cashiers don’t actually care what you buy you could buy a fork a toaster and a bath plug and i wouldnt notice all i’m thinking abt is “in five min it will be one hour until two hours before i can go home”

Reblogging this once more because my mom and I legitimately laughed to tears.

this is my favorite video on the internet

mental health tip: save this video. watch it when you’re sad. it’s the best goddamn thing on the internet

a word of advice: open your windows. wash your sheets. exfoliate your legs. read a paperback. make your bed. moisturize every inch of your body. go to sleep with soft skin and sheets that smell like the wind and a mind full of words worth dreaming about

literally everyone who “ships” incest is ugly like…there are no exceptions at all

im gonna fucking kill myself right here on this day

I love the research that went into this

*straight man voice* you want me to EAT my ice cream with a PINK spoon???? you might as well shove TEN COCKS right up my ASS

Every picture of Dennis from Its Always Sunny is infused with an aura of unease and dark capability that I cannot escape

my attention span is so bad i cant watch something without being on my phone at the same time i always have to have 2 layers of activity when did this happen why is capitalism stealing my soul away the spectacle has me firmly in its grip

This is also the reason that when people get lost or are trying to find an unfamiliar destination, they turn their car stereo down.

Whoa wait turning down the music so you can “see better” is a real thing and not just something to poke fun at?

I FEEL SO FUCKING VINDICATED

What if it bites me and it dies?

that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.

What if it bites itself and I die?

It’s voodoo.

What if it bites me and someone else dies?

That’s correlation, not causation.

what if we bite each other and neither of us die

that’s kinky

oh my god

this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever

I haven’t seen this post in like 3 years