Enjoy The Shitshow

Where do I begin?

When I was little, I dreamed about love at first sight. I believed that a handsome prince would sweep me off my feet and we’d live happily ever after.

Of course, that’s not how life works. I learned that in middle school after my relationship with the very bad person I told you about. In high school, I started becoming very cynical about love and relationships, judging movies and books with love at first sight.

But then we started talking.

Oh god, Liam. I fell for you so hard in such a short amount of time. I still don’t know how. You were just so charming and so dorky. You were honestly my dream guy. And the fact that you lived a few states away really helped. My anxiety and depression made it difficult to be around people. 

You responded positively to my flirting, even when I called you a Cutie McNugget (I still cringe at that name), and that made me so happy.

You made me confident, which is really difficult to do. I talked about you a lot.

I think I fell in love with you.

Which, to me, is crazy to think about. We only talked for about a month.

I remember the night you asked me out in such an adorable, awkward way. You said that if I ever needed a boyfriend, you were always there. I panicked a bit. We had only talked for three days, and I’ve had horrible relationships. I didn’t want to rush in and lose you.

I said that I appreciated it, but I wasn't in a good place mentally. I told you that I would take you up on that offer eventually though.

I should’ve said yes.

You were so sweet. You said that was perfectly okay. You would always be there for me. You would help me through any issue I had.

And you did, for a while. I actually told you more about my problems than my other friends, and I encouraged you to talk to me about your issues. You were my rock, my safe haven.

Why did you stop talking to me? What did I do? I think about you so often. I miss you so much.

Did you get sick of waiting for me?

The funny thing is, the night it started going downhill was the night I was going to ask you out.

It may be pathetic, but I wish you would message me.

I think I love you.

Regretfully not yours,

He had not eaten in days and his hunting skills were practically nonexistent. Luckily, he was familiar with a bakery in the nearest town, Rosebarrow, and it had the most delicious bread throughout the land of Estria. On top of that, it was free for him most of the time.

The townsfolk would look at him in disgust from their front porches as soon as they laid eyes on him. His muddy boots and tattered clothes were almost certainly a sign he was an outcast. Roderick clenched his hand around the pommel of his sword when he heard two women talking in hushed voices as they walked by, glaring at him. It was the usual. It was the world he lived in and he had come to accept.

Roderick turned a corner and the air was suffused with the smell of freshly baked bread. He exhaled deeply, trying to release the tension in his body from encountering the townspeople and sauntered into the bakery. A bell chimed and soon after a young man came hurrying from the back room to welcome his customer.

“Roderick!” he said, smiling from ear to ear. “It’s good to see you again.”

Roderick looked around, his eyes carefully inspecting the place. He had come here every week for the past six months and had learned to be cautious. The young man twiddled with his fingers, seeming to wait for Roderick to say something back or, at the very least, make eye contact.

“Is he here?” Roderick finally said.

“No”, the young man replied, his smile sobering up. “He is seeing some investors. He wants to go into the gold mining industry or something.”

Roderick didn’t reply. The young man took that as his cue, turned around to collect an arm full of loaves from the shelves behind him, and placed them on the counter. Roderick opened his bag and put the loaves inside. They were still warm, and for some reason a wave of sadness passed through his body.

The young man looked at him, his eyes trailing Roderick’s every movement as if he might disappear at any moment. When Roderick shoved the last loaf in his bag, the young man leaned over the counter and gave him a kiss.

Roderick recoiled. “Not now, Charlie!” he snapped. “In broad daylight?”

“Calm down, no one saw us,” said Charlie. But Roderick’s eyes widened in fear. “I just told you my dad is meeting up with investors and you know I would never kiss you if anyone was around. Trust me. Why are you always so anxious about this?“

His body stiffened at the remark. “Why?” shouted Roderick. “Are you seriously asking me this question?” Roderick swiveled on his heels and made for the door.

“Wait. Wait!” Charlie hurried after him.  "I am sorry. That was foolish. Please stay.”

Roderick stared at him incredulously. “Do you know how many of us are killed every single day, Charlie?” Tears crept up in the corner of his eyes. “For real, what were you thinking? If we continue to keep this up, it’s going to get us both killed! Fucking killed, Charlie! The Royal Guard kill people like us on the spot!”

Charlie stepped closer. His fingers gently wiping away the tears streaking across Roderick’s face. “I know,” he whispered.

“Don’t you dare touch me like this!” Roderick batted his hand away. Roderick reached for the doorknob, but before he could open the door Charlie had slapped him in the face.

“You are the man I love,” his fist pulled back, ready to deal a heavy blow. “You…,” he stammered. “You… of all people. Don’t you dare…,” Charlie lowered his fist and started sobbing.

Roderick knew where Charlie was going. He used to be more certain of himself. But the more he got to know himself, the less of him was left. The people of Estria didn’t accept two men loving each other.

“This is not good for any of us, this secrecy. It’s eating us alive!”

“It’s eating you alive” Charlie retorted.

When I was about to leave the house for good…,” Roderick said, clenching his fist, “…my father walked up to me, opened the door, and said he was not going to judge me, but he’d be happy to break my neck so God could do the judging a little sooner, and shoved me outside.”

Charlie fell silent. Roderick had told him everything about his past, and he could not possibly forget something like that.  "I understand,“ he whispered.

“No!” he shot Charlie an icy stare. “I don’t think you understand.” He opened the door and stormed out. The bell chimed violently as he smashed the door shut.

The steps on the stairs creaked. “Charlie?” came a voice. Charlie jerked around and froze instantly.

“I… I thought you were out of town,” Charlie said, his face pale and his eyes wide with terror.

“You are a sin, my disgrace of a son.” ———————— The next morning Roderick woke up exhausted. He barely slept and the few dreams he had were all about Charlie never wanting to speak to him again. Charlie had only tried to reconcile, he shouldn’t have stormed off like he had. Roderick packed his things and once again set out for Rosebarrow.

Upon arriving at the bakery he noticed that a rather large crowd had gathered around its entrance. As he made his way through the crowd, he passed a man who said, “I heard his own father has done him in. Praise that man.” Another woman said, “It’s probably going to take a while to scrub that sinful blood out from the floor.”

Terror swept quick as lightning over Roderick’s face. His heart raced as he made his way to the edge of the crowd. He noticed a woman speak to two men in red cloaks. ‘That must be the royal guard,’ thought Roderick. “Could you describe to me what the man looked like?” inquired one of the guards. “Man? He’s an abomination! Just like that scum Charlie you found dead on the floor this morning.”

Roderick’s heart almost pounded out of his chest and he could barely make out what the woman was saying among the thunder in his head. “He has curly hair and green eyes and is about this height,” to which the woman rose her hand a foot above her head. “And he has a sword with a very distinguishable guard. An owl!” Roderick’s heart might as well have stopped at that very moment, but instead it was pounding so quickly and loud that people around him might have heard it. He glanced at his sword, quickly covered the guard with his hand, and made his way out of the crowd as fast as he could, fighting back the tears that might give him away. All he wanted was to get out of that place, out of that town.

He arrived in the woods two hours later. Charlie was dead. Roderick’s only reason to live had been murdered by his own father. He stared blankly into the lake. The water looked serene and darkly inviting. He trudged off into the lake and continued walking limply against the rising water that slowly swallowed him whole. He dived in and tried to stay underwater by holding on to the vegetation growing on the bottom. But no matter how hard Roderick tried, he wouldn’t drown. His head parted the water and he gasped for air before disappearing into the lake again as quickly as he had surfaced. He kept trying to drown himself, but after failing a dozen times he finally gave up. Roderick crawled out of the water and slammed the bank with his fists, making water and sand splash up around him. “Is this what is left of me?” he cried. “How could I have let this happen?” He unsheathed his sword and pressed the point to his chest. But upon seeing the sword he remembered Charlie’s words: “This sword is an heirloom. But we never even look at it. Here, you can have it.” He remembered how Charlie looked at him as he handed Roderick the sword. “May it protect you in the forest and guide you to greater heights. There’s something about you, and I’m not quite sure what it is, but I think you can change this land for the better. I think it’s your eyes…they look so determined.”

Roderick had accepted the sword rather hesitantly. “Well if you insist, then I shall hereby promise that this sword will not only serve to protect my own ass, but will also serve to protect you.” And then they kissed and laughed, and kissed a little more. Roderick had no idea where his determination had gone since that day, but he started to suspect that it wasn’t the forest that would swallow his soul whole, but rather the people living in Estria themselves.

A breeze rustled through the trees when suddenly the wind picked up. Birds chirped loudly as their branches swayed. Roderick clenched his sword, his eyes darting around the trees. As quickly as it started, the wind fell silent. Roderick’s mouth fell open in utter bewilderment. It might have been his imagination, but there, only a few feet in front of him, stood Charlie with his back turned to Roderick. His eyes widened as he used his arms to crawl forward, his hand trembling violently as it reached out for Charlie.

“Charlie!” his eyes welling up. His face was soon a mixture of tears and cold water that had dripped from his hair. “I am so sorry!” He forced his body up despite the exhaustion and ran towards Charlie. But he could not will his body for long, his legs were shaking and quickly gave out, making him fall back to his knees. Charlie did not move. “I am a coward,” Roderick began, “I promised I would protect you but even that I couldn’t do.” He waited for a response, but none came. “Charlie?” Still nothing. “Charlie, I love you.” Roderick was desperate. “Charlie, what do you want me to say? Say something. Please…,” he said as he dragged himself forward. And just when he was almost able to graze Charlie’s feet, Charlie turned around and held out his hand, smiling.

Roderick could feel his blood gushing through his veins as he looked at Charlie’s hand hovering in front of his face. He grasped it, and Charlie helped him up. For a moment they looked at each other. The storm raging in Roderick’s eyes calmed. The wind started to pick up again, and his lover vanished as quickly as he had appeared.

Night fell and Roderick’s sobs turned into anger as he rummaged in his bag and found that the once warm bread was cold. “Estria and all its people can go fuck themselves!” he shouted at the clouds above him. ‘You were always there for me. Your kind and loving self. You gave me this sword and bread and picked me up when no one else would,’ he thought as he clenched his fist, nails digging so deep into his skin that it began to bleed.

All of a sudden, it was as if the fire the townsfolk said he would burn in for all of eternity filled his heart. Roderick stood tall. “No one will define me! I will define myself, and if their God doesn’t praise me, I will praise myself!” The wind continued to howl. “I promised I would protect you with this sword and I will.” He lifted it high in the air and looked at the sword as it glistened in the moonlight. “Do you hear me?!” He shouted. “In your memory…,” tears welled up in the corner of his eyes, “… I promise to protect everyone who’s different like us. Even if it costs me my life.” He pounded his chest. “Do you hear me?” he shouted again. “I shall fight. Nor the king’s army nor the people of Estria shall defy me. I am going to train and I will proclaim myself a knight to make sure anyone can be whoever the hell they want to be and love whoever the hell they want to love. I will look after them as you looked after me. This ends here!” And even though tears were rolling down his face, his eyes grew more and more determined.

—–3 years later—–

Roderick had taken on an apprenticeship as a blacksmith. He’d promised to work diligently and refused any form of compensation as long as the blacksmith taught him how to use his sword. He worked the iron, and with every blow of the hammer he remembered his vow. Each evening he practiced his stances and technique as if his life depended on it - and it did. After three years of toiling every day without pause, he felt confident in his skills. Roderick took the final test, forged his own armor, and passed with flying colors. “Remarkable, the owl elements you managed to put in this armor,” said his teacher, his face beaming with approval. “It’s outstanding.”

The blacksmith had gifted him a black stallion. Together on his horse Valicius, Roderick forged ahead, looking for other knights to join his order. He galloped to all quarters of the compass, sleeping in the scorching heat of deserts and camping in the darkest of caves.

Seven months passed and the clatter of hooves that long had been the only sound to keep him company was soon a rolling thunder that would turn the heads of anyone who heard it. For now, riding beside Roderick were seven other knights that had joined the order:

The Pink Eagle, a princess whose father ordered the death of her beloved Anna, by lashing her until she collapsed.

The Black Arrow, who never missed a shot except when it comes to romance. He carries a bow made of entangled vines.

The Gator, a pan knight who was banished and left to his own devices in the swamps of Argar, where he wrestled alligators and gained strength.

The Eclipse, who was excommunicated after a church member found he took too much liking in men and women, and his non-binary sibling Deimos, who is so strong they can uproot fully grown trees with their bare hands.

The Diamond, a trans woman to who people threw stones at after a fellow mine worker once caught her wearing a dress. Her armor is made out of the strongest materials, inset with a diamond placed over her heart, that no stone will ever be able to scratch.

And the Ace, who refused to make love and have children after she was betrothed to a handsome nobleman. She was thrown to the wolves but was quickly accepted by them.

Grass streaked underneath the thudding of hooves, but vanished as they came to a halt. There they stood, side by side on their horses, on the edge of a cliff that overlooked Rosebarrow.

“Today”, began Roderick, “I am honored and blessed to have you as my friends. Three years ago I made a vow…,” he said, looking up, thinking about Charlie “… that I would protect anyone who is queer with this sword.” He heaved the sword to show the other knights. “The king’s army and the people of Estria kill us for what? Because I like men? Because they don’t understand you are a woman? We are a disgrace they say. Say we should burn. But I don’t believe that! Nobody but me decrees what I can and cannot be!” He banged his chest. “We share the same pain and I have nothing but respect and admiration that you joined me on this mission. This isn’t my mission anymore, it’s ours.”

“There are kids, people, who go through life with their heads down, ashamed of who they are. They have been taught that who they are is wrong and they can’t even be themselves, and if they are, they get punished. Accepting yourself, loving yourself, being proud of yourself, it’s something all those people in Estria have. They are probably not even aware of what a privilege that is. And they call us a sin? Us? Fuck them. Being able to be yourself is a goddamn human right! And nobody, nobody, is going to take that away from us.”

“We have been through a lot. The battle is by far not only fought in the realm of the physical. The hardest battle is in our mind and hearts. But we are strong, we have overcome many trials, and you have given me the courage to stand up for others! To walk with pride!”

“Tonight we ride for Rosebarrow and let it be known we have arrived!

That we have their back

Because who are we?”

“WE ARE THE PRIDE KNIGHTS!” the other knights bellowed, their horses rearing up.

“The king’s army does not expect us to win

But we will never surrender!

Weakness is not in our hearts!

We will look at our fellow queers who struggle and fight day in and day out

And we will draw strength from them!

Because who are we?”

“WE ARE THE PRIDE KNIGHTS!”

“Never will we let them fall, never will we let them down

We will protect them

Because who are we?”

“WE ARE THE PRIDE KNIGHTS!”

“It’s just the eight of us now, and it might be the eight of us forever

We cannot expect others to ride with us

But we continue to fight for them!

And welcome everyone with open arms

So we can walk with pride together!

Because who are we?”

“WE ARE THE PRIDE KNIGHTS!”

“WHO ARE WE?”

There are t-shirts, sweatshirts and hoodies. The print is on the back and the Pride Knights’ logo on the front.

Join us and inspire and empower others. Show that it’s okay to differ from the masses. Show your support for others and your pride in yourself - celebrate what makes you, you.

We have each other’s backs!

We stand up for our fellow queers who fight day in and out and we draw strength from them!

We walk with pride!

We are the Pride Knights!

The merch is available until December 15

https://teespring.com/stores/prideknights

Description: There’s little heart candies on top.

Game ingredients: Melon, Wheat Flour, Egg, Sugar

This recipe restores 250 energy and 100 health. It can be obtained from the Cooking Channel and sells for 480g.

Difficulty: Medium, 2 hours. Serves 6.

I was initially thinking about those “melon cakes” that people make that are basically just watermelons cut to look like a cake and then frosted, but I figured that wouldn’t be as interesting. I also noticed the image has a dent in the centre of the cake, implying it’s a bundt cake. 

Cake batter:

-¾ cup butter -1½ cup white sugar -3 eggs -1 tsp vanilla -1 cup watermelon juice -2½ cups all-purpose flour -1 tsp baking powder -1 tsp baking soda -1 tsp salt

Frosting:

-¾ cup butter -3 cups icing sugar (also known as confectioner’s or powdered sugar) -1 tsp vanilla -3 tbsp heavy cream or milk -1 drop of red food colouring

Heart Candies:

-1 oz. white chocolate (about 30 grams) -2 drops of red food colouring

Start off by removing the rind from the watermelon and pureeing it in a blender or chopping it in a bowl with a pastry blender. I used about a quarter of a small watermelon. Strain the liquid into a measuring cup to remove any seeds or chunks. It should look pretty bright red.

Preheat the oven to 400°F. In a mixing bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until it’s fluffy, and then add in the eggs and vanilla. Beat until creamy, and then pour in the watermelon juice and stir. It’ll look kinda liquidy and won’t exactly be pretty. 

In a separate bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add all at once to the wet ingredients and stir until smooth. The yellow of the eggs mixed with the red watermelon juice will result in a peachy colour. 

Grease a bundt cake pan and dust it with flour. Pour the batter evenly into the pan and place it in the oven for 45 minutes or til done. 

While it’s baking, prepare the frosting and the heart candies. For the frosting, cream the butter until smooth and light, and then add the icing sugar, one cup at a time. Add the vanilla and heavy cream, whipping it in until it’s soft and fluffy. The image shows the cake as having a delicate pink colour for the frosting, so only put in 1 drop of red food colouring.

Set the frosting aside and prepare the heart candies. In a bowl, microwave the white chocolate, stopping every ten seconds to break up and stir the chocolate pieces until it’s smooth and has no lumps. Add in two drops of red food colouring. 

Transfer the melted chocolate into a piping bag with a small tip (I used a #2 tip). On a freezer-safe surface like a small cookie sheet, spread out a piece of parchment paper and pipe on heart-shapes. I used more chocolate and made some in various sizes, mostly just for eating the big ones. 

Place in the freezer for at least 30 minutes. They’ll come off the parchment very easily when they’re done.

Once the cake is done baking, let it cool for 15 minutes before removing from the bundt pan, and then place it in the fridge on a plate for an additional 20-30 minutes. This will cool the cake and prevent the frosting from melting off of it when applied. Slather on the frosting, covering all sides, and decorate the top with the heart candies.

To be entirely honest, it doesn’t taste very watermelon-y, but given that watermelons are 98% water, I wasn’t really expecting it to. Nonetheless, it’s a very good cake. 

Description: Roasted tomatoes on a crisp white bread. 

Game ingredients: Bread, Tomato, Oil

This recipe restores 113 energy and 45 health. It can be obtained from the Cooking Channel and sells for 210g.

Difficulty: Easy, 20 minutes. Serves 3.

You can refer to the Bread recipe here to make the baguettes yourself, but I’m lazy so I bought a baguette instead. 

-Baguette, 12 slices -1 medium-sized tomato -1 tablespoon olive Oil -2 tablespoons herbs  (If you don’t have a bruschetta herb mix like I do, you can create a mix using dried basil, oregano, thyme, tarragon, garlic powder, and parsley. Use about ¼ teaspoon thyme and ½ teaspoon for each other ingredient. You don’t need all of them, but I prioritize basil, oregano, and garlic powder.) -Parmesan cheese, grated

Cut 12 slices off the baguette and arrange them on a broiling pan. Broil them in the oven on low for 3 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through.

Finely chop up the tomatoes and place them in a small mixing bowl. Add the olive oil and herbs and mix well. 

Spoon the tomato mixture on to the baguette slices and top with parmesan cheese. Bake them in a 350°F oven for 15 minutes. 

Bruschetta is a tasty mix of crispy bread, juicy tomatoes, and a lot of flavours. It makes a really good appetizer.