Y i k e s

what is the scientific definition of a perfect bear?

this is the scientific definition of a perfect bear

hey, don’t mean to hurt anybody’s feelins but this bear has a super small face

he has exactly as much face as he needs

real talk why do so many fantasy universes think giant spiders are necessary

wow fuck that one tarantula

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.

Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.

one time a drunk girl started crying because she said she loved my eyebrows so much

did anyone ever actually read animorphs or did we all just glance at the covers and assume it needed no explanation on the way to the goosebumps section in our elementary school library

animorphs is a scifi series about the grey morality of war and child soldiers experiencing trauma, depression, PTSD, being frequently and brutally dismembered, disemboweled, literally tortured to the brink of death, forced to murder their own family members with their bare hands, and on page 22 of the very first book they watch the alien prince who gave them their ~wacky animal morphing powers~ scream while be eaten alive in vivid and gory detail

One dude permanently turned into a bird for a while, forgot how to make facial expressions when he was a human and ate roadkill. And that was one of the tamer things.

You know the starfish cover everyone likes to mock especially? The girl beat someone to death with her own severed arm in that one :) 

What the fuck did I miss out on