salvation.

STEFAN.

The doppelganger bit her bottom lip, staring at Stefan as guilt began to flood his features. She hadn’t meant to make him feel that way, but Elena didn’t want to lie to him and pretend that becoming a vampire wasn’t confusing to her when it came to her feelings. She knew he’d understand better than anyone and she loved him for being such an understanding person, though what she didn’t want was to drive him away. It felt like that was what would happen now that she’d ended the kiss and told him that she couldn’t do this right now. “Stefan, you don’t have to–” the brunette sighed deeply, running a hand through her dark colored tresses. She didn’t want things to be so messy and awkward between herself and Stefan - they never had been before and this would be the first time, so Elena had no idea how to go about it. Things had always felt so natural between the two of them and it was weird to think that one single action could change all of that within a split second. Maybe Caroline should be the one to help her with this right now, but Elena still couldn’t help but want Stefan to be that person for her. He had a lot more experience than her best friend and he was more patient and calm. 

“I know.” Stefan’s voice was calm but certain. If he couldn’t get into the right head space to help Elena and only gave in to his desires and what he felt for her, then he really wasn’t helping her, was he? Not only had things been confusing between them since she’d kissed his brother, but now Stefan had gone and kissed Elena, unprompted no matter how much yearning the vampire still held for the doppelganger. “I know Caroline’s a newer vampire, she doesn’t have the same experience that I have. She may not have as much control over her feelings or her blood lust but I know she can help you with this.” Stefan saw something in Caroline that perhaps nobody else had. He was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and so far, Caroline had taken the reigns in her life and built upon the foundation of vampire 101 that Stefan had taught her. The blonde was pretty good at it, too. “I think.. as much as I’d like to help you right now, Elena, I think I need to sort out my priorities and-- and my feelings.” It was far too tempting to be around the brunette, to feel such a pull towards her.

“Stefan, please.” It was a risk getting close to him to begin with, even more so when she knew werewolf bites could kill him. What she was, it was close enough to being a wolf that she never wanted to risk it. “I could, even if I don’t mean to, I  could bite you. I could kill you. I would never be able to live with that. You need to go.” 

Why were the people she started falling for always willing to get hurt or worse just to make her think she could be in control. Clearly she never really was in control or she wouldn’t still be struggling this way. “I can’t.” She didn’t know how to be her own anchor yet and coming here had been severing all ties with her first anchor. “Of course I trust you, Stefan. I just, I don’t trust myself. I don’t think I’m better than this, not at all. Please go.” 

Shaking his head, his hands gripped at Malia, trying to pour as much reassurance into the coyote as he could. “I’m not leaving. I’m willing to take that risk.” Even if she broke loose, Stefan could outrun her, his enhanced speed a perk. But if she even accidentally bit him, it could prove problematic. Knowing the only cure for a bite was Klaus’ blood, Stefan was well aware of the real risk in trying to help Malia regain her control.

Stefan could never abandon someone in need, especially when it came to someone he cared about. “I’m not going to let you face this on your own.” When the vampire promised someone important that he’d be there every step necessary, he meant that. “You’re not going to bite me, Malia.” While that wasn’t a guarantee and the broody man was in a risky situation with the coyote, he trusted her enough to know she wouldn’t attack him.

“You can do this, Malia. I know you can.” Stefan nearly pleaded with the brunette, not faltering in his rooted position where he stood, hands firmly planted on each of the woman’s shoulders. He had no idea if a coyote bite would be fatal to his species, yet he didn’t care. He just wanted Malia to find the control she needed to find, to trust in herself that she wouldn’t harm him or anyone else for that matter. Emerald eyes glittered softly, “You’re better than this. Don’t you trust me?”

STEFAN.

She was getting to him because he was basically putting all of his doubts on display for her to see. Katherine knew Stefan a lot better than he thought and his silence and telling her to leave was all the proof that she needed. She’d left him speechless and the doppelganger loved having that kind of power over her ex boyfriend. She continued to smirk as he told her to go and began to create more distance between them, even turning away from the brunette. Making her way over to Stefan’s bedroom door, Katherine decided to turn around once more to give him one last look before departing finally. She wouldn’t stay away from Stefan that long, she’d be back at some point since the Salvatore brothers wouldn’t ever get rid of her again. Sure, they wanted her far away from them, but Katherine never did what someone else told her anyway. She hated rules and did whatever she wanted. “See you soon.”

STEFAN.

She hadn’t expected the kiss or seen it coming, though the words that she’d just spoken to him were completely true. Elena believed in what she’d just told Stefan wholeheartedly and she hadn’t just said these things to make him feel better. He always tried so hard, always put others before himself and yet, he still thought that he was a bad guy who needed to be punished for what he’d done. But penance had never been a thing that the brunette thought needed to happen from his side, he was trying every single day to be a better man, which was penance enough in her eyes. Of course Elena still loved Stefan, she always would. But she had to admit that kissing Damon had also messed with her head and that it had left her feeling even more torn than she had as a human. That became very vivid the moment Stefan’s soft lips pressed against her own and it was natural for her to return the kiss - like she’d done so many times before. Stefan always ignited this fire within her, awakening her passion whenever he was close to her like this and it was a feeling that Elena had cherished from the beginning. Doe eyes closed on cue, allowing herself to get swept up in the kiss that she was sharing with the other vampire. It took a few moments before she finally pulled back rather abruptly, not wanting her thoughts and feelings to get even more jumbled due to the kiss. “I’m sorry, I just– I can’t do this right now.”

Being snapped back to reality the moment the kiss ended, Stefan’s eyes peeled open slowly, peering at Elena with curiosity. Had he meant to kiss her? Not entirely, yet it felt so right. Then again, she was experiencing everything at a heightened place now and perhaps kissing her would confuse her further. It was evident in her response, Stefan’s hands falling limply from her cheeks before he took a step backwards, creating some space between them once more. “I-- I shouldn’t have done that.” But every fiber in his being kept him yearning for the doppelganger, hopelessly still in love with the woman. “I should call Caroline. She’ll probably be better at this than I am currently.” Yes, he still struggled daily with his thirst that could not be quenched. “I’m sorry, Elena.” His apology rang true, guilt sweeping across his face. It wasn’t easy being around the brunette and not acting on his feelings and it had been the first time he’d dared to kiss her since his return to Mystic Falls. If things weren’t already awkward enough, Stefan believed he’d just created another crater in their rocky relationship. 

STEFAN.

”Looks like it does.” she mumbled as she pulled back from the kiss, brown eyes falling back in line with his. She was in her element now and it showed because Stefan had just proved her right and he was probably kicking himself mentally for going along with her game - for not ending the kiss when he had the chance. No, he’d willingly and eagerly participated in it, so him saying that he wasn’t in love with her anymore was a bunch of bogus if you asked her. If his feelings for her were really gone, he wouldn’t have kissed her back. He would have headed for the hills without even letting a split second pass by while her lips had been pressing against his. “Now, what was it that you said a moment ago again? I’m not in love with you anymore? You kissing me back like you didn’t wanna let me go says otherwise.” she felt him kiss her back and even better than that, she felt that Stefan hadn’t wanted for the kiss to end - just like Katherine herself. “You can tell me you don’t have feelings for me anymore a thousand times, but you don’t have a logical explanation for kissing me back, do you? And me looking like Elena doesn’t count because we both know that’s the worst excuse ever.”

STEFAN.

Elena’s jaw tensed as Stefan spoke up and began to explain how he was feeling. His thoughts were all coming out now and that was what she wanted. She wanted them to feel like they could be honest with one another rather than hiding their thoughts and feelings. Brown eyes remained focused on his face, searching his emerald hues while he continued to speak. Elena knew that things hadn’t been the same ever since Stefan had returned from his trip with Klaus. Saving Damon’s life and becoming a ripper in order to make that happen had changed him and it had changed their dynamic as well. Dark eyebrows came together while she listened to his every word, teeth biting down on her lower lip the moment that Stefan cradled her cheek in his palm. The brunette shook her head at his comment though, evidently disagreeing with what he was saying just then. “You didn’t fail me, Stefan. How could you fail me when you gave everything up to save your brother? It’s the most selfless thing a person could do.” she knew that Stefan was a good man, he always put his brother first, no matter the situation and Elena had always deeply admired that about the other vampire. Another vehement shake of her head followed, not wanting him to ever doubt himself and so she reached for his hand and gave it a light squeeze to grasp his attention. “Listen to me.” Elena started, giving him her undivided attention and not even realizing that there was a whole world surrounding them anymore. It was just her and Stefan right in this moment and he needed to hear these words because she meant them and more than that, they were the truth. Elena wouldn’t tell Stefan things just to cheer him up, she strongly believed in his ability to be a good man. Why? Because ever since the two had met, she’d seen him try harder than anyone that she knew and that counted for something. “You’ve always been a good man. You would’ve never even considered leaving with Klaus if Damon hadn’t been dying, if the people you care about were safe. You only did it because there was no other choice, but I know you. I know that you’d never willingly cause chaos and drain bodies. So if you’re worried about facing me… don’t be. You saved Damon’s life because he’s your family and family’s the most important thing in the world. Is that why you’re helping me? Because you feel guilty?”

You didn’t fail me, Stefan.

It was the words he’d longed to hear, he’d needed to hear. Stefan’s attention fell back to Elena when she reached for his hand, then offering him a look that spoke of gentleness and warmth. Even as a vampire, something about Elena radiated warmth like the sun and Stefan soaked it in, thick brows knitting together while emerald hues stayed in constant contact with the doppelganger. Emotion splashed upon his face, eyes threatening to burn with heated tears but Stefan remained composed, glued to where he was rooted, boots in the rich dirt. Dense trees allowed glimmers of the sun, painting both their bodies just enough for the younger Salvatore to be swept away in all that Elena was and all she would be. Then he remembered why he’d fallen so deeply in love with her: she always believed in his good heart, that something more was deeply embedded in his soul than just a need for blood. 

Elena’s faith in Stefan soothed his entire being, brought him back from the edge. She was a constant tether to his humanity, the person who could solely bring him back whenever necessary. The marginal space between them closed even more as Stefan took a timid step towards Elena, breaking her personal bubble. While his intentions had been good about leaving with Klaus, the harsh reality was that he had taken lives, innocent lives. Even so, the woman before him saw something inside Stefan that he had yet to see himself. “No, I’d never help you out of guilt.” I’m helping you because I love you... 

The words remained unsaid as Stefan’s digits gingerly trailed across Elena’s cheek, free hand caressing her skin, thumb padding over the smoothness of her cheek time and time again; a simple touch that said he wasn’t over her, he wanted more. Breath hitching in his throat, vivid forest eyes were awash with hazel counterparts and without thinking any longer, Stefan allowed his emotions the better of him, sealing the space until his forehead pressed softly into Elena’s. Within seconds, his lips grazed hers, Stefan’s other hand untangling from the brunette’s so he could capture her other cheek, holding her there for a long moment. 

Every emotion, every pulling of his heart was placed into the kiss, needing to convey just how much he still loved the Gilbert woman. Vampire or not, rejection or not, Stefan needed Elena to know that his heart still belonged to her. Nothing in the world could tear that part of the vampire away; not Klaus, not Damon. Stefan’s own emotions were that of a whirlwind, a tornado ripping through his core, unwilling to pry himself away just yet.