light & dark.

why did she bear the guilt of a back-stabbing criminal, when she aimed to cherish him as her frowning but tender-hearted friend ?  why did she extract herself out of the picture after twisting the knife ?  “ no ‘chumps’ in sight then. ”  ( or we both are, in various ways ) regrettably, by referencing his earlier complaint, she mirrored nothing but the harsh denials of wants.  she was exactly like any other girl, and she covered it up very well by virtue of simulation which had yet to hint at its dismantling.  would he have laughed at her if he knew she was not quite immune to the general idea of love yet never followed through ;  would he have been spiteful ?  or would he have let go of his bad acting if she let go of hers ?  “ unless you were hoping for something from someone.  you know, you don’t need a special occasion to tell a person you like them, or wait for them to make the first move. ”

"I'll settle for the gift." For now.

𝚂𝙾𝙼𝙴𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙵𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝙰𝚂 𝚃𝚆𝙾 𝚂𝙼𝙸𝙻𝙴𝚂 𝙶𝚁𝙴𝚆 𝚆𝙸𝙳𝙴𝚁 ;  it exceeded the margins of banter and tangled up within the (un)defined terrain of regard for each other.  examining his outlines only made the concealed parts of him more evident.  what she did not see she instead identified in tone, and she let him have that much.  she did not mind.  there was encouragement in pointing out that transformation into something warmer might have been a good thing, that she might have sought encouragement for the same thing.  both hid away like shy, embarrassed children but dared take peeks from behind their hiding spots now and then.  in her endless capacities, she believed in him.  believed he’d eventually come around his obstinacy.  if no words properly conveyed it, then so was it shown in the manner with which she leaned herself around the loosely built walls of his shoulders to behold the side of his visage and catch a glimpse of a crescent moon.  vaguely sun-lit, mostly far-side.  you don’t have to hide away, her own countenance expressed without mouthing the words.

"You're too good to me." Things like her warmth, her supportive nature, and genuine sense of friendship weren't lost on him -- even if they got mixed up with his feelings towards her.

𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐌 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 ;  which, realistically, was an impossible feat  ——  although, potentially, a little possible for a creature of impossibilities, a medium for transcendence and a whisperer to specters.  he made friends with beings he ought to neither see nor hear, and in spite of this here he was, familiarizing himself with them like another fabled figure embracing the constellations dotted upon the firmament.  so what’s a little glare or a scoff to him then ?  a walk in the park, at most.  “ don’t doubt that i will.  and i got plenty of time for it, right ? ”  and if only that were true, if only they knew what waited for them.

Ugh. He nearly cringed at his own mistake, something that hit him after he more or less encouraged such a response. Failure to chase away someone who persisted threatened to sour his mood for the unforeseeable future. Any headache he earned from here on out served as proof of his defeat -- but it didn't have to be a complete loss. Johan received something different this time. Not quite a little glare or a scoff but a side eye instead. "You're asking the wrong person." Not being able to provide an answer to that choice of a question left him slightly annoyed, but not annoyed enough to express that outside of his tone reflecting that. Honestly...he saw no point to that question. The answer was already obvious without it being presented. He did not ask for any of this and yet...something told him that escaping it wouldn't be so easy. Difficulties aside, he seemed prepared for the headache after headache that awaited him.

leah horlick, for your own good // anne sexton, a self-portrait In letters // ron hicks // buffy the vampire slayer, rest in peace // michael cunningham, the hours // dylan thomas, a letter to caitlin