TYLER !! ☮️

When I was a wee little lad my Lola would feed me ladyfingers by themselves because they were her favourite snack. And I would go to her house every weekend and those ladyfingers are unironically the sole reason I’m still overweight today. Anyways I don’t like the fact that they don’t get enough recognition outside of tiramisu nowadays. I am pro-ladyfingers and I think everyone should sit on the couch and eat plain ladyfingers with me

I’m calling it now I KNOW this dude isn’t bluffing

I’m so scared that I might be regressing. I’m such a hypochondriac but there are so many signs and my mom is trying so hard to actually get me diagnosed with autism. And I think not having help with that is stressing my mind out too too much. My memory is getting so bad. I can’t finish my sentences. My brain fog is so bad I just stop speaking because I forget what I was going to say half a second ago. I get so overwhelmed at tiny changes and being in public. I cry when something doesn’t go my way. I’m like a little kid. I can’t hold conversations with people I’m unfamiliar with. I talk so much more childish and my vocabulary has gotten so much worse. And my body hurts so so so bad. It always hurts I always have to lay down and I can’t walk without holding onto something and I fall over so much and my mom thinks I’ll need my AFOs again soon. I can’t stop thinking about things I never wanted to think about again. I’m so afraid of everything now. I can’t sleep alone I feel like someone’s gonna hurt me. I don’t know what to do. I’m getting so bad. I have to go to college soon and get a job. And I’m 16 in a week. I feel like I’m 6 again. I feel so stupid. I’ve never been this stupid. I knew all these things about space I can’t remember any of it. I forgot my name earlier. I don’t know about exoplanets anymore or whatever I forgot what I was going to say again. It’s 2am and I’m in a different state without my mommy for the first time ever and I’m scared I want to go to sleep. I can’t fall asleep. I have to shut up ok

I still wear my ring on my right hand most of the time because Cain told me he wanted it on my right hand while styling my outfit a few months back and I remembered and I love him

Whenever I go to bed excited about the food I get to eat the next day I feel like Darius saying “rice tomorrow” to his mommy

I have a bad foot and it hurts to put weight on so even though I’m mostly skinny I waddle like a fat person. I am a little bit insecure about it

I would love to name my future daughter Sarah but I have a lovely aunt named Sarah that I couldn’t possibly take the name away from. This is making me really sad lately

Idk gang I’m changing my name back. Why did I consider what my mom wants just so she’ll love me more. That’s not gonna happen

Eating jaffa cakes as an american makes me feel like a fraud but they’re so delicious

I don’t like calling my abuser, my abuser, because he didn’t really abuse me. He just kind of SAd me and hit me once. That doesn’t really count as abuse. I don’t know. I also miss him sometimes I wish we were better for each other

Thinking about this really cute Kiwi boy I had a sort-of-situationship with but I was too scared to actually be with because of the time difference (19h 🙁) and the fact that he had almost the exact same name as my abuser. He was lovely I wish I would’ve overcome all of that

I struggle with religion so much it makes me so sad, I want to believe in a God so badly I just can’t hold onto that belief