chimacum rain

feelings-talk how about feelings-feel ? no talk til later :) thanks!

why do so many friendships suddenly feel difficult all at once? is it something about this full moon? there’s just this ambient unease….. probably pointing to something about me but I’m caught off guard

aren’t I already living my fantasy? maybe I don’t want to do something or make anything or have anything to show for what I’m doing, maybe I don’t want to spend my energy trying to make myself legible. maybe that’s okay—so many maybes! what is this? what is this? I want to forget what I think I’m doing so that I can just live, and somehow I think it’s working… some days you are just sad and that’s the texture of the day. I’m supremely wistful for adventures (getting lost) and also thankful for the present stability—I know it’ll change again too. soon. haha. not much sense but that’s okay too

r u practicing what u preach? maybe we could all be a little quieter, for a while while we figure some things out who’s to say whose heart is wider?

when is there time??? I fear the answer is never. so there must be a different way to continue, hmm. same old story. what if what if what if.

i love pulling up to a gas station and it’s 2 other cool looking older women by their cars and I’m playing llhasa de sela with my windows open bass thrumming out of my Prius into the warm summer air.

falling in love is falling backwards into trust. so many beautiful things I am not sure I want to share on the internet, so I am wondering, where will they be shared? with everything I touch? must be. I’m wondering when I quit wondering and start doing. I’m wondering when I quit having a problem with wondering… seems like maybe it’s the whole point. I wonder if some day I’ll find the appropriate channel for all this creative energy I have. feels like I’ve been searching for it for a long time. I guess my life is the container, the only one I was truly given. so what to do with that information? maybe more of the same… where’s the problem? I keep asking, what is it? it’s a blessing not to know everything. I try to contain and control when it’s a fantasy, but when it’s totally wide open all I can do is ask—what is it? some things are too literal and some colors are too hard to share. it’s weird and hard but it’s happening anyway. I’m in love and I think anyone could know what I mean—it’s the same feeling as any day. no love can stop the heart from breaking, and in fact I have to thank god for that too. somehow I’m alive and here we are. ??? it’s so confusing. but that’s okay! all these flowers are trying to have sex with the sky! water’s flowing downwards, from the mountaintops to the ocean! trillions of seeds lay waiting in the soil! it’s all around happening, including us. I’ll be collecting questions and beautiful things for a long time, might never be finished. will never be finished. <3