real small cat

dr. macklemore (podiatrist): i fix your granddads toes

Everyone loves me for my repetitive speech, my odd noises, my constant forgetfulness, and my repetitive speech

I feel like a horse with no name is probably the best song in the world. Not even my Favorite song just the best

Youre a mollusk and something potentially bad or scary gets inside you what do you do. Make a pearl around it. Okay. okay

mondays have you thinking shit like I wish I could undo all my mistakes

has anyone noticed that sometimes you take incorrect or undesirable actions instead of the correct and desirable ones? what's up with that

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

did a bit of driving through the state of georgia today and wound up driving through a small town that i later discovered was called newborn, which is an odd name but doesn’t technically have anything wrong with it, except for the fact that i nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take at a building sign advertising NEWBORN TAXIDERMY

sources are saying ohhhhhhhhh brother

I am chronically online but not in a way that keeps me informed #mybubble

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

you can't get out that way!

that's not very helpful.

maybe the open window will help.

try the open window instead.