CaffeinatedNeet

My family are planning on going on a trip to Las Vegas next month, and at first I was pretty excited but the more I think about joining them I kinda just don’t want to go anymore. Maybe it’s just because of my fickleness, or maybe it’s because I know I’ll feel abandoned by everyone because I’m “boring” I’m thinking on just staying home with the pets. My family won’t notice a difference since they’ll have my sister and youngest brother with his basketball games or how my oldest brother is getting eloped with his fiancée.

I’m trying to think on what to do for my birthday, I’ll be spending it with my family but I’ll also be by myself too at the end of the day. (I don’t really have any irl friends) Any suggestions on what I can do by myself on my 21st birthday?

So as of right now, I’ve been slowly introducing myself to start wearing shorts again ever since my sudden relapse a while or so ago. Because I really want to wear short-shorts and a really cute leopard top for my 21st birthday next week on the 13th, so hopefully everything will heal up until then and if not I can wear some black flared pants

I swear, people on Marvel Rivals are something else(some of the players) like I was playing Practice Vs. AI because I needed to practice more on Emma Frost. And some Magik Player wanted to report one of the players who’s playing as Black cat because they’re playing bad. Again, THIS IS PRACTICE VS. AI! This is a game mode for you to practice a character and overall get a feel for the mechanics! I swear some of the people on that game can be a little dense sometimes and it’s frustrating!

My Life, 24/7 <3

Happy pride month everyone, I absolutely adore this month because of Pride and also it’s because it’s my birthday month! Turning 21 on the 13th, can’t wait to enjoy a monster cocktail! Might want to do strawberry flavored or maybe a melon flavor!.. Also a very big step as well since I want to go out for my birthday too, so I’m getting a little edible gummy to ease my nerves when leaving the house because I want to do a ghost tour with my dad and do some extra shopping!

Back then I tried so hard to be different, try to be unique and better than my sister because everyone around me has always praise and have their attention on her. (Mostly my dad) always saying how smart and how many hobbies she has that they always love to see… Seeing her play instruments, go through ballet, and overall be happy for her or always worry for her by some stupid health reason.

As someone who’s 20 and soon to be 21 next month, I don’t really have my life together which I’m aware sounds odd since people my age are still figuring their lives out. But what I meant is that the people In my small town, that I used to go to school with have done so much with their lives. It’s weird, like I know life isn’t a race but it feels like it is. I cannot help but wonder what I’ve done differently with my life but I know at the end of the day I cannot help but compare my life to others.

As someone who has experienced emotional neglect, it’s hard to open up to my family that are trying to better themselves. I’m terrified to speak about my own emotions or overall feelings because I was always told throughout my whole childhood that I was being overdramatic and overall a very sensitive individual. I can’t help being sensitive, it’s who I am and I’m finally okay being sensitive it’s just I wish I wasn’t dismissed or feel invalidated. So majority of the time I just shut down and hide in my bedroom to calm myself down because that’s what I’m used to doing. Figuring stuff out on my own.

I swear talking to people irl or online makes my anxiety all over the place. Mostly trying to make friends is pretty hard for me because every time I try I tend to freeze up and overall panic because I can’t think of an appropriate response.

In all honesty, it do be like that. I’ve always had an identity crisis for god knows how long. It’s so hard to figure out who I want to be, y’know? Like I want to be so many things but I also don’t want to copy anyone or I guess try to be like my sister? It’s because everyone loves her, she’s so pretty and kind while every time she would make me this brooding evil sister type

I’m jealous of my siblings. They have friends; hobbies; traveling around; having healthy relationships(romantically and platonically); have an education; Hell two of my older siblings literally have families!