MBTI Ruined My View Of Other People

Dominant: Fe

If Extraverted Feeling were to be summarized into a phrase, it would be ‘concerned with people.’ Fe is all about people; connecting with people, understanding people, observing people, understanding morality, and understanding the ‘why’ behind how people act. For people who have Fe as a dominant function (ExFJs), their personalities reflect this. Even when socially introverted, Fe dominants crave some form of connection with people and have a deep understanding of how people are. It is because of this that many Fe dominants have an air of “forbidden knowledge” or “motherliness” about them. For ExFJs, because Fe is their dominant function, this response feels much more automatic and unconscious. It’s their go-to point of view in every situation, so it feels more automatic/ like a feeling than something they have to think about.

To make Fe a bit more clear, I’ll explain it in relation to Fi. As I explained in a previous post, Fi is all about understanding what the individual person expects from themself, what they feel, what they think of a situation, etc. Fe is like if you took all of those qualities but then directed them outward. So Fe understands what others expect of them, social norms, absorb what others feel, and what people generally think of certain social situations. The main reason behind this is because, well, Fe is extraverted. This constant “outwardness” is also what can cause Fe-dominants to freeze up with someone “exposes” a part of the Fe-user. It’s not that they don’t enjoy being complimented or being helped, but they’re so use to putting themselves out there, that when they’re put back inwards (and ultimately reflect on themselves) it can feel “out of their comfort-zone.” So with that, Fe also needs other people to “bounce off of” so they can:

Understand what they individually think of a situation and work on their internal thinking.

Come to a conclusion on a topic, even if they don’t morally necessarily agree with the conclusion.

Understand themselves through others without risking awkwardness/breaking social norms.

A major influence into this need is because Fe is a judging function, which means it is primarily concerned with making decisions or judging how things are. Most of the time, people. However, it is also concerned with understanding people so that it can make a “good” decision for everyone. This is where Ti sort of plays a part. Fe dominants want to do what’s best/accurate for people, especially those they love, so they look for others opinions. These opinions are then taken into consideration to help the Fe dominant make their decision. To some people this can appear like being indecisive or being a “people pleaser.” However, this is just how Fe makes decisions and makes sure it makes the right decision.

In an earlier post, I believe I explained the process of looking for opinions as like Fe needs other people to have an opinion. As I’m thinking about it, I’m starting to realize that that could be taken as “Fe dominants don’t have opinions and just go with whatever people tell them to.” That is wrong, and actually many Fe users are the first to point out when something isn’t right. While some immature Fe-dominants can definitely have a codependent quality, what I meant was more along the lines of that in order to completely understand their own thoughts/feelings, Fe dominants HAVE to “air it out” in some way. For example, talking to someone they trust about something they need to make a decision on. This does not mean that they do not have opinions of their own or do not value their alone time. It simply means that their ability to connect with people is crucial to their ability to live, not just survive.

This need to “air out” can cause ENFJs to appear emotional. However without the ability to “air everything out,” Fe dominants become unhealthy and can enter a grip/loop, which is what will cause them to actually be emotional. A big factor into this is that they have inferior Ti, which means that without access to interpersonal relationships, Fe dominants can become huge over-thinkers. This can cause Fe dominants to appear “obsessive” or “controlling” in their own way. I will explain more of this under ‘Inferior: Ti,’ but essentially as long as the ENFJ has access to other people and they are able to build connections, they will be happy.

With that being said, ENFJs have the tendency to overextend themselves because of their need to try to fit in. This stems from the need for reliable relationships. This typically happens because dominant Fe users are not naturally in-tune with how they feel, so they can easily “forget” themselves for the sake of other people. This can make the ENFJ highly aware of other’s conflicting opinions/emotions, which is also because of this that Fe dominants can experience “feeling everyone in a room.” Their ability to understand every single person’s experience and fundamental way of being can cause the Fe-dominant to feel as though they have “absorbed” everyone. This can cause issues, such as a lack of personal identity, exhaustion, create an emphasis on “keeping the peace,” and make them people pleasers. The best way to overcome this is to work on boundary setting, which can feel very selfish. However, boundaries are crucial for the health of the Fe dominant.

Auxiliary: Ni

Introverted Intuition is the helper to Fe. Simply put, Ni takes in the information absorbed by Fe and then directs the train-of-thought on where to go with said information. Think of it like a train. Yes, there is a train, and yes, there are people on that train who pay for that train, but the train would be useless without a conductor. Ni is sort of like the conductor in this case.

For ENFJs, because Fe identifies what other people feel/expect, Ni tells the ENFJ what to do about it. For a lot of ENFJs, this can look something like:

Fe: Yo, so I just noticed that my best friend went silent after I mentioned her fiancé and I can't help but feel like something bad happened.

Se: Also, her ring was gone? What was that about?

Ni: Oh, so that probably means that they broke up. If we ask her about it, she may feel bad. If we don't mention it, she might stuff her emotions up and then lash out/feel lonely/get mad at us or other people. We should ask her if she wants to talk about it.

Ni, in the auxiliary position is right next to Se. This creates a conflict, yes, which I will explain in a second, however it also allows the two to work hand-in-hand. For Ni, the relationship with Se is like being the "older sibling." Se provides a grounded-ness to Ni, as in Se allows Ni to create assumptions based off of real-world "facts." Ni guides Se by giving Se a path to use its talents, such as fixing real-world problems. For ENFJs, this appears mostly in relationships or with other people's problems.

However, I cannot say this without explaining that Ni and Se often do not get along. I've sort of explained this in previous posts, but the auxiliary and tertiary functions often conflict. It's like when you have two people in a kitchen trying to work but they keep having to reach over each other and end up bumping into one another. Both parties are obviously needed for the function of the kitchen, but it can get extremely annoying for the two to constantly be around each other.

Ni has the tendency to get carried away with how things will happen, also considering that Ti presents itself through Ni. You know, taking an observation and running with it with seemingly "logical" conclusions, and then insisting that it knows the best plan of action. Se is concerned with how things are, as in what is actually happening in real time. What ends up happening is that the two become frustrated with each other. This creates conflict. Because the auxiliary and the tertiary functions are the more "conscious" functions, this tends to be observed consciously by the ENFJ, leading to stress. Usually, Ni tends to come out on top of this conflict. However, when it doesn't, this usually triggers a loop which can then sometimes lead to a grip.

Tertiary: Se

Extraverted Sensing is the main part of the ENFJ that creates both a sense of freedom and stress. On one end, ENFJs tend to do better in learning if they can apply their knowledge in hands-on/practical ways. Likewise, getting into the world around them, such as through walking or talking to others, is beneficial to their mental stability. This is where many ENFJs end up developing hobbies, such as playing an instrument, hiking, biking, writing, sewing, baking, cooking, woodwork, etc. This also allows them to be in-tune with aesthetic elements. These characteristics/hobbies not only allow the ENFJ to experience new sensations, but they also allow the ENFJ to get out of their head and into the real world.

However, with that being said, Se is where ENFJs can hit a “stress-point.” This typically happens because when Fe and Se get together, it can allow the ENFJ to enter a “flow-state” with their environment. What I mean by that is that ENFJs can feel as though they are completely one with their environment, the people in their environment, and the actions that they are performing. While this can be beneficial, as it can allow the ENFJ to “melt” into their environment, it can cause the ENFJ to feel as though they “feel everything.” Such as, for example, feel the emotions that others are feeling, understand what someone is thinking, and understand what their environment, in general, needs without really needing to think about it. This can cause the ENFJ to appear as though they can forget themselves and take on the identity of everything around them. They also can use this quality to distract themselves from stressors affecting their life. Simply put, they are at high risk of lacking boundaries.

Another characteristic I'd like to throw in is that because Se is a "weaker" function, it can become irritated with concepts that do not fit what it wants. Such as impracticality.

On a more conscious level, the ENFJ can enter a Se loop. To recap on what a loop is, it is when the dominant function, instead of going to the auxiliary function, skips over it and goes to the tertiary function. While on paper this doesn't sound bad, this usually doesn't happen unless a type is under stress. You also have to keep in mind that the tertiary function is a weaker function and isn't usually developed until later on in life, like around the early-mid 20s. Even then, the function isn't that strong; it's not equipped to be depended on. It's like if you had a felon running your country (oh, wait-).

Se loops can look like becoming more impulsive, taking on other people's emotions/problems impulsively, over-indulgence in the physical (like eating too much of a certain food, drinking), and trying things you normally wouldn't because of impulsivity. Also, it can appear as desperately trying to interact with people and feeling as though you're not showing your true self. This is where the stereotype of ENFJs being "fake" comes from.

Now, this brings up another question: "If Se is weak and becomes stressed when someone is already stressed, doesn't Se eventually crash?" Yes, anonymous person in my head, yes it does. Most of the time a grip can be stopped and usually is. To stop a Se grip, you have to reinforce Ni. So, try to start thinking about what you're doing before you do it, ask yourself how you taking on other's problems will stress you later, how an impulsive decision will negatively impact you, etc.

However, when a grip is not stopped, this is when someone can enter a grip. I explained in the next section what a grip is, however, I'll explain it here as well. A grip is when all of the other three functions are burnt out, so everything is left up to the inferior function. I go into more detail about this in the next section, but basically, a loop can create a grip. This doesn't always happen, obviously, but it can. So take care of yourselves!

Inferior: Ti

Introverted Thinking is the part of the ENFJ that makes them obsess over finding out how things ‘are.’ This can come in handy, especially for when they have to figure out technical problems or learn something new. However, because it is in the inferior placement, this is all it can really be good for, as it is also the part of the ENFJ that they feel they have to hide. For healthy types, Ti finds a way to redirect itself through Fe in social situations. This means that Ti will be shown through how the ENFJ interacts with people, for example, unconsciously understanding why most people react a certain way to a certain statement. In situations where the ENFJ has to learn something technical or less people-based, Ti will present through Se.

The negative part of this need to figure things out is that Ti can cause the ENFJ to obsess over behaviors and/or relationships. Ti, especially in this type, acts like an analyst, always looking for inaccuracies, errors, and sometimes underlying meanings. For ENFJs, because they are people-oriented, this is shown through how they think about their interactions. This can appear one of two ways:

They try to figure out why someone does a certain thing which then can lead to;

They feel as though others judge them for not adhering to unknown expectations.

Both of these cases are due to the feeling of lack of adherence to a specific sense of morality.

This then causes the ENFJ to think over their situations with people, try to figure out “why” someone responded a certain way and/or that person’s intentions. This can then sometimes lead to the ENFJ blaming themself and then reinforcing pressure to meet other people’s expectations. To others, this can appear like a need for reassurance, people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and insecurity.

The other conclusion to this train of thought is a Ti grip. To recap, a grip is when a person uses their other three functions to the point of exhaustion, so there is no other choice but to rely on the inferior function. This is most common in people who are stressed, and those who have experienced trauma are more prone to falling into these grips. For ENFJs, they enter a Ti grip.

The biggest characteristic of a Ti grip is the thought that, as an ENFJ, they have been used by everyone around them and that they cannot give anymore. This then causes the ENFJ to become resentful, move away from other people, and become highly suspicious of other people’s motives. They also may feel caught between a rock-in-a-hard-place because the ENFJ ends up not communicating their needs properly (typically out of fear of being selfish), so they still want other people in their lives. However, they’ve learned that unless they are taking on other people’s problems, playing a parental role in someone’s life, or giving to others, then they are ultimately undesirable. This just then reinforces the process of leading to a Ti grip. It also explains why many ENFJs identify as an enneagram 2.

I would also like to throw in that these moments can look very similar to an unhealthy Ti-dominant type (INTP and ISTP). It can cause ENFJs, especially those with trauma, to mistype as some of these types. As someone who is a high Fe-user who's diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, when in a depressive episode I tend to have a striking resemblance to my dad (INTP w/ clinical depression). The main difference is to understand that this is not who the Fe dom is all of the time, and that these are mostly just responses to stressors/triggers. These moments generally should not last super long, and if they do, I advise that you look into considering that you could be an unhealthy Ti-dominant. Yay life!

The best way to get out of this state is by reinforcing a higher function, particularly Ni, but Fe will also work. Fe will allow the ENFJ to tie in the “judgement” of how people are. Ni will then allow the ENFJ to take that judgment and see the situation for how it is then move to potentially solve the problem.

For ENFJs, they end up feeling used because they are not surrounded by the right people. This usually comes from a lack of boundary setting. While I understand that everyone must walk their own path, boundary setting will help eliminate people who do not truly care for you and will make room for people who do care for you.

That is it for part 8! If you are wondering, the header is of the wonderful Dr. Maya Angelou. She was a wonderful writer, poet, and activist, and I 100% recommend you check out her literature. Her poetry is just ‘phenomenal.’

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please ask! I have fixed the ask button at the top of my page (please let me know if it actually works)! However, you are also free to ask in the comments. Have a great day, council! Till next time.

“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”

ENFP and INFP: Okay so starting off with the first question. People are right in that the main difference between ENFP and INFP is within the auxiliary and tertiary functions. I will explain this in a second. However, with that being said, it can be really hard to distinguish the two because their functions are sooo similar and are presented sooo similarly. So this is where you can begin to tie in some your stereotypical character traits (like how do they gain energy, how do they talk to people, etc). Now of course I don’t actually mean stereotype, but just observe for yourself how the two types are similar and different. ENFPs and INFPs can look very similar on paper, but in real life they can be quite different in how they present.

In my observation, ENFPs tend to be worse about people pleasing because of their dominant Ne. Ne is based around building connections and understanding how things relate. It is also a perceiving function, so it does not judge ideas first. For ENFPs the Fi, which is the judging function in this case, is used to support the non-judging function. For a lot of ENFPs, this can look like having a conversation with someone, agreeing with what they’re saying because… well… they understand where they’re coming from, but afterwards, thinking about the conversation, and then realizing that they actually strongly disagree with the statement. ENFPs can have a strong “Fe presentation” because of this.

I also want to add that judging and non-judging functions present exactly how they sound. Judging functions (like Fi) are primarily focused on judging the credibility of information, ideas, etc. Non-judging functions (like Ne) are focused on absorbing information, rather than immediately judging its validity. For ENFPs, they will try to understand without emotions or morality (also a part of tertiary Te because of its need for objectivity). For INFPs, while they may begin to understand after a period of time, after getting their thoughts out, and communicating, their immediate reaction will be more geared towards rejecting what does not fit their morals. This is a part of inferior Te.

For INFPs, the realization of their strong disagreement is much more instantaneous. If they were in a conversation with someone and said person said something they disagreed with, they wouldn’t necessarily say anything, but they would know that they disagree. Like within the moment they disagree. It is because of this that I find that INFPs can actually be much more open about how they feel. For example, my boyfriend (INFP), even though he is more introspective, is much more willing to talk about what he thinks and feels compared to my friend (ENFP), whom I had to open up to first before he even considered opening up to me. This is also because the tertiary Te judges Fi harrrddddd in ENFPs, often making them feel “too open” or “stupid” for thinking what they think.

The last part of this topic is really the most critical part, and that is the auxiliary and tertiary function placements. You mentioned in your comment that you have heard this before, so I’ll try to explain it in depth so hopefully add some insight. What a lot of resources do not explain well is that the auxiliary and tertiary functions are a place of conflict for every type. This is because these two functions tend to be the functions people are most aware of. For ENFPs, the conflict is primarily between their Fi and Te. Their Fi identifies that they don’t agree with something, but their Te comes in from a place of “But what you think with isn’t the truth? Not everyone thinks like that? That’s not objective! You’re being irrational!” However, because Fi is higher up on the stack for ENFPs, it tends to take priority, which can then cause tension.

For INFPs, the conflict is between Ne and Si. Si is not just based on the past or tradition or remembering things. Si is also based around understanding how things feel to the individual person and sticking to what feels “normal” or “safe” or “real” to the individual. Ne, because it is all about new ideas, wants the INFP to get outside of their head/feelings/morality. Ne wants to create new ideas and build up connections with others, similar to the ENFP. However, because Si wants to create stability and structure, it contradicts Ne by saying “But is it safe to interact with these ideas? How do I know I won’t get hurt? This bad thing happened before when I tried to do something similar! What if it happens again?” Ne, because it has higher priority will then counteract these thoughts or create a stronger desire to explore, which will then create tension.

Enneagram: Before we begin this, I just want to say that this section is very deep so sorry if it triggers anyone. Also, in response to the idea that INFPs can only be 4s and 6s, I totally disagree, especially when you consider the amount of repressed emotions/morals INFPs have, it makes sense that they could fall under 9s, 1s, etc. However, my job is to educate on the topic, not to drop my opinions. So, instead I have provided an explanation of what the Enneagram is and the 9 different types so that you can form your own opinions on the topic.

The Enneagram is a theory focused on describing people based off of their desires, fears, and how they emotionally interact with the world. I think I’ve explained this before, but if you were to think of the MBTI as a way to describe how people think and why they think, the Enneagram would describe somewhat of what they feel and how that influences what they think.

At the most elementary level of the Enneagram, you have what we call instinctual types. It is, quite literally, typing you based off of what human instinct you use the most. There are three different types: sexual (sx), social (so), and self-preserving (sp). What your type is is set up as “dominant instinct/secondary instinct.” For example, someone who is a sexual dominant and a self-preserving second would be set up as “sx/sp.” We often leave out the last instinct because it is the “blindspot” of your personality, meaning it’s what you’re bad at/you don’t use it. Similarly to the MBTI, the secondary instinct is used to support the dominant instinct.

Sexual dominant people are people who are focused on one-on-one intimacy. They work better with small groups, or even better one other person. They enjoy intensity, want to be desired emotionally, and tend to be quite passionate themselves. They are generally described as intense and searching for their “specific person.” These characteristics alter depending on which of the nine enneagram types they are.

Social dominant people look for support from society. They want to belong to a group of people. Likewise, they tend to look for a social identity and recognition. Some people say they also look for success; I categorize success under recognition. These people are often described as open, warm, and sometimes superficial. Now, of course, this can alter depending on which of the nine types they fall under.

Self-preserving people are focused on surviving the world. They find ways to protect themselves, what they love, and create stability. These people are often described as defensive, grounded, and security-oriented.

These instinctual variants show how your main enneagram type is presented, or how you experience it.

Now we get into the nine types. The nine enneagram types are related to instinctual variants as they are also broken down into three triads. These triads basically group together three types based off of their basic fears and desires. The three triads are: Head, Heart, and Gut.

The Head types are 5s, 6s, and 7s. These types interact with the world from a place of fear and overthinking. For example, 5s fear having a loss of independence. They use knowledge as a defense mechanism. 6s fear of being without stability. They use material possessions as a way to protect themselves. 7s fear being unhappy, so they stay involved with life to protect themselves from their pain.

The Heart types are 2s, 3s, and 4s. These types interact with the world from a place of being ashamed of themselves. 2s try sooo hard to take care of other people because they feel like they cannot do enough to be enough for others. 3s feel unworthy and unsuccessful, so they try to be great achievers to counteract this. 4s feel ashamed because they can never really figure out what they are, and ultimately also feel undesired, so they try to form a sense of identity.

The Gut/Instinctual types are 1s, 8s, and 9s. These types interact with the world from a place of anger and resentment. They are referred to the instinctual types because they allow their gut feelings to guide how they interact with their anger. For example, 9s suppress their anger and avoid conflict because they don’t know how to actually interact with its intensity. 8s embrace their anger by using it to fuel their actions. 1s turn their anger inward and turn it into a critic, hence why they can be so critical of themselves and others.

How these core fears are presented can come in many different forms. This is why we have 9 different types.

1- perfectionistic, ethical, needs integrity and logic. These people create their ideal world and can be harsh towards themselves if it is not created. These people probably had some sort of issue of never quite feeling good enough, or they were pressured to conform to a strict moral code. Can act similar to healthy 7s when in growth. Can act like unhealthy 4s when stressed.

2- warm, generous, needs love. These people give love away so freely in the idea that they will hopefully get it back. They believe that love is selfless and ultimately try to give away a selfless love, without realizing that wanting love is still a form of asking. These people probably lacked proper nurture from a parental figure in their life. Learned that the only way they can be loved is by doing, not being. Can act similar to healthy 4s when in growth. Can act like unhealthy 8s when stressed.

3- achievers, adaptable, needs to be recognized. These people feel the need to be successful in order to be recognized by people they love. Their self worth is based around how they present to others, how they conform to others ideas of success, and what they achieve in life. These people learned that the only way they could truly be loved was by conforming to a parental figure’s idea of success. For example, earning straight As, winning a pageant, performing music weekly at their church, etc. Can act like healthy 6s when in growth. Can act like unhealthy 9s when stressed.

4- introspective, warm, water-like, desires meaning and authenticity. These people feel the need to create a form of identity that is true to them. Likewise, these people are always on the lookout for who they are. Growing up, 4s probably did not feel seen by their family as a whole, disconnected from their family as a whole, or like sought advice did not actually resonate. 4s then learned to accept that there something “off” or different about them that they did not see, which then made them search to figure out what that “off” thing actually was. Desire to feel seen for who they are. Can act like healthy 1s when in growth. Can act like unhealthy 2s when stressed.

5- independent, cerebral, private, desires to feel self-sufficient. 5s seek knowledge and self-sufficiency because they do not now how to live without it. 5s probably grew up in an environment where their existence was rejected, or their need for love was rejected. They felt unseen, and from that grew fear, so they developed the idea of “if I can depend on myself, I then won’t need other people!” This then created the desire for knowledge. Likewise, 5s do not like others asking too much of them, not because they actually genuinely dislike it, but because they don’t know how to be asked of. They don’t know how to make themselves seen. Can act like healthy 8s when in growth. Can act like unhealthy 7s when stressed.

6- safety-oriented, skeptical, desires to feel safe via certainty and physical stability. 6s seek safety in their world to make up for the lack of trust they have. 6s unfortunately distrust many things, including themselves, and can see how many situations can go wrong. Growing up, 6s were probably attached to someone who ended up betraying them or neglecting them. Out of violation of this trust, 6s began creating a “plan” as to how to be safe in every possible scenario, even when they are already safe where they are. 6s desire connection and stability, but often have a hard time creating it as they can’t seem to trust those they try to connect and create stability with. Can act like healthy 9s when in growth. Can act like unhealthy 3s when stressed.

7- spontaneous, excitable, distracted, seeks to avoid pain. These people fear pain because they fear being without. By creating their own happiness (or by trying to find new “happy” experiences), how could they possibly be without? 7s probably had an issue with a nurturer in which they knew they couldn’t get what they needed. So, they became self-reliant to learned to depend on themselves for good experiences. 7s began to seek out happy experiences, which slowly turned into a constant need for happiness. This also means a potential lack of commitment because commitment means staying even through unhappy moments. How can you ever be dragged down if there’s nothing tied to you to drag you down? Can act like healthy 5s when in growth. Act like unhealthy 1s when stressed.

8- strong, independent, assertive, need to feel in control so they are not hurt. 8s fear being vulnerable because they have always been strong. To elaborate, 8s have been the protector of their family and themselves for so long that they pushed away their own needs. Growing up, 8s probably lived in an environment where they felt the need to grow up quickly, that way they could more quickly provide their own with the things they needed. This lead the 8 to develop a patriarchal mindset, shove away their vulnerabilities, and become the guiding post for their family. These people tend to be assertive, confrontational, and have a “get it done, no bullshit”mindset. Can act like healthy 2s when in growth. Can act like 5s when in stress.

9- mediators, accepting, balanced, seeks peace inside and outside of themselves. 9s forget themselves so they can maintain the peace. 9s learned early on that if they wanted stability and balance in their environment, they had to suppress their own needs. These people felt in-tune with both parental figures in their lives. If the 9 was supported, they can be supportive to others. If the 9 wasn’t supported, they shut down and disconnect from everyone, including themselves. If you don’t know what you feel, how can you react emotionally? That’s the best way to stay safe. These people also tend to have a lack of identity. Can act like 6s when stressed. Can act like 3s in times of growth.

Earlier I stated that each of these nine types are ruled by a triad. Now, of course, everyone uses their instincts, heart, and head, so how could ANYONE possibly be described by only one? Well guess what? They’re not. You are “ruled” by a dominant type with its triad, however you also have two other types, each from the other two triads. This is what we call a tritype, and everyone has one. The easiest way to find your tritype is to figure out what type from each of the triads you use. So like you should have a type from the head triad, one from the heart triad, and one from the instinctual triad. One of these types should be your core type. Next you place them in order from the one you use the most. It’s just like the instinctual variants I explained earlier. If you know anything about the “big three” in astrology, it’s basically the same concept applied to personality types.

The last part of the enneagram is the explanation of wings. Wings are basically characteristics of the type before or after your main type that you have characteristics of. For example, my grandfather is a 3 with characteristic of a 2, so he is a 3w2. The ‘w’ stands for ‘wing.’ The way I understand it is like if you took a color wheel. You want to show how each color can blend into the next one, not necessarily ALL the combinations of colors into a weird muddled color. It’s the same theory with wings. You’re showing how personality can blend two types into one, not how every single type can look inside of one personality. Simply put, your wing can only be the type before or after your main type. So like a 5 can either have a 4 or a 6 wing. I’ll be quite honest with you, this is a widely accepted concept but for some reason no one can seem to provide a good explanation as the why it is so accepted. Maybe someone can explain this in the comments (?).

Se and Ti Shadow: And finally the last question! I will try to make this quick as I’ve already written a lot.

Se:

7th function (trickster): In a nutshell, Se in the 7th function just means being really bad about using the 5 senses and living in the moment. For example, you might get so lost in your head that you walk straight into a wall, or you might have butter fingers. The 7th function is the weakest function, to the point that you may not even realize you’re bad at using it. Alongside that, it can make it hard to identify what’s happening the moment, such as people’s reactions. Also, lets say you believe in a strong idea; if someone tries to provide a grounded, or practical, opposition, it can feel very threatening to you.

8th function (demon): Se demon is like seeing the impulsivity within yourself and the world and absolutely despising it. Se demon is for ENFPs and ENTPs, which means that their way of having fun is by interacting with the world through an intellectual, playful, “I want to understand this thing and build a connection with it” sort of way. Se demon means that outside of this train of thought, the ENxP will probably not really like interacting with the world. So like if you were to make an ENxP participate in a sport just for the sake of exercise, you’re cooked. This is also means that they see the world as unregulated when it comes to physically impulsive decisions, such as someone setting off a firework in a Walmart parking lot with children in the car next to it, or drinking, or drugs. Whatever the situation may be.

Ti:

7th function: To summarize, you grow tired by trying to define and understand information. You prefer applying information in a way that everyone can use. You like understanding things, but you dislike understanding the details of how everything works. You secretly need information to be orderly, immediate, and organized, in a way that it can easily be comprehensible. That way you can apply it to other things in your life. You may sometimes feel stupid or like you lack in understanding the accuracy of things. You also may feel as though internal ways of thinking are really just silly ways to discredit empirical data.

🫶Family🫶

Dad: INTP 5w4 sp/sx 594

Grandfather (dad’s side): ESTP 7w6/6w7 so/sp 783

Grandfather (mom’s side): ESTJ 3w2 so/sp 358

Step-dad: mbti is up in the dark. Dude has the most unmedicated ADHD I’ve seen. Either ENFJ or ENTP with good Fe. 9w8 sp/so 972.

Brother: ISTP… 6w5… sp/so… 694. Yeah… that makes sense.

🙏Friends and My Guy🙏

Boyfriend: INFP 4w5 so/sp 458

Friends:

ENFP 7w8 so/sx 748

INTJ 5w6 sp/sx 593. Mayyybe 594.

ENTJ 3w4 so/sp 317

Bonus dad joke from my dad:

What’s a snowman’s favorite seasoning?

Fe

Dominant: ExFJs. Very good with others, not good with themselves. Good at understanding other people’s intentions, needs, and desires because of their understanding of social structures. Good at adhering to expectations. Good at making themselves appear a certain way. Have a strong sense of morality that comes from ideas shared among other people. Despite this, need other people to create a sense of support and identity. Also need other people as a “sounding board” to make sure they are “thinking correctly.”

Auxiliary: IxFJs. Understanding of those around them typically means supporting their dominant function. For example, for ISFJs they might use their perception of social norms to support their need for structure (Si). For INFJs, their perception of others might support their idea of how a person might respond to a situation and what they need. Good at understanding other people and fitting in, however they may lack their own identity outside of a group of people. Have a good idea of what is expected of them and others and tend to expect others to understand this. However, through experience and due to their dominant function, can learn to counteract this.

Tertiary: ExTPs. Creates a strong desire to fit in, and strong need to conform to what other people expect, but actually have a natural ability to communicate. These people are quite alright with expressing concern for the world around them, however do not do well with taking things personally. Worldly, however not always good at responding “correctly.” Want to understand the world around them.

Inferior: IxTPs. Creates insecurity due to a need to conform to social ideas. Allows the individual to care, generally, for people they love. However, these qualities are often suppressed due to preference for Ti. Often perceived as cold, however they can lash out emotionally if they feel pressured by people around them. Can understand other people, however not good at communicating it. Actually can be good at talking to other people, just when they’re not pressured to do so. Sometimes may struggle understanding what is expected of them socially. Does not, usually, have strong opinions.

Similarities: Prone to feeling pressured by others; how they respond is different. All very worldly. Also tend to be good at anything they set their minds to. Perceptive. Understand how systems work (some may not understand why).

Fi

Dominant: IxFPs. Creates identity based around personal morality. Without independent thought and feeling of right and wrong, lacks sense of self. Automatically filter ideas through their moral code and if something actually fits their own code. Good at identifying what they feel, not great at communicating that to others. This can create a sense of “me versus them,” or the feeling of “no one understands.” This can then influence the Fi dom to shove their own feelings away to try to help others feel less rejected. Morality specifically comes from their own internal conduct. Ideas from others are used to support these internal ideas (Fi-Ne, Fi-Se).

Auxiliary: ExFPs. Similar to INFPs as in they have a strong sense of morality. However, contrary to IxFPs, they are open to external influences and then reflect those external influences back on themselves (Ne-Fi, Se-Fi). Tend to be worse at holding back their own opinions. Tend to have intense emotions that they may or may not be able to explain (their tertiary Te makes them feel stupid). Similar to some IxFPs, if they have an opinion, you may never know, they’ll just avoid you. However, they tend to be more open to second chances compared to IxFPs.

Tertiary: IxTJs. Have a strong sense of what they want and what they’re looking for. However they’re not great at identifying their own emotions and need time to process what they’re experiencing. If something does not fit their ideas and moral conduct, they can reject the idea altogether without further exploration. They have a really hard time admitting their feelings, partially because they don’t understand their feelings, but also because their Te makes their feelings appear illogical. Better at showing than saying, HOWEVER can say if they’re able to phrase it in a way that feels more “neutral” or logical. You have to read between the lines. In a Fi loop, can feel misunderstood, misinterpreted, or hard on themselves. Have a really hard time with conflict between Te and Fi.

Inferior: ExTJs. Similar to Fe in IxTPs as it creates insecurity that ExTJs feel should be suppressed. Makes them secretly feel unheard, unseen, and vulnerable which can make them appear aggressive in their pursuit of a goal. For example, if an ExTJ wants to do something, they’ll just take the negative feedback and use it as fuel to make them achieve their goal. However, because Te suppresses Fi, the ExTJ will more than likely never admit any of this, or have a really hard time doing so. Much better at showing than saying. Unlike IxTJs, do not usually have an easier time talking about their feelings if they can rephrase it. In a Fi grip, can appear “good” at pointing out “inaccuracies” within a system, however are really just pointing out things that conflict with their own moral views.

Similarities: Have strong ideas about how things should be. Can be harsh on themselves (just a matter of how they express it). Individualists; deeply value each person working for themself. Similarly, need other people to be independent and do not like people depending on them. Cherish the people they value.

Dominant: Ti

Introverted Thinking, or Ti, is a judging function, which means it’s primarily focused on coming to a conclusion. Ti tends to be focused on figuring out how things work. This is because Ti has an intense need for things to make sense to the person using it. If something does not make sense to Ti, then the information will then be cut down into smaller pieces and sifted through Ti again. If the information still does not make sense, the Ti user will then begin to look over their own thinking. Finally, if the information cannot be digested, the information will simply be rejected. Ti users do not usually reject information until they have thought about it… and thought about it… and thought about it… and-

From what I have seen, a lot of the information sifted through Ti has to do with the outside world or other people in some way. Such as, for example, understanding how the universe was created, how to logically fix someone’s project that they royally messed up, etc. This is usually comes from Ti’s suppression of Fe. Ti, because Fe is not a logic based function, rejects its use, states that other people are simply illogical, but then will continue to try to find other ways to make people make sense. I will explain this more under Fe (the section titled “Inferior: Fe”).

Ti, even though it is the dominant function, is also one of the many milestones for Ti users, as it also provides a need for control. Not necessarily in a stereotypical “everything needs to go my way or else I will break down,” but in a “I need to get down to the bottom of things and if I can’t I will cry crumble.” Ti dominants are especially prone to overanalyzing situations if they cannot figure it out. They will try to find a solution, even if that solution is not theirs to figure out. Ti identifies this, recognizes it as a part of Fe, and then ultimately rejects it. This is where things get spicy/ ISTPs care 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Average or healthy ISTPs know this, and will learn to work with it through ✨experience✨. Unhealthy versions of this type, however, will struggle with this and may separate themselves from others in order to analyze what cannot be analyzed. This ties into a grip which I will explain later under “Inferior: Fe.”

Last comment on Ti before we move onto Se, is that ISTPs are so used to Ti and it’s “behind the scenes processing” that it can appear like Ni. This is where a lot of ISTPs can become confused on whether or not they are Ni dominants. Combine that with a Ti-Ni loop, and boom… an ISxP thinking they’re a Ni dominant.

Auxiliary: Se

For ISTPs, things have to make sense with practical application, which is what Se is all about. Extraverted Sensing is a function focused on being grounded in what is actually happening. With Se being the second function, it acts like a grounding agent for Ti. Ti has a way of getting lost in over-analyzation, especially with Ni. Se counteracts that by reminding the ISTP of what is actually going in. Like wise, it is the part of the ISTP that helps Ti identify what is and is not accurate.

This also means that information grabbed by Ti must be grounded and be able to be applied in a practical way. For example, learning about true crime. That can be applied to real life, as it actually happened, so Se users will probably have an easier time learning about true crime compared to learning why black holes are going to be the reason the world explodes. Likewise, if a Se user can use their body while learning something that could be particularly difficult, they could have an easier time processing it.

Se users, especially ISTPs, are great observers. They really see things as they are, without much real illogical judgement (of course depending on the circumstances). This can make Se, for ISTPs, almost feel nonexistent. This also means that information must be real. If the Se user cannot see it in real life, or in real time, then they’ll end up rejecting it. That last statement is basically what I meant earlier when I said that information must be “grounded.”

Another part of this is a need for sensory input, which is why Se users have the stereotype of being partiers. Se users can easily become bored when nothing is happening, or needing to submerge themselves in something in the real world to distract them from their thoughts. For example, an ISTP who is learning about their favorite topic might want to eat to help them process it better. They might need time out of the house to actually gain insight to a situation. This not only gives them time alone to think, but it gives the ISTP something to ground themselves with. Such seeing as a random cat running across the road, which gives the ISTP a small break from their thoughts. Whatever it is, extrasensory input is necessary for the function of the ISTP. Without it, ISTPs can fall into the feeling of being trapped, which can then cause the ISTP to spiral.

Just like how ISTPs need information to be real, when sharing information, they provide it in a “real” way. For ISTPs especially, this means not speaking unless they know exactly what they’re talking about and have seen it in real time. When providing advice, they might phrase it “Listen, I wasn’t there, I don’t know all of the details, but it sounds like ____. I would do ____.” Likewise, Se users are the essential “showers, not tellers,” meaning that they would much rather do things than say things that they may or may not mean. This also ties into Fe, as Fe can sometimes cause emotional outbursts. Of course, I will explain that more under Fe.

The need for information to be grounded does not mean that ISTPs are not deep thinkers- quite often the opposite which is another reason why they’re mistyped . It simply means that they don’t want to receive or provide something that isn’t real. If they don’t know it, they don’t say it, as simple as that. It is through this that Se can counteract Ti. Se reminds Ti that at the end of the day, they really don’t know shit. They only know what they have observed, and that is all.

Song lyric time: “If I told you that I knew about the and the moon/ I’d be untrue/ The only thing I know for sure is what I wanna do”

source: The Queens of Stone Age, Make It Wit Chu (link goes to youtube video)

Tertiary: Ni

Ni, or Introverted Intuition, is both a blessing and a curse for the ISTP. A lot of ISTPs mistake themselves for Ni dominants (INTJs and INFJs), or sometimes even INTPs, because of their Ni. Ti processes information, which is then perceived by Se. After that, Ni works behind the scenes to connect the dots of what happened and then what that means/ can be done about the situation. This allows the ISTP to have random moments of wisdom, as well as insight into situations, people, problems, etc. This also allows them to be quite the Sherlock Holmes.

The difference mostly consists of how Ni-dominants and ISTPs focus on their Ni. For ISTPs, because Ni is the third function and makes the ISTP more “aware” of its existence, ISTPs focus more on their Ni. Secondly, because of Se being an extraverted function, whatever conclusions or information is presented to Ni via Se makes the Ni more outwardly obvious to others. For Ni dominants, Ni is much more quiet and typically is not that obvious.

Think about like four people laying on top of each other. The third person is probably going to receive most of the pressure because they have two people on top of them and one person on their bottom. Functions are the same way. The third function usually receives most of the attention because it has the pressure of the top two functions and the bottom function.

Ni is, above all else, a source of anxiety for ISTPs. Earlier I stated that Ti dominants are secretly controlling. For ISTPs, the reasoning for that usually comes from their Ni. Ni has the tendency to spew off “random” thoughts. For example, an ISTP, when stressed out, might randomly start thinking “Oh my god _____ is going to happen- it’s GOING TO HAPPEN AND I CAN’T STOP IT OH MY GOD.” These moments are usually somewhat impulsive as Ti and Se have been processing information in the background. This is what we call a loop. A loop is when the dominant function and the third function work together and skip over the second function entirely. The best way to get “out” of a loop is by trying to interact with the second function.

I would like to add that I did have an example of a loop here from my own life, however upon further thinking I’m starting to wonder if it was actually a case of a Ni-loop or a Ne-grip. So my apologies if you were strayed by the example or need an example to understand!

The last part of Ni is that it provides an odd sense of spirituality. Earlier in this section I stated that Ni can provide random bursts of insight to a situation, that can seemingly come out of nowhere. Take that with the observational skills from Se (that often also feels like it works in the background because it is concerned with being “one” with its environment) it could be hard to outright deny spirituality or religion. A lot of ISTPs then tend to fall into a state of “I don’t know” when it comes to religion or spirituality. It’s not that they don’t agree or disagree, but the practicalness of Se and mysticism Ni often clash. Even when considering themselves an atheist, it is not a firm rejection of anything, more so that they simply have not seen the evidence for any type of deity.

Inferior: Fe

Extraverted Feeling is the part of the ISTP that makes them insecure. Unlike Ni, Fe is pretty much past the point of being developed. This is because, one, it is being suppressed by Ti, and, two, because it is a reminder of what the ISTP is not good at.

Starting off with the first part of that statement, Ti creates a need for things to logically make sense. This means that even though some ISTPs can be okay with understanding what someone feels, or aware that someone has an expectation on them, they may not understand why or why a person reacts the way they do. In situations like this, Ti will try to make it make sense, however it usually just doesn’t. This is where the ISTP will try to either make it make sense through other systems, such as asking someone else about a similar experience, or they will define the situation as stupid and attempt to move on. The latter is the most common situation. Ultimately, if Ni has the most pressure applied to it, Fe receives most of the weight.

However, Fe is what allows the ISTP to care. Contradictory to what a lot of MBTI resources say, ISTPs do genuinely care about other people (or what they think). Shocker. Crazy. In fact, they probably care too much. WOAH? REALLY? However, this is mostly reserved for people that they feel safe with, as it is something that they are insecure about. This is also where the ISTP can enter a grip.

ISTPs are highly aware that social structures, such as etiquette, do not make sense. They are also highly aware that they are not good at responding to other peoples needs. Or communicating in general. Despite this, Fe still creates a silent desire to be able to conform to these ideas, or at least the ideas of people that they value. This means that ISTPs might try to fit themselves to others. Because of this, ISTPs often struggle with feeling like they lack a real identity. Generally this isn’t an issue as Se is typically able to say “dude snap out of it.” For example, they might take in what someone says about them, send it through Ti to fact-check it, and then move on. However when in a Fe grip this isn’t the case.

A grip is when the other 3 functions are so burnt out from being overused, that the inferior function has no option but to take charge.

For ISTPs, a Fe grip can look like lashing out emotionally, feeling as though they’ve lost control, feeling guilty (from feeling pressured to take care of others and ultimately “failing”), and low self-esteem from reacting emotionally. They also might hold onto what other people say about them, at least more than they usually would. Or they do and just don’t say anything about it. The best way to combat this is to reinforce Se or Ti, that way the dominant functions are able to “take over” again

That is part 6 of the “Why Are You So…” series. For the next part I have a poll posted on my page for what type you’d want to see next. There’s like one day left by the time I post this so act fast. Hopefully this part made sense. If not, per usual, don’t be afraid to ask! Byeeeeee!!!!!

Part 5: INFP

I’m going to try to get ISTP done and finished by next Sunday, June 21st. That’s also considering that the 2nd part to the Fe versus Fi post needs to be published. I would expect that to be done by maybe Friday (not a confirmed date) that way I’ll also have two days to finish up ISTP.

With that being said, which type would you want to see next? I’m trying to push out more sensing types just to show the contrast against the 4 intuitive types we’ve had back to back 😭😭😭🙏

Thank you council,

Part 2: How Each Func. Looks in Each Place

Table of Contents

1. Fe and Fi: What are they?

2. How they’re different

3. Pros of both

4. Cons of both

Side note before we start: The MBTI is primarily focused on how you process and understand information, which is why a lot of companies use the MBTI. It is not meant to describe what you expect from the world, your fears, how you perceive yourself and others, etc. Lastly, If you are looking for a system that defines that, I recommend you look into the enneagram and the instinctual types. To add onto that, everyone uses every function, even if it is a part of your shadow. Each function will find a way to present itself in you. I advise that you look at which one you use more. If you want to understand your MBTI, you have to look into why you think the way you think. Happy searching!

Fe and Fi: What Are They?

Extraverted Feeling (Fe) and Introverted Feeling (Fi) are two of eight cognitive functions recognized by Jung’s contribution to the MBTI theory. Both are judging functions, which means that they are primarily used to determine the validity of information presented to them. Because they are “Feeling” functions, this means that these functions are centered around morality or “what is the right thing to do.” So, in a nutshell, Fe and Fi judge the world based off of a moral compass.

How these functions develop this sense of morality mostly comes from the extravertedness or introvertedness of the function. Likewise, how these functions are presented comes from the extravertedness/introvertedness of the function. I will get into this more under “How They’re Different,” however it is to note this difference before we move on.

Fe is, in a nutshell, a function that develops morality from the outside world. This means that whatever is agreed upon by the majority of people, a Fe dominant will also most likely agree on. Similarly, when presenting these morals, Fe tends to push it outward. So if a large majority of people say that murder is bad, the Fe dominant will say that murder is bad and then apply that to other arguments. Fe, due to its extraverted nature, also tends to be group oriented. So if something hurts the general population, Fe dominants will typically resist that.

Fi develops morality through personal experience and figuring out what is right to the individual. If a Fi dominant has an opinion on a topic, it will either come from:

1. Personal experience with the topic

2. Putting the self in the position of someone who does have experience with the topic or;

3. The application of the Fi dominant’s other morals attributing to their opinion of the topic.

For example, if a Fi dominant agrees that murder is bad, they will either:

1. Share a time they had experience with murder

2. Create a connection between an experience they had to the feelings of someone who experienced murder or;

3. Take a strong value they have, such as family, and then state how murder violates that family value.

Fi, while it can value other people, typically does not value the majority or opinions of the majority. Similarly, Fi dominants do not necessarily look for reassurance on their morals unless it is someone they value.

How They’re Different

As previously discussed, the main difference between Fe and Fi tends to be the extraverted and the introverted part of each function. To explain this, I figured that it would be easier to create a table that compares the two.

Fe:

- Creates support that comes from an external source

- Moral beliefs typically originate from what is agreed upon externally

- Identity typically comes from the viewpoint of others; lack a sense of identity outside of the group.

- Focused on building connections externally

- More easily swayed by the opinions of others. Similarly, need to put their feelings outward to process through them properly.

Fi:

- Support is needed internally. Many Fi dominants experience their lowest moments when they lack internal cohesion.

- Moral beliefs typically originate from what they feel is right and wrong or what they experience.

- Identity comes internally. Likewise, if the Fi dominant cannot come to a conclusion on who they are, they will never feel like a full person (regardless of what external validation they seek).

- Focused on building connections internally.

- Typically need some form of alone time in order to process through their emotions/ come to a logical conclusion.

Here are some similarities that I have also noticed:

- Morality has a major impact on their sense of self. If they don’t follow their morals in their own life, their self esteem plummets.

- Both tend to have identity issues for two entirely different reasons.

- Both are typically firm in their beliefs in some way, shape, or form.

Pros

Like everything in this world, there is both good and bad to the functions. In this part we’ll primarily focus on what is good about Fe and Fi.

Fe:

- Are typically more aware of what is expected from other people

- Similarly, are good at “reading the room.” From what I’ve heard from Fe dominants, it feels like absorbing what other people are feeling.

- Spiritually intuitive in a “This person doesn’t feel good” sort of way

- Naturally good at communicating

Fi:

- Are typically more aware of what they expect from themselves

- Good at building connections within themselves (i.e. better at understanding where a certain feeling originated from)

- spiritually intuitive in a “something feels off about this/this makes me feel sick/ I don’t like how this situation feels” way

- Always “feel” who they are, even if they consciously are not aware of it (knowing where their limits are)

Cons

Fe:

- Have the tendency to lack identity outside of a group/ group expectations.

- Over-extend themselves/ can sometimes talk about themselves in a “I did not need to know that” way.

- Seeks external validation for their morals.

- Aware of how others feel, but take that as a “I need to change myself to accommodate this person’s feelings” way; comes off as fake to some, though not intentionally.

- When anxious, try to push others to open up as a way to “confirm” their inner thoughts.

- Can be outwardly judgmental if others do not conform to generally accepted ideas.

- View emotions as something to talk about nonchalantly. Like over dinner will ask you how your depression had been or smth.

Fi:

- Super not great at communicating. Have to process through their feelings first before they even consider opening up to you. Even then, will probably decide that it’s not worth the hassle. Healthier versions of this type are better at this, however still need time to process their emotions.

- Needs internal support. When in moments of internal conflict, can become aggressive and reject other people.

- Really bad about overthinking. Makes accommodations for people in a “No one will understand what I’m feeling, so I’ll just keep my mouth shut” way. Causes them to come off as people pleasers.

- Shut down if pressured to open up.

- Bad at jumping to conclusions. Have the tendency to decide how you’ll react before they actually have confirmation; react based off of their fears.

- While this is not necessarily Fi specific, Fi users have the tendency to be emotionally intense and too introspective.

Hopefully this helped you on identifying the difference between Fe and Fi. In no way, shape, or form am I trying to discredit or over-credit any type, just trying to shine some light on how these types tend to work! As always, if you have any questions, let me know wherever you see fit! Hasta manaña!

Credit: I steal all of my headers from Pinterest. Whoever makes this shit (lovingly), cudos to you broskotcho