Do you believe in the Butterfly effect?
Well I do.
It was January 15th, 2016. It was after my birthday. See I spent my birthday doing a concert for charity, so I never got the chance to celebrate it. I was sappose to go to Skopje for my birthday the day after, so I had to refuse a girl going out with a girl the night before.
I came home, and they said that somehow there was not enough room in the cars for me to go to Skopje, so I had to take the bus in both ways, my parents insisted that I go, but I decided that It was too expensive and didn't go. So to compensate for that I went out in Friday...I didn't wanna go out, and a friend said "Lets share the taxi its gonna be cheaper" Plus my cousin was leaving for Italy that night and she said come with us we will hang for the last time, I refused. I went out with Hiko that night, I wanted to go somewhere quiet and sit and chat, but he insisted to go to Sub and be with Stef and Mimi. And I obliged. Sad that I didn't get to have my birthday, I was quite disappointed that night, but a girl nudged me on the shoulder and said "Hey, you're in a club, don't be so stiff, dance".That same girl was hit on that night by some creep in the Club that she said "NO" to. She made my night fun, and I was glad I didn't go to Skopje, but Hiko was only let out until 2am. So I was forced to go home, and when I got home, I was hesitant as to play "The Game" and not text her...or just get to know her. I chose to be me, I chose to be a human. So i texted her, and to my surprise she texted back. She was still at the club, waiting for Mimi. And we ended up chatting all night...I was something in her, she was different. So fast forward a month. And the butterfly effect kicked in again...showing me that, it didn't only work in good favor. The girl, Stephany, after we hit out 1 month mark, she stopped texing me, at first I wanted to give her room...to think you know, but then I wanted to keep her...maybe I became annoying in the process but I wanted to talk things through...see how she is. Well she broke up with me a week after that. I tried applying to a German Uni, and If i get accepted I will live close to her. But even then, I dont think she loves me anymore. But if we believe in the butterfly effect, we will realize that, there is probably a universe out there where she didn't leave me, a universe, where she found the heart-shaped rock inside that Emergency Lock next to her door, a universe where we did go to dates, where we did make it work, a universe where she didn't give up on me. And I am happy for that universe, I am happy for the version of me that can still experience her, that can still create memories with her. This girl gave me a notebook on 12.02.2016 and on the first page it was written "Fill this notebook with us, I love you".
Well, in the reality that we live in...those pages shall forever remain empty, and that is killing me. It is killing me not knowing what part of the butterfly effect I screw up to end up broken up. I dont know which part of the Butterfly effect to go back in time and change.
Was it when she stopped texting me, what if I walked in her house that exact same day and insisted to see her, slept in front of her door.
Or maybe last night, when she was out with some people I went there and told her how much she means to me.
But, that is the illusions and restriction of time that grasps and holds us, is that, we will never know.
jacobvanloon
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