#wanting more

So, I need to get something off my chest.

I am a hard core Solvellen. I loved the story between my Lavellen, Ailsa and Solas.

A love story that starts with a mix of mutual curiosity and respect. That builds into something so incredibly deep, that you know its inevitable.

Combine that with the bitter-sweet tragedy of them torn away by their needs to fix the world ( Lavellen form the Breach/ Corpyphous and Solas form his own guilt)

And you have something beautifully tragic.

And while, objectively, i loved their reunion in Vailgaurd. ( The way Solas pauses, says "Vhernan" but can't bring himself to look at her...it lives rent free in my head.)

I can help but feel the build up to it was...lacking.

You have Lavellen making a speech about how much she loves/d solas. The complicated feelings of if she even would take him back....

And then you have Solas boiling it down to " she's a good woman"

Like, Solas, honey. This was the woman you were literally going to give up everything for! A woman who, while dying, was racing against a squad of Qunari to find you.

She's more than a "good woman"

If we had gotten a few extra lines form Solas. To show that he still loves her as much or more than Mythal ( don't even get me started on her!) ...it would have made the build up to their reunion hold so much more weight....

I still stand by the notion that this is one of my favourite romantic plotlines in gaming. But I also feel there should have been more to it.

I keep reminding myself: I don’t have the capacity for love right now. I don’t have the energy to fall into anyone’s arms and stay there. Casual is all I can hold. Casual is safer. Casual doesn’t demand a future I know I can’t give.

But then there’s him. And he’s casual too—clear about it, upfront, no illusions. And yet, he’s the kind of man I would fall for if things were different. He’s got that mix of steadiness and humor, that way of looking at me that makes me feel noticed in the right kind of way. The kind of qualities that usually slip past my defenses.

So I sit across from him and sip my coffee and tell myself: this is fine, this is light, this is temporary. And maybe it is. But there’s a part of me that flinches every time I catch myself wanting more. Because I know what my heart does when it recognizes someone who fits. It reaches. Even when it shouldn’t. Even when I can’t.