My life in a blog.

Being in early recovery and being pregnant at the same time is probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I'm trying to navigate something I've never navigated before and i'm so lucky to have the support that I do.

I'm pregnant!!

I can't believe that it's October already, and so much has happened over this past month. After a brief relapse I managed to get myself back into recovery, I lost my cousin, and after 17 months of living in shared accommodation I moved into a flat.

The joys of recovery.

After years of not being able to drive for one reason or another, I’ve finally got my license and my car back!!

This is something that wouldn’t of been possible without staying clean and putting effort into my recovery.

Driving isn’t the be all and end all but it will help me get to out of town meetings and connect with people I don’t usually connect with.

Just for today, life is good, and when it’s not it’s okay… because I don’t have to use.

Laughter in recovery.

It’s amazing how being around people can change your way of being. This last week has been absolutely amazing.

To belly laugh in recovery is honestly unmatched, to laugh until you have tears streaming down your face and realising you don’t have to be alone ever again.

My life is changing at a rapid pace..and I’m perfectly ok with that, that’s what I set out to achieve❤️

Building relationships.

Building female relationships in recovery is something I’ve struggled with. I can’t quite put my finger on why. It’s probably a mixture of fear of rejection and trust issues, but what I’ve also found is recovery is very men heavy, and as someone who gets on well with males I’ve tended to spend a lot of my time around them, until recently. Recently I’ve been putting myself out there and asking people if they want to do things outside of meetings. Life is fun again. This is something I should’ve done, and was told to do, a while back. Sometimes I have to learn for myself, which can be dangerous. I’ve decided to start trusting more, which sounds like a difficult thing, but so far it’s been pretty easy, just putting that trust and faith in people that they won’t fuck me over, and if they do it’s okay.. because I don’t have to use.

400 days without relapse. 400 days of a better life.

Life is pretty good right now, I’ve come out the other side of a subutex detox and I’m feeling really peaceful. Im feeling really connected to a power greater than myself and I’m noticing things happening that I honestly believe is my higher power, in fact, things have been happening all my life; I just couldn’t see it at the time.

I’ve been trying to build relationships outside of the organisation I’m in and it’s going well. I find it difficult to be open-minded to the fact that people genuinely care about me. It all boils down to trust issues. I’ve decided to just put my trust in those close to me. I know In my heart it’s worth the risk.

I still can’t quite believe I’m off all medication. When I feel I can’t do something I’m going to hold onto this, this is tangible evidence that I can get through things without using. Without the people around me I don’t think I would’ve got through it, i don’t think they realise how grateful I am. I can’t, we can ❤️