why can't we not be sober

sometimes I wake up super hungover and think that's the worst I could feel and then I wake up from an alarm jolting me out of the middle of a really deep lucid dream n get that weird pseudo-forced-realitycheck nausea/headache/etc and thinkTHATS the worst I could feel andTHEN I open up a teeny tiny bit to someone about something slightly personal/about my feelings and Iliterally almost fucking vomit on the spot and walk away shuddering sweating stumbling like an honest togd junkie. and i remember that for some reason w/o a doubt that last of the 3 is somehow the worst one?? why is THAT the worst one

I Literally Cannot Emphasize Enough how much asking me whats on mymind is a Bad Idea. like bro i be drinkin away these thoughts best i can for a Reason

I hate Wanting. it's so fucking gross like dude (me) shut the fuck up

In My Defense: knowing for afact I can get home and get shit-faced within x number of days/hours has gotten methrough multiple situations inwhich i prob wouldve just offed myself then & there. so. health is relative, yk

cannot believe nobody got me what i wanted for my birthday (a bullet in the fucking head) even though i literlly ask for the same damn thing every year come on nowguys...do us all a favor

I'm not asking for anything else anymore except for it to stop. I just want it to stop hurting.

they all warn you it's u against the world and only look out for yourself,etc etc but what they Don't tell is when you hate yourself...well it's a lot harder to live ur whole life fighting only for you and being the only one fighting foryou when you know full well you're not worth fighting for

thanks for comin out folks this next one's called Everything Inside Me Hurts And Nobody Cares 1 2 3 *starts sobbing uncontrollably*

it's crazy how you'll be like "I'm at least on friendly acquaintance terms w this person" and then you see/overhear how they treat all the friends and people they actually like having in their life and you're like oh. that's right i'm nothing but annoying to anybody forgot for a sec whoops my b

it's almost funny how quickly ppl get annoyed w me for like. minor mistakes at work or w.e superfical context like buddy u have no IDEA how terrible i actually am as a person, me putting somthn in the wrong spot isnt even the tip of the iceberg like im ACTUALLY a piece of shit, that was just me being an inconvenience

fun fact if ur a worthless unloveable piece of shit watching a friend especially for example one Whom You Live With And Must See EveryDay in the beginning stages of starting a loving relationship with someone theyve been crushing on and being all giddy over it is in fact!!! psychological torture like just sentence me the chair at this point man where's the gun i am begging

i realize it's because i'm a bad person but i am More And More Often Getting Sick Of Watching Others Around Me Get To Be Loved And Succeed While I Am Left To Rot I Am Going To Kill Myself