gay mafia sports romance hours

totally! also sorry but my brain came up with this word vomit

“I’m not going to run,” Neil frowned, tilting sideways into Andrew’s space. His legs hung out over the ledge while he leaned on his free hand. The other was in his pocket, clenching tightly to his keys.

“No,” Andrew mused, cigarette dangling from his lips. He sat on his haunches. “You won’t run. But you’re slipping here.”

He tapped Neil’s temple, a brief touch that held him afloat. Neil swallowed, trying to push words past the lump in his throat. He brought a hand up to his temple, ghosting fingers past the spot that was touched.

“He’s gone,” Neil promised, closing his eyes. “I buried him in Baltimore. I’m not him anymore, and no amount of know-nothing rookies on this team can make me forget that.”

The words burned in his throat. He’d given up too much to be Neil Josten, and he wouldn’t forget it. Andrew didn’t care about his words, he had no use for them nor did he truly believe a single bad day changed much. He was just there, smoking and flexing his haunches like he might get up, but Neil knew he wouldn’t. He pretended not to care, but he wouldn’t leave.

“Andrew,” Neil said. It tore out of his throat, and he tried to rein in the brokenness in his voice. “Yes or no?”

“Silly rabbit,” Andrew muttered, lazily puffing out a stream of smoke. 

He turned to Neil and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, letting him anchor himself with the touch, while the bite of the keys in his hand reminded him of home. He knew he’d never be his father’s son ever again; Andrew and all his friends were the incisor of a beast stuck deep inside him, it would hurt more to remove it than to leave it. He spared a vague thought for how he might be addicted – to pain, to exertion, to Exy, to marks he could choose and self-damage – and then forgot it all as he received a lung full of smoke from Andrew’s mouth. 

“I’ll always put you first,” Neil said, exhaling the smoke onto Andrew’s skin. He needed to say it.

“Fuck,” he cursed. He pushed forward and tugged on Neil’s earlobe with his teeth, anger followed with a kiss. “Fucking rabbit.”

Neil smiled at the nickname. Sometimes it was junkie, sometimes rabbit, and more often these days it was Abram.

Andrew kissed him hard, then eventually pulled back to lean their foreheads together, sounding just as winded as Neil did.

“Get your mouth open,” he spat impatiently. His voice was on the razor-sharp edge of being wrecked already.

Neil’s mouth dropped open as Andrew took another drag. He kept his eyes open, fixated on the smoke pouring from Andrew’s mouth and nose into his own. The scent was so intoxicatingly familiar, and as he sat there with a hand on his neck and smoke in his lungs, hazel eyes boring into his own, he knew he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Kiss me,” he demanded.

unlikely with his sugar diet, but maybe when theyre on season. let me live a lil

i have seen many takes i do not like, most of them inane enough that it’s mostly just bc im a bitch and very specific that i don’t like them so i won’t bother to list those here.

i def remember that demi take though and yeah it was uhhh,,,, bad. not necessarily bc of the take itself, although i hate that take with a passion, but bc if i’m remembering correctly it was framed like the writer was schooling us all on what neils sexuality ACTUALLY was and we should all bow down to them and their huge brain. which pissed me off bc, don’t tell me what to do.

but also i just hate that take in general bc he’s literally not. he’s canonically demi. i know ppl are like ‘well if the author said it outside of the books it doesn’t count’ but like. bullshit. nora is an aroace woman and she said the character she wrote is aspec. he’s aspec. stop fucking acting like nora doesn’t get a say in who her characters are. she WROTE THEM. neil is demi, neil is aspec. if you want to explore the aspects of trauma surrounding neil making romantic connections and how he relates that to his mother feel free! but denying that neil is demi in addition to that is erasure. and i mean. you can do that if you want, but i’m gonna call you on it. at least own what you’re doing when you do it. just say you don’t like aspec ppl with ur whole chest.

i see a lot of aphobic stuff in the fandom tbh and mostly i just ignore it bc it’s like. if you point it out it’s always ‘oh well i didn’t mean it that way’ or ‘oh no you misinterpreted’ or ‘oh i just wasn’t thinking of you at all’ and like. okay cool. love that even in a fandom with an aspec author and an aspec main character, aspec ppl STILL get ignored.

and there are a lot of ace ppl and even non-ace ppl in this fandom making really great content that doesn’t erase neil’s sexuality, i don’t want to downplay that at all. i wouldn’t even say the fandom is overwhelmingly aphobic, i think that would be overdramatic. but there are a couple of takes that get repeated over and over (the marriage thing, the traumatized bisexual thing, the way neil constantly oversexed, etc) that really show that like, the contingent is there and they do not Care. and it’s not maliciousness. they just don’t bother to think of us and like. i just wish they would. i would appreciate that sometimes.

honestly another one that bothers me is this whole fandoms take on therapy and psychiatry. like i’m sorry to break it to you but therapy does not solve everything. the mental health institutions in america suck. most psychiatrists are a type of benign evil that i think a lot of people cannot even begin to comprehend. so often i see people talk about recovery and going to therapy like it’s /just that easy/ and like.

no, not really.

therapy is not the be all and end all of mental health, not everyone will benefit from it, many people are actively harmed by it. i know we’re talking about fictional characters going to fictional therapy but i get the impression that many people just think that’s like.. how it works. you have trauma, you go to therapy, you get better and just. no. please stop

what about "i'd live for you" romances? what about "i never thought i'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together"?

Andrew, pulling an all nighter to binge watch all of Dynasty:

I absolutely love this moment when Neil catches what he is saying. If he says, “I don’t want to go” he is forcing Andrew to ask him to stay, and Andrew doesn’t like to ask. But Neil also realizes he is being selfish. Andrew knows what Neil wants. Neil wouldn’t be in that hotel room otherwise, but he knows he may have damaged Andrew’s trust with all of his lies. If Andrew doesn’t want him there, it might not be best to stay. And most importantly, Neil is the reason Andrew lost control. By stating it that way, he’s giving control back to Andrew. 

And I might love this moment more. Can we just admire Andrew at his best? When he is engaged, all-in, and present? For Neil. I would read 300 more novels of this. I really, really, need more.

excuse you!!! very valid points, and i think seth has more wit and banter that matches neil--which we know is a big thing for andrew. please don’t call ryan a pussy in my inbox he’s trying his best

Well I was thinking about Andrew’s Cars today and I looked at the interior of the Maserati and I ….had. to. draw. it. I mean ok its mostly covered up by their dumb faces and I will never be on par with the Transportation Design kids I went to college with but I love Neil and Andrew so much so as much as I can pretend it’s about the car its. not.  Taking the Maserati for a joyride. At least Neil looks like he’s having a good time. They’re probably gonna pull over for a cigarette and make out soon. Andrew’s thinking about it. I had to move the driver’s seat up from the ref pic I used because Andrew is. very small. how do his feet reach the pedals.