call it fate, call it karma

There is nothing I wouldn't try to take back all bad. The pain. To go to that moment where I could have made it better. Changed the circumstances. Made better choices. To be in your presence once again. Laughing. Arguing. Silently watching life go on as you told your stories. Shared what you watched online.

All of the things that made you smile.

God, to have known then what I know now. I would ask to have those moments last longer instead of only memories frozen in time.

All I have, now, is this heartache as time flows constantly onward like a river that drowns me in this misery of you not in my life.

Little Richard Siken in my head: Every morning the same big and little words, all spelling out desire, all spelling out "You will be alone always and then you will die."