goddammit, donut

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

love wearing all black in public i hope no large gaseous heat emitting orb in the sky comes along and makes my day worse

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

"Thank you for choosing Deutsche Bahn today" darling, I can't drive. This is a forced marriage.

LA is so funny cause wym i just stopped at Chipotle and accidentally had a conversation with the producer of Van Helsing 2004 and got to tell him that im clinically obsessed with that movie and he was like “i’ll text the director that right now he’ll love that”

i think a lot of you guys are vastly overestimating the celebrity status of a 65 year old editor producer of a 2004 movie who was picking up his own Chipotle in cargo shorts

"The magic system is never fully explained" yeah that's how life works. Imagine having a story set in modern day America and the characters have several pages of exposition on combustion engines and telecommunication networks before we get to the plot

i think this is absolutely correct and good writing advice but also victor hugo would like to have a word with you about the parisian sewer system circa 1832

victor hugo would like to have many words with you about the parisian sewer system circa 1831

“what’s stopping you from-“ listen i am so so sleepy