(Mike is being interviewed on a talk show about the Moon Theater collapse and the show that followed it.)
Mike: Truth is, most people are lying about what really happened to the theater and don't know SHIT...'cause I was there! You see, I entered the singing competition so I could win the prize money...because my gang is too cheap to pay me! Most of the contestants managed to escape the theater before it collapsed, while Porky got trapped and drowned underneath a balcony, and as a result, Buster replaced him with his twin brother from Scandinavia!
(The audience laughs, and we then cut to Gunter's home, where he looks upset by the joke as he watches the interview on TV.)
Gunter (in tears): You're more zhan a total-superjerk dinkleschplaat! You're a horrible monster!
Mike (continued): Poor bastard. You see, no one inspected Buster's new stage that he built. He was an asshole and illegally built that stage! I didn't like this idea, so I'd thought it'd be fun to try and find a way to mess up the stage! Then, my friend Tony appeared in the form of a pizza roll, and he said, "Break the stage with the baseball bat you have with you! Come on, it'll be fun!", so I did just that! And Buster Moon didn't want to admit that a mouse broke his new stage, so he and the other contestants agreed to blame my gang, with them wanting the prize money, and the stage only cracking after the chest was revealed to be a prop...and all that bullshit! And another thing, the theater didn't collapse due to the stage breaking! It was blasted into pieces by a UFO! I saw it happen when the water pushed us outside! Did you really have to do that, aliens? I mean, the theater collapsed by itself, we didn't need that!
Source: Harry S. Plinkett's review of Titanic
