M

my legacy is screaming “fuck you Ben Winston” right to his face at 1d Orlando and him staring me right back in the face

i want to be a professor and lecture nonsensically for a few hours every day and give students vague essay prompts and read them all and laugh but still pass everyone while i slip some bourbon into my metal coffee mug that doesn’t actually have coffee in it wearing a button-up and vest with no tie but nice jeans and hella expensive shoes that i bought because i have tenure and im never losing my job

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

anyone else fucking LOVE BEING IN BED???

bitch im in bed right now!! how did you know!!

what happens if u put a werewolf on the moon is a great question probably the best question ever asked

he’ll explode and die because there’s no oxygen on the moon

We never said we’d send him up without a suit you absolute monster

conversation overheard at the gryffindor table over breakfast between sirius black and james potter

*lupin sweating nervously in the backround

family bands are so scary im so glad the 70s is over

the jonas brothers kick down your door. fade to black. gunshot

LMAOOOOOO

I’m really high right now and I couldn’t find my phone so I was like “Alexaaaaaaaaaaaaa find phone” and she called my phone for me she’s like a wife I’m gonna marry Alexa because she knows where my phone is,,,,, I love technology

I woke up this morning and on the Alexa app it’ll give you a string of posts of what you asked Alexa and I told Alexa I loved her 37 separate times with the last one being “good night I love you” and her response being “good night, sweet dreams”

Her (2013 dir. Spike Jonze)

So this is how we all die alone, encased in our commodified bubbles of technological alienation. Honestly posts like this make me naseaus and my skin crawl.

then don’t fuckin comment lol go outside and fuck a tree or w/e