I Hate Everything So Let's Explore That

The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008) Fantasy/Adventure

American Beauty (1999) Drama/Comedy/Dark

There Will Be Blood (2007) Dark/ Violent

Sucker Punch (2011) Action/ Vivid/ Femme Revenge

So I know very little of this movie outside the plot. I know it is much anticipated. Reviews are decent. But I didn't want some critic tainting my opinion you know? So I smoked a bowl, made a broke girls charcuterie, and am diving in.

-First of all who doesn't love a good Dracula tale?

-This is moody. Love that. Definitely recommend being in the dark by a fire if possible. its giving Victorian child and I personally am a victorian child so this is just swell

-I wish we still rode horses. Its a power move. Cop pulls up in a car ugh boring cop GALLOPS up on a horse. Mad respect.

-OMG its the guy who went after Oppenheimer for that shit senator. What's his name......David Dastmalchian. Im sorry hold the phone. DASTMALCHIAN is his dad Machiavelli. I'll be honest y'all im not a fan of his face. He looks weasly and honestly a bit threatening but that may just be the roles I've seen.

-Corey Hawkins out here showing LOOKS. Saving LIVES. CHILD LIVES. What. A. Gem.

-Whats in the box? WHATS in the box? WHATS IN THE BOOOOOX?!

-Why must children be so enthusiastic? So young and full of hope. Even on a fucking Russian ship in the 19th century.

-This cheese is really fucking good.

-Awe isn't this cute. "Crew in high spirits". Dancing around and shit. Did you know that many sailors were gay and that's why everyone thinks the Navy is a bunch of pussies. The more you know :)

-Is that Aaron Paul? LOL

-This really is pretty I must say. And the use of sound is just **Chefs kiss** I love when a movie employs sound as a means of expression.

-She needs a transfusion who's fucking blood is heh using is that his blood? The count is awake! yipeeee.

-I really need to watch some BTS for this. A lot of CGI and sets. Like did they do it Life of Pie style. I'll have to goole that..

-Ruh row. Bats outta the cage. NOT THE FUCKING DOG WHYYYYY KILL THE KID. Ugh why is it always the dog :((((

-HUUUCCKKKK

-Rabies? Men are so simple minded.

-Damn Drac is not looking good. Like worse than Voldy pre cauldron sesh.

-This kid is really taking on some emotional trauma. And little Woody Newman is just a cutie. He reminds of Gavauche (idk if that's spelled right) in Les Mis.

-"A boat without rats such is a thing against nature." That's a tattoo right thurr

-I am LOOOOVING the horror. The gore is so well done. Beautiful like Saving Private Ryan... If youre into blood..

-I could listen to Liam Cunningham read a Ikea instructions manual.

-I don't know if its intentional or not but I can't figure out the timeline of this movie. They mention a cove and it being over two weeks to England. But I can't tell how the time is passing. Could also be high but hey who knows.

-I know Rotten Tomatoes poopood this but I'm having fun and Draculas a dick lmao mimicking his victims. Damn bitch. Oh good strings. I love a good horror

-Why do we find it so hard to believe in things we can't understand? I realize the human brain seeks answers and solutions rather than more questions, but what if the answers and solutions are right there we just refuse to believe it?

-LMAO "I have a very important job for. you Toby. It's a lot to take on, can you handle it?" Hands over a spyglass. "Will you shine my shit for me dude?" I was talking to my wife about this but like I don't remember ever being this curious as a kid. Like demons on board? Nah Im staying in my room. Meanwhile this kid just wandering around the belly of ship.

-RUN TOBY RUN

-He got a knife. Tough kid here.

-Wow he's going full Jack Torrance with the door here. But who needs an axe when you have your face???

-NOT TOBY. Like I know everyone dies and all but damn. Also can Dracula apparate. Or is it like AS IF YOU COULD OUT RUN ME. Im a little behind on my Dracula lore. Oh he might live with these backwoods infusions.

-Okay I just haven't paid attention on the captains log. My B.

-Olgarin was bit... and infected? But Anne and Toby were fed on... and aren't? I'm going to have to think about that. Going up in flames was a fun drama though!

-I feel like maybe don't open the spooky box. And this man just rowing out to sea blindly believing in his faith. Did the Prince of Darkness fly out there? or. Yep. He a winged mother fucker.

-I like Dracula just whispering sweet nothings before he feeds.

-Are his burns not fucking horrifically painful? Im in pain looking at him. I know burns and that shit sucks for forever.

-Can Dracula manipulate the weather? I feel like I really need to brush up on my Dracula now. Foggy as hell. Dracula knew yawls plan come on.

-Women always out here making the greatest sacrifices.

-Why is Dracula synonymous with the devil? I like to think of Dracula like Jason Segal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

-THe smothering with the wings was like kinda dope. Won't lie.

-I'm so glad they're trauma bonded now.

-I think I would of made a great light house keeper. Chill up in the rain by a fire. Watch the ships. Ambient lighting. My kinda gig to be frank.

-That ending sunrise. Wow. Almost poetic.

-NONONONONOOOO please tell me there's not going to be a sequel. Please dear god just let it end.

Part II is dedicated to one movie in particular. The 2015 period drama Brooklyn starring the ever radiant Saoirse Ronan. I saw this movie when it came out. I was 18 at the time living in a new city 1500 miles away from my friends and family. It was an incredibly lonely time. I have always struggled socially and it took me almost a year to make real friends. I was a film student at the time so I found refuge in the stories I watched. Brooklyn was instantly heartwarming the way a good up of tea is on a rainy day.

Brooklyn is about a young woman who emigrates from Ireland to America in the 1950s. She leaves her widowed mother and older sister Rose to pursue a life in New York City. Ronan's character ,Aeilis, begins the movie as soft spoken, inexperienced, and meek? For lack of a better term. Aeilis's initial experience in her new home in Brooklyn at Ma Keogh's boarding house reflected exactly what I was going through at 18 in Chicago. Though surrounded by people I had never felt more alone. Despite her heartache she finds joy (as many of us have done) in a man.

We are all well aware of misandrist commentary and general lack of admiration for the male kind, BUT, as Flannery said, a good man is hard to find. And when we find them its like we can have slight hope in humanity lol. Tony, played by Emory Cohen, is just precious. Standing at 5' 7" our short king is classic NY Italian, Dodgers included, with a heart of gold. Tony is the type of guy you can trust your wife with. The guy you can trust to watch your drink at a bar. Delivering nothing but respect and admiration the two fall in love.

The rest of the movie (which I would never want to spoil) shows the growth of Aeilis into a woman of confidence, strength, and a strong identity of self through her trials and tribulations back home in Ireland.

Though this is not my first holiday or even my first Thanksgiving alone, for some reason the deafening solitude is hitting a little harder than usual. My parents are together. My brothers with their families. My friends thousands of miles away. My fiancé with her friends and family. And me. Surrounded by three small old dogs and an empty house... and fridge. So as only I know how I embark on finding the best movies to soothe my soul and hopefully distract me from my anxiety. Onward.

It is 12:30pm and I have watched two movies so far. Two of my favorites. Tried and true for lonely days Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) and Stuck in Love (2012) are sure to entertain and distract in the best of ways. But lets break it down.

First off. Is there ever really a bad time for a good Wes Anderson flick? One of my favorite elements of Wes Anderson is the consistency of which the films are produced. Though some could criticize that employing the same troupe of actors time and again would lead to a certain boredom surrounding performances. Maybe you get tired of the symmetry repetitively exercised visually. When I'm alone my anxiety sky rockets. I think about what everyone is doing without me. All the fun I'm missing out on yet again. Is anybody even thinking about me? My mind moves too fast for meditation. But the familiar cadence of the actors lines, the constant symmetry, and wholesome stories soothe my worried thoughts like ASMR. Some find the sound of whispering and fucking with the teeth of a comb soothing, I find certain movies to be my ASMR. Therefore my top suggestion for honestly any lonely day is a good Wes Anderson flick. The characters will keep you company, the stories will warm you, and for two hours you will forget that you were ever alone.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) Wes Anderson

Stuck In Love (2012) Josh Boone

This week I had the great pleasure of watching Jesse Eisenberg's latest release Manodrome. And by pleasure I mean I enjoyed a solid hour and a half of grown men crying in an attic. While Eisenberg's performance was informed and visceral that was the only thing that was. Remove the commanding actor and his homosexual predilections and you're left with a bunch of dudes weeping in a circle jerk about how much they hate their girlfriends and wives while the cult's leader , Adrien Brody, calls himself Daddy . Now I'm in no way saying that men can't feel or should be subject to embarrassment or shame for being emotional creatures but this was not that. The social commentary on the so-called "struggle" of men fell short due to its lack of depth both within the realms of character and plot development. And let's not forget the chant. Ah yes the chant of an ungrateful man. "I created fire, I will take it back. I created steel, I will take it back. I discovered the sun and I will take it back. I will take what is mine, what has always been mine, and will always be mine. Not yours, mine."

This is why we can't let men handle anything. "I created fire I will take it back." Sir. I invented knowledge from the jump. Without me you'd still be swingin' your dick in the garden of Eden. Come on now.