why can't we not be sober

Hey Google how do I be Enough

this is ur sign that if youve spent all your life bottling up shit and thoughts and feelings and someone tells u its ok to let it out w them and feel your feelings authentically and be honest and that u should defend yourself especially with them that its a LIE and a TRAP theyre LYING they WILL judge you and turn you in to the NORMAL PEOPLE POLICE that will HATE you and JUDGE u for not Being Normal do nOT fall for it this has been a psa

*half an edible and 4 drinks in* whoops still had one (1) unpleasant thought abt that patient at work! better pour another just to be safe

anyway people should Not compliment me because like hwhy on earth would you want to encourage *gestures vaguely at myself* Any Of This. do not positively reinforce pls im having a hardenough time with my terrible decision patterns and not at all remedying them as it is

"ohhh therapy doesnt mean ur crazy oohhhh therapy as a man doesnt make you weak ohhh therapy isnt too expensive" right yeah cool right sure yeah but Have You Considered: I'm tired

sometime you'll be walking down the street and see a woman so pretty you'll want to kill yourself and sometimes you'll want to kill yourself for other reasons but what's important is that either way you find a substance that you can heavily abuse enough to Not kill yourself so that. uh because. you're not supposed to do that? i guess? so they say

sometimes I wake up super hungover and think that's the worst I could feel and then I wake up from an alarm jolting me out of the middle of a really deep lucid dream n get that weird pseudo-forced-realitycheck nausea/headache/etc and thinkTHATS the worst I could feel andTHEN I open up a teeny tiny bit to someone about something slightly personal/about my feelings and Iliterally almost fucking vomit on the spot and walk away shuddering sweating stumbling like an honest togd junkie. and i remember that for some reason w/o a doubt that last of the 3 is somehow the worst one?? why is THAT the worst one

I Literally Cannot Emphasize Enough how much asking me whats on mymind is a Bad Idea. like bro i be drinkin away these thoughts best i can for a Reason

I hate Wanting. it's so fucking gross like dude (me) shut the fuck up

In My Defense: knowing for afact I can get home and get shit-faced within x number of days/hours has gotten methrough multiple situations inwhich i prob wouldve just offed myself then & there. so. health is relative, yk

cannot believe nobody got me what i wanted for my birthday (a bullet in the fucking head) even though i literlly ask for the same damn thing every year come on nowguys...do us all a favor

I'm not asking for anything else anymore except for it to stop. I just want it to stop hurting.