Mumbling Fuck Me

Kasiags on Instagram

these are “I rate women on a scale of 1 to 10” shorts

these shorts say “I want to be unexpected and daring, but not unexpected and daring enough to wear something that’s actually shaped substantively differently than the 37 pairs of khaki shorts & Ralph Lauren polo shirts that I chill at my country club in, along with my boating shoes and the Rolex that my dad gave me upon graduation from high school that, as I will tell anyone who will listen, is real”

these shorts say “in elementary school I was in the habit of meeting taunts of ‘my daddy could beat your daddy up’ with the response ‘my daddy could buy your daddy’ and I still get the occasional impulse to say that but it’s not really socially acceptable at this age so I expect these shorts to get that message across for me”

these shorts say “I’m straight and I expect it to be obvious enough that I’m straight that I can get away with wearing these, please sleep with me”

literally do any of these men look straight to you