hi :)

I don't know why you guys are so afraid it's just a memory

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

they put my blood through every test under the sun and yet nowhere in the pages and pages of lab reports do they tell me what my blood type is

your neutrophils absolute? 2.71. anion gap? why, that's 11! hemoglobin A1C? a solid 5.4. and don't fret, champ—your VLDL (calculated) is a cool 12. real fascinating stuff. hm? what's that? you want to know what kind of blood you have? like, so you won't have to look your next ER nurse in the eye and tell her you have no clue what type you have right after giving her a date of birth that confirms you are over 30 years old? psh, don't be silly! we can't tell you that! it's a ✨secret✨

reblog this and tell me in the tags, if you could wipe your memory of ONE piece of media (book, film, video game, etc) and experience it again for the first time, what would you choose?

what they don't tell you is that after you turn 30 you have ocasional but powerful bouts of home ownership fever, which is like baby fever but instead of randomly really wanting a baby you go on zillow and look at modest properties you will nonetheless never be able to afford. and then it passes and you're like wtf was that about. yay time for another $6 coffee to stave off the dread

Dude, where’s my kissy. Where is my fuckin snuggles bro

Official ominous sign (apparently translates to "Sorry", in a sincere way)

OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THEM

This is an anti-despair checkpoint! You must share something you're looking forward to before scrolling on.