Go to the inaugurations of littlely known artistsâ exhibitions.
We are always begging for people to attend, there actually is the âhackâ to invite your whole family but tell them to pretend they donât know you. People with money are more willing to buy your work if they think many people likes it, so your mere presence eating our cheese and canapes will be a great helps. Please bring whoever you want too.
one time a pal of my pals was having a tough time selling their work in an art exhibit and called us up on the last day, âusâ being about 8 students who were Very hungry and also bored. We put on the nicest/artsiest clothes we had available (one dude had a legit fancy suit and put on some shades which were Bright Pink he looked like a movie star I swear) and rolled up to the show in pairs, separately. Fine Art Pal has some nice paintings! but nobody is really paying attention to them, so after getting some fancy cheese cubes in a manner that did not betray that we were actually a ravenous pack of starving students we casually wander around the show and then, fairly individually, drift to a stop by their work. Some of us even walked away, then came back a bit later âcaptivatedâ by the art (it was actually really nice but recall we were all poor as shit and this was a help hustle). Our groupâs interest naturally caught other folks, and eventually there was a small clump of about 15 people musing over this art, and within ten minutes the biggest piece had been snatched up by a shrewd investor. by the end of the exhibit every single piece was sold. It helped pay off the artistâs student debt and on that success they got into another exhibit! Theyâve been doing well ever since.
So yes, please attend new artist shows, you get free cheese, get to look at nice art, and you can really help out people who deserve more attention.
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Erosion by Tamsin van Essen. Who knew parasitic invasion could be so beautiful?
van Essen on her project:
This work explores erosion and the disruption of form. Focusing on biological erosion, I wanted to convey the idea of a host being attacked and eaten away by a parasitic virus, highlighting the creeping spread of the infection as it corrupts the body. I have produced a series of angular porcelain forms, sandblasted to wear the surface and reveal inner strata. This aggressive process, contrarily, creates a delicate vulnerability in the shape. The translucency of the porcelain and the interruption of the surface make it possible to glimpse through to layers beneath, creating a tension between the seen and the obscured.
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Leaf your leaves on the ground (no, seriously.) They provide so much for bugs, places to lay eggs places to hibernate. This comic does a great job at showing WHY we don't see our little friends as often, because our systems and social expectations are anti-earth and anti-life. Don't eradicate your friends (maybe just that one) let the leaves lay
I think the aversion in our society to coming up w/ utilitarian answers to ethical questions (my favorite hobby) has caused us to cede way too much ground to the assholes of the world in the vein of "Evil will always triumph because good is dumb," as Dark Helmet put it. Like.
Laypeople (and also a concerning number of scientists) have often got the idea that unethical human experimentation is some sort of ultra-effective super science that would fix all the disease and discover all of the medicine and we only don't do it because it isn't nice (see: every science fiction show ever). No! Jumping straight from abstract theory to human trials is a terrible way to do science. It produces incoherent results and useless observations and nonsensical conclusions. We have pages and pages of historical precedent demonstrating this.
And lots of people have got the idea that totalitarianism is some sort of magic super-government that does all the government stuff really effectively abd efficiently and we only don't do it because it isn't nice. No!!!! "Let's put one idiot in charge and do whatever dumb shit they say" is the worst way to organize any project at all, let alone an economy and a political machine. Fascist regimes are models of corruption, waste, and inefficiency.
mengela discovered nothing. 731 discovered nothing. Residential school trials discovered nothing. Unethical medical trials are just cruelty by mediocre people. None of the doctors in these unethical trials were outstanding students or notable doctors. We dont need science fiction we just need history and honesty.
In addition to its being niceys, ethics is a form of rigor. Someone who disregards ethics is (1) Doing It Wrong and (2) just as likely to disregard any other forms of rigor they decide they don't like.
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Tobito Naruto Roleswap AU: Orphans Suffer Child Genius Inequality and Solitary Avengers Don't Dance
PRO: DEAD BROTHER
Sasuke chewed his brush. The end of it was highly nibbled. It was his thinking brush.
Very carefully, he added,Â
PRO: DEAD BROTHER (FOR VENGEANCE)
This wasnât working.Â
In honor of pride month, here's Sasuke. He is a little angry housewife and a very responsible young man. He spends his non-existent spare time teaching Naruto how to read and enforcing Obito Uchiha's bedtime. He wants to avenge his clan, but he is struggling to fit it into his schedule.
Angst is a young man's job, because a real man of the house has to get into medical school and burn down his house.
20k (SORRY!) of Sasuke being a baby housewife, Naruto coming back to life, and a dead guy's house under the cut. If you liked it then give it a like, but if you'd like other people to see it too then please reblog! It's the only way for more people to enjoy it.
PRO: DEAD BROTHER
Sasuke chewed his brush. The end of it was highly nibbled. It was his thinking brush.
Very carefully, he added,Â
PRO: DEAD BROTHER (FOR VENGEANCE)
This wasnât working.Â
Sasuke grabbed a rag and blotted away the ink. Far away, birds trilled and chirped. Sasuke used to have a bird journal, but he hadnât opened it in a while. He had to focus on this.Â
With utmost caution and care, Sasuke filled out the rest of his chart. Mother said that a pro/con list was the best way to make a logical and reasoned decision. Mother always drilled in the importance of rational decision making. She said it would probably be fruitless, but she had to try.Â
SOLITARY AVENGER PRO-CON
MISSION: BECOMING STRONG KILLING BROTHER AND AVENGING OUR CLAN
Sasuke drew a big box around that one.Â
PRO: WAY OF THE NINJA
WAY OF THE UCHIHA
HE WILL REGRET IT!!!
ITACHI WILL NEVER HURT ANYBODY ELSE EVER AGAIN
VERY STRONG!
There. Extremely compelling. Sasuke could elaborate on a lot of these points, but he felt that they were self-evident. Ninjas who were VERY STRONG! made jounin, and they were really important people. Becoming a very important person was vital for a ten year plan.Â
Now for the cons.Â
CONS:Â
MISSION TO AVENGE CLAN WILL BE LENGTHY: WILL LEAVE TOBI HOME ALONE
NO DISTRACTIONS IN TRAINING TO BECOME SOLITARY AVENGER: WHAT ABOUT TOBI?
Sasuke chewed the end of his brush. He returned to the pros section.
ITACHI WILL NEVER HURT ANYBODY ELSE EVER AGAIN (TOBI WILL BE SAFE)
Sasuke looked at the cons list.Â
CONS:
BUSY BEING MAN OF THE HOUSE
PRO: HE WILL REGRET IT!!! Abandoning us
CONS: Way of the Uchiha is Family Comes First
SOLITARY AVENGER?
Sasuke thumped his forehead on the tatami.
*
Sasuke brought the matter to Naruto on their next ramen night. A move of clear desperation.
He slapped the latest draft of the pro/con list on the wood between them. It immediately began soaking up ramen juice, but Sasuke had anticipated that. It was a spare copy.Â
Naruto blinked at the piece of paper. While he was distracted, Sasuke loaded more vegetables into his ramen. The moron kept picking them out. It was a miracle he didnât have scurvy.
On Narutoâs other side, Tobi was talking animatedly with Gai about naming special moves. Sasuke would say that they were in a competition to think of the stupidest name if he didnât know that they were being dead serious. Ugh.Â
Naruto finally looked up, absentmindedly stuffing an egg in his mouth. âWassiz?â
âWe have an assignment.â Sasuke would love to say something like âitâs for our assignmentâ, or âremember our assignment?â. If he said âitâs for our assignmentâ Naruto would have no idea what he was talking about, because Naruto did not remember their assignments. âItâs our ten year plan once we become shinobi. What rank we want, where do we want to be assigned, what do we want our specialty to be. Weâre supposed to put in our milestones for our personal lives too, like when weâre supposed to be married and have babies. And youâre sitting down and doing this once we get back to my place.â
Naruto made a noise of great and ultimate comprehension - the Enlightened One with flecks of broth on his lips. He expectantly waited for Sasuke to read the page out loud to him, since he could barely read kanji. Sasuke refused to enable this illiteracy. Brought back down to ground, Naruto resentfully forced himself to read the whole thing through as he studded ever-increasing quantities of ramen in his mouth.Â
This was taking too long. âI canât find a way to incorporate solitary avenger into my ten year plan!â Sasuke jabbed a finger at the paper. âIt canât fit it in there! I was going to become chuunin and leave the village for five years on an intensive training trip where I learn every kind of jutsu. But I canât leave Tobi that long! Thereâs supposed to be a solitary journey, where you have lots of trials and fight a lot of bad guys, like probably an entire squadron or something. Maybe you infiltrate a city. But Tobi doesnât get the solitary avenger thing! And I canât take him!â
Naruto scratched his chin, struggling to chain two thoughts together. âGai says if you die then heâll make sure Tobi doesnât burn down the house.â Sasuke was reasonably sure heâd die by fifteen, which distressed him for only one reason. âSo thatâs, like, probably fine!â
âThatâs not the only issue!â Sasuke slapped another page on the table. âThis is my weekly schedule!â
Naruto obligingly looked over as his chopsticks facilitated a conveyor belt of ramen into his mouth. Sasuke still didnât know how he spoke perfectly clearly with a mouth full of ramen. Practice, perhaps. âMan, Sasuke, you sure are busy. I do, like, two things a day.â
âWe know.â Sasuke tapped the schedule, moving his finger downwards. The information was in a little color-coded table, split by hour. The washi tape along the edge indicated where it went in his binder.Â
âI train four hours a day. Because I wake up and train, and then I make breakfast for us in the morning. Then I have to waste six hours a day on stupid school, which is a useless waste of my time.â Naruto mouthed that last bit along with him - did he say it that often? âThen we grocery shop on the way home. Then I do my homework, and I get my real training in. Then I make dinner, and I gotta make lunch the next day. Then I do real studying. Then I play with Tobi. Then I gotta go to bed! If I donât go to bed early, I canât get Tobi in for the night either. And on the weekends we do housework and I take care of clan stuff! Thatâs a lot of paperwork and keeping up with politics, you know!â
Nobody wanted him to do that. Nobody wanted him at the table during the clan head meeting. They actively pretended he wasnât there, actually. They were not getting away with that. Tobi never let anybody get away with anything. If Tobi could do it, he could.Â
Helpfully, Naruto added, âYou forgot where you hang out with me!â
âWhy do you think I hate hanging out with you?â This did not bother or deter Naruto. He basically expected everybody to hate hanging out with him, and took anybody voluntarily speaking to him as a welcome bonus. Wait. âI mean - youâre factored into dinner time! And study together afterwards too!â Sasuke quickly scribbled down Narutoâs name in the dinner block and studying block. Naruto goggled at his name neatly penned in Sasukeâs calendar. Sasuke was just glad he could read his name. âBut do you see the problem?â
Naruto squinted at Sasuke. He had a pretty righteous squint. â...you donât have time to fix my plumbing?â
After Sasuke finished beating Naruto over the head, he said, âItachiâs the strongest in Konoha! Heâs probably strongest in the Land of Fire! Itachi trained for twelve hours a day, every day! And if a solitary avengerâs gonna beat that, then I gotta be better than him! And how is four hours of training a day gonna beat a genius training twelve hours a day? Itâs a major logistical issue!â
Naruto just nodded wisely, as if he ever had anything intelligent to say in his entire life. âThatâs orphan problems. Nobody gets the struggle.â
Sasuke thumped his head on the wood, dismayed. âI donât want anything in common with you.â
âItachi was so spoiled.â It was a vibrant new criticism of Itachi. âI bet your mom did all that housework and took care of you and stuff. And I bet your dad did all that clan stuff. And youâre super rich so you probably had servants polishing your sandals.â They did have servants, but shut up about it. âDoing good in school was way too hard when I had to spend money on ramen and not books and kunai.â The Uchiha had way too many extra weapons and school supplies and stuff, so Sasuke gave them to Naruto. No big deal. They were just sitting there. It was whatever. âTraining for twelve hours and becoming a super badass was really easy for stupid Itachi. But you gotta be Mom and Dad and Clan Guy and Student and, like, my best friend and stuff. Itachi didnât have to do allâa that. Thatâs real orphan problems right there. People with two parents donât know how good they got it!â
It was true. Sasuke hated it when Naruto said things that were both true and stupid, but it was. When Sasuke sat and wrote out his ten year plan, he realized that the life of a solitary avenger was the life of Itachi. But Sasuke just couldnât fit vengeance into his dinner schedule. That meant he had to pick one or the other. He couldnât have both. That was the problem.
âItâs not like you donât got it easy,â Sasuke muttered, stuffed with ramen and vindictiveness. âYou donât have anybody to take care of. Youâre not Man of the House. All you have to worry about is yourself.â
For the first time, Naruto shut up. Sasuke sat upright, and he saw that Naruto had buried his face in a bowl of ramen. Naruto could talk and eat ramen at the same time. He only got quiet and ate ramen whenâŠhad Sasuke said something mean again?
A hand landed on Narutoâs hair, cheerfully ruffling it. Tobi had swiveled around in his stool, smiling brightly at them both as he scrubbed Narutoâs hair for a little longer than he scrubbed Sasukeâs.Â
âSasuke-chan does a good job looking after Naruto-chan!â Tobi was big into the affirmations. Everything impressed him. Even Sasukeâs really stupid and bad katon. âMaybe Sasuke-chan and Naruto-chan can split up family jobs? So Naruto-chan can learn some responsibility!â
Ugh. Naruto wasnât family. But the last time he said that Tobi had gotten really upset, so he should just let him say what he wants.Â
Naruto thrust a hand in the air, as he actually raised his hand in class. âI canât do grocery shopping!â Naruto announced. âEveryone sells me rotten food!â
âNaruto-chanâs really good at housework! He scrubs super hard, and the floors always sparkle.â If the chore stood up to somebody being way overenthusiastic, then Naruto did fine. Sasuke didnât know how Tobi always found something nice to say about Naruto. It was literally Naruto. âIf Naruto-chan comes over on the weekends and helps us with housework, maybe Sasuke-chan can teach him some cool moves!â
From Tobiâs other side, Gai laughed in delight. âTeaching young ninja how to carry heavy weights is a valuable lesson! But teaching them how to split the weights is another valuable lesson! And sometimes, the most youthful move of all is to know that nobody can carry a weight if they do not rest!â
Seriously, Naruto said, âAre we doing housework with weights?â
âWhy, thatâs a great idea!â
Tobi cheered. âI love that idea! Harder housework is funner housework!â
âHell yeah! Iâve never done housework with anybody before! This is gonna be so cool!â
Nobody understood. Nobody even realized.
Having Naruto around was fine. Sasuke had to work overtime to get his life in order, but that was whatever. That was what happened when you had nobody around to take care of. When you didnât have anybody, because everybody hated your guts. The first friend Naruto ever made was the only other person who everybody hated as much as they hated Naruto.Â
Tobi always wanted to bond. He wanted to do things together, to share. Tobi was always saying that he can do Sasukeâs job too, so give Tobi some of your job? Gai and Naruto would like to help with your job, maybe they can help with your job?
Tobi knew how much they hated him. He wasnât stupid, he was Tobi. Naruto was stupid, but that was because Naruto liked ignoring stuff. Naruto knew how much they hated him too.Â
Didnât they get it? Sasuke had to be a solitary avenger for Tobi. He had to take revenge. For all the injustices in this stupid world - for all the rotten fruit sold, for all the lonely nights. If he didnât avenge them, then theyâd never be punished.
All they did was punish Tobi for being stupid and Naruto for holding the fox. It wasnât their faults. It was punishing innocent people who hadnât done anything wrong, just because they didnât like them. If Sasuke punished them back, then they would really deserve it. That would be super fair. No - it had to happen. Avengers brought justice. There had to be justice in this world.Â
Itachi might come back and hurt Tobi and Sasuke. Finish the job. Sasuke had to kill him before that. Sasuke would kill the final enemy of their family, and his family would be safe. Nothing would hurt them. Sasuke would make sure that nobody will ever hurt them or hurt Tobi or stab him or something.Â
ThenâŠthen, once heâd killed Itachi. Killing Itachi would give Sasuke a great power. Itachi said so. Sasuke needed that power.
 If he was ever going to punish Konoha. If he was ever going to avenge his family.
Everybody would be punished. The world will be fair. Sasuke just had to figure out how.
And, uh, not put âpunish Konohaâ in his ten year plan. That didnât go there.Â
Time to cover his tracks. Sasuke flipped the paper over, starting a new draft of the plan. Very carefully, in the time blocks for âpersonal milestonesâ (avenging his family, making the world fair, killing Itachi, punishing Konoha) he wrote âtaking care of my cousinâ.
There. Sasuke dropped the pen, satisfied.Â
That was something Itachi could never do. Itachi, with all of his parents and servants and money and village that loved him - that was something Itachi fucked up big time. Itachi used to tell him to be gentle with Tobi, heâs a little different so just be patient, be nice to him like Iâm nice to you. Itachi tried to take care of Tobi. Itachi cared about him. Even now, it didnât even occur to Sasuke that Itachi had been faking it. Itachi wasnât a liar.Â
In that mission, in that way, Itachi was a complete failure.Â
Take justice for their family. Punish their real enemies. Find the real problem, eliminate the real problem. Sasuke could do that. Itachi was too stupid to realize the real mission. Sasuke wasnât. Sasuke would do that. Sasuke would do that and get Tobi to bed on time.
Watch Mr. Not-an-Orphan do that.
*
As usual, Naruto tagged along on the way back home and Gai left to conduct post-ramen training. Gai was a role model of industrious hard work, but Tobi said that Sasuke please shouldnât become insane until heâs a jounin please. Heâd recently taken an apprentice that Sasuke hadnât met yet, so he had to assume that some set of parents had failed to dodge that kunai.
They sat at a low table in the living room. Naruto struggled his way through his ten year plan (âYou canât just write Hokage!â) as Sasuke studied his textbooks. He referred to his dictionary often. Tobi made up Narutoâs bed in Sasukeâs room and packed both of their bentos for tomorrow. The night lingered softly, and it didnât matter how far the darkness stretched.Â
Sasuke tried to leave to do real training, but Tobi whined about playing together. Naruto was already grabbing the paper. If it was that game, then it was probably fine. Tobi and Naruto didnât know that the âpaper movingâ game was a chakra control exercise, but he wasnât about to tell them. Naruto was still horrible at it, but that never stopped him. He was getting less horrible. Barely.Â
Then it was bedtime, and Sasuke had to direct both of them into brushing their teeth and washing their face and getting into bed at a reasonable hour. Tobi complained - something about a ten year old giving him a bedtime - but Sasuke could not be swayed. If Sasuke didnât get him to bed, then Tobi slept all day. It had to be because he didnât go to bed at all. Sometimes, if Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night for water, Tobi would be completely gone! This was why his sleep schedule was horrible! And not getting enough sleep was terrible for the brain.Â
Naruto and Sasuke quietly talked about a lot of stuff late into the night, like what kinds of food they would sell in their own grocery stall, before they fell asleep.Â
The next day was just as stupid as every other day. Sasuke woke up early to train, make food, eat his food, wake up Tobi and Naruto, get food on the table, and rush out the door. He did not stay to eat breakfast with them because he did not want to show up to school with Naruto in tow. Sasuke had to tell Naruto ten times to leave him alone at school. Heâd finally stopped sticking to him, but he did not leave him alone.Â
Sasuke read his medical textbook underneath the desk, as always. Sasuke got top marks because he was Such A Genius!, so the teacher didnât care. Naruto could not sit still for more than five minutes at a time, so he got yelled at every five minutes. Nobody in this academy understood education. Teaching Naruto literally anything had to involve letting him get up and run around every fifteen minutes. He was, like, barely capable of it. Sasuke didnât understand it, but Tobi had listened to Sasuke try to teach Naruto how to read for about five minutes before he suggested it.Â
âMy adopted sister was the same way,â Tobi said happily. Naruto, sweating a little bit, had finally found the ability to read two pages of a textbook. Even Naruto himself was stunned. âShe was the strongest, coolest, most awesome jounin in the whole village! But neechan always did her own thing. She couldnât fill out paperwork without doing jumping jacks, eating a bunch of sugar, and promising to play a game with me after she finished. Naruto-chan can find his own thing too!â
Jounin were so eccentric. But Naruto was gaping in surprise. Nobody had ever compared him to another ninja before. Especially not in a nice way. âEh?! Who was your sister, Tobi! Wait! You were adopted?!â
Tobi laughed a little, scratching at his cheek. Sasuke rolled his eyes. He already knew about Tobiâs big sister. Non-Uchiha. Shisui-nii said that didnât make it fakey, though. âKind of. Neechan was married to my sensei. Sensei was my legal guardian. That means he did the adult stuff for me, but he wasnât really Tobiâs dad or anything. Sensei was sensei. But neechan was neechan!â
Very seriously, Sasuke said, âAm I your legal guardian.â
âNo, Sasuke-chan, they decided I donât need one anymore. And you two are wards of Konoha. And you are nine.â
âWhoâs your sister!â Naruto yelled. âDo I know her? Why donât I get to meet her?â
Tobi smiled. It was different from his other smiles. Sasuke knew this one really well. Tobi always smiled when he was sad. âKushina Uzumaki was my sister. And Kushina-nee and Sensei died in the fox attack. It was really sad.â
Naruto and Sasukeâs jaws dropped.
At the absolute top of his lungs, Naruto yelled, âUzumaki? Thatâs my name!â
âWe know itâs your stupid name, idiot!â
âThereâs a few Uzumakis in Konoha,â Tobi said serenely. This was true. There was a small Uzushio refugee district. None of them knew who the baby orphaned in the fox attack was, though. Naruto was convinced that they were lying to him. Somebody had to know. For once, Sasuke thought Naruto might be right. âBut youâre probably related. Thatâs why you and neechan need to run around so much.â
âTell me everything about neechan forever!â
âSheâs not your sister, Naruto!â
âNaruto-chan can call her that!â
âWhy does he get to call her that!â
âYou can call her that too, Sasuke! Sheâs your adopted cousin!â
âYou can keep her, Tobi -â
âWas neechan blonde too?!â Naruto halted, horror sweeping over him. âDoes neechan think the fox attack was my fault too?! I didnât do nothing!â
Sasuke couldnât begin to count the number of times heâd heard that. I didnât do nothing. I didnât do nothing. Those words were the only way for Naruto to protect himself. But they didnât protect him at all.
âNo, Naruto,â Tobi said, âshe would never blame you. Not in a million years.â
Tobi talked about the dead. He was the only one who did. Konohans didnât really like talking about dead people, or acknowledging that they existed. They didnât even like looking at people who reminded them of the dead. They didnât like people who had too many dead: as if loss could be spread, and grief was contagious. Maybe that was fear of death.Â
Tobi wasnât good with social cues. He didnât know good or bad things to say. It wasnât his fault. He didnât know what he was saying. Tobi just wanted to talk about his dead family, so he did. It made everybody else super uncomfortable, but Tobi didnât notice. He talked to Sasuke about nee-chan, Sensei, Rin, and Kakashi. He even talked about the baby brother he had lost in the fox attack. He said that it made him feel better. He told Sasuke he could talk about his dead family too. So Sasuke tried to talk about Mom sometimes. It made him sad - it always made him sad - but it didnât feel bad.Â
They put all the blame on Tobi, and they acted like Sasuke was the angel. Look, we donât hate these two children for having their entire family slaughtered - weâre nice to one of them! The one who deserves it! But Sasuke didnât know what he did to deserve it.
Their family deserved it. Sasuke heard that all the time. When they thought he wasnât listening, or when they thought he wouldnât understand. Sasuke heard them say it, and he saw them think it.
The Uchiha did this to themselves. Driving two of their geniuses crazy - didnât they learn the first time? If those proud Uchiha had just learned their lesson, then this never would have happened.Â
Sasuke hadnât thought about it like that. Everybody says that Obito Uchihaâs an idiot now because they squeezed too much out of their genius. Tobi wouldnât have gotten hurt if he was better, and he wouldnât be so dumb if he wasnât a genius. Sasuke knew it wasnât his fault. He knew whose fault it was, and he knew it wasnât Tobiâs fault.Â
Was Itachi a genius driven crazy too? It wasnât Tobiâs fault his brain got hurt. Was it Itachiâs fault that he went insane?
Those were not the thoughts of an avenger, so Sasuke dismissed them. It didnât matter, anyway. Tobi got hurt and he was still a good person, because Tobi was a good person. If Itachi got hurt and became an evil murderer, then he was an evil murderer. Getting hurt just showed the world who he really was. That made sense. Getting hurt did that to you. It happened all the time.
School was such a waste of time. And they wouldnât let him graduate early, even though he totally could, because graduating early turned Uchihas insane. Yeah. Sure. That was the problem. Heâd take a medical internship, idiots. This swayed nobody.
He read his book under the table during lunch. During breaks, he stared out the window and thought about what he was going to make for dinner. Girls stood in a corner and whispered to themselves. Girls loved whispering.Â
Right before lunch ended, a shaking girl stumbled up towards him. Her hands were clasped together, her face contrasted badly with her hair, and she was shifting on her feet too frequently. Sasuke didnât know what any of this meant. Were these pain symptoms? Arrhythmia, maybe?
âUmmâŠSasuke-kunâŠâ The girl waved a strand of hair around her finger, face scarlet red. âIs that Advanced Statistical Theorems of Chakra Control volume three?â
Sasuke silently reached into his desk and gave her Advanced Statistical Theorems of Chakra Control volume two. Sakura accepted the book happily.
âThe first volumeâs in my locker, Iâll give it back to you after school!â Sakura said happily. In the corner, Ino buried her face in her hands. Other girls groaned. âWould you like to see my notes?â
âTheyâre messy.â
âI - I can make them a lot neater, Sasuke-kun!â
Neat notes meant more efficient learning meant better learning. âSure.â
Sakura ran off. She eagerly showed off her book to her friends. They started berating her. Alright.
Sasuke stared out the window and thought about what he was going to make for dinner.Â
Nothing else interesting happened. What a waste of his time.
Well. Something interesting happened to Naruto. He got into some kind of fight in the back of the class again. It was with Kiba this time. It was making memorizing theories of chakra control needed to begin creating medical chakra really difficult, so Sasuke turned around.Â
They were yelling at each other. Something about Naruto being stupid, Kiba being dumb, Naruto not being able to read, Kiba smelling like dog, And Whatâs So Wrong With Smelling Like Dog Huh? Sasuke recognized the sign of imminent fisticuffs. If Naruto got into another fistfight he was going to be expelled.
Sasuke sighed, put his book down, and weaved around desks to the back of the class. Shikamaru and Chouji were already sitting on the row behind them, sharing a bag of chips.
Chouji waved, shy. He blushed when talking to Sasuke too. Whatever. âHi, Sasuke-kun. Whatâs up?â
âHeâs gonna yell at Naruto,â Shikamaru said. âWatch.â
Sasuke withdrew a kunai. He threw it straight at Naruto. The girls screamed. The kunai went straight into Narutoâs hand.
âHm,â Shikamaru said.
Naruto pulled out the kunai, indignant beyond measure. Blood went everywhere. âHey, teme! Watch where you throw that thing!â
Attention successfully diverted and point successfully made, Sasuke started ignoring him again. Kiba was swearing about how crazy Sasuke was, what a cool guy! Everyone in the room was agreeing that anybody who stabbed Naruto was the best. Naruto was shaking his hand, wound already closing up. Kiba was loudly noting this and calling him a freak fox. Sasuke held up another kunai. Naruto did not retaliate. Shaking, trembling, Hinata said that she thought dogs and foxes smelled nice. Ino asked her if she was seriously defending the Nine Tailed Fox. Hinata started crying.Â
Meanwhile, Shikamaru was just staring at Sasuke. As if he did not want to be speaking at all, Shikamaru said, âMy dad wants your cousin to come over again. Says that he can beat him at Go this time.â
Absolutely unsympathetically, Sasuke said, âHeâs not going to beat him at Go.â
âI still donât get that.â Chouji relentlessly stuffed another fistful of chips in his mouth. They should introduce him to ramen. Naruto might be able to make another friend. Food connected people, probably. âIsnât your cousinâŠlike, uh?â
âLike what?â Sasuke snapped. âYou have something to say?â
âUh, no, I -â
âIf you have something to say, then say it.â
From above them, Naruto called out, âSasuke, donât get into another fight! Youâll get expelled this time!â
âI donât get into fights!â Sasuke snapped. âItâs called defending the honor of the Uchiha!â
Many girls sighed. Shikamaru sighed, for a different reason.Â
To Chouji, Shikamaru said, âI donât get it either. It makes no sense and itâs stupid. Stupid things are such a pain.â Sasuke opened his mouth. âNot calling your cousin stupid.â
Chouji delicately nibbled on a fistful of chips. âWhat doesnât make any sense?âÂ
Shikamaru didnât say anything. He looked at the ceiling. He visibly debated if something was worth the effort to say - or maybe just worth the effort to explain. If it involved disparaging the honor of the Uchiha, Sasuke sure hoped that he would find it too annoying to say.
Finally, he only said, âAdults are boring. Way too boring. You know what they all say?â Shikamaru yawned. Already tired of this conversation. âBecause heâs an Uchiha.â
âWhat does that even mean?â
âWhatâs because heâs an Uchiha?â
âTiresome,â Shikamaru said. âWay too tiresome.â
Well. Sasuke didnât have time for lazy people.Â
Naruto was distracted by his fight by yelling at Sasuke, Sasuke was distracted by his fight by yelling at Naruto, and lunch ended.Â
Everybody sucked at training because they didnât work hard. Naruto and Hinata worked hard but they just sucked. Maybe they were made for each other. As always, the only person who was remotely challenging during spars was Naruto. Not because he was good at dodging. Or good at anything. He just didnât get tired. Or give up. The teacher always had to call it. They always called it right when Sasuke had the upper hand. It really pissed him off. School was so annoying.
The final annoying thing happened after school ended. He was late getting out because Sakura had a question about action potentials. Sakura was only really capable of making conversation if it was about books or something, but Naruto said that Sasuke was the same way. Sakura eventually succumbed to her nature and sprinted away from him, and when he came outside he saw Naruto mobbed by that little gang of children. This didnât matter. Sasuke was perfectly happy to ignore everything Naruto ever did. But Pakkun was waiting for him at the gates today, and he was so obviously entertained by Narutoâs struggles against small children that Sasuke had to stop and listen.
âYou never listen to a word Jiji says!â Naruto barked. His arms were crossed over his chest, attempting to establish dominance over the six year olds. âI cannot turn into a fox!â
The little girl looked crushed by this. âNot even a good fox?â
âNot any kind of fox!â
âBut if a good fox fights the bad fox, then maybe humanityâll win over foxes forever!âÂ
Naruto very seriously considered this. âMoegi, youâre onto something. But I still canât do that!â
âJiji never tells me anything!â Konohamaru complained. The kid had one volume and it was all whining. Sasuke was glad he wasnât the man of his house. âHe says that Iâm too young to hear about it! Iâm six, Jiji!â
Udon fiddled with his big and clunky glasses. âMama says that senpaiâs evil.â
âI know!â Konohamaru shouted. âIsnât it awesome!â
âOkay, okay! Listen up, maggots!â Naruto dramatically brandished a hand, and the children lined up in attack formation. Ebisu, leaning on a tree behind them and clearly catching his breath from chasing after Konohamaru, was visibly jealous of Narutoâs natural leadership skills. âIâll only say this once!â
Naruto held up one finger. The children obligingly held up one finger. âOne! Naruto Uzumaki is a super-cool orphan who was born the day the fox attacked! Not my fault! Nobody controls when theyâre born, okay! Believe it!â
As if this was an active part of the lesson, the children chorused, âNobody controls when theyâre born!â
âTwo! Because Uzumakis are super cool chakra powerhouses, I was the best baby in the entire stupid village to store the Nine Tailed Fox! Believe it!â
âWhat does that mean!â Konohamaru yelled. Pakkun barked.Â
Naruto held up a third finger. As always, Naruto repeated Tobiâs explanation word-for-word. Kinda. âThird! You know sealing scrolls? Like, when you put a bowl of ramen in a scroll, and you can take the ramen out again later! And itâs still piping hot!â The kids nodded fastidiously. âIâm like a fox sealing scroll! The Fourth Hokage - heâs a good dad thing, not that I would know - saved the village from the Nine Tailed Fox attack by making me, a super cool baby, into a sealing scroll for a fox. Sealing scrolls are not foxes! Believe it!â
âSealing scrolls are not foxes!â
âAnd there you have it!â Naruto concluded grandly. He propped his hands on his hips, tremendously proud of himself. âThatâs the story of how Naruto Uzumaki saved the village. With the Fourth Hokageâs help, of course. Not bad, huh? Iâm a really cool senpai!â Moegi raised her hand. âYes, Moegi!â
Plainly, Moegi asked, âThen why does my Mommy say youâre a monster?â
âBecause people are dumb and donât understand!â Naruto immediately said. He really needed a better retort for this one. âThey donât get how anything works at all!â
âMy mommyâs not stupid,â Moegi said reproachfully. âShe says that youâre con-tamey-nated by evil chakra.â
âSealing scrolls arenât contaminated by ramen! Thatâs not how it works at all!â
Udon pushed up his clunky glasses. They slid down immediately. âMy uncle says that the fox can see through your eyes and hear us and stuff.â
Heatedly, Konohamaru cried, âTell the fox heâs really dumb, senpai!â
âThe fox canât do that!â Naruto cried. âRamen canât look through a seal, thatâs stupid!â
âRamen canât see anything, senpaiâŠâ
âTell the fox that he killed my Granny!â
âYou never even met your granny!â
Ebisu sighed. Under his breath, he said, âSo much for âdonât tell your kidsâ. Maybe that would have worked if nobody in this village ever got drunk.â
Pakkun woofed. Just loud enough for Sasuke to hear, he said, âThis would be easier if they heard the real explanation first.âÂ
Ebisu glanced at Sasuke, then at Pakkun. He took a subtle but very large step away.Â
Pakkun woofed again. Sasuke recognized the doggy amusement. âWassup, Ebisu.â
âHa ha hello! Is Tobi around?â Ebisu slid even further away. âHe isnât coming, is he?â
Sasuke couldnât even get mad at the guy. In infinite pity, he said, âPakkun picks me up when Tobiâs busy.â
âOh! Wonderful. I mean.â Ebisu coughed. Very aware that he was being rude. Convinced that he was entitled to it. âWell! Tell him I wish him well. And that my new principal is a delight.â
Bodyguarding a six year old and wrangling three six year olds all day was a vacation in comparison to babysitting detail for Tobi. âI dunno what your problem is. Your teammates hang out with him for fun. Maybe youâre the problem.â
Pakkun looked up at Sasuke. âHe wasnât the problem.â
âWas it really funny to annoy him?â Sasuke asked unsympathetically. Ebisu coughed harder. âThere you go. Thatâs weakness, Ebisu. Itâs too hard to annoy Gai and Genma. The weak opponent gets cut down.â
âHell, kid, I hope you havenât been teaching him that talk. Heâs way too impressionable. Heâs like a duckling.â Ebisu sighed, looking back at the ferocious kids. âHate to think what you and Narutoâve been teaching him. Not my problem. Thank hell.â
Teaching him? Sasuke hoped that heâs been teaching Tobi to do the dishes! But Pakkun just gave Ebisu a particular doggy look. Naruto was still locked in fervent debate with six year olds. âYou donât know why Naruto knows, do you?âÂ
This story was still so fishy, but Sasuke wasnât about to let onto that. Sasuke just sighed. âTobi invites himself to hang out with the Hokage sometimes. Tobi was hanging out with the Hokage when Naruto invited himself to hang out with the Hokage and crawls through the window.â The Hokage was always telling Sasuke that the two were like grandkids to him. He sure acted like it. They both got away with everything, and gave them absolutely nothing. Sasuke didnât know what kind of honorary grandpa left Tobi and Sasuke all alone like that, but Tobi told him not to say that. âTobi didnât know Naruto back then. But heâd heard all that stuff about him. The really nasty ones, that Naruto was literally the fox.â
Ebisu sighed. âOf course he did. That boy believes literally anything you tell him.â
âThe fox literally killed his legal guardians and baby brother,â Sasuke snapped. Ebisu held up his hands in a plea for mercy. âHe was in Hokage Tower when the fox destroyed it! He has fox trauma! More than a lot of people! And they didnât even tell him how the Fourth died. Just what they were supposed to tell the rest of the kids - that the Fourth died to save the village from the fox. But he ended up hearing what all the adults think happened.â Nobody was supposed to know about Naruto. But they all did. Everybody only knew the worst things about each other. Sometimes Sasuke thought that was why everybody was so mean to each other. âSo Tobi got really scared. And he freaked out, because he was scared, and he didnât know that we werenât supposed to say anything. So he said a ton, stuff came out, and the Hokage had to explain that Naruto saved the village and the Hokage likes him. And nobody tells me anything, so I only find out that weâre friends with Naruto now when weâre getting ramen with the loudmouth.â
âThe Hokage wasnât happy.â Pakkun scratched his ear thoughtfully. âShikaku told him that this one was on him. Acting like the guyâs too stupid to understand anything important. A tower of secrets comes tumbling down eventually.â Pakkun sighed. âNobody can lie forever. The longer it goes, the worse the falloutâs gonna be.â
âAnd now we hang out with Naruto,â Sasuke said bitterly. Haunted by pain and regrets. âHe eats us out of house and home.â
âI dunno. Heâs not that bad.â Pakkun yawned, long canines flashing. âHe gives good belly rubs. Better than yours.â
Ebisu didnât really look sad. He didnât even look pitying. Good. Sasuke hated pity. He just looked a little thoughtful. âThis was soon after the - uh, that, right?â Sasuke scowled at him. There was only one that. âWas Tobi scared a lot back then?â
âYeah,â Sasuke said, âhis entire family was dead and he didnât know why. He kept getting scared that Itachi would come back when he didnât even remember who killed everybody. And all he had was an eight year old who couldnât help him because he was eight.â Pakkun barked. âAnd dogs. We had dogs. They were good dogs.â
Nobody ever had anything to say to that. Sasuke wasnât afraid to say it. Nobody liked hearing it, but that didnât matter. You had to say the stuff that people didnât like to hear. Who cared about what other people wanted. Who even cared about other people.Â
Sasuke didnât know if Ebisu had anything to say to that either. The kids were cheering and pumping their fists in the air.Â
Udon was patting Narutoâs back. âYouâre pretty cool for a monster, senpai.â
âSenpaiâs an awesome monster!â Konohamaru cheered. âHey, will you eat my uncle!â
Moegi was patting Naruto on the arm. âPlease turn into a fox and eat the evil foxes.â
âBye, now! Come on, Konohamaru Squad, we got stuff to do!â
Then the kids were sprinting away, and Ebisu had to curse and sprint after them. Pakkun was muttering something about how his pup was very well behaved at that age.Â
Naruto watched the kids run off. He didnât look sad or anything. Naruto never looked sad. He didnât look thoughtful, either. Naruto didnât think. He didnât look angry or frustrated or upset - nothing that Sasuke would ever feel. Nothing that Sasuke felt just watching it.Â
Sasuke could walk up and stand next to him. Sasuke was the smartest person he knew, but sometimes he really wished he was smarter. A real genius, and not a fake one. If Sasuke was as good as he needed to be - good at everything - then maybe heâd know what to say.Â
âHey, Sasuke?â
Sasuke grunted. Naruto didnât turn to look at him. He was just looking far away, into that crowded and pale horizon.
âIâm gonna be Hokage one day. And when Iâm Hokage, the first thing Iâm gonna do is make a new rule. I mean, the first thing Iâm gonna do is end war and stuff. And then make everybody eat ramen forever. But the third thing! The third thing is real Hokage stuff.â Naruto nodded to himself, brimming with every last ounce of conviction that he needed. âMy third Hokage thing is that everyoneâs gonna have to believe me. Iâm gonna tell people the truth. The real truth. And theyâll believe it!â Naruto grinned big and bright. He was already cheering himself up. Just the idea and the promise was enough to perk him back up. âAnd Iâll be the best Hokage ever!â
That was what it would take. If Naruto wanted people to believe him when he said that he wasnât a vicious monster, he just had to become Hokage about it. Super possible. That was the only way it would be possible. Nothing less would do. Nothing less would even matter.Â
So long as Naruto was less, he would never matter.
âWhatever.â Sasuke turned around and started to leave, leaving Pakkun running along at his heels. âGo home with Pakkun and check on Tobi. I gotta buy groceries.â
âAre we having ramen?!â
âYou need real food, Naruto! Ramen has too much sodium!â
âRamen doesnât have soda in it!â
âHow are you this stupid!â
Sasuke walked home alone. He wasnât about to feed Tobi rotten vegetables.
*
Two days later, after a very small accident that didnât completely burn down a building, Tobi towed Sasuke and Naruto to an estate on the other side of the village.
It was a very small accident, if a pretty big fire. Sasuke thought it was fine. Tobi loved fire, and they had more than enough buildings to burn down. Sasuke and Tobi used to burn down old shacks for fun before ANBU made them stop. Sasuke didnât know what the problem was. But Tobi said that zapping a house every time he practiced a lightning jutsu wasnât âa good use of their housesâ, so off they went. To the Hatake place, apparently.
That didnât make a lot of sense. Tobi hated damaging that estate. He wasnât delicate with it - Tobi didnât do delicate - but he hired genin to come and maintain the place about four times a year. The Uchiha compound looked more abandoned than the Hatake estate. Upkeep drained their finances, but the interest from the Hatake accounts covered the expense. The other clan leaders kept asking where a ten year old learned to balance a budget. From books, idiots.Â
Naruto hopped off the rooftop - teaching Naruto how to jump between roofs had been a very good use of their houses - and immediately started running around. Sasuke had to yell after him not to damage the paper doors this time, and that meant no slamming! Tobi just happily made a hand signal, summoning the entire pack of dogs.Â
They all sniffed out their location immediately, and Sasuke saw them all perk up in excitement. Tobi beamed, saluting the dogs. âPlaytime for puppies and Tobi and Sasuke and Naruto! Everyone be back by dinnertime! And can a puppy volunteer to save the house from Naruto?â Bisque sighed. âThank you,Â
Biscuit! Tobi loves you!â
The dogs barked, nosed at Tobi as he enthusiastically petted each one of them, nosed at Sasuke until he gave each and every dog the exact same number of pats, and all ran off to nip at each otherâs heels and sniff around. Pakkun said that they could still smell Kakashi and his dad all around the estate. Apparently it was really comforting. Sasuke got it.
âWatching Sasuke accidentally hit one of our houses with lightning gave Tobi a super good idea!â Tobi beckoned Sasuke to a back field of the estate. It was all dirt, with a few tall pillars of dirt standing several feet away from each other. âUchiha chakra elements are all fire, and Hatake chakra elements were lightning. Like we have special fireproof training areas, Hatake had special lightningproof ones! I trained on them more than Kakashi-kun did.â Tobi propped his hands on his hips, nodding happily. âIf Sasuke-kun likes to practice lightning, then we can come here!â
âYou trained on them?â Sasuke looked around the field, trying to imagine Tobi zapping dirt pillars with lightning. It wasnât easy. âCan you teach me jutsus?â
Tobi laughed a little, scrubbing the back of his neck. âIâm not too good at jutsus, Sasuke-kunâŠâ
âBut you know them!â Sasuke protested. âYou donât have to mold chakra to teach me about them, right?â Tobi hesitated, hand falling. âI need to learn these things! How am I going to get strong without every advantage I can get, Tobi!â
âUmâŠI guess I shouldnât always be a burden, haha.â Tobiâs laugh was a lot more nervous. âHow about Sasuke and Tobi study jutsus together? We can learn like friends!â
âBurden? Who was calling you a burden!â
âSasuke during ramen? Anyway, Tobi likes Tobiâs idea! The Hatake library has a whole big shelf of lightning jutsus. Why doesnât Sasuke-kun pick one out?â
Sasuke did that? He didnât do that. Sasuke beat up people who called Tobi a burden or useless. Sasuke wouldnâtâŠ
Sasuke thought hard about everything he said over ramen a few days ago. About how he couldnât achieve his life dreams because he had to look after Tobi. Tobi had really obviously heard himâŠ
That sounded a lot like he was calling Tobi a burden, wasnât it?
âI didnât mean to do that.â Sasuke was really embarrassed. He knew he got snappy and prickly when he was embarrassed. He tried not to do that to Tobi, though. HeâŠtried hard to be nice. âIâm - uh. That wasnât what I meant.â
âItâs okay. Iâm just like that.â Tobi shrugged, as if it didnât matter one way or another. âDoes Sasuke want to pick out some cool jutsu scrolls now?â
âI donât want to train anymore!â Sasuke yelled, before running away very quickly.Â
The traditional-style home was really big, and most of it was locked up with stasis jutsus around the perimeter. It helped save the rice paper and wood from rotting. The rooms that werenât locked up were just used as storage. Judging by how dusty and old-fashioned it looked, a lot of it was Hatake stuff. Sasuke once found an entire room of just katanas. Samurai were cowardly losers and Sasuke didnât care about their garbage, cheap, and shitty swords. He didnât even care that Tobi made him put the black bladed katana back.Â
It wasnât just Hatake stuff. Sasuke found another room stacked with sealing supplies and reference material. Another room had a lot of much newer-looking broken stuff in it, but a lot of scrolls and clothing too.Â
Sasuke rattled open a half-remembered room. No jutsu scrolls in here. But he did get a pleasant and nostalgic surprise. Tobi had moved a lot of the clutter in his house into this house when heâŠrealized that Sasuke had moved in, and he had put all of Rinâs medical textbooks in this one.Â
Sasuke couldnât keep all of them in his room, so he had fastidiously picked out his favorite ten textbooks and all the most important reference manuals before giving the rest to Tobi to pack away here. Sasuke immediately crouched over one of the boxes, rifling through all of the old books. Oh, here were the case study scrolls. Those were super interesting. There was a case of medical chakra accidentally causing a woman to grow three new livers!Â
Sasuke picked up Fundamentals of Human Anatomy. He brushed his hand over the leather cover, running his fingers over the embossed text. He couldnât really call it a good memory, but he couldnât say it was a bad one. Was there a word for a good thing during a bad time? Something that didnât make you any happier, but made the bad things go away for a little while? A painkiller?
The first two months after that were boring. There was a lot of stuff to do, but the crowded time was so empty. Sasuke tried to train, but Tobi would just follow him out and get in the way. Tobi wanted to play a lot, but Sasuke couldnât really work up the energy, so Sasuke ended up just putting him in front of the television. They watched flickering films in black and white together. They were boring, but Tobi really liked them. He could watch television all day. But he was really convinced that he knew how to cook things when he really didnât, and Sasuke didnât like leaving him alone for a long time. They were living out of the pantry for a while. And their neighborâs pantry. And their neighborâs pantry.Â
Sasuke was a big reader. Obviously, Tobi wasnât. The only books in his house were three boxes of old medical textbooks. Sasuke had asked Tobi whose textbooks they were. They definitely werenât his.Â
Tobi had looked confused. âUmâŠRin-chanâs? She gave me her books. Then she went away.â
âWho doesnât,â Sasuke had muttered.Â
âRin-chanâs a medic,â Tobi had told him. He had sounded so proud about it. âRin-chan saves lives and everything. She works super hard, sheâs super cool!â
Sasuke had nothing better to do, so he read the books. They had really distracted him. He had to dig around for a dictionary, but that was distracting too. Sometimes Tobi wanted attention and it was kind of hard, but that was what the television was for. Tobi was just happy if Sasuke was there.Â
Like two months later, Tobi finally noticed the books. Or registered them. He had looked all confused again.Â
âSasuke-chan, what are you doing with Rin-chanâs books? Theyâre kind of difficult, arenât they?â
Sasuke had rolled his eyes, flipping a page. He had started taking notes. âIâm too busy to play right now. We can watch TV later.â
âTobi did not ask that?â Tobi had crouched in front of him. Sasuke was lying on his stomach flipping through the book again, armed with his dictionary at his elbow. Tobi just frowned, stiff forehead creasing. A little carefully, he said, âDoes Sasuke want to learn medicine?â
âSure,â Sasuke said. It was the first time heâd said that. It was the first time heâd really realized it. âWhy not.â
Tobi hesitated. He looked really sad. Not his usual kind of sad, either. âSasuke. None of thatâs going to fix me.â
âItâs not about that.â Sasuke said it very patiently. He highlighted another row of his notes. The textbooks were really heavily marked up, but Sasuke never wrote in them. âItâs just for fun. If youâre hungry, I can make dinner.â
âTobi can make dinnerâŠâ
He could. Tobi had bounced back, and he kept on trying to take care of Sasuke. He kept saying it was his turn. But Sasuke hated that. He didnât even really know why. âYour dinners are so bad.â
Tobi liked to ask Sasuke what he was learning, and he listened in interest as long as Sasuke wanted to talk about it. He clearly didnât understand a word, but he nodded along anyway. Sasuke had him sit still so he could practice naming bones.Â
Sasuke was withdrawn from the Academy for the rest of the year. Well, Sasuke withdrew himself. It was almost the start of the year. They made him go back the next year, but that year was spent learning medicine and training and self-studying and learning how to balance a budget. Learning it all. And Naruto was there.Â
When he came back, he was so ahead of all the other kids it wasnât even funny. And everyone decided that he got cool. He had just felt a little socially awkward. He hadnât talked with a lot of people for a year. Naruto didnât count.
 Sasuke flipped through the book. Tch. So basic. He had struggled with this?
Through the thin paper walls, Sasuke heard dogs barking. Sasuke cursed, dropping the book and scrambling upwards. He knew that bark.Â
Amazingly, nothing was on fire. Naruto hadnât even punched a hole through any more paper doors. He was just doing the same things as Sasuke and rummaging around through old boxes. What was he doing it for? He wasn't avoiding Tobi. Not that Sasuke was avoiding him. He was just spending his time in a place that Tobi almost never went in. Educationally.
Bisque was barking because he'd found a big batch of dusty dog toys. He was in doggy heaven. Some of them were super chewed up, and Sasuke wondered if they were old puppy toys. Sasuke half expected Naruto to be playing with the dog toys too - he'd seen him do it - but Naruto was just flipping through a book instead. Obviously, it was all pictures. A photo album.
Sasuke squatted down next to Naruto, who was leafing through the pictures with unusual intent. âDon't try to show Tobi any old pictures of him. He hates it.â He really, really hated it. âWhy are you going through our stuff?â
Without looking up, Naruto held up a stuffed animal. It was a very lopsided and squishy bear. Probably. It was obviously hand-sewn.
âI'm looking for baby pictures of Mr. Bear,â Naruto said, with blistering and inane confidence. âCause this is a baby version, see?â Sasuke gave him a disgusted look. âNever mind! I'll explain my genius later.â
Nothing to explain. Sasuke bent his head over the flipping album pages. Mr. Bear sounded kind of familiar. Wasn't that Narutoâs favorite stuffed toy? Ugh, why did Sasuke know Narutoâs baby toys?Â
âThis is all the Fourth Hokage.â Felt kind of weird to be going through a Hokageâs personal things, but they were Uchiha clan property. âHe needs to brush his hair. Hey, stop.â
Naruto stopped. Sasuke flipped a few pages back to the picture he saw. It was of a red-headed woman. She has to be Tobiâs adopted sister. This one caught his eye because she was grinning hugely, and was wearing a really horrible shade of orange. Sasuke ignored the part where she was standing on a freshly killed bear carcass.Â
âThat's the Uzumaki lady,â the chronically self-obsessed Naruto said. âShe has the most pictures in here! I tried to find pictures of Tobi, but there's no team pictures in - hey, watch it!â
Sasuke slid the picture out of the case and held it up next to Narutoâs face. Uchiha had great eye for detail, pattern recognition, and spatial awareness. He was the perfect specimen to notice these things.Â
With the utmost authority of the Uchiha, Sasuke said, âYou're identical.â
âWhat! Weâre not!â Naruto tugged the picture out of Sasukeâs hand, squinting ferociously at it. âSheâs got red hair!â Sasuke covered her hair with his fingers. âWhoah, weâre identical!â
Uchiha genes were very strong. Everyone said so. Tobi said it was because they were inbred, which felt like a bad word so he told Tobi not to say it. Even if the Uzumaki were a huge clan from everywhere who definitely weren't inbred, family resemblances could really get weird like that. Sasuke was identical to his great-whatever Izuna. Who cared about him, though. Even soâŠÂ
âIt's the smile,â Sasuke decided. âIt's that exact same smile. Like she's sayingâŠeveryone clap and cheer and tell me how great I am.â
âI don't say that! And lots of people smile like that, anyway!â
It was that smile. More recognizable than anything else about Naruto. When Sasuke thought of Naruto, he was always smiling.
Sasuke flipped back a page to a picture of the Fourth and Kushina on a date. They were both dressed so horribly. Sasuke took out that picture too, holding it up next to Narutoâs face. On second thought, his hair.Â
âWhoah!â Naruto cried. âWe're identical!â
âNo, you're both just blond.â Sasuke gave him the picture so he could squint at it. âHow many people are blond. Inoâs hair is really ashy. This is the same color, see? All the Uzumaki I know have red hair.â
Naruto stared at the picture. Sasuke always felt really disconcerted when he couldn't tell what Naruto was thinking. That meant you couldnât stop any bad ideas.Â
Naruto stuffed the picture in his jumpsuit before turning around and grabbing the other stuffed animal. He glared at it hard, as if it was willing to unstitch its mouth and spill its secrets if he just did anything but smile. âI don't care about old boxes and stuff. But Bisque found this toy and thought it was a chew toy. And I was worried he was eating something important so I stole it from him. And then I got really worried, âcause this Mr. Bear looks just like my Mr. Bear. It was dropped off with me at the orphanage. So I was likeâŠhe's obviously eating some baby's really important toy! But then I was likeâŠthat doesn't make any sense! âCause it sucks. Like someone was practicing when they made it.â
âHey,â Sasuke said. âTobiâs baby brother died in the fox attack.â
Sasuke and Naruto stared at each other.Â
A box clattered, and Sasuke and Naruto jumped. But it was just Bisque, nosing around in a dusty box. He had knocked it over in his enthusiasm, and paperback books were spilling over the floor. Why were they letting dogs chew on all this important old stuff!
Sasuke stood up and started putting the books away. Bisque was randomly barking and pawing at a few books, and Sasukeâs eye was drawn to one.Â
The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi.The cover was big and bright, like a kidâs book. Tobi said Kushina loved that author. He also said that its author wrote a lot of popular books, but that Tobi was only allowed to read that one. Sasuke checked out the other books, and told Tobi he definitely wasn't allowed to read them. He ended up bargaining them away to Sakura in exchange for her forged restricted library pass.Â
Bisque nosed the book over, and Sasuke crouched down to read the back. Bisque started trying to dive into the rest of the box, and Naruto hurriedly rushed over to stop him from chewing up more suspicious memories.Â
The back of the book advertised the tale of the most surprising ninja of all, Naruto. Sasuke poked open the cover. There was a dedication inside.Â
To three best friends, the gutsiest Shinobi I know.Â
On the opposite page, there was a handwritten message.Â
I can deliver sometimes, you know! Exactly as you two requested: an audacious hero, a loyal best friend, and an ultra-violent woman. Your kids are gonna love it. Yes, I remembered the happy ending for Tobi. Tell him my other literature ain't too shabby either - teenage boys have needs, you know.Â
Cheers,
The worldâs goddest father Jiraiya
Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other.Â
Sasuke slammed the book shut. âWe can't tell Tobi.â
âMy dadâs the fourth Hokage?!â
âObviously. Keep up.â Sasuke was also feeling extremely off-balance from this, but Uchiha showed decorum at all times. He stood up and shoved the book back in the box, shoving the other books back on top of it by the armful. âHokageâs kids always have bodyguards. They must have kept your identity secret âcause the Fourth Hokage had enemies.â
âThe Fourth Hokage my dad?!â
âThey didn't send you to live in secret with a bodyguard nanny. Itâs because they hate you.â This was looking grim. âThey told Tobi you died because they didn't want him to know that they put you in an orphanage. Because they hated you.â
âThe Fourth Hokage my dad put the fox in me?!â Naruto screeched. âWhy did he do that to his own baby!â
âBecause you were there?â
âWas it because he hated me?â Naruto seemed moderately perturbed by this. âDamn. I always thought they might like me. So much for that.â
âIt could have been because you were there,â Sasuke said aggressively. âOr maybe you just had bad vibes or something. I don't know. Who cares. Ask Tobi if his dead baby brother wasn't fun to be around.â
âWhat, because Tobiâs dead baby brother is me?!â Naruto stopped short, thinking hard. âBut I'm not a babyâŠâ
âWhy do we talk.â
âBecause we're secret cousins!â Naruto screamed. âNaruto and Sasuke are secretly -â
âWe're not secret cousins! If they aren't Uchiha, they aren't related to me!â Secret cousins with Naruto! He would rather literally die! âListen, Naruto. Do you think people know about this?â
Naruto thought as hard as he could. He seemed increasingly distressed. Maybe he was overheating his brain. âI dunno! People liked the Fourth. His face is on a mountain!â They put every face on a mountain. âIf people knew he was my secret dad, then wouldnât everyone be a lot nicer?!â
âThereâs no way the Fourthâs friends didnât know Kushina-nee was pregnant.â Sasuke physically couldnât imagine anybody related to Naruto keeping a secret. And bodyguards knew everything about you. âKushina Uzumaki? Naruto Uzumaki? The old guys in the Uzushio quarter had to know that there was only one pregnant and dead Uzumaki lady. They barely even tried to hide it.â So much for hiding the Hokageâs secret kid away for his own safety. They didnât change his stupid name. âNobody in this village can stop themselves from spreading mean rumors about you. Wouldnât they at least be saying stupid shit about how the Fourth sealed the fox in his baby because his baby had bad vibes?â
âEveryone just says that I killed the Fourth. That itâs all my fault.â When Tobi had heard that, he had gone into a very extensive rant about how Naruto was the baby who had Stepped Up and helped the Fourth. This was how Naruto had gotten the idea that he was a naturally very heroic baby. âIf they knew, then they wouldnât say that. Right? Right, Sasuke?â
âSure, whatever.â Sasuke crossed his arms and nodded. A conclusion had been reached. âThe Fourthâs friends and the important ninja knew. And also random guys. But most people donât know.â Maybe the people who knew she was pregnant were also told that the baby died in the attack. ButâŠUzumaki. Uzumaki. Seriously. Not everyone was Tobi. âThat means that all of your mom and dadâs friends knew that you were dumped in an orphanage and that everyone hated you, and they didnât do anything about it. Nobody even told you that they didnât hate you.â Something extremely offensive occurred to Sasuke. âMy mom and Kushina were best friends! Shisui-nii said so! Even Mother didnât do anything?â
But that explained it. That explained a lot. Why Mother never liked Sasuke spending time with Tobi. Why she hated it when Itachi did what he never did and played with everyone.Â
Mother never encouraged Sasuke to hang out with Naruto. Not like Tobi did. She never really said bad things about him like everyone elseâs mothers did, but she never said anything good about him either. She hadnât said anything. And sheâd done nothing.
She had felt guilty.Â
How could you be so mean just because you felt guilty? If you hated the bad thing you were doing, then just donât do it! Was it just less work to hate yourself? Why was it so hard to be nice to the nicest people in this horrible village?Â
Did they think it wasnât hard for Naruto and Tobi to be nice? Did they think that they were too stupid to realize that people hated them? They knew! They knew how mean other people were, and they decided to be nice anyway! It wasnât fair!Â
It didnât have to be unfair! It didnât have to be like this! But it was unfair, because people just didnât care if it was fair or not!
Narutoâs face fell. âI donât get that. I wouldnât let everyone hate your super-cool baby, Sasuke. Did they hate my mom and dad too?â The train of thought seemed to perk him up. âHey, then we all got that in common!â
Just to be incredibly nice, Sasuke said, âIf everyone secretly hated your mom and dad, then Iâm sure they were actually pretty cool.â You couldnât trust people who other people liked. âWe have to pack all of this stuff back up. Weâll tell Tobi that I was teaching you how to read kanji.â
Naruto leapt into action. He didnât start packing things up - just flipping through the photo album and taking all of the pictures of his parents that he could find. He was stuffing the old photographs in random places in his jumpsuit, as if he was stealing food from a family cookout again. âI canât wait to tell Tobi. Knowing that his dead baby brotherâs -â
âWe canât tell Tobi.â Sasuke snatched the photo album away from Naruto, enraging him. He stuffed it back into another box. âYou have to promise not to tell him. You can keep a secret, Iâve seen you do it.â
âWhat? Why?!â Naruto dived, trying to grab the bear, but Sasuke snatched it up before he could and tossed it into another box. âIâll tell him that I was so cool as a baby that I could come back from the dead -â
âNo! Are you insane? Donât you dare!â Sasuke swept the books back up and dumped them back into a box, pulling away into the corner. âTobi barely understands death as it is! Telling him that dead baby brothers can come back to life is just going to give him ideas!â
âItâs not like I actually died -â
âSo?! You think that makes a difference? Do you have any idea how long it took to convince him that our family was dead?â Medical textbooks. When Sasuke thought of those days, all he remembered were medical textbooks. The television blaring as Sauke squinted at cramped text in the dim light. âDo you have any idea how many times I had to tell him that Shisui wasnât coming back? You and your really convoluted deal is just going to confuse him.âÂ
Naruto clearly didnât understand. Why would he. He wasnât there. Nobody had been there. It took two weeks before Gai started coming around, and he was the only one who ever tried.Â
At least that made sense now. If this village couldnât even give their precious Fourth Hokageâs son a hand - if they couldnât even not be mean to him - then what chance did Sasuke and Tobi Uchiha ever have?
âHe got the picture eventually, right! If he doesnât get it, weâll just explain it! Wouldnât he get super excited to hear about this? Heâd, like, hold a party -â
âAnd if Shisui just waltzed back into Konoha, Iâd never be able to convince him that people canât come back from the dead. The guyâs got way too many dead families for that, Naruto!â Sasuke tucked the dog toy box shut, hoisting it up and dumping it in a corner. âIf you make me spend hours convincing him that Kakashiâs not coming back for his house, Iâm going to fireball you to death.â
âBut I donât like keeping secrets!â Naruto protested. âAnd Iâm not good at it, anyway! Whatâs the point in not telling people? We can tell Gai! And Ramen Guy and Ramen Girl!â Naruto was clearly already warming to this topic. âIf people know that the Fourth Hokage -â
âGet real, Naruto. Nobodyâs going to believe you. Everyone knows you lie for attention all the time.â Naruto would do anything for attention. What a loser. âTelling peopleâs just gonna make âem hate you more. Telling Tobiâs just going to upset him. We gotta keep this a secret.â
âBut -â
âShut up, Naruto! I am not doing this again!â Sasuke pushed Naruto, but this time Naruto didnât push back. He always pushed back, and then Tobi had to fret over them wrestling again. âIf you put me and Tobi through that again, Iâm never gonna talk to you! And if you run around telling the people who blame you for the Fourthâs death that heâs secretly your dad, then all youâre gonna get is more drunk guys trying to stab you with a broken beer bottle!â
Sasuke realized a little too late that he had just said some pretty harsh stuff. He did that all the time, and Naruto always let him do it. In a lot of ways, Naruto was kind of terrible for Sasuke. Sasuke kept on being way meaner and colder than he meant to be, but Naruto just accepted it all with a smile. Why didnât he fight back? Didnât he care if people were nice to him?
He did care. Naruto wouldnât want people to be nice to him if he didnât care. So why didnât he ever ask Sasuke to be nice? Did he just think Sasuke wasnât capable? Or was he worried Sasuke wouldnât do it even if he asked? Naruto didnât worry about anything, since that would involve stringing two thoughts together, butâŠ
âBut weâll tell Tobi someday, right?â
And, just because Sasuke could be nice to Naruto sometimes, he said, âSure. When the truth doesnât hurt anyone, then weâll tell him.â
âWhy is telling the truth worse than keeping a secret?â Naruto asked, unimpressed. âSecrets are why we have all these stupid problems. Problems canât fix themselves, you know!â
âItâs not about fixing,â Sasuke said. âItâs about not making everything a thousand times worse. And things can always get worse. So letâs just go.â
Naruto really was the nicer one. He complained for the next ten minutes, but he stuffed the pictures in the hidden pocket of his jumpsuit anyway.Â
Tobi wasnât in the training field. Sasuke wasnât surprised - he got distracted really easily, and he was always wandering off. But Sasuke and Naruto didnât find him rooting through boxes or delighting in a fox den. They saw him sitting on the walkway outside a large room, sliding doors open and allowing a crossbreeze to flow through. Tobi was kicking his heels on the dirt, leaning back and looking up at the sky. Naruto opened his mouth, about to call out to him, but Sasuke quickly shushed him. Tobi was talking to those clouds.Â
âYou wanted those kids so bad.â Sasuke and Naruto? âI never told you. Itâs stupid, butâŠI hated imagining the father of those kids. The idea of you doing something important without usâŠit was just too much. Rin. Rin, I wanted to beâŠâ Tobi trailed off, sighing. Sasuke and Naruto gaped at each other. âTobiâs very sorry. Tobi ruined it before Rin-chan did. Tobi would have messed it all up without Kakashi-kun, anywayâŠâ
The thought of Tobi wanting children made Sasuke dizzy. It didnât make any sense. Why didnât it make any sense? It was such a normal thought. Everyone in his class talked about their future kids (except Shikamaru). For some reason, it just felt weird coming from Tobi. Sasuke didnât know that he had regrets.
Naruto had no such compunctions. Sasuke would have much rather kept eavesdropping, but Naruto decided to step forward and call out. âTobi! Weâre done teaching me kanji!â
Tobi twisted around, blinking at them. Then he smiled, bright and easy and unburdened. That smile was too important to Sasuke. Most of the time he thought he knew why, but sometimes he wasnât sure. âSasuke-chan! Naruto-chan! Did you have fun reading?â
âWe read lots of stuff and it was super stressful!â Naruto ran forward, throwing himself down next to Tobi. Sasuke tskâd, following at a far more sedate pace. âHey, do you want to play squirrels? The trees âround here look super good for squirrels! I can last way longer than stupid Sasuke this time!â
Sasuke carefully sat down on Tobiâs other side. He considered the matter deeply. Then he scooched an inch closer to Tobi. âYou blow up the branches. Youâre gonna blow up a branch and make a tree fall on a roof. Then youâre going to fall and hit your head. Then youâre going to get stupider.â
âI never said Iâd do that!â
âYou donât have to say it. Thatâs what happened last time.â
âTodayâs a new day!â Tobi said brightly. He looked down at Sasuke, and offered another grin just for him. âDid Sasuke find a cool new jutsu?â
Sasuke scooched a little closer to Tobi. âStupid Naruto distracted me.â
âStop being a jerk!â
A little baffled, Tobi said, âYou can still go get one? Tobi can help train -â
âWhatever.â
Tobi blinked at him. Then he smiled again - a little less bright, but somehow warmer. âSasuke-chan would rather play!â
It wasnât playing. It was learning how to walk and stick on trees with chakra. Sasuke was super good at it. He outlasted Naruto every time. Not Tobi, though. Sasuke still won a lot: Tobi frequently got distracted and fell anyway. Or he got bored and fell. Or he thought it would be fun to fall, and fell.Â
Solitary avengers didnât play. They didnât have time for stuff like that. But this was training, wasnât it? Sasuke could train and hang out with Tobi at the same time. Itâs not like he had to pick one. Right?
He wasnât picking one or the other. Sasuke was picking family. So long as he picked family, he would always be honoring the Uchiha. He wouldnât be disappointing them.Â
Or the only one who mattered.Â
âTch.â
Sasuke scooted a little closer.
*
Tobi wasnât breathing.
Sasuke remembered the day he realized that Tobi didnât breathe. He had been seven. Tobi had pretended that Sasukeâs fearsome katon had laid him out, and he was lying on the ground as Sasuke crawled all over him. Shisui was laughing. Itachi was fretting about grass stains in Sasukeâs white shorts.Â
Sasuke had felt something off before he realized it. Only subconsciously: feeling it without knowing it. When Sasuke did realize it, heâd screamed and fallen off Tobi. Tobi had scrambled upright so quickly it was like he hadnât moved at all.
Sasuke had asked Tobi if he was dead. Tobi had just blinked at him. Then he had solemnly replied that he was dead, and that Tobi was an evil zombie back from the dead to haunt little boys. Shisui had to explain that Tobiâs body was super weird, and that the weird chakra in his body breathed for him. The Mokuton, and the Hashirama cells. Sasuke hadnât realized how amazing they really were. He wouldnât realize it for a very long time. Heâd just never thought about it.
Tobi wasnât breathing. Sasuke was used to it. It only ever really bothered him at times like this: when Tobi lay in the hospital bed, absolutely unmoving. Unbreathing. He may as well be dead.Â
He wasnât. Sasuke had confirmed it himself ten times. It was just the genjutsu. Sasuke, Kurenai, and three other experts couldnât break it. Kurenai had said that it would wear out on its own. That wasnât good enough. It really wasnât good enough at all. Kurenai said that she was very sorry, but reality was reality.Â
Apparently Tobi had barely left Sasukeâs bedside. Sasuke was fine, obviously. It was one stupid little tailed beast. One tail. Naruto was nine tails. Anybody only one ninth as strong as Naruto was literally nothing. Sasuke ate Shukaku for breakfast. Naruto said that Shukaku chewed him up and spat him out, but Sasuke frankly just didnât agree. Sasuke had regained consciousness very quickly. That was like winning. If you had lost. If you had lost a stupid fucking fight, and other people had to save you.
 As the village rebuilt itself, as every ninja ran around in complete emergency mode, Tobi spent almost all his time in Sasukeâs hospital room.
He shouldnât have. He really shouldnât have. He should have been off doing his job as a ninja. He was still insisting that he was retired, but waking up the entire stadium wasnât the work of a retired ninja. Getting half the civilians out of there wasnât the work of a retired ninja either. Nobody could have done better.Â
Sasuke hadnât done better. Tobi and Naruto had to save him from that fight with Shukaku. Tobi had figured out his Mokuton for the first time, just at the right moment - using both his Mokuton and his Mangekyo to subdue Shukaku while Naruto talked sense into Gaara. All Sasuke had done was get rescued. Useless.
Tobi shouldnât have stayed by his hospital bed. If he hadnât, thenâŠthenâŠ
There was a series of soft and polite knocks at the door. Sasuke grunted, and the door swung open as a woman poked her head in. She was wearing a white apron with a Leaf insignia over the heart- a doctor, although Sasuke hadnât seen her before. And he would have remembered her. BecauseâŠ
âCan I come in?â
It was embarrassing to admit. But she was probably the most beautiful woman Sasuke had ever seen. Despite himself, he felt his face flushing a little. Her form was petite and slight, but her smile as she walked in was dazzling.Â
âHowâs he doing?â
Even her voice was lovely. Sasuke coughed, willing his flush away. A good medic would have been able to dilate his capillaries and fix this problem. But Sasuke wasnât a very good medic at all.
âCompletely unchanged.â Somewhat uncharacteristically, Sasuke displayed concern over his fellow man. âHowâs everybody else?â
The woman looked a little sad, but calm and in-control. She moved to check Tobiâs temperature. The back of her hand lingered on his forehead. âThe genjutsu victims are waking up. Asuma Sarutobi and Kurenai Yuuhi are expected to make full recoveries as well.â
âGood. Thatâs - thatâs good.â Sasuke cleared his throat. Sore throat. Tobi really had all of their teams spending too much time together. âHave they figured out if it was a - a henge or not?â
The woman gave him a sympathetic look. Sasuke abruptly felt like a complete idiot. The last thing he needed was pity. He had no idea that pity from a beautiful woman was so embarrassing. He didnât pay a lot of attention to women who werenât Sakura or Tenten. âDo you think it was?â
Sasuke didnât say anything.
âWhat would you do,â the woman said, âif it wasnât?â
Tightly, Sasuke said, âNone of your business.â
The womanâs hands glowed green, and she slowly ran her hands over Tobiâs body in a diagnostic. She must have worked with him in the past - new doctors were always shocked and amazed when they felt his chakra networks for the first time, no matter how well theyâd been briefed.
âHeâs going to be just fine,â the woman said softly. She was looking down at Tobi with a very soft and kind gaze. This must be the nicest woman in the hospital. Sasuke bet that all the nurses called her an angel. âItachi and Shisui Uchiha just wanted him out of the way.â
Sasukeâs fist clenched.Â
âThey did end up making a mess on their way out, thoughâŠâ the woman sighed, and moved towards Sasuke. âYou shouldnât even be up. You woke from your coma only hours ago. Can I check your nervous system?â
Sasuke nodded stiffly. The woman stood in front of him - really close. She smelled like rain, fresh and clean, and her proximity made Sasuke blush even harder. Like this, he could really see her cleavageâŠ
Sasuke agonized over not seeing her cleavage as her hands glowed green and she checked his nervous system. His body was buzzing. It would be way too obvious if he closed his eyes. Like, there would only be one reason why he would be closing his eyes, right? He had to be cool about this. She could definitely tell. This was so embarrassing. He hated women. Sasuke was never talking to any woman other than Sakura and Tenten ever again. And he could take or leave Sakura half the time.Â
âThere we go,â the woman said. âNow we can talk.â
Horribly, Sasuke only noticed it once she stepped away. The heat and awkwardness and anxiety had masked it. He hadnât even felt what she was doing - that she was temporarily closing off the signals from his spinal cord to his muscles.Â
Sasuke couldnât move. He couldnât even open his mouth.
The woman sat down on Tobiâs bed, across from Sasuke. She didnât look any different, feel any different - a face so kind and gentle.Â
They said that Itachi and Shisui wanted Sasuke. That Tobi had interrupted them from - from kidnapping him or something. It sounded ridiculous. Sasuke couldnât imagine why Itachi - why Shisui would, why he ever would -Â
Theyâd caused a bit of a fuss. This woman hadnât. She wasnât even causing a fuss now.Â
âYes. Those boys did a very good job covering my entry. Shisui-kun volunteered to have this conversation with you, but I thought you might be too upset at him. You have no idea how much he missed you two. He wanted to come home for so long. But he couldnât. Konoha would have killed him as soon as looked at him.âÂ
This woman was with Itachi.Â
The woman sat so daintily, hands crossed in her lap. But when she stared at Sasuke, he felt pinned to the ground. There was something suffocating about those eyes. âSasuke-kun. Iâm the only person in this world who truly knows how you feel.â
No. Nobody knew how he felt. Nobody ever could -Â
âYou hate this village. You hate how it treats you and your cousin. You hate how it punishes Tobi and Naruto for something that they couldnât control. This village punishes innocent people - good people, people who never did anything wrong - and they never punish the really bad people. Thereâs no justice in Konoha. Nothing in this village is fair. Is this untrue, Sasuke? Am I wrong?â
Instinctively, Sasuke wanted to flinch back. To deny it, to shut her down. Nobody who worked with Itachi should understand an avenger. She was right.
âYou want to punish Konoha,â the woman said simply. âYou want to make the world fair. You want to avenge your family. You want to take vengeance on Konoha. But you need power to do it - power you donât have.â
The woman leaned forward a little, hands clasped neatly in her lap. Her eyes were arresting - large and deep and dead. âWhat will you do for the power to avenge your family, Sasuke?â
Anything. Heâd do anything. Anything but sell out to Itachiâs friends!
âIâll be honest with you, alright? Iâm from another village. I didnât come to hurt you or any of your friends. I really just wanted to talk to you, Sasuke. I wanted to make you an offer.â The woman straightened, shoulders straight but soft. âIn my village, youâll find the power that youâre looking for. Weâll teach you how to take revenge on Konoha - to avenge your clan. And when youâre ready to face ItachiâŠheâs a member of this village too. Heâs been waiting for you, you know.â
Sasuke could barely breathe. His breaths were being regulated carefully. This womanâs talent was that precise. He was frantically trying to undo what she had done, but his own grip was far too clumsy and imprecise. It was as if she could see a hundred times better than him - that a hundred more doors were opened. She had a scalpel and Sasuke had his bare fingers. Her skill as a medic outclassed him so much. Sasuke hadnât been outclassed like this sinceâŠsinceâŠ
âI wonât push you. Itâs your choice. I just wanted to give you the option. I know thatâs one thing Konoha has never afforded you. The power youâre searching forâŠI want you to have it. All you have to do is take it.â The woman sighed, standing up. âYou have until tonight. Unfortunately, I canât stick around and wait for you. But my friend here will be available.â She held up her arm, and a small black snake poked its diamond head out of her sleeve. Its pink tongue flashed in and out, and its scales were as black as night. âYouâll be seeing him around. If you want to leave tonight, then just tell him. Heâll get you out of Konoha safely and securely.âÂ
Realization struck like lightning. A snake summons. Those huge snakes in the Forest of Death, that giant snake that almost killed them. It was the same snake. Small, medium, giant. This woman had sent those snakes.Â
âArenât they cute? Donât be fooled by their appearance. Theyâre complete sweethearts.â She ran one finger along the top of the snakeâs head, making it writhe happily. âYou know that you canât defeat Itachi as you are now. Youâll have to defeat Shisui too, you know. Youâre even further from matching Shisui. As you are nowâŠitâs impossible.â She raised an eyebrow at him - soft and expectant. âIf youâre serious about taking revenge on Konoha. If you truly care about creating a fair and just world. If you want to carve out the rot in the world with your blade of justice. Then I donât think you can afford to turn down our offer. Do you?â
The woman looked at Tobi one final time, long and slow, before sighing. She extended her arm, letting the snake slither out of her sleeve and disappear into the bed.Â
âI believe in you, Sasuke-kun,â the woman said. âYouâre a responsible boy.â
Sasuke couldn't move. He couldnât move when the woman left, and he couldnât move five minutes after she left. He couldnât regain usage of any of his limbs until the ten minute mark, and it took another five minutes to completely align his body back into shape.
Sauke didnât report the woman. They would ask him why she wanted to speak to him, and Sasuke couldnât say.Â
Was that his choice? Had he already made his decision? If he wasnât interested - if the idea was truly anathema to him - wouldnât he have reported her immediately?
Sasuke fixed Tobiâs sheets and left the hospital.
He wandered the streets of Konoha in a daze. Everything was hyper-real, and everything was fake. Colors were bright and blurry. Sounds echoed, rising and falling. Gossiping, yelling, laughing. Tomatoes for sale. Can you believe she said that? Mommy, look! Mommy, you arenât looking.
That little girl didnât seem real at all. Six, maybe seven. She ducked between stalls and carts, pigtails flying in the wind, as her mother cursed and chased after her. Mommy! Those words were the ultimate illusion.Â
Sasuke turned his Sharingan on, bathing the world in red. Everybody slowed, but nothing changed. The little girlâs back was to him. She ran further and further away. Her mother could only chase her. Stop it! Get back here!
Sasuke didnât have a mom. A simple and stupid thought. Mom was dead - that was Sasukeâs one and only ultimate reality. If that was true, then hadnât Mom been the illusion in the first place? They were all dead. Hadnât that been the bedrock of Sasukeâs world?
Shisui. Sasuke had to kill Shisui too. Shisui was dead: a bedrock of Sasukeâs world. Shisui worked with Itachi who had to die: the only truth of Sasukeâs world.
This woman worked with Itachi, who had to die. This woman, who could give him power. Did that mean he didnât have to kill Shisui? His favorite cousin, his brotherâs best friend?
Tobi had loved Shisui. He had trusted him. If Sasuke was dead, if Shisui had survived - he would have done a way better job taking care of Tobi than Sasuke. Sasuke had always thought so. When he was eight and helpless and wanted a real adult. Shisuiâs not coming over to play. Shisuiâs dead, remember?
Kill who he needed to kill. Avenge who he needed to avenge. Fix what he needed to fix. Make everything okay again. Make everybody safe.Â
Because there were people to keep safe, it was impossible. Sasukeâs precious people were dragging him down. If he was doing it for themâŠit was alright, wasnât it?
At some point, Sasuke had sat down on a bench near the back gate. His feet had taken him far away. He just sat there, elbows on his knees and staring at the dusky ground. Night was encroaching in increments, and his time was catching up.
Heâd already decided. It hadnât been a decision at all. Sasuke didnât care if that woman was probably from Sound. She was suspicious and vague and there had to be a catch to this, but Sasuke didnât care. If there was a chance, if there was a slim hope of ever catching up to Itachi -Â
Then it was more hope than heâd had a month ago. Sasuke had lost hope, and heâd barely even noticed. He said he was prioritizing. As if messing around with Team 7 was more important than his vengeance.Â
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. It all felt so stupid now. Itachi had come after them anyway. That feeling of safety and security, willfully blind to the constant danger they lived in - he had forgotten. Stupid. Itachi could have come after them at any moment.Â
Medical textbooks. Awake, long into the night. Sasuke put his futon next to Tobiâs and stayed awake all night because he thought Itachi was going to come back and finish the job. Itachi was going to come back and Sasuke was going to watch Tobi die like he watched Mother and Father die. And there would be nothing he could do about it. He had been eight. Powerless.Â
To never feel like that againâŠthat was Sasukeâs mission. Knowing that your family was safe, because you could protect them from the things that wanted to hurt them. There was always something ready to hurt them. Just out of reach, lingering in the dark.Â
Power. Power was protection from that feeling - the feeling he could not bear.Â
This was vengeance, right? This was a pursuit ofâŠ
âNaruto!â
Sasuke looked up. Naruto was running full speed towards him like a flying kunai, and the lagging Sakura calling his name did nothing to deter him. Sasuke instinctively dropped down and hit the ground, letting Naruto tackle empty air and bang his head on the wooden walls.Â
Naruto bounced off like he was rubber, landing on the ground next to Sasuke. Sasuke straightened and began trying to kick him as he scrambled to his feet.Â
Sakura finally landed in front of them, panting heavily as she bent over and propped her hands on her knees. âWhy did we have to sprint,â Sakura wheezed, âall the way here -â
âBecause Sasuke-temeâs gonna do something stupid!â Naruto hollered. At the top of his lungs. Sasuke and Sakura frantically began shushing him. âI know that face of yours, Sasuke!â
âYou donât know anything!â Sasuke sat back down on the bench, turning pointedly away from Naruto. The boy was making his ears bleed more than usual. âAnd what did you know about my face if you were across the village, moron.â
âThe people at the hospital said that youâve been gone since lunch! You didnât leave the hospital for two days, and now youâre gone for six hours?â Six hours. It had been six hours? âSo you gotta be doing something stupid. Am I right or what?â
âI was taking a walk.â Naruto and Sakura made disturbingly identical âa six hour walk?â faces, but he ignored them. âGo away, I want to be alone.â
Promptly, Naruto said, âYou always wanna be alone. But I donât care about that!â
Sakura pre-empted Sasuke blasting a katon at Narutoâs head. âWhat Naruto means is that he got worried about you. We both are.â Sakura was always saying that: what Naruto meant, what Sasuke meant, what Tobi-sensei meant. Then sheâd say something that they hadnât said at all, but probably should have said. âYou almost died in that fight against the One Tail. Just to wake up to that horrible news, to SenseiâŠitâs okay if youâre having a hard time, Sasuke. Anybody would.â
âIâm not anybody,â Sasuke snapped. Sakura didnât look upset or hurt when he snapped at her anymore. Somewhere along the way she had started yelling back at him. Tobi said that he was so happy that all three of his students liked yelling at each other now. He was always joking when you thought he was being sincere, and sincere when you thought he was joking. âIâm fine. Go do something useful and check in on Sensei. Just leave me alone.â
Sakura crossed her arms. There was that unimpressed face again. It was impossible to make that girl happy. âAnd what useful thing are you doing?â
âIâm going.â
The words surprised them all, even Sasuke. Especially Sasuke. He should have lied. Showing any inch of weakness to these two was practically giving them a mile. Brace yourself for the oncoming nagging. But nothing was going to change his mind.Â
Narutoâs eyes bugged out of his head. Sakura didnât look happy either, but she didnât look surprised at all. Sasuke knew that she had already guessed.Â
âYouâre going after Itachi,â Sakura said. Sasuke didnât look at her. âThatâs the stupidest thing Iâve heard in the last twenty minutes.â Life with Naruto was depressing. âThree jounin and six chuunin tried to stop Itachi and Shisui Uchiha from leaving the village. Most of them lasted minutes. Shisui Uchiha dropped them as soon as he looked at them. You think that a fresh genin is going to stand a chance just because youâre mad at them?â
Sasuke squeezed his hands together. âIâve found a way.â
For the first time, Naruto sobered. His expression was heavy, and Sasuke found himself refusing to meet his eyes. âThat way is really stupid, isnât it?â
âYou donât know that.â
âIf it wasnât stupid,â Naruto said, âthen youâd just say it. But you know itâs stupid and sketchy. I bet itâs something super stupid. Like, youâre gonna find ultimate power underneath a rock or something, and itâll make you badass enough to fight Itachi.â Sasuke shifted. âSeriously, Sasuke?! Thatâs so sketchy!â
âAnd what do you want me to do, Naruto?â Sasuke stood up, and he realized too late that his breath was coming a little heavier. Something had wound him up too tight, and he felt full to bursting. âSit around and wait until Itachi and Shisui come back? Let them walk all over us? Iâm never going to avenge my clan like this! Real training, real strength, is more important than all of our stupid D-ranks!â
Sakura stepped forward. She was growing upset too. âAnd what kind of training canât you get in Konoha? Donât act like weâre holding you back!â
âYou are holding me back!â Sasukeâs breath was heaving too deeply. Naruto and Sakura - his words were hurting them far too much. But what did he care? Why was that important? âEverybodyâs been holding me back from the start! Jumping through Konohaâs stupid hoops, heading the Uchiha, having to be the man of the house all the time, leading this team -â
âUm,â Sakura said, âI lead this team.â
âItâs definitely me, dattebayo.â
âWe arenât getting into this freaking argument again, Naruto -â
âShut up! I need to go where thereâs real power. Thatâs responsibility, thatâs taking care of us. Konohaâs the problem. Cross-team D-ranks are the problem.â
âAre we the problem?â Naruto asked.
Before Sasuke could think better of it, he said, âNo. Of course not.â
âIs Tobi-sensei the problem?â
âNo! Itâs not his - heâs the one I need to do this for. Heâs already in the hospital because he was trying to protect me. If I donât protect my family, then nobody will!â
They could only guess that Itachi and Shisui were trying to kidnap Sasuke. Nobody knew why - why now, why so publicly. Tobi was the one who stood between them and Sasuke. And because of itâŠ
A little uncertainly, Sakura said, âSasuke, the outside wall of that hospital room is gone. Sensei smashed through it with a tree. Iâm not sure he needsâŠâ
âYou canât change my mind.â Naruto indignantly opened his mouth, but Sasuke just shook his head. âIâm done playing around. Iâm going to become strong, and then Iâm gonna kill the last two Uchihas.â Sasuke squeezed his fist. âNobodyâs going to get in the way of my strength. If I have to go elsewhere for power, then thatâs what Iâll do. If you try to stop me, then Iâll stop you!â
Sakura and Naruto looked at each other.
They didnât even think about it. It was the exchange of an instant. Sasuke didnât understand why. He couldnât even understand how â how they could possibly understand. After all this time, Sasuke still didnât understand Naruto at all.Â
Then Naruto and Sakura nodded at each other, light and firm. Sakura smiled, and Naruto grinned.
âGive me ten. No, twenty.â Sakura began ticking off points on her fingers - as if she was planning out how their teams would divide up work for the latest stupid teamwork-building mission, or as if she was listing off all the paperwork that Tobi had to submit. He plugged his ears and pretended he couldnât hear her. âMy go-bagâs all stocked, but I better pack up my weapon stores too. And seal up my books! And write goodbye notes to my parents and Ino. And check Narutoâs bag and make sure itâs packed right.â
Automatically, Sasuke said, âI already did that. What.â
âAre you stupid? Weâre coming with you!â Naruto grinned, jabbing a thumb at his chest. Everything he did was so loud and large. He was always trying to catch your attention. âFace it, Sasuke! Youâre never getting rid of me!â
âI already knew that. What.â
âWhat kind of guy lets his teammate take a super-dangerous mission by himself? Iâm not some kind of crappy ninja like that, you know! How am I supposed to watch you run off crying like this?â
âIâm not crying!âÂ
âYou are,â Naruto said. âI can tell. In your heart, youâre crying. So why would I let you cry by yourself? Best friends donât do that!â
âYouâd be abandoning your village,â Sasuke said incredulously. Sakura had to know that, even if Naruto didnât. âYou get how thatâs a crime, right? Youâd be failures as shinobi!â
But Sakura just glared at him, propping her hands on her hips. âWhy do you never pay attention to anything, Sasuke? Listen to Sensei! So what if abandoning our village would make us failures? Iâd be a bigger failure if I let you run off and get impaled by psychos! And donât ask me why, because you know perfectly well that those who break the rules are trash - â
Naruto broke in, grinning and light. âBut those who abandon their teammates -â
âAre worse than trash,â Sasuke said.
He had to. What else was there to say? The bedrock of Sasukeâs world: its one and only truth. Truer than death, stronger than life. When the dead came back to life, and when the weak were stronger than you could have ever imagined - that would always be true.
âYosh! What youthful bonds of friendship and teamwork!â
âMore like youthful attempts to commit treason.â
âI think itâs quite heart-warming, Neiji-kun! Perhaps you and I could -â
Team 3 had gotten the jump on them again. They were way less smug about it than usual, but Sasuke definitely recognized the specific assortment of âTeam 7âs being insane and making it our problem againâ. Blatantly unfair. Sasuke didnât remember this being their problem.
Sakura jumped in the air. Naruto began whistling. Sasuke tskâd and looked away, hoping that he was playing it cool. âGai-sensei!â Sakura cried, voice creaking a little. She was the best in their group at undercover work, but only because Naruto sucked. And Sasuke - uh, he hadnât practiced it enough yet. âWhat are you guys doing here? At the outskirts of town?â
âWeâre going on vacation!â Naruto announced. Deeply unhelpfully. âUh. A surprise one!â
âUnauthorized surprise vacation,â Sasuke said grimly. âTo the beach.â
Rock Lee turned to Neiji again. He was still wrapped in bandages, and Sasuke was pretty sure that he shouldnât be up and walking around. Rock Lee didnât tend to pay attention to what he should be doing, what other people wanted him to do, what was the socially acceptable thing to do, etc. âThe beach! Neiji, perhaps we could -â
âHinata-sama came and got us,â Neiji said crisply, ignoring Rock Lee completely. It literally never deterred him. âSomething about Naruto and Sasuke yelling at the top of their lungs about committing treason. Why she couldnât try and talk some sense into you, I have no idea.â
Sakura muttered something about stalkers, which was pretty rich of her.Â
Naruto looked a little crushed. âI thought she really heard me last time. Sheâs the only one so afraid of the fox that they can barely talk to meâŠâ
âItâs not the fox,â Sakura said.Â
âThen what is it?â
That girl again! What did Naruto need another best friend for?! âWho cares about Hinata!â
Neiji glared at him. Sasuke tskâd in apology.
âSasuke-kun, it is time to learn the most important lesson of your young life so far! In lieu of your own indisposed sensei, I shall provide this message.â Gai stepped forward, crossing his arms. He even seemed a little serious. Gai was almost never seriousâŠmaybe there was some treason going on⊠âShould you train for the next five - nay, ten years! Will you ever be able to match the quality and quantity of young Narutoâs shadow clones?â
Sasuke scowled. Theyâd already had the very valuable lesson about how Sasuke wasnât quite the ultimate best at absolutely everything, and how that was technically acceptable. âNo.â
âAnd could you use Sakuraâs chakra muscle circulation technique as flawlessly as she can?â
âI could if I tried hard enough -â
âAnd would that time not be better spent in pursuit of training your own strengths? Should you neglect training your own Sharingan, or your own admirable academic studies as a medic, only to reach a basic proficiency in what others could master? No! Most importantly! Would you want Sakura and Naruto to spend their limited available training hours on learning how to heal, when your hard work could be put to use saving their own lives?â
If anybody could do what Sasuke did, then what was the point of Sasuke?
âYou are well acquainted with the limited hours in each ninjaâs day. With the many responsibilities that any young person must take on! Do you take on those responsibilities because you are truly the only one who can? Or do you shoulder the burden so others donât have to?â Gai nodded seriously. Despite the severity of his words, his eyes sparked with a ferocious gleam. âYoung Sasuke. When you relieve others of their burdens, their shoulders are freed to take on your own. When three individuals play to their own strengths, an invincible team emerges. Do you truly believe that any number of solitary victories could ever outweigh the scope of success you may accomplish in a team?â
No. People were a burden. Ramen broth staining a ten year old studentâs carefully penned schedule. The practical impossibility of a solitary avenger. I guess I shouldnât always be a burden.
Sasuke hadnât known how to say it. He still didnât. Tobi had never been a burden.Â
If Sasuke hadnât cooked food for him, Sasuke wouldnât have eaten at all. If Sasuke hadnât gotten him out of bed, Sasuke would have never gotten out of bed himself. If Sasuke didnât force him to get to bed on time, then Sasuke would have stacked late nights of training on top of each other like a sliding tower of coins. There would be no playing. No ramen. No friends. Heâd do nothing but train, and heâd live for nothing but the mission, and he could be just like Itachi.Â
The failure, Itachi Uchiha. The loser who was too stupid to realize the real mission. The ninja without a ninja way. The cause of all his own weaknesses. A deceptive illusion of strength.Â
Naruto, smiling as the world called him a monster. Tobi, who lost his family three times over and had fun every day. Sakura, giggling over boys and screaming at bugs and casually lobbing a two ton boulder across a training field.Â
The only burden was Itachi. Only that past held him back.Â
Sakura raised her hand. Why did she always feel the need to do that. âGai-sensei, are you encouraging the treason thingâŠ?â
Neiji scowled. Naruto and Sakura frequently told Sasuke that Sasukeâs scowl was way better than stupid Neijiâs. Sasuke didnât know why they thought he felt insecure about this. âDonât be ridiculous. Weâll hunt down Itachi and Shisui Uchiha in an authorized manner. I bet the Jounin Commander is putting together a task force already. They wonât leave Sensei off the roster.â
âSenseiâs beat Itachi Uchiha in many fights!â Rock Lee enthused to Team 7. Gai nodded, self-satisfied. âTaijutsu is a particular weakness of his! Ergo, Sakura-chan and I should be the perfect counterpoints!â
Tenten lightly elbowed Rock Lee. âThe elite jounin are the perfect counterpoints. Weâre all just genin. But I think we can find a way to lend a hand. Didnât the Team 3 and Team 7 team-up crush the competition in the Forest of Death?â
They had. It had been a massacre. Team 8 and Team 10 had to team up just to survive. And their teamwork was alright, but their few double missions were nothing in comparison to the Team 3 and Team 7 grit. They were stuck with each other all the time.
Sasuke privately believed that Team 7 had carried that match-up. Tobi used to throw them into the Forest of Death for a few days and let them fight their way out. They were veterans. Neiji had been kind of helpful with the giant snake, though.Â
âThe strength of our combined teams cannot be understated! We have fueled each other with strength unimaginable!â Rock Lee pulled Cool Student Pose No. 9. Naruto enthusiastically mirrored him. Sakura hit him on the head. They couldnât afford to let that habit stick. âI have provided Sasuke-kun with many hours of healing practice, and Sasuke-kun has saved me many hours of recuperation! Naruto-kunâs clones are the perfect target practice for Tenten, and Naruto has almost learned how to dodge attacks! Of course, Sakura-chan and I are siblings in the refined art of taijutsu!â
Sakura giggled, flipping her hair. âIt is pretty refined and ladylike, isnât it?â She paused a beat. âGai-sensei increased my weights another fifty pounds, by the way.âÂ
âYosh! One day I shall catch up to you, Sakura-chan! Youâre an inspiration!âÂ
âNone of you people have ever been a good use of my time,â Neiji felt the need to establish.Â
Sasuke crossed his arms. âTobi-sensei fixed your relationship with Hinata.â
âWhat does that have to do with this.â
âTobi-sensei got emotional when she hugged you after your tournament match.â
âThatâs not relevant.â
Rock Lee pumped a fist in the air. âEmotional strength is just as important as physical strength, Neiji-kun!â
 Gai softened a little bit. It was strange to see - his fire just as strong as ever, but a different kind of warm. âTobi has been a source of strength since we were children. As a rival and as a friend.â Neiji and Tenten grimaced. They still thought Tobiâs presence in their lives was a dark curse, but they believed that about most of their lives. âTobi reminds me to always look underneath the underneath. Even if it means we must investigate the deepest crevasses of our own souls - a light shines in our darkness. Underneath the winters of our hearts, a ninja will always find their own springtime!â Gai grinned, giving him a very youthful thumbs-up. âYour light shines on, Sasuke-kun! Never withhold it from a world that needs it!â
âYou are so embarrassing,â Neiji said.
Tenten moaned into her hands. âSensei, why are you so cringeyâŠâ
Even Rock Lee looked disappointed. âThat was a little sentimental, Sensei.â
âThat was super lame, Gai-sensei,â Sakura said, wiping her eyes. Naruto was sniffling. âI guess - um, I guess we donât have to desert our village and commit treason to kill an S ranked mission nin. If youâre going to be lame about it. Right, Sasuke?â
Sasuke sighed, sticking his hands in his pocket. âIâm too tired to cook.â Naruto perked up. Ugh. âBecause itâs an emergency, Naruto can take the money from the takeout fund box and buy Ichirakuâs. Sakura, can you grab Senseiâs pack and bring it to the hospital room? Iâm gonna go straight there.â He probably shouldnât - he really shouldnât - but Sasuke couldnât think of a good reason why not. âHow many people are we buying for, Gai-sensei?â
Instantly, Tenten said, âSix. Because somebody is marching his ass right back to the hospital -â
âTenten-chan, I was honorably discharged -â
âAnd make sure that he didnât refracture his tibia getting into that fight with Neiji an hour ago!â Tenten turned to Sasuke as Neiji made a very bad attempt at looking innocent. âWill you do that immersive healing thing you invented on him again? Gai-sensei says itâs doing a really good job healing the microfractures.â
Sasuke sighed. âIâm going to be your personal doctor in five years, arenât I.â
At that moment, Sasuke was only thinking about how desperately Rock Lee was going to need the help. He didnât realize it until heâd already said it - until everybody else had already broken into chatter, and Naruto had already started yelling about everybodyâs ramen orders.Â
In five years, Rock Lee was going to need an expert doctor to fix the shit he was doing to his body. And Sasuke would have to be here. Five years from now - ten, fifteen. His friends would need him. Just as much as they needed him now.Â
Sasukeâs hand lashed out, and he grabbed the sleeve of Narutoâs jumpsuit. Naruto stumbled over his feet, finally shutting up about ramen just as everybody else began to move away. Hopefully they were too focused on new inanities to listen.Â
As quietly as he could, Sasuke said, âWhen Tobi wakes up. You have something to tell him, right?â
Naruto turned gigantic and betrayed eyes on him. âIâll buy him new chips! They were just gonna expire while he was in a coma -â
âTobiâs baby brother. You have something to say about that.â Sasuke halted hard, working his jaw. âHe needs some half-decent family coming back to life.â
Naruto blinked at him. Then he beamed, so bright and white in the darkening light. Sasuke could never hope to match that smile. âDoes that finally make us secret cousins?â
âNo.â
âBut being best friends and secret cousins is way cooler than just being best friends!â
âIâm happy with just best friends,â Sasuke conceded.Â
Naruto was so stupid. All he got was one little concession, and he still grinned the whole way back home.
And if Sasuke heard the hiss of a black snake within the far bushes - he was a little bit too busy looking at that brilliant smile, and he didnât look backwards at all.Â
*
âWasnât that just too precious?!â
Kakashi deactivated the Sharingan, blinking twice. Rinâs Rinnegan was still activated - still enraptured by the scene as she merrily kicked her legs. Kakashi was standing on the branch next to her, one hand against the tree, somewhat like a normal person.Â
âI get the appeal now, Hound! I really do! Theyâre just too sweet! Donât you love how earnest children are?â
Children and Gai, apparently. âWe still donât have the time.â Rin really liked to keep herself busy. Kakashi was still surprised that she joined this mission herself. Kakashi didnât think he was that bad at recruitment missions. âItâs not too late to get Sasuke.â
Frankly, Kakashi thought they could have nabbed him if they had worked a little harder at it. He knew Sasuke fairly well at this point, and he was still shocked that it took about five minutes of a beautiful woman encouraging murder to get him halfway out the treasonous door. If Rin had managed the last few hours differently, heâd already be in Ame. If she had wanted, heâd already be in Ame. But Rin had been content to sit on a tree branch and watch this one play out.Â
Rin hummed as the circles in her eye pulsed. They were a little hypnotizing, but that was why Kakashi tried not to look at it for too long. Yahiko had once âjoked aroundâ and âencouragedâ Kakashi to stare into his activated eye without blinking. The vertigo had been tremendous. Konan encouraged him to throw up on Yahikoâs shoes. âOh, thatâs alright. Iâm almost more interested to see where he goes from here.â
âSasuke Uchiha is a lot like me, isnât he?â Rin sighed happily. As the medic of Team 7, Sasuke had fielded those accusations. But he didnât really seem to mind. âJust you wait, Hound. Heâs smart enough. Heâs already seen into the Konoha rot. He knows how evil the world is. All thatâs left is doing something about it. Weâll give him the weapons to tear down the world. Isnât that just like being senseis!â
Down below, Naruto and Sasuke had begun tussling again. Sakura was still exchanging weights with Rock Lee and renewing her desperate plea to give him a better haircut. âI would rather kill myself.â
âThatâs not a very funny joke!â
âWasnât a joke.â
Dealing with those children would be way too much work. Kakashi could only imagine the migraines, stress, and heroic self-sacrifices. Not worth the effort. Not much was.
Even so, and strangely enough. Sometimes Kakashi looked at that team and felt like it wouldnât be so bad. That it wouldnât be bad at all.Â
âYou were able to plant everything?â
Fantastic. A distraction from the foreign and unsettling beast. âYup. Seals all in place. Making them look like the Flying Thunder Godâs seal was a good touch.â
Rin beamed. âI wanted to honor Sensei! He was always leaving those seals around everywhere. And arenât they just too nostalgic to completely erase?â
Playing on Konohaâs collective grief for the Fourth Hokage to plant bombs all over Konoha. Classic Rin. Kakashi had stolen some files too, but those would be chalked up to Itachi and Shisui. They would believe that the attempt to kidnap Sasuke was a distraction from the real mission of stealing the files. It was, but that wasnât the point.Â
âI wonât let anybody give one to Tobi.â It likely wouldnât be a problem, but sentimentality was a rot within everybody. âShisui and Itachi are waiting for us at the rendezvous point. They want to know if youâre satisfied.â
Rin blinked, letting the Rinnegan pulse strangely, before blinking and covering it up again. âIâm quite satisfied. Wasnât it awesome when Tobi hit them with that tree? He just remembered he could use Mokuton, and look what heâs doing with it! Tobi looked so cool. Shisui did a good job keeping his hands off him. He says that the prison genjutsuâs very innocuous. Heâll wake up in a few days just fine.â
âShisui seems to be enjoying his new friend.â
Enjoying was a strong word for it. Heâd certainly adapted to it. Kakashi had to use the Mangekyo and help him train the Gobi for months before he could access its chakra at will. Rin had her hands full stopping him from going crazy. His seal was weak - a little purposefully, a little because they didnât really have any decent sealing masters on hand. If Sensei was still aroundâŠah, well.
Rin sighed. âI told him he would. After all that drama about this mission, too.â Kakashi tilted his head. âItâs not my fault. Heâs so adorable when heâs begging for something.â
He had been begging for Tobi and Sasukeâs lives. That was what heâd been begging for. Rin had lied to him about the mission (âI want to see what heâll do!â) and let him believe until the last minute that they were actually there to kidnap Sasuke and Tobi. Rin didnât know why heâd heard kidnapping and started going on about murder, but maybe Shisui thought this place was a hellpit or something that strangled the soul out of its victims. Who knows.Â
Rin had wanted to see if Shisui would obey the order or not. Heâd been kind of maniacal about it, but he had been ready to do it. Itachi had either told Shisui that they had to, or that under no circumstances should they ever do it. It didnât matter. Rin was very nice and told Shisui that she had decided to go with his wishes and leave Sasuke and Tobi in the village. Shisui was very grateful. Maybe he knew - but what did that matter?
Rin kept lightly chattering away beside him, even as Kakashi checked out a little. She really hadnât thought that shoving chakra rods into the Kazekageâs skull and having Yahiko puppet it around would work so well! Konoha and Suna still hadnât realized that the Third hadnât taken the Kazekage down with him, and that the Kazekage had been dead for months. Everybody thought that the Kazekage and a few other (genjutsuâd) elders had secretly colluded with Sound to launch the attack. It was taking all of the heat for the failed invasion. The relationship between those two historical allies was extremely ruined. Rin was thrilled. So long as she was happy.Â
Suna was about to enter a desperate economic position, and Ame was about to become its savior. Less ostentatious than a Kiri alliance. The alliances were stacking up, but Kakashi didnât know the details and he didnât really care to. That was Yahikoâs job. Last time he checked, Yahiko had just signed a treaty with Waterfall. He said it was time to step it up. So donât you think itâs time to step up the jinchuuriki hunting, Hound? I have a big plan for overhauling the Akatsuki. Itâs going to be great. Pity Sasuke wasnât able to join. Oh, but I would have hated to break apart that cute team.Â
âIâm going to check in on Tobi.â
Rin looked up at him. âYouâd just be watching him sleep.â
Yes, and Kakashi tried not to do that. It was not a good use of his time. It might be a little weird as well, but he wasnât sure. Definitely weirder than the normal stalking. âThis was the first time youâve seen him in years. How was it?â
Rin smiled, small and unrooted, and for a flash of a second she looked like the girl Kakashi used to know. âYou didnât say he grew up to be so handsome.â
âIt was implied,â Kakashi said lightly. âHe thinks the scars make him ugly.â
âHow could he think that? The scars make him our teammate. If it matters to him, I wish I could offer to heal themâŠâ Maybe give him an eye back. Rin had been aching to give him a spare Sharingan. Even just a normal eye, if he wanted. Anything he wanted. âThe genjutsu makes him look so peaceful. He was beautiful like that. I really think he deserves better than all of this violence.â
You look beautiful like that. Didnât Kakashi say that to her once? Those days were cloudy and smeared. He could check with his eye, but he avoided doing things like that. The eye held Obitoâs own memories as well. Kakashi tried to avoid those too. He wasnât very successful.Â
Your teammates love you, Obito. Forever and ever. Kakashi and Rin and Sensei love you very much. Rinâs long and pale legs. Kakashi and Tobi remembered that moment in its dual perfect clarity. Kakashi hoped that he revisited it. Itâs like a home video. When you couldnât speak, memories of better days could always do the talking.
Lightly, Kakashi said, âAt this rate, Tobiâs going to have exactly what he deserves very soon.â
Rin brightened, and she smiled broadly at him. It was always an odd counterpoint to those heavy eyes. âAt this rate, our victory is guaranteed! Letâs keep fighting for world peace!â
Kakashi lightly pumped a fist. âGo! Our friendship making campaign!â
âThatâs the spirit, Kakashi!â
Of course, the goal was to have every village under Yahikoâs ultimate command. Who else could they trust to end conflict? Only the greatest pacifist in the world deserved to become the Emperor of the continent.Â
Every village but Konoha. Whose demise will be slow and painful. It was going to destroy itself, and the greed of the powerful would self-cannibalize. It was going to stab a kunai through its own eye, and Rin was going to be very, very correct. And a very good pacifist, because she hadnât done a single thing.Â
It did it to itself.Â
Far below, Senseiâs son was loudly recounting his coolest tales of victory to the supportive audience of Gaiâs student. Kakashi could practically see him glowing. For the first time, Naruto felt as if Team 7 had real friends. People who agreed to fight your enemies had to be the very best friends of all. Maybe they were all best friends. And his very best friend had just admitted that they were best friends. Naruto must feel like an entirely different person. Or maybe just that the definition of Naruto Uzumaki had expanded into the strangest and happiest places. Â
The plan was going smoothly. Excitingly, too. But Kakashi couldnât shake this strange feeling. It was sideways and foreign, but it was lodged deep in the crevices of his own mind. His own involuntary convictions. Maybe just the winter of his heart.
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This adorable baby is the eryoneicus larval stage of a deep-sea lobster. These fuzzy globs of cute float and feed in the water column until they're ready to change into juvenile lobsters and settle on the seafloor. During this stage, they are covered with thousands of tiny hairs, which they eventually lose as they develop into adults. This larva is about five centimeters (two inches) long. You're welcome. đ