Big Heart, Bigger Butt, Biggest Mess.

I think my relationship of 11 years is over. I am completely lost and so devastated.

I’ve been seeing the same therapist for 5+ years. After the first few months with her she recommended EMDR. I declined because I wanted to keep seeing her. I just concluded a session with her and she recommended it to me again. I am considering it more this time because I am curious to see if I will make any progress. Not saying I haven’t made progress but I don’t know if talk therapy will provide me with what I need to continue making progress. I can’t seem to just fucking talk about my feelings or memories because I always forget what I am going to say and turn into a bumbling, frantic, tangential idiot. I am kind of freaking out because I really want to keep seeing her but I also want to keep making progress :/

I read a book from cover to cover in a few days. I’m usually not able to do this because my head is too loud and I can’t focus. The book also allowed me to feel joy, even if it was only for a few minutes. That’s also a pretty foreign concept for me and has been for quite some time. But yay! Little victories are still victories. Now, if only I could cry lol

Here’s to trying Lexapro again. Was hoping for Prozac or Zoloft and Ativan but at least it’s something.