WINCHESTER JR.

It was particularly surprising, how receptive Ben was being when he just confessed to murder but he supposed it was because of who he was living with before. Whether they killed supernaturals or not, they still killed for a living. Although he still didn’t know how much he knew, he was suspicious that they tried to keep it from him to keep him safe but everyone knew that was bullshit. The only way to be safe was to know everything. Sure, maybe he wished he wouldn’t have to be the one to tell him but it was time now that he was something else. “You don’t have to make excuses for me, Ben. You just need to learn to accept that I’m not exactly a stand-up guy.” It was something Mason had always said and he maybe didn’t understand it till now. Being a bad guy was part of him now, at least until he got this figured out. For his comfort and his own, he grabs Ben’s hand and holds it between his own as he starts to try and explain everything. “I don’t know what you know about what lurks around this town and I’m sorry if I’m telling you shit you already know. But I’m going to tell you everything.” Sighing out he looks to his eyes and wish to get lost in them before he starts. “Starting with me.” Clearing his throat, he squares his shoulders as he tries to start. “So you ever seen that really old movie with Micheal J. Fox, where it’s super bad special effects wolf makeup? It was called Teen Wolf before the stupid ass show was.” Maybe not the best reference, this kid was young after all. “Well basically my dad, I never knew him but he passed a gene on to me. It’s almost like a disease but it lies dormant until I take a life. And when I do..well come full moon I transform into a wolf. So yeah, I’m a werewolf now. Suppose I always was but it’s active now.”

Maybe there was something wrong with him. He could feel it? With how he was acting and how he felt about this all. He should be upset he’d kept something like this from him. Scared even. The situation couldn’t have been more crazy and yet, he took it in like a sponge without a single complaint. As if this was just another marker on his checklist of crazy weird stuff that kept on happening to him. How had this become his life? He didn’t even know how to fully respond to his words. How much of this did he know? That Carson was a werewolf? That werewolves exist? He didn’t know that. He can’t believe his first choice compared his life to a bad 80′s movie but he figured that was more Ben’s own benefit than his own.  But he understood the reference. However, he felt his surprise was a fake deep down. That somehow he knew all of this and yet he still experienced this as if it were new. It was awfully confusing to wrap his head around. It was unexplainable. That’s what his life had become. A confusion. A mismatch of what he thought he knew compared to what he did and felt towards it. It’s not like he’d suddenly stopped caring about Carson. It wasn’t like that. He just had to see things differently. He was listening more than anything right now. To gauge whether his emotions were in line with the logistics in his brain. And they weren’t. “Are you alone?” Ben asked. Maybe not meaning exactly that he was on his own. Ben would never want Carson to feel like he’d run out on him but in terms of being a werewolf, he can’t think what’s that’s like. “I mean, like, do you have friends like you? A pack? That’s what they call it right?” He tilts his head to the side. His brain thinking of literally everything he knew about werewolves from media.  As much as Ben knew about Mason and Carson’s friendship, Mason was something different. Part werewolf and part vampire so it wasn’t the same too. “You know I wanna help you but...it’s probably best you’ve got others like you, right? Saying that you’ve got me isn’t really gonna do anything.” As much as he disagreed with himself, it’s probably a right conclusion. He didn’t know how involved he could be in this yet alone, how involved Carson even wanted him to be. Does he want to put himself through that on top of returning to college? On top of all the other stuff. As selfish as it was, he wanted Carson around for himself because he was the only honest person around now. The only person he could trust. The only person that makes him remotely happy. 

Carson had no intentions of popping his ignorantly blissful bubble that kept him away from everything that lurked in the shadows of Mystic Falls. Unfortunately, things he didn’t plan for forced him to feel obligated to do so. His wolf side had remained dormant until now and so he could ignore it when he was with Ben. Sometimes pretend that it wasn’t something within him for the sake of the idea of a normal relationship with someone, a human harmless crush that would pan out. It flip-flopped in that way. He was stuck between two subsets of people in his life, those that were supernatural and those that were human. He felt far from the both of them which was why he attached so easily and quickly with Belle who shared his feelings. He wasn’t wolf enough to run with Mason or Astrid and he wasn’t human enough for people that feared the supernatural. The victims. Now that he’d finally made the switch he was even more confused somehow despite wanting this for quite some time or at least expecting it would happen sometime soon. He gets so caught up in his own head that he half checks out of just about everything Ben says to him at least in detail. “I don’t think so.” He tries to answer honestly as he meets his gaze again and tries to put together words to explain it all. “My friend’s powerful parents had me ransacked and kidnapped in order to use me as leverage to get her back into their grasp. So they tortured me and I had to kill someone to get myself out of there. And it changed me. In ways, you can’t really understand yet.”

Ben’s facial expression slowly changed but there’s a feeling deep down in his gut that isn’t totally bothered by the information he received. His head is telling him the facts. That Carson had killed someone and the other part, had him knowing it was self-defense. He’d like to think he knows Carson well but how true is that statement anymore? Ben doesn’t leave people in times of need and though his facial expression had made a small journey as he tries to process such information, it eventual settles with one of sadness. That he had to go through all of that. “Okay.” Was the first thing he got out, a small itch of the corner of his nose following. He just sat there and thought how hard it must have been to talk about and he’s talking. As if he owed Ben and explanation which he certainly didn’t in his eyes. He could have easily kept this to himself. Say nothing. Not tell him he’d killed someone. And what was this small part of him justifying any sort of murder? Should he be scared of that? Ben deep down knew about the means of survival but couldn’t remember where it had been taught? “Those jerks forced you to your breaking point. It was circumstantial” Ben’s moved a hand to gently rub Carson’s arm with his thumb comfortingly. It’s all he can think of. It won’t change anything. But change him in ways he doesn’t understand yet? What does that mean? He just looks at him waiting for further answers if he wanted to give them. “You know I trust you.” More than anyone. And he does. He’s been the only person he feels is being straight up with him and even with this secret or what he’s else is going to be unloaded on him, he’s kind of mental preparation. Or so he thinks he is. 

Resisting the urge to laugh at all of Ben’s responses to the question, he just grinned and nodded his head accepting them. He figured if they had, Mason probably would’ve heard about it by now from Carson. “Well, I’m back, still breathing so didn’t go too bad.” Except he came back with more than he left or at least, now it was more real. “Anyway. I said I’d answer whatever you wanted to once I got back so,” he motioned for him to start asking anything but mid motion he stopped and stood up instead. “First, though-” he raised his hands up as he approached him. “Gotta take away what I did.” Although that wasn’t the reason why, but because of his conversation with Carson, not that he was going to disclose that. Taking back the compulsion he had first forced on him, he stepped away from Ben afterwards going back to sit down like he had been. “Alright, floors all yours now.”

He didn’t really feel all that different when Mason took the compulsion away but it did make him feel full. Sometimes, it felt like a lot of things didn’t fit into place but this helped a lot. Even if Mason didn’t even take that much away from him.  “Thanks man.” It’s a blank thank you though. And he’s thankful only to an extent. He could be a little mad that he’d taken his free will from him but he’s thinking about the fact he could actually get answers to some things rather than being left in the dark. Not that he’d talk to many about this. He barely trusts anyone in town. The only person that had his trust was Dean and he’s dead. Where to start though? He had a lot of questions. “Can I finally get your name? I think me calling you blonde douchebag vampire in my mind is gettin’ kinda old.” He figured if he was going to be in Carson’s life with him, he might as well finally get Mason’s name for the sake of putting up with him. Ben hadn’t even wasted long to get to another question following that. “Are you like the Superman of vampires or something? What did you mean when you said you weren’t just a vampire?” 

As much as he’d always wanted to keep Ben in blissful ignorance about everything that made this town dark and unenjoyable, he felt that he couldn’t anymore. Now that Carson triggered his curse, he didn’t want to keep any secrets from him because Ben simply didn’t deserve to be lied to. He’d never lied to him before and he certainly wasn’t going to start doing it now. All the parental figures in his life that could’ve explained this to him well..they were gone so as his friend, it fell on him. Still, he was trying to seem a lot more dapper when he was, he’d managed to come out of his room and sit in the sill by the door to be able to see when he was coming in. He didn’t want anyone’s pity, it was his own mess to deal with. “Guess I was counting on you being more modest.” He admits with a sad excuse for a smile, nodding his way to acknowledge him now present in the house. “What’d you bring?” 

It’s really hard to see him like this but if anything, if he could make him feel the smallest bit better, that was mission accomplished for him. And maybe he’s over-compensating on trying to put on a good face for him. Ben didn’t know how to react to being told he got kidnapped and tortured. How were you supposed to? Not that he wouldn’t over there stat if it wasn’t for that too. He always wanted to see him. Ben can always kind of tell when people were keeping things from him and his suspicion was right when Carson said he wanted to tell him something. But what? Could it be any weirder than the fact a vampire had saved his life after a situation of draining his blood from him? Probably not. So he was open. “The kind of stuff my mom would tell me off for eating and remind me what a vegetable is.” Sure, his mom was dead. But he processed that just like he had with his friend from college. He hadn’t quite gotten to the Dean part yet. “I’ve got you whatever I could do with my budget. I’m going to see if I can ask my boss for my shifts or somethin’” He moved to sit down after rustling open some of the bags. “I got Doritos! I got sodas! I got cookies! Hella candy.” A small silence. “Sorry I’ve been a little MIA. School.” He definitely hadn’t forgotten about him. Just with Dean’s death and all, he threw himself into his studies and all the things Dean and his mom had wanted him to be good at before. Off the pot. Into the books. “I know it’s a stupid question but, are you okay? I don’t want to pry or anything...but uh, what happened?”