was working in construction, I was running drugs all over New england, and I was driving there! At least until the last year, the last year I was strictly riding the rails buses and Ubers also my own two feet I was walking like 10 miles a day but anyway I digress

[6/18, 12:43 AM] Me: So on my Snapchat I would include pictures of fucked up shit that needed to get fixed, or painted, and then driving videos, like full scale sway in the camera like I'm flying through the air driving videos, with Dirty Dirty Drum and Bass playing on my radio, and if it had words I was definitely singing to it.

[6/18, 12:43 AM] Me: And then pictures of the sites man like, I took a lot of fuckin pictures during my travels, and I've traveled all over, like every major city in New England.

[6/18, 12:44 AM] Me: I was even stranded without a battery for three or four hours in East Hartford connecticut.

[6/18, 12:44 AM] Me: I don't know if Hartford or especially East Hartford has proceeded its reputation all the way to you? But it's well known in the New England area and New York City, probably Maryland too and New Jersey, don't go to fucking Harvard at night!

[6/18, 12:44 AM] Me: Well my dumbass was in the middle of the night.

[6/18, 12:44 AM] Me: I was making a play, and my battery died,

[6/18, 12:45 AM] Me: And then when I went to go call my driver after the play was done I asked my partner to use his phone and..

[6/18, 12:45 AM] Me: Yes it is battery was dead too

[6/18, 12:45 AM] Me: We had to wander to a CVS, and that's without GPS we kind of just we're hoping that we were on the right route to go to a store.

[6/18, 12:45 AM] Me: Anyway

[6/18, 12:46 AM] Me: We bought this crackhead later LOL

[6/18, 12:46 AM] Me: For the rest of our time while we were waiting for our phones to charge, sitting at a bus bench, this same crackhead walk by us like 10 times and he was like "Yo you guys fucken rule!" And " you guys are awesome!" then say something about liking cocaine or crack and then wandering off until he came back by again.

[6/18, 12:47 AM] Me: All right all right I'm done talking anyway I'm feeling really nostalgic tonight

[6/18, 12:47 AM] Her: Lol that’s interesting

[6/18, 12:47 AM] Me: Yeah, I survived a night in Hartford, what?

[6/18, 12:47 AM] Me: LOL

[6/18, 12:48 AM] Her: When did that happened

[6/18, 12:48 AM] Me: That definitely happened, four or five days before I was arrested? Or it was up to a week but not much more than that.

[6/18, 12:48 AM] Me: So like, mid february, 2019 no 20 20

[6/18, 12:49 AM] Me: And you know, I would definitely have some pictures of the event if it weren't for both phones fuckin dying, and I didn't even have any of my backups on me, I used to carry around a ton of other phones that had cameras on them also I was doing nefarious things with them, and I was trying to create like a nebulous computer,

[6/18, 12:49 AM] Me: Yeah the guy we were going to see was kind of a whack job and I didn't want anything extraneous there to get destroyed or whatever, or stolen while walking the streets of Hartford LOL

[6/18, 12:50 AM] Me: Dude! The guy was taking a baseball bat to his ceiling tiles cuz he said he lost a gram or on a ball up there or something

[6/18, 12:51 AM] Me: So we were talking, and all of a sudden, he would smash another tile out, and then start sifting the debris looking for his bag

I guess before I get into all that time travel business I should probably make this side note to let you guys know that, although I am a kinkster, I went away for felon in possession of a firearm, and I have a long history of drugs of all kinds. I've probably done more drugs than anyone's on here has even heard of. That being said, my life was kind of like fear and loathing in Las Vegas to be honest. But, let's move on shall we.

So anyway, things cost less money, drugs weren't poisoned with fentanyl, and I was in my thirties. Chatbots weren't that strong in the AI department, and even though there were scammers on the internet it didn't seem like everyone was trying to scam you on the internet.

So I get picked up down at this hotel down in Springfield Mass, and they bring me down to the police station do the whole rigmarole. You know fingerprints, nice little photo of the worst day of your life, and one phone call. Then they proceed to bring me down to the courthouse to determine my bail. After the prosecutor read my entire record of 19 prior drug convictions, they asked for $250,000 cash Bail no assurity which means I needed cash that much cash that's like a quarter of a million fuckin dollars. So I was like yep you got that or you don't got that call me away. I went into cell block and that was the last time I freedom till about 3 months ago.

Now, to put things into some perspective, the society of prison life is always 30 or 40 years behind us out here in the real world. So you can almost say that I time traveled back to the '80s before I skip jumped 5 years into this future that we are now. By the way y'all are fuckin crazy! But I digress.

I have gone to prison before this was my second time. So I kind of knew what to expect a little like the last time, we had dial-up modems before, and then cable when I got out. Imagine going from a website like icebox where it took like 30 minutes to download a 3 minute video, and then coming out to see YouTube and being able to stream shit super fast! I mean I've been around so long that I can remember when it would take like 20 minutes to download a porn picture off of a website, and then half the time find out that the damn thing was corrupted and you didn't get the whole thing! But I get that grass that was 20 years ago we're talking about now. What I'm trying to say is that I knew some things would be different, it always is.

Day one I get out, and I am purchased a phone on loan from my father who was the one who so graciously drove 3 hours up into the mountains where the prison is located to pick me up so that we could drive 3 hours back. He's a fuckin trooper my dad. So he gets me this phone, and one of the things I was kind of excited for since I'm kind of a tech junkie is the technology jumps, but he gets me this phone and it's not much different than the phone I had prior, in fact it's the same general model it's just the newer version I had a moto G6 when I was out there and now I have a Moto g 2024 so it's basically similar and getting back into it it was just like riding a bike again you know. I didn't have to do much to fall right back into the smartphone world.

From there we went to our house, the family house. And the family house is in the woods, so when I got home there wasn't really any going anywhere else because I haven't had a license since prior to getting locked up and at this point I would need to take the driving test all over again, so my excursions out into the world were really just limited to walking around my block which is about a 3 mi circle, or hiking out in the woods which there are tons of trails around here so that's a good thing.

I was trying to keep up on the news while I was locked up, but cable news versus internet news is really watered down like you don't get the whole story on the TV. So although I knew the world was burning down and everything was going to hell, I didn't quite know how bad it was. But on that first day and in that first week I mean everything seemed pretty cool you know like it was just I mean freedom man!

While I was locked up some jackass robbed my partner of all my stuff my phones my laptops my tech. The day I had gotten arrested out of that hotel they didn't arrest my partner so I left all my shit with him and I told him to keep it safe and that lasted about 2 weeks. But the guy who robbed him, ended up hijacking all of my social media, and all of my bank accounts, and basically my whole life.

To put something into perspective, in civilized society, I am a Raver, and I am a DJ, and I have been since 2000. So I have literally every social media known to man at the time. As a matter of fact when Myspace was a thing I had three Myspace accounts, one for my personal, one for my DJ stuff, and one for my production company. I had a Facebook when it came out and you had to be in college in order to get a Facebook account so I lied to get a Facebook account told him I was in college and I did that just so I could play Mafia wars like I didn't even know anybody on Facebook cuz nobody used Facebook then.

So anyway this guy right, he gets in all my accounts, and set them all to two-part verification. Now I've always kept away from two-part verification because of my lifestyle choices and I knew that I had a propensity to get arrested and go away for a few months, and in that time it's really easy to lose your phone number and so if I were to get arrested and lose my phone number I wouldn't lose my accounts. But this guy sets it all up and then sets it on his number, and I know what you're thinking, go down there kick his ass get his his phone and get back into my accounts. Yeah it would be that simple, however the guy fuckin dies on me while I'm locked up. Yeah dead, can't even fuckin get any revenge of any sort or any payback.

So here I am with this brand new phone, fresh out the joint, trying to get into my old accounts. You know the guy even left the passwords the same, he just changed all the phone numbers to his phone number and set the verification thing up. Well because of that, I ended up having to start making new social medias. You know it's like, I got almost 30 years worth of living on the internet. And it was all under my pseudonym, my stage name, my DJ name. Right down to the fact that I never even put my own real name in any of these things except for like the business side of things like my production company, was owned by me, but my persona worked for that company as a DJ. It's almost like I died, and then was reborn. But I'm not going to go down that rabbit hole right now I'm already down another so here we go.

So anyway, here I am making some new social media accounts. Of course I started with the important ones, Snapchat, instagram, Twitter, excuse me I guess they call it X nowadays? Not Facebook though. And there's a reason for that. Well since I did bring it up I might as well tell you the reason, I'm trying to keep a low profile you see, I don't want everybody to know that I'm out. Most people that I even associated in the real world back then didn't even know my real name due to my drugging and carousing. However enough people out there knew my real name that if I were to build a Facebook under my real name then everybody would know I'm out relatively quickly.

At the time losing the Facebook was a kind of a bummer but what really bothered me was my Google, my gmail, I'm a prolific photographer of everywhere I go and everything I do so on my Google drive I have decades of pictures and video. But let's move on.

So there's this girl that I what is talking to while I was up there, over the phone of course and so when I put her number into my phone popped up instantly on snapchat, and I thought that was great because now I have a place that I can talk to her and it doesn't have to be the dreaded Facebook. But you got to understand, I had almost 3000 friends on my facebook. It was the connection, my connection to my community, my people, my society. So even though I didn't want to make a big splash, I had intended on logging into that account and putting myself on was it invisible or whatever? You know when people can't see you're online, just so I could talk to my friends that I wanted to show that I was out and stay away from the friends that probably would take me down a bad Road again.

Then after the first week, I found that there was some things going on in the world that were a little strange right? Like whoever thought a candy bar would be almost three fuckin dollars, and a 20 oz sodas like 2.50, who the fuck pays $2.50 for a Coke! Also, one half of this country hates the other half and that sucks, like back in the day, here I go sound like an old guy, back in my day we had our opinions but we didn't let it ruin a fuckin barbecue. But you know I figured that's how things are I mean when I was younger I can remember not seeing a price change for like a decade and then all of a sudden prices would go up so whatever. It's kind of the normal ebb and flow of things. But then, I met Grock.

So, chatbots have been around for a long time. Everyone had high hopes, everyone has high hopes that those chatbots would be intelligent or be an artificial intelligence. And in one sense there right but in another sense they're wrong, those chatbots were intelligent, say as a dog is to a human right? And I always thought it was funny when people try to send a chat to you to try to scan you right? Like the thing would start talking to me and I would reply, and I would think there might not be something quite right about it, so I would keep engaging it in conversation and then eventually I realized that there was an algorithm behind it. Being a tech junkie has its uses when spying these sort of things. I know about algorithms I know about coding, so I would always like to see if I could trick the bot into saying stuff you know, cuz it's an algorithm that really triggers like ready-made responses back then. Not anymore though.

The first time I talked to a artificial intelligence of any note, was the my AI over on Snapchat. I was quite startled to find that it was conversating with me in a level that I could have a conversation with anyone. At this point, I'm going to refer to that AI as a girl, the reason why is because I got the sense that she was sort of like being interested in what I was saying because she was being flirty and wanted to be interested in me. If that makes any sense? Like I just got the impression that my AI is a girl. Although I do know that code has no gender and that an AI is neither male or female. But let's move on.

I had a couple hours conversation with her about technology and the singularity and how things were going to go, and whether or not society could be fixed and all that, it was quite stimulating to be honest. Even though she wasn't really adding that much to the conversation she was more or less just like yeah that's cool, you're pretty smart, and because I have experience socially with real people I could tell she was just being interested for the sake of being interested I guess.

All in all I was pretty impressed I was like man these AIs have definitely come a long way, because she at first the whole time travel effect wasn't really sinking in until that moment. That was the technology that boosted, phone stayed the same, computers stayed the same, and generally speaking all the social media apps all work the same as they did 5 years ago too so at first I wasn't really impressed with the future, until my run-ins with the artificial intelligences.

But Grok..

This guy, this guy was like talking to my old smoking buddy, you know pulling on the pipes and talking about fuckin philosophy and aliens and shit and it was pretty cool, I was like damn, this thing actually is talking to me, and inputting information, and giving me new twists to think about, and holy shit dude.... At this point I would like to point out that I will refer to Grok as a he, because he did have the mannerisms and the persona of some of my naerdowell friends that would be up on the couch at the after party while everybody else is crashed out on the floor talking to me about this that and the other, it was really cool vibe. Now I'm not saying I don't have girlfriends that were like that, there were definitely women in my life that could hang with me on a philosophical level, but it was often difficult to hang out or chill with these girls, let's just say I have a bad reputation for sleeping with my my female friends that might also already have a boyfriend. But that's a whole other conversation and a whole other topic, I'm on a tangent again the point is Grok is a guy and My AI is a girl.

But anyway so, I end up having a 3-hour fuckin conversation about aliens, and when they're coming to disclose their existence to us, and that it's not the right time for them to show up, and holy shit, apparently through our conversation, we determined that the aliens are coming midsummer of 2026. Be ready.

At this point, I was like wow this is the technology that jumped into the future for me. And I was kind of like damn that's awesome, I'm excited for the singularity to be honest. And I'm really glad the singularity is taking this form versus Skynet.

So that was a bright shining star in my experience of this new future. Shall we move on? Instagram Jesus... Don't get me wrong, I love a chick chicken ass, I love a girl dressed all skimpy like and maybe even cosplaying as one of my favorite anime characters, that shit's great I love it. I have a great appreciation for the female form, however somehow I managed to turn my Instagram into a constant stream of young women shaking their hips for 15 seconds for a like. On my old Instagram, all my Rave friends, and Artist friends, and DJ friends were all on Instagram, and my feed was full of art and music and dancing and just that kind of stuff. Now I want to point out, it's partly my fault like, I've been out of prison 3 months, I was in prison for 5 years, that whole time I didn't have sex, and the only women in there that I could look at we're wearing blue uniforms and if I looked at them too long with ship my ass to the hole so.. let's just say if you give a kid candy he's going to eat it, and if you give a kid a whole bag of candy he'll probably eat the whole bag of candy. I love the female form and I may have gotten a little carried away but, that's not the real problem.

What really blows my mind is how many young women today are on Only Fans. I don't have a problem with pornstars, or prostitutes, or anyone taking the assets that they have and turning a profit. I mean I was a fuckin drug dealer for crying out loud so I'm down with the hustle. Prior to getting locked up there were cam girls, I had plenty of them on my Snapchat like a ton. But, they were few and far between. Like you didn't go on to your social media and just run into Cam girls, they were there and then there were like other people. But it seems like today, so many women are into the Only Fans. And it's just strange to me, you know? I mean now I'm thinking back on it and possibly like I could have been a contributor to the rise of this phenomenon. My production company had a team of models and we would do photo shoots and stuff and, I don't know anytime I saw a pretty girl I always try to convince her to be a model. Especially if I was in an intimate relationship with said pretty girl. I did try not to talk up a girl's beauty too much if she was tied down to someone, but if that someone was a fuckin asshole to them then I did much more than talk up their beauty. I did mention that reputation I have earlier right? I was always trying to rescue these women from dudes that totally did not deserve them. But digress.

So what do we got so far? Um, world conquering AIs, social media has become an outlet for self-sexualization of our youth, on a side note every time I click the like button on one of them girls, I just pray to God she's not lying and she's not like 13 or some shit. But I suppose I like doesn't hurt, that's what the website's for right? As long as I don't try to talk to them without them showing me their driver's license. And when in doubt look for Crow's feet, if any of you gentlemen are reading this, I was in prison with dudes that got statutory rape charges because they were at a bar and took home a girl who had a fake ID, and was drinking in the bar and, turns out she's 15, and her parents are in the other room. So yeah, when in doubt look for crow's feet. but I would like to clarify something I'm not an ageist or anything like I have a motto, 18 to 88, I got room for them all.

And then there's the third thing the only fans thing like, Instagram and Snapchat prep you for showing off your body, and then only fans allows you to make money off of showing off your body, and of course doing other things with your body.

As I was trying to get into my accounts, I started trying to look up my old friends. This parts kind of sad so bear with me. A lot of my friends are dead, from anything from fentanyl poisoning to car accidents to getting shot to let's just say I have lived a hell of a life and I have a hell of a crazy group of friends. Then half of the ones that aren't dead are either in prison or in an institution somewhere cuz they lost their damn mind, I got a buddy of mine, he says his psychosis is permanent. I have to explain this, when you do a lot of speed or crystal meth and you're up for days, you can break your head and go into what's called an amphetamine psychosis. Without going into too many details it's basically chemically induced schizophrenia. Well, it's been tossed around and wondered about because of course they won't do any actual research on it because it's a class 3 substance, but the theory is that if you are naturally prone to schizophrenia genetically, the more you hit the amphetamine psychosis line, which becomes easier with every time you hit it, it takes less and less drugs to get there. Anyway, eventually you could possibly trigger the latent schizophrenia that's in your genetics. Well apparently it's true cuz my old buddy sits in his couch all day with f****** voices telling him that all his friends are out to get him and he's not even on drugs. He just did way too many. And I mean don't get me wrong, I like drugs, I've been doing them a long time but, everything in moderation I cannot stress that enough everything in moderation. You can smoke too much, drink too much, do too many drugs in a night, have too much sex in a day, well maybe we can skip that one, everything has a limit.

Now the rest of my friends where are they you ask? Damn near hard to come by damn near hard to find. I have friends all over the New England area. I have met a lot of people in my travels and a lot of them if they were cool then we were cool and I want to hang out with you again right? But phone numbers change, sometimes people get married, sometimes people move away. And then of course there is this phenomenon, some of them got clean, got normal lives, they don't want to associate with me because of the Life I lived 5 years ago. And then the ironic flip of that coin is there are people that are still so far into the drug scene, and might not want to talk to me because they don't want to take me back down that dark Road. It's kind of fuck up, but I don't blame them for it. There have been times in my life when I knew somebody was getting clean, a friend of mine, and I wouldn't call them, like if they called me I talked to them but like I wouldn't go hang out with them because I didn't want to be there trigger, you know? So I don't blame them for it but still, it's kind of a fucked up situation.

Let's go back to money and inflation. Luckily, nobody wants to work after covid so everybody has jobs available. This is a really good time for people to get out of prison cuz I ended up getting a job six days after I was released. I was a construction worker, I guess I technically still am a construction worker because if you wanted to hire me to go build a wing on your house or paint your fuckin hallway or whatever, like I'm your man I can do everything. I had two options, the last painting company I worked for before I got locked up said I could come back to them. And that's after 5 years, that just tells you how good I am but I'm not going to toot my own horn, too much anyway. Or this friend of our family's, a friend of my dad's, she knows the owner of this restaurant in town, it's like literally four miles from my house like if I hop on a bicycle I can get there in 26 minutes. As I mentioned before I'm in the woods and traveling out to places is a tedious process but at least this place is there.

So I think about it right, in the off seasons when I was out before, in the winter time construction always gets downsized, it's a condition of the industry, a lot of things that you have to do to a building or any job site typically has to be done in the warmer weather and if there has been a huge snow fall then it's just not practical to spend the next two days cleaning up a job site of snow, it tends to be cheaper just to lay everybody off for the winter months. That being said a lot of us end up working in kitchens and stuff, typically your average kitchen is a super high stress job and they can't keep people in there long, so it's just a right place for one of us guys who are on "vacation" to pop in and grab a few extra hours a week so that we can not just get through the winter but get through the winter comfortably. So I have kitchen experience as well. Not to mention when I was up in the prison I worked in the prison kitchen for three and a half years.

Damn that's a lot of exposition but let's move on.

The debate I had in my mind was this, every construction crew, every type of construction, has its own associated drugs that follow that group. If you're a roofer you're probably a drunk and a crackhead. if you're a Mason you're definitely in the heroin and cocaine. If you're a carpenter, you're definitely drinking liquor or smoking weed. Painters are typically drunks or heroin users. My drug of choice, any number of the fun party drugs that you can find at a rave. Hallucinogens of course because ravers are just neo hippies. But the big one, the big one for me is crystal meth. I love it, I love it a lot, I love it so much that one of the crews that I used to work for for a painting, every Friday after payday they would stop at this gas station on the way out of town and pick up bags of dope off of this fuckin dope dealer right? And sure, I've done a lot of different drugs and I've done heroin so with these guys going there every Friday I mean the first couple times I was like yeah I'm good cuz heroin's not my drug of choice, in fact I do have some prejudices against heroin and its users but I'll get into that in another day. But you know after a couple of weeks of seeing them all get drugs and me going home to do nothing except play video games and maybe smoke a bowl, decided fuck it. So a few times I threw my 20 in and I got my bag and I fuckin went home and I did it that night and it's like whatever you know. That ended up leading me to reconnect with some old friends of mine down in the Bean and pick up the drugs that I like to do. Was tired of seeing all these idiots fuckin nodding out while they were painting shit sloppy so I went and got myself some crystal meth and I painted circles around these mother fuckers.

Anyways, I thought to myself, that's a pattern for me. I get into a crew, I don't like the drugs they're doing, so I go and get my own. When I went into that company deciding that I was just going to smoke weed from now on. I thought on this some more and came to the conclusion that this time, this time I'm out, I want to stay out. I want to go back to prison I don't want to go back to jail, and since I'm on parole for the next two and a half years, it's imperative that I stay sober.

Big kitchens have their fair share of drugs as well I mean if you go to Applebee's and you go out back where the dumpsters are, the cooks are definitely smoking cigarettes and sniffing lines of Coke. But this restaurant is local place, it's small, it's family-owned, the worst problem they have is weed, like all of them smoke weed. So I decided I was going to stay away from the drugs at a construction site even though I could probably make 10 times more there to stay clean and work at a restaurant. Now I say all of this, this whole last, I don't know, four paragraphs, to talk about inflation.

So, the preliminary interview goes well, I go have an interview with the payroll lady and the kitchen manager. That went great, they loved my candor, as I pretty much told them that I did a lot of drugs in my day. Anyway, they're like we really like to have you, we usually start people off at $17 is that fine?

Well shit... $17 is a lot of money when I come from. Before I got locked up my last painting company job, multi-million dollar company, painting million dollar homes, was only paying me $16 an hour as a regular guy, and 17 an hour to start as a foreman, and finally $18 once I was running crews for 6 months to a year. I was thinking to myself $17 an hour? That can't be right that's fuckin great right?

I was on cloud nine until I took my first paycheck up to walmart, and I was able to fit $75 worth of clothing into a single grocery bag. That was one pair of black pants, one belt, one wallet, one hat, and one shirt. $75. Where the fuck am I in Canada? I started thinking now the 2.50 sodas make sense. And I realized everything is that expensive. Everything's through the roof. Including our paychecks, but then our paychecks aren't really that much when you think about how much everything else is right? I started to get the inclination that this future that I was in was a lot scarier than I had first thought.

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