I've been rereading some of the stories I wrote in years past
particularly from ages 12-16
It's like damn, I sure am the same person I've always been, just with dramatically more insight into myself now
Descends from the heavens and hands my 12 year old self a golden scroll that reads "There Are Reasons You Turn Every Character You Like Into A Subby Masochist with Medical Trauma, But Don't Worry About That Yet"
When I was 12 I was putting medical whump into everything I wrote but I was like. super judgmental of the character getting whumped and dismissive of their pain.
I found a story I wrote when I was 12 where the POV character insists the character being whumped is "faking" being in pain
character being scared shitless of the most basic medical care was a really common thing in the stories I wrote but also I would ridicule the character or make it a running joke.
it's honestly really sad
in my early stories it's also really, really Important to all the POV characters that they don't show they're in pain which is. also really sad.
In everything I wrote more than 8 years ago, it's a little unnerving how much the characters trivialize their own and others' suffering.
I mean, I guess it unnerves me because of what it says about the attitudes I absorbed.
I hated myself so much when I was a kid for being sensitive to suffering/for not wanting to suffer. I knew this about myself, but reading my own attitudes directed onto characters is kind of shocking
My early explorations of whump were like. Attempting to court the idea of making up a scenario that is Bad Enough for a character to deserve comfort, but still completely entrenched in the idea that it's automatically the worst humiliation possible for a character to show pain or distress, to the point that the narration/POV itself always seems to be characterizing them as a pathetic wuss for doing so.
It's funny in a really sad way because in a lot of these stories the characters are literally 12 year olds
















