a former male friend of suffered years of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of his girlfriend. Note: He was a large guy (a good 6'1, pretty muscular, and knew about fighting from past years of his dad teaching him some moves he had learned from martial arts training from when he was young)
Now, his girlfriend was a measly little bitch (I know itβs bad to throw around that term βIts so harmful to women blah blahβ she was barely human, and I dont even think sheβs worthy of being considered a βwomanβ so Iβll call her what I like for this story) barely scraping 5'3, not a muscle on her, the bone and body structure of a 12 year old. You may be thinking βI get how she could abuse him mentally, but how on earth could she physically abuse someone who could easily put her through some drywallβ the answer: People like y'all.
This worm of a human would slap and punch him in the face as hard as she could, hit him in his groin, kick him in his bad knee (he broke when he was younger and it never quite healed right); stab him with things like crochet needles, forks, her nails, small eyebrow scissors, etc. If she was mad at him she would put allergens in his food (He was lactose intolerant to a pretty bad degree and would get horrible stomach aches, cramps, digestive problems, and nausea if he consumed dairy) so she would put regular milk in his coffee instead of the lactose free milk he drank, as well as regular dairy products in things like desserts she would bake, soup, smoothies she would make him; Anything she could hide milk, cream, or cheese in without him noticing.
Again, some of you might be thinking βWhy didnβt he catch on, fight back, leave, etcβ Well, Iβll tell you why: Itβs because he was not only a victim of abuse who was regularly told he was loved by his abuser, despite all the abuse, but he was also a victim of a society which regularly told him that he was not a victim of anything. He was larger than her, smart, financially stable, and everything you think would be needed to magically βGet out and surviveβ as you say.
She made sure he didnβt fight back, she would tell him things that no person should be told, like how βshe wish she was the man in the relationship so she could rape himβ, or how she could kill him and he wouldnβt be able to fight back without her telling her father he was beating her, to which her dad would promptly βStab him in the neckβ; she told him he was useless, pathetic, weak, and βnothing but a dick for her to rideβ. After all these things he would still not leave, ya wanna know why?
Because after she was done, sheβd tell him she loved him, that he didnβt have to worry about talking about his interests with her because she loved hearing about them, how he didnβt have to worry about crying in front of her because she wouldnβt think any less of him. She would speak of their future and her amazing laughs and smiles she would share with him, she would comfort him when he was sad and tell him everything he wanted to hear.
And thatβs how he didnβt βescape and surviveβ for 2 years, and tolerated endless abuse. He finally left when his brother-in-law invited him and his βgirlfriendβ to his house to play games and hangout for 4th of July. Unbeknownst to the maggot, his BiL had security cameras around his house from a former break in, and those same cameras caught her punching, kicking, and swinging at him with a metal knife-sharpening rod (I donβt know what theyβre called but theyβre the heavy ass metal ones the chefs use) because he said that he wasnt comfortable with her driving after she drank the whole night.
His BiL promptly kicked her across the room as she was hitting him and got him locked in a room and her out the house with threats of the police. It took a solid 3 weeks of slowly opening up to his family, telling stories, ignoring berating texts and calls and threats from her, and having to move all of his stuff out of their shared apartment in the 6 hour window she was at work because he was genuinely terrified she would show up.
Endless nights were spent having panic attacks, nightmares, being coaxed into getting therapy and counseling, and finally admitting to himself that he had been abused. And after that, was a flurry of him trying to get acceptance.
Almost every domestic abuse counselor was marketed to women, as well as meetings where he was the only man in the room; people assuming he was gay and had to have been abused by a man, or that his girlfriend was a martial arts master or other countless ridiculous things instead of just accepting that he was a victim of domestic abuse by a woman, as a man.
Does the domestic violence against women outweigh the violence against men? From the studies, most likely. Does that make either violence easier, more acceptable, less traumatic or less debilitating? Fuck. No.
So, in conclusion, men can be, and are being abused. Is it different than female abuse? Yes. But poisoning someoneβs drink is different than poisoning someoneβs food, but it is still poison. So get y'alls heads out of y'alls asses and help men instead of spouting a bunch of shit at them to make yourself looks like the bigger victim. Say βOur cases are different, but are both traumatic and painful, and I will do all I can to helpβ
To ALL domestic abuse victims. You are strong, you are truly loved, and there is help out there, no matter where in life you are. Never hesitate to message me if you need to talk.
