Iām honestly not coherent still. Iāve been wondering if I should just gather myself a bit more before I give you all my analysis but if Iām being honest, there is literally no way that Iām getting over that scene anytime soon. I might as well just say what I need to.
This episode blew my mind and I havenāt felt that way about the show or Sharpwin in quite some time. Just when the fandom seemed to be growing weary of the āwill they/wonāt theyā storyline, they do something that sucked us back into this dark hole filled with expectations and hope. How do they do that?! Why do they do that?! These writers really know what theyāre doing! Nevertheless, weāre here, still committed to our golden ship and enjoying this painstaking but hopefully fulfilling journey theyāre on.
Letās start at the beginning.
Iāve been wondering for quite some time if Alice was necessary. And for a long time I genuinely felt like she wasnāt. After 2x16, Iām beginning to understand a little more why her plot adds something substantial to Sharpwinās storyline. Let me explain. Max is as stubborn as a mule. He always was and I think that heād be no different about his love life, especially after Georgiaās demise. It was initially so confusing to me that he gave Helen such a hard time before he could actually lean on her, given the closeness of their relationship. His excuse was that he wanted to spare her. He didnāt want her to feel any of what he was going through. His relationship with Alice is different. With Alice, there is a mutual understanding of what losing a spouse feels like, so there are things they donāt need to communicate to feel as though they are safe and understood.
I think he was always so careful with Helen because he has this innate instinct to protect her-even from himself. And though relationships should never be one sided (which is something she has called him out on multiple times in this season alone), he doesnāt want to feel like dead weight in their relationship. He had cancer before. Heās now a widower. He always seems to have something going on. He always needs her. But does she really need him? Schulner asked that question in an interview some time last year and I was going off on Twitter when he said Helen doesnāt need Max. I was so frustrated by that because I didnāt want to see another āstrong, independent Black womanā trope. I wanted to see Helen lean and ask for help.
That brings me to my other point. I really sat distracted for minutes on end ruminating on Helen telling Max that she needs him. I have said it before (maybe on Twitter) that her being an only child makes her behavior more sensible. Sheās so used to doing it alone that she struggles to ask for help. She said that she NEEDS the Max who is all things to all people. In other words, she needs him to be her āall of the above.ā THE PARALLELS! *chefās kiss*
I honestly love that theyāve been exploring her opening up a little more. Sheās not just going to Max solely because heās the medical director. Sheās finding a safe place in him. She can do it alone but she does not have to. Slowly but surely, sheās becoming more comfortable in that space. Even if itās just to burden him by venting her frustrations about patients, Iām happy that sheās even doing that. There are so many other ways that she can still open up but their love story isnāt the easiest one to tell. I believe that the writers are trying to respect Georgiaās place in Maxās life, Luna and still try to progress Sharpwin tastefully and authentically. If youāve noticed, and Iām sure you have, Helen has barely interacted with Luna save for showing some meaningful advancements in their relationship. Luna had her first laugh with her after Max tried practically everything to get his very serious baby to smile. Helen went from calling Luna āthis little munchkinā to āmy little munchkinā indicating her possessiveness of the child. Foreshadowing!
How deeply do they love each other?
People try to say that actions speak louder than words as though words are unnecessary. Theyāre not. Max hasnāt been blind. He has seen what Helen has done for him. This time, he didnāt need another selfless act. He needed her words. Iād tell you why shortly. Itās funny because it is the exact opposite for Helen. Sheās heard his words. Heās pretty good with his speeches. Heās charismatic and she said it herself in 1x17 that he knows how to get her to do anything with his āimpossible demands.ā Sheās heard his:
āIām willing to partner. Be my partner.ā
āI will take it slow because I love my doctor.ā
āWe make a great team.ā
āBut what if I want you?ā
āI canāt do this without you.ā
Sheās heard it all. But has she seen his actions? Iād let you decide.
Helen is so cautious with her heart and I donāt blame her. However, I could only imagine how much her silence has been a point of contention for Max. He probes but she keeps so much to herself that he doesnāt entirely know where she stands.....until now. In the final scene in 2x10, he went off at the mouth giving one of his adorable speeches, practically showing her his heart with no walls around it, for her to just look at him when he asked, āSo you found a reason to stay?ā
Max has too much to lose if he explicitly tells Helen how he feels. Iām not talking about all the things he has said before. I mean no subtext. No reading between any lines. I mean plain English so that nothing can be misconstrued. He has Luna. He has a heart that has been completely broken and heās only now trying to salvage whatās left of it. Helen has helped him pick up some pieces but there are still pieces that can only be glued together with romantic love. Itās hard to risk the relationship with the person you value the most on a romantic relationship when they havenāt said in clear terms that they want you. He knows that if they donāt work out, he stands to lose her place in his life. I honestly think that scares him. Losing her in any capacity utterly scares him. I genuinely donāt think heād survive it. Iāve always said that he survived losing Georgia because he still had Helen. If Helen is gone, there is nothing left. Luna, though he loves her, could never be enough to fill Helenās space in his life. After all, sheās just a child.
Helen tried to walk away yet again. All season long, whenever Max confronted her and made things uncomfortable between them, she chose to walk away. Iāve wondered why. Deep down, she knows how she feels and truthfully, untimely love is scary love. The fact that she called him out so blatantly by telling him, āI think you already doā only implies that she believes he is aware of that. So why is she holding back? Her fear is different. She knows heās not ready for her. She knows that she wants a serious relationship. She wants children. Max is not at that point. Heās barely making it trying to father Luna. She made it so clear early on in the season that her desire to be a mom is still there but the caveat is that she doesnāt want to do it alone. They are at different stages of life and theyād ultimately clash if they get together now.
The way his voice softened when he said, āThen just tell meā is everything Iāve been writing for you all in these fanfics. Iāve said it ad nauseam that Max knows exactly how to get her to open up. All he had to do was use his blue-green, puppy dog eyes and soften his voice as if he were pleading and she had to spill the truth. Helen loses her resolve when he does that. Her response came across as frustration. She was frustrated that he wanted her to tell him something that was so obvious. But as I said before, he needed her words. She needs his actions. How much do you want to bet that Helenās love language is acts of service and Maxās is words of affirmation? Thatās why they need those things from each other because thatās how they interpret love. We tend to give love the way we receive it and sometimes not the way people need it. Helen will bend over backwards for Max and heād simply say all the things he thinks she wants to hear while omitting what she may need him to do.
āI did it for you. Everything I have done, I have done for you.ā
She couldāve stopped at that first sentence. She made it a point to say EVERYTHING. Logically, I had to think about what encapsulated everything. Honestly, what hasnāt Helen done for Max is probably an easier question to ask. Sheās risked so much for him-her career, her life (when she stood in front of a loaded gun), her damn self tbh which she addressed in 1x17. In essence, nothing ever seems to be too much when it comes to him. She didnāt need to think long and hard to lose half of her department to Castro on his behalf. Thatās a part of what love is- selfless acts; giving of oneself to another person without expectations. Sheād waste hundreds of dollars on a cleaning service for him, make space in her schedule just to hold his hand for a feeding tube, rally her colleagues to help her clean his apartment, offer to babysit his child so he could have some alone time, run the hospital when heās busy with Luna just so she could take some weight off his shoulders and offer to carry out his final wishes. Most of all, sheād save his life. She may not have said much up until that moment but everything she has done only proves how much she loves him.
The struggle that Ryan was able to convey in that scene was some A class acting. You could see Max fighting himself. He closed the distance, bravely challenging himself to do something. He looked down at her lips contemplating his next moves. He looked straight in her eyes seeing nothing but vulnerability and anticipation in them. She was literally holding her breath while searching his eyes, waiting for him to make his next move. Then his finger found his constant reminder that he wasnāt there yet. The agony of wanting her but not being ready for her was on full display. She saw it. Though he spoke no words, her face fell at the realization that what she had feared was really true. He just wasnāt ready. Trying to avoid a beautiful disaster, she could only do what her mind trained her feet to do-walk away.
The fact that Max was ready to give it all up for Helen spoke volumes. Did he get scared? Did he just overthink the moment? Did he remember he slept with Alice that morning and was now looking at his forever in a way he never looked at anyone else before? How would he even explain himself to Helen? How would he break things off with Alice while being involved with Helen? Messy. All of it is messy.
Helen deserves a man who not only wants her, but is ready for her. Max is that man but not entirely. They deserve each other but heās not there yet. He will be though. As much as I grow impatient at times, the truth is, I rather wait for them to be ready than suffer through a premature and ill timed relationship, only to have them break up multiple times over the next few seasons. Itās not good to awaken love before itās time anyway.
My only concern now is how did the events of this episode change Sharpwin? I reckon that it must. How can these two people go back to what they were, ignoring what is now so blatantly obvious between them? Before, they couldāve feigned ignorance but now, they just canāt. Things must get awkward. Breaths must become hitched. Eyes must linger longer now. Words must fail them. Tensions must rise. And we must lose our good minds and shed a few tears.
Will Helen try to withdraw and keep some distance between her and Max? Will Max be so distracted about Helen that Alice notices and decides to break it off? When will he take off that damn ring? Will he be brave enough to channel the aggression and unrelenting behavior that so easily manifests in his work life, in his personal life with Helen? Would their colleagues notice the change in their relationship and call them out on it?
Questions. I have so many.
Answers. I canāt wait to receive.
Nevertheless, my fellow Sharpwin shippers, this validation felt empowering. The moment I saw these two grace my screen on September 25th 2018, I knew there was something there that Iād never be able to ignore. People thought I was crazy and I heard the married argument too many times to count. I was never crazy. Iām sure if youāve been around long enough in this fandom, youābe encountered the same thing. It was always there lying beneath the surface waiting to erupt at the right time.
No one could portray Sharpwin as effortlessly as Ryan and Freema do. I honestly donāt know how and why we all got so terribly lucky to have these two leads, but I am so grateful. My favorite thing is that Sharpwinās most intense and memorable moments often have very few exchange of words. They communicate so much non verbally and that seems to resonate so deeply with viewers. That it is a testament to the organic chemistry and stellar performance by Ryan and Freema. Most times I really feel like Iām intruding and given access to something I shouldnāt witness. Theyāre that good! I wish you guys could see how I react watching their scenes. Tears and screams and just drama of the Oscar worthy variety!
If there were still any doubts, the lyrics to Sleeping Alone by Lykke Li which played during their final scene say it all about what the future holds for these two.
If you save your heart for mine
We'll meet again, we'll meet again
Iād be honest with you, theyāre still not getting together anytime soon. But Iād like to assure you of one thing though, theyāre endgame. We have at least one more season (if Schulner acts the fool, then two) of this will they/wonāt they game left to play. There is much more development to be had on both their parts before theyād be ready to explore a romantic relationship. Theyāre probably going to argue and make up, Helen will date that new doctor, Helen may grow closer to Luna, they may end up in another life/death situation, we may meet their parents etc before they take that plunge. But, we have each other, to talk trash with on social media platforms and scream and cry over all the angsty goodness that awaits us.
Hold onto your hats because we are in for one hell of a ride!
P.S. Everything Everything by Lianne La Havas really goes well with that last scene. I was crying (again) listening to it and thinking about that scene. Thanks to the talented people in the fandom for their gifs āŗļø
Iād love to hear your thoughts! Iām sure you noticed things I didnāt even realize! Letās discuss š
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