Look … I love, love Del Toro, The Shape of Water looks incredible, and it’s getting rave reviews, and I need to see it, but I absolutely can’t go to the movies. I just can’t sit down and watch that nice lady fuck Abe Sapien’s sexy cousin in a theater full of strangers. I’m not even going to be able to handle it myself 13 months from now when I get to watch it alone on my laptop. I love and respect all you freaks but I am not a monster fucker like the rest of you. And a fish? A fucking fish? You ever cut your hand by going against the grain of a fish’s scales? Hell no. Keep that away from my pussy. What’s his dick like? You don’t know. Could have spines. Not chancing it. 

not all of us are cowards

this was the single greatest moment in modern television

The only thing that’d be more potentially embarrassing than my internet history would be my calculator history, a chronicle of all the painfully simple math I couldn’t manage to do in my head.

Y'all think being in a goth relationship means wearing white makeup together but Mary Shelley lost her virginity on her mother’s grave so maybe step it up.

This still fucking cracks me up

I hope u end up ok

Finding someone who thinks you’re interesting enough to talk to you every day, whether they’re a friend or a lover, is one of the best feelings ever.

These are all actually the same type of man…the polite guy men think women should want because he’s “nice”, intelligent, fake cares about what is best for her (it’s really about controlling her), persistently refuses to be let her be, has crushed on her for years and refuses to stop chasing/pressuring her because “romantic”. he’s really a Grade A asshole

#types to look for: ben from parks and rec #finn from star wars #jake from brooklyn nine nine (via @phil-the-stone)

me: i’m over it! narrator: they were not over it