stand proud, stand strong *

“O-Oh okay! That sounds nice, the last place was um…rather scary…It was a hospital type of building though and those make me r-really uncomfortable,” she explained with a small shrug absently glancing around and repeating the nine pm thing to herself a few times. Looking at Brynn’s thumbs up she giggled a little. “Okay good, because I’d be sad if you were sad,”

Leaning over a little to watch Brynn Logan made sure to stay on her side of the room, gently tucking Orville under her arm she looked over at the picture, gasping softly. “It’s so cute! I um, I will try that one for sure! But I’ll plan it out first, so that way in case I mess up, I’ll be going into it with a plan already” she chirped.

Watching Brynn with Orville she couldn’t help but giggle a little behind her hand. “I think he just wants to fit in, which makes sense, don’t we all after all?” she asked with a small shrug. Instantly looking up at the idea of meeting more people Logan’s arms tightened slightly around her trusty bear. “W-Will you be there? Are they nice? Because I like nice people,”

When your life was filled with new houses and hospitals, it was hard to ever feel like your life was going to get any better. Being sick was all she knew. Looking at Logan, she figured the same of her. “I’m never sad. Mad, angry, neutral – yes. But sad and happy aren’t my cup of tea. Not on these meds,” Brynn laughed softly to herself. Maybe she shouldn’t say these kinds of things.

“A plan sounds perfect!” she smiled, happy to give over any sort of drawings she created. This just gave Brynn more of a reason to practice her drawing – it wasn’t quite as good as other things in her repertoire. “Do you already have coloring stuff with you?” she asked.

The bear, Orville, was definitely new territory for Brynn, but having younger siblings made it a little easier. Besides, the poor girl was just needing a friend. There wasn’t anything wrong with needing a constant. Brynn’s eating disorder was the equivalent to Logan’s bear. At least, that’s what she was telling herself. “I’ll go with you, sure,” she paused, unsure of what Logan thought to be nice. “They’re kind, but if they’re not to you, I’ll stick up for you. Friends stand together,” she found it funny – the house would call her the mean one. But here she was, reaching out to this girl first.

Nodding quickly Logan slowly let out her breath, feeling herself relaxing a little at the agreement to not lie. “D-Deal no lying,” she said with a nod, figuring that Brynn’s reasoning made sense, she wouldn’t mention it if she didn’t have to. And she did still like that the girl had wanted to share with her, it was a nice gesture, she just had to hope that it was because Brynn actually wanted to share with her and not just so she could get rid of the food. There had been a few patients like that at the old place she stayed at and Logan always wanted to help them as much as possible, or give them hugs.

“M-Maybe we could go tree climbing together! Are we allowed to go outside here? Because um…where I was before, you had to have someone go with you all the time” she explained, watching as Brynn moved to lean against the door, furrowing her brows she absently played with Orville’s paws. “A-Are you okay?”

Instantly perking up Logan was beaming at the question. “I could yes! Well I could try, I’d only hope that you would like it,” she explained. Looking down at Orville she giggled a little, lifting him up and using her hand on his back to move his paws around to make it look like he was replying all on his own. “Well, I enjoy a good book, card game, crime shows and stealing cars-” 

Rolling her eyes Logan shook her head. “The c-cars one isn’t real! Orville had a friend at the old place we stayed at, a duck named Cooper and he used to jack cars, but I never let Orville because I didn’t want him getting in trouble” she quickly explained.

Brynn was already pulled in by this blonde. She had never, NEVER, met someone at one of these places that was interesting. Especially not this interesting. She wondered what her deal was. Climbing trees and falling out of them was child’s play – but it wasn’t a reason to be in a group home. The brunette slowly bounced on her feet as she looked at Logan, trying to figure her out.

“That sounds like fun to me! You’re definitely allowed to go outside, you just have to be inside before the sun goes down or on an outing. Curfew is 9pm,” Brynn nodded, her feet still bouncing as she leaned away from the frame and stood up straight. She held a thumb up and grinned. “I am more than okay,” thank you for asking, she wanted to say.

“Here,” the smaller girl stated, walking to her desk and grabbing a black and white drawing of a unicorn she’d finished earlier in the week. “Maybe start with this one?” Brynn couldn’t have told you why she was being so kind, but she just wanted to make sure the other girl felt comfortable.

“Cooper tried to make you steal cars? Orville! You shouldn’t tell people you’re a thief if you aren’t,” the brunette shook her head slowly, tapping the bear’s nose. “Logan, do you think you want to meet some more people?”

“I-…Well n-no not exactly…” Furrowing her brows Logan stared down at her feet for a moment. “A-Are you?” she asked glancing up at the girl once more before shyly biting her lip. “I um…I just meant that no one has scary bodies, that’s all…But you do kind of have mermaid h-hair”

The moment Logan kind of clued in about the apple, though it wasn’t the whole story she wasn’t that excited about it anymore. “But…t-that’s lying. I don’t want to lie to her, e-especially since I just got here, and lying is bad” she pointed out, Brynn seemed nice enough but was already telling her to lie for her? That didn’t seem like a nice thing to do, or the way to make friends. However, the way Brynn was very kind to Orville did make her smile and soon she was pushing the lying thing into the back of her mind as she watched the two of them, hugging Orville to her chest as she watched Brynn. Some of the other people had scars like they did when she was in the institution, but Brynn’s looked like some of her own did and again, that was an oddly weird comfort. Though Logan preferred to wear long sleeves and pants a lot of the time to hide hers, and to also give her something to fidget with, it was kind of neat to see that Brynn was embracing it and not hiding away, she wished she could be cool like that. “H-Have you fallen out of some trees too?” she asked with a tiny giggle, knowing that was actually how herself and Orville ended up with at least one of their scars.

Instantly perking up the moment Brynn explained her interests Logan rocked a little on her toes, telling herself not to say anything before the other girl was done. “Um…well the kind of stuff I like…I really like reading and crafts, and colouring…And um…playing pirates, and rescuing Princesses…Um…That’s kind of it, I really like adventures,” she explained with a small shrug, absently playing with Orville’s ears.

“I do have great hair,” Brynn nodded, running her fingers through the ends as she tried to figure this girl out. She wondered if she believed a lot of what she was told or if she was just very particular. There were all kinds of reasons for her to be there. Though, much like a prison, you didn’t usually ask that question. Unless it was obvious like their pregnant roommate.

“Then how about we don’t lie?” Brynn suggested, looking over at the apple and then looking at Logan. The blonde reminded her a lot of someone and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. “If she asks, you can tell her the truth, but if she doesn’t, then whatever,” a shrug of her shoulders and she bit her lip. It wasn’t like her to tell people not to lie for her. Convincing people to do things for her was kind of her thing. Maybe she’d just have to wait to do that with Logan or avoid it. She’d figure it out. “Fallen out of trees?” she smiled, interested in what that was about. With her mention of adventures, Brynn wasn’t so surprised about the tree falling ordeal. “I’ve never fallen out of a tree, but I’d happily climb one,” she winked, moving to lean against the door frame of the room. Lightheaded didn’t even begin to describe it.

“So, if I draw a picture, do you think you’d color it in for me?” Brynn asked, finding the entire idea of someone else adding color to her not super intricate drawings kind of intriguing. “And Orville? What are your hobbies?”

Furrowing her brows at the explanation about the jacket Logan shook her head a little. “No it’s not, that’s just silly! No one has scary bodies, even mythical creatures have cool ones!” she explained with a quick nod.

Looking down at their hands Logan lifted her gaze to look at the other girl, Brynn once more. “O-Oh um…” glancing at the apple she debated for a moment, she really wasn’t hungry but the girl was offering it out to her and that was a very nice thing to do. “Sure…t-thank you” she commented, taking the apple and delicately setting it on the little table next to her bed. The next offer had the blonde even more confused, it wasn’t that she thought Brynn looked mean, but she hadn’t really been used to people being so nice right off the bat, especially so nice to her. But Brynn talked fast, just like she did sometimes, and for some reason that was an odd comfort.

“I…Well I only really have a few clothes left…But um,” biting the corner of her lip for a moment she moved back to her bed to grab her teddy. “While we’re on the topic of introductions…This is Orville,” she introduced, using her hand to hold the teddy’s up and out to Brynn. “He has some scars too but he doesn’t judge me for mine or stare at mine, so we don’t stare at his,” she explained, Orville’s scars being where the poor bear had to be stitched up quite a few times, from rips and tears and years of being dragged literally everywhere Logan went, including in the trees. “What sorts of stuff do you like?”

“So you’re saying I’m a mythical creature?” Brynn raised an eyebrow, moving to zip up the jacket. “If I’m a mermaid, I’ll take it,” she nodded, hoping that, based on the girl’s behavior so far, she didn’t think that mermaids were real. Because she likely just offended her if so. 

“Yeah, no problem, just tell Susan I ate it,” she nodded, watching the other girl manage herself in a certain manner. It was interesting to Brynn, the different types of people who came in and out of places like this. She often felt like she didn’t belong, but knew that her insanely debilitating anxiety and desire to kill herself by not eating and through other manners made her have to be there. No matter how much she felt out of place, she was sure Logan felt it more. Maybe that was why she was being nice. 

“Hi there, Orville,” she reached out and easily shook the bear’s hand. Somewhat childlike, Logan was already cracking through the icy walls that Brynn usually had up. She seemed harmless and it wasn’t like Brynn would fall for her - that was usually the brunette’s fear, after all. The girls she did love always seemed to disappear. “We all have scars. They tell stories,” she stated, reaching to lower the left pant leg of her leggings, showing a line of scars down her hip. There were more on her wrists and upper arms, but Brynn wasn’t worried about covering them up very often. 

“Oh,” she nodded, shrugging a shoulder. “I like to write, read about dystopian societies... mostly journal. But I also love to dance, exercise and be photographed, but you can’t do that shit here, so whatever,” she grumbled before turning her gaze from around the room back to Logan. “What kind of shit do you like?”

Startling a little as a girl quickly strode into the room Logan bit the inside of her lip, trying to think in her head of what she would say and how to introduce herself only to furrow her brows as the girl spoke. It took a moment to realize she was talking to her. “O-Oh um…I-I…” sighing a little she took a small deep breath, telling herself to calm down. She wasn’t going to stutter, she could have a conversation without it, she could do it. “Logan…Is my name” she managed to get out, glancing up she tugged her sleeves over her hands before looking back up at the girl.

“Y-You…Aren’t you cold?” she asked furrowing her brows. “Sorry that’s a weird question and I guess that’s why you grabbed t-the jacket…Um I like your artwork,” she started gesturing to the art on the wall. “Did you draw it? If you did you’re very talented,” she explained before remember about handshakes and proper introductions. Pushing herself to stand up she hesitated for a moment before shyly holding out her hand. “N-Nice to meet you.”

Brynn tilted her head as she watched the blonde speak, an eyebrow raising as she stuttered. If anyone else had been around, she would have immediately pointed it out and made her feel lesser for it. However, those eyes told her not to and without her reputation to uphold, she was in the clear. Running her fingers through the loose curls, she shrugged a shoulder. “Grabbed the jacket because apparently my body is scary,” Brynn mentioned before looking back to see the drawings on the wall before chuckling softly. “I wish I’d done those. But my mom did,” she nodded, shaking the other girl’s hand. 

“I’m Brynn, you can call me that or B. It’s whatever feels right to you,” the brunette bounced on her feet anxiously, the apple she’d grabbed earlier still in her free hand. Handing it out, she smiled. “Do you want this? I can introduce you to the rest of the house if you want. Or like.. help you unpack,” she spoke easily, but a little too quickly, her nerves always kind of apparent. Besides, if she stuck with Logan, she’d at least not have to go to the next group or deal with the other idiots that lived there. 

Though Logan was no stranger to change, this was the first time it had actually surprised her just how fast everything could change. She’d spent three years in an institution, trying to be better, trying to learn how to function in the world. And by some miracle and a lot of bravery (which she still credits the friends from her storybooks for) she had made it out and was out in the world once more. Truly it was terrifying, but she’d gotten a job, she was living with a carer, but she only had to check in with them every day and be home by a certain time so all things considered she was free.

Until one night where her nightmares had decided to come back tenfold and without even realizing what she was doing Logan had found herself breaking into the medicine cabinet in search for something to get her to sleep, anything. But breaking the cabinet ended in shattered glass and well old habits die hard as they say as the last thing she remembers was waking up with an empty pill bottle and new gashes across her skin that she hadn’t seen for nearly a year.

Just like that she had failed without even meaning to, without even realizing what she was doing.

But her mind had tricked her, it had failed her and now Logan was staring up at her new home for the next…however long.

“I…I c-can’t even put my posters u-up here?” she asked sadly. The stutter she’d also spent those three years working on making a brief appearance once more.

“You might be able to put one or two pictures up but it won’t be like you had at the apartment no.”

Frowning Logan sighed softly as she hung on tighter to her bag reluctantly shuffling her feet forward as she followed along to head inside.

“This won’t be like the hospital, it won’t be scary or isolating. You’ll be with other girls here, other ones that are just going through a rough patch as well.”

“But…But I s-said I was s-sorry…”

“I know you are sweetie, but you knew the rules. And even if you didn’t mean it, we can’t risk falling back into old habits okay? I’m sure you’ll only be here for a few months.”

Once her paperwork was filled out and she was introduced to the lady in charge of sorts, even though she wasn’t like the nurses Logan still got a ‘I’m nice but can be scary’ vibe from her. Giving a tight hug to Brenda she said a teary goodbye to the woman who’d been looking after her and followed after the lady in charge to be shown her new room.

“So this is where you’ll be staying. We do things a little differently here, there are usually three girl’s to a room but as you can see everyone has their own space within the room. This side will be yours and I’ll leave you with the handbook here, it’s got all the rules and regulations in it but it’s all pretty standard. We’re not here to boss people around or force them into something they aren’t ready for, we’re just here to help and encourage,”

“H-Help and encourage,” Logan mumbled under her breath as she glanced around the room, it was definitely bigger than the one she had at the institution and thankfully not as blinding of a white colour.

“So I’ll let you get settled and a session is just letting out so I’m sure you’ll be meeting your roommates soon enough,”

Tensing up at the idea Logan nodded gently, quietly thanking the woman before moving over to her new spot and new bed. Setting her bag on to it she was quick to unzip it, tugging out her teddy bear and gently setting him against the pillows. 

“It’ll be okay Orville, this is just…another new adventure for us that’s all”

With a small nod to herself she sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling out her colouring book and her favorite novels to set aside. Pulling this handbook closer to her she took a deep breath before flipping it open to scan the first page. Maybe this would be okay, she just…had to try and stay positive.

Brynn was used to this god forsaken place – it was the third group home she’d been admitted to in nine months and the girl she shared her room with was the fourth pregnant stoner in the same amount of time. A bed opened up every once and awhile, but no one interesting ever arrived. No one interesting existed in a hell hole like this.

It was breakfast time, just after their morning session, and the brunette saw a new face walk through the lobby – Brynn just rolled her eyes. Welcome to jail, she almost said, but something about the girl’s eyes made her stop herself.

“Love me or don’t, Travis, but take a picture if you do,” Brynn cooed, grabbing an apple and sitting at the table. “Your staring is giving me a fucking headache,” it wasn’t but half a second later that the guy started yelling at her, his fuse easily lit. A smile twitch on her features, she lived for this shit.

“Brynn, go change,” another resident demanded, pointing to her sports bra and legging combination.

“I’m going for a run, I’m allowed to wear this,” Brynn responded, her voice mocking the other girl’s.

“She’s right, Miss Taylor. Your outfit is breaking dress code and you are not going on a run,” Their house mother, who had just joined them, pointed at her and then toward the heavens to signify she should go change. It wasn’t abnormal – she broke dress code often. Rolling her eyes, she stood up.

“Your outfit is breaking dress code, too, Sharon.” She barked. “Pretty sure jeans aren’t allowed in your work attire,” Brynn grumbled as she quickly made her way upstairs, doing a few jumping jacks when she reached the top. It was when she walked into her room that she noticed the girl with the weary eyes again.  She grabbed a jacket that went with her leggings and zipped it up.

“Name?” Brynn took a couple steps forward, stopping outside of the area that the new girl was in. Sure, she was a bitch, but she knew everyone needed space.