mining for internet gold

So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.

Art world is not thrilled with that.

Enter Stuart Semple.

Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.

Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.

Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”

Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.

Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.

He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.

Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.

So I think we can guess who got the better deal.

And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.

…But not quite.

Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.

No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.

The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.

Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.

So that’s been the art world for the last two years.

YA LIT MEME: [6/10] books or series

This is one of the tamer examples, and is not how you “compliment” guys unless you would like to be dating them.

Where to even begin?

Hmmmm…

Maybe with…

(Image description: G-dragon in blackface dressed up as Andre 3000)

the multiple…

(Image description: Kpop star G-dragon in blackface dark makeup while wearing a shirt pulled over his head)

instances…

(Image description: G-dragon with black face paint and white and black hair grimacing with a gold grill on his canines)

of….

(Image description: Daesung in blackface as Snoop dog)

you guessed it…

BLACKFACE!

(Image description: the Bubble Sisters in blackface on their album art)

(Image description: Boom dressed up as Stevie Wonder)

(Image description: Taeyang’s blackface twitter avatar)

CLICK HERE for DOZENS of more examples of blackface in Korean media

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Let’s switch gears a bit….

(Image description: blue-joi comment, “He said that he would be afraid of being around a black man because he thinks he will get shot. And his personality isn’t very likeable to begin with.” in response to this blackinasia ask)

 And by he we mean Seungri. YES, HE OPENLY SAID HE WAS AFRAID OF BEING AROUND BLACK PEOPLE BECAUSE HE THINKS HE’LL GET SHOT!

TAEYEON FROM SNSD CALLING ALICIA KEYS “PRETTY FOR A BLACK GIRL” : here.

 Junsu from kpop group 2pm singing the n-word: here

(this wannabe also wrote a note to his friend in the “thank you” album art calling them his “Soulni99a”)

G-DRAGON SAYING THE N-WORD

(youtube clip above in which he goes, “yo yo yo yo, what’s up mah NIGGA”)

Yuri from SNSD imitating a black person

Hyo from SNSD imitating an African American man’s voice

FETISHIZING BLACK FOLKS:

Oh, Yongguk, you mean “Jepp Blackman,” the guy who fetishizes African American culture so much that he wants to be “born again" as an African American and “do music.“ 

Yeah, yawn. Next.

USING BLACK CHILDREN AS PROPS:

(Image description: G-dragon in baggy white clothing with 3 black children in similar outfits)

LITERALLY AS PROPS, THEY RANDOMLY WERE IN THE VIDEO FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN TO MAKE HIM SEEM MORE “HOOD”

(Image description: G-dragon in a baggy outfit posing with a black child in a similar outfit)

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STRAIGHT UP STEALIN FROM BLACK FOLKS:

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SO MUCH CULTURAL APPROPRIATION!!!

Black/African-American:

(Image description: 2NE1 in gang clothing)

(Image description: G-dragon dressed in a style highly reminiscent of US blood gangs, in all red wearing chains, a cross and a red and white bandana)

  (Image description: Instagram pic of g-dragon @xxxibgdrgn in which he is donning bleach blonde cornrows)

  (Image description: G-dragon in an afro with an afro pic from his video “michi GO”)

 (Image description: coverart of Itaewon, “Freedom”)

  (Image description: Picture of taeyang in a large baggy white jacket, big dark sunglasses and a black and white bandana tied around his head from g-dragon’s instagram @xxxibgdrgn, tagged “Today’s Special Guest Give it up for My Homie @youngbeezzy Thanz Bruh #taeyang #teydaddy #oneofakind #worldtour in Japan #fukuoka #swag #dope #juunj”)

 (Image description: Instagram picture from g-dragon @xxxibgdrgn, 2 figures posturing for the camera in black with golden chains and “bling” accessories)

  (Image description: G-dragon in a handstand “twerking” in a tweet @diplo “sorry for the late reply bro. Couldn’t do the Harlem Shake but i’ma still express myself #expressyourself”)

  (Image description: close up of CL’s face with eyes covered by cap and just mouth and nose shown on her face. Mouth is opened in a grimace and she is wearing golden grills over her teeth)

 (Image description: G-dragon wearing a grill)

(Image description: CL in a black belly shirt, with a black fitted cap adorned with the letters “GZB,” wearing a studed golden chain with a 3 pointed star in the middle [like a Mercedes logo], golden earrings, and 2 large rings with words that stretch across 4 fingers each. All set against a black background with bright lights in circles, surrounding a white insignia with the letters “CL” in the middle)

 (Image description: Kai from EXO wearing cornrows and a bandana tied around his head)

 Latin@:

 (Image description: Clover from the “La vida loca” video in mock Chican@ clothing)

The appropriative clusterfuck otherwise known as this “video”: here.

  (Image description: CL on left in a red and black plaid shirt with a black and white patterned bandana around her head. She has tattoos in shapes similar to water droplets down her arm. She is flanked by 3 men to her right, all in black and white. Man closest to her is in a full black and white pattenered outfit with matching bandana tied in his hair. Man second from right is wearing a black leather jacket and hoodie, and the black and white bandana is covering his mouth. He has a fitted cap on his head and his hoodie is up over the cap. Man farthest right is in a black shirt with a silver chain over his stomach and a black and white jacket patterned with chains. He also has a black and white patterned bandana over his mouth along with another one tied around his hair. All figures are standing in front of a maroon car with flames decorating the doors)

  (Image description: CL in the middle in red and black plaid shirt with a black and white patterned bandana tied around her head while looking at the camera. She has four dancers behind her, all in black and white plaid and wearing black ski masks with the letters GZB across the top completely over their heads (masks which only show eyes and mouth))

Native American:

(Image description: Kpop group t-ara dressed up as “native americans”)

(Image description: Kpop group t-ara dressed up as “native americans” standing in front of teepees)

T-ara’s YaYaYa (so offensive)

 (Image description: B1A4 in “Baby Goodnight” promotional shots in “Native American” gear)

 B1A4 “Baby Goodnight” (the video’s appropriated image of what native american culture is)

DESI/SOUTH ASIAN:

(Image description: Dara from 2NE1 (kpop group) in a recent promotional shoot wearing a bindi)

(Image description: Dara from 2NE1 wearing a bindi and sari)

The full dance sequence is really bad and can be viewed: here. 

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SO MUCH COLORISM (WAY too many examples to put in here)

(Image description: Tao from the Kpop group EXO turns to Kai, a darker skinned member of the group, and tells him: “This one (Kai) is darker than me, do you know?”)

 Fan: Oppa is really really really really handsome!

Kai: (smiles and draws a lot of hearts)

Fan: And oppa’s skin color is really…

Kai: (continues smiling) It’s fairer than it seems right?

Fan: No, it’s really dark.

Kai: …….. (erases two of the hearts he just drew)

Hyo commenting on how “dark” Bora (of Sistar) is

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A succinct way to end this discussion…

(Image description: Anonymous ask: “Kpop’s eternal struggle: finding the balance between stealing from black people and shitting on them. Kpop fans eternal struggle: finding all kinds of ways to hate everything black without actually saying you hate black people. Too bad their oppar and unnies are too busy being ghetto (kpopfancodeword for black) and not innocent/pure (kpopfancodeword for Asian). It’s all just so shameful. The longer I follow kpop the more it resembles a Jerry Springer show. I can’t look at this car crash anymore.” Blackinasia response: “^All of this”)

 OH AND LASTLY THIS:

REBLOG THIS PETITION TO STOP BLACKFACE IN KOREAN MEDIA

Actually… I can’t help myself let’s end with one last thing~~~ (Wassup, Kpop’s “twerking” girl group)

(Image description: Gif of a member of Wassup… attempting to “twerk”)