Meet The Real Me

I'm about to head to bed and I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you. All 320 of you. Especially those of you that interact with me and talk to me. You are the reason I go on Tumblr every day and refresh my page every few minutes.

Gary: http://antisocial-asshole.tumblr.com

Emma: http://pslovealways.tumblr.com

Mariah: http://yummycavetroll.tumblr.com

My week in a nutshell:

Monday:went to class, friend from work called and said he got suddenly fired with absolutely no warning or buildup.

Tuesday: fearful for my own job (which i desperately need...), I made sure to be at work bright and early and get shit done. I left at 4pm to go to my night class, still very stressed out. Didn't absorb a word the instructor said all night.

Wednesday: the creative director (my boss) took me out for a nice long lunch and explained the full situation. It's super shady and not very professional in my opinion but that's as much information as I can give you. In short, my job is totally safe...so they tell me...

Thursday: I did so much work that day that my head was spinning. Bad headache. went home for lunch. (Thursdays are my last workday in the office this quarter.) My boss told me that things will be different when I come back in Tuesday.

Friday: Today I have class (in 3 minutes actually), and I haven't done a single assignment for this class all quarter yet. Even though it's the 4th class this quarter, I am still getting a bit worried. I need to pull my shit together and get into this or I am going to have to drop the class – which i really don't want to do.

Today after class I am going to pick my 88 year old great-grandmother up from her home in San Francisco (not far from my school), and bring her back home to Novato (marin county). After which I'm picking up my friend Sabah and we're gonna watch some Californication (she's two episodes behind). Then I'm going to pack a bowl of delicious kush and smoke by my house. Lastly, I intend to eat everything edible in the kitchen and play some Halo Reach with my best friend Josh.

Tomorrow I am going to at some point hang out with another tumblr friend who i've never hung out with yet but she's pretty cool.

Sunday I have no idea what's going to happen.

Today when i was driving home, I realized something that made me upset. I realized...that I have no friends. No one to call at odd hours of the night who will willingly come out and sit with me for no reason at all. No one to show up at my place unannounced with a pizza saying "let's play some halo". No one to basically count on should shit go down. I don't mean to be rude to all of you people who are friendly to me and who i sometimes chill with, but honestly...you aren't my friends. That doesn't mean I want to keep it that way, i'm stating things as i see them right now.

all last night i kept having the same dream. It wasn't starting over and over. It was continuing like episodes of a tv show. in the dream i was with her. I was so happy and then i'd wake up groggy and realize that i'm hugging my pillow. and then tear up over the fact that I will definitely never get what i am dreaming about. Then i would fall asleep again and continue this ritual until the next time i'd wake up and the tears would form. Then i sat all day at home staying out of everyone's way. Took a shower and my plans got cancelled. i could have made other plans but i like this girl a lot and declined all offers to hang out tonight cuz i was waiting for her.