Persona 5 is too good for this world

Such thoughts left a mixture bittersweet tastes on his tongue, one in which he writhed in. When it settled in his mouth, refusing to leave, he took it as another punishment he deserved for being born.  

How someone could love something as pathetic as him was a joke that even the lowest of scums would have dying in a fit of laughter. 

No matter how long it had been since he left that damned orpahnage, regardless of how many people he had found who showed him love and kindness, regardless of intent, he could never push aside his resentment for himself. 

He was born a monster, not a boy. At least if he were, he would be afforded that tiny grace. Instead, Atsushi would be damned for his entire life for being born as something that brought ruin and danger.

Constantly did he run a race against himself. Not only was he his own victim, but the monster that desired only his blood. A never-ending cycle; stretching on until the day he stops regenerating his limbs and elongating his own suffering.

He never asked for an ability that would bring destruction to everything and everyone nearby, including himself. It was the reason he wasn’t afforded even human decency. It was why no one dared to glance in his direction, yet eyes would continue to haunt him, watching him intently with judgment and the desire to watch him perish.

Sometimes all he wanted was to scream into a void of nothing,

 “I never asked for this-!”

Again and again and again until his voice would give in and he would have nothing left of himself.

How long had it been since he grew to think of such horrid thoughts?

Did he ever love himself?

It was almost as if his memories were a barricade of what the world told him to remember. The torment, the suffering, the loathing. Lest he ever love himself or that beast that took respite inside him. Where were those memories of peace and comfort? He wasn’t sure they ever existed; but if they did, he so desperately wanted them back.

To change was all he could do now. It wasn’t too late was it?

Even if the world wanted him dead, he wanted to fight for a reason to exist. Even if he felt his thoughts slowly comply to the orders of the world, he would fight with himself for the sake of them, for her. 

They say that only fools are satisfied, and he was no fool to give in so easily, not yet at least. Not as long as he basked in her brilliant grace which bubbled his heart away from the disgruntled waves that came to wash him away.

“Your ability is a grace my love, a grace made to protect you in the world. A gift only granted to you because only you can make peace with it.”

Her words rang out, a symphony awaking him from a self-induced trance. Her embrace assuring him that he had not yet departed from this world yet, and neither would he have to. 

“You belong in this world, should you choose to believe it or not. Even if you deny its validity, know that you’ll always have a spot next to me.”

Was he awake?

How long had he been trapped inside his mind? 

It didn’t really matter, not when those thoughts were as fickle and fictitious as the painted shadows he cast on those he was scared to touch. Once again, he chose to flip the page, one darkened by his mind, and carry on. Swinging her hand from side to side, he walked beside her, the shadows that trailed after him all burnt up and dried somewhere far behind him, to a destination unknown. 

No matter how many times he fell to his thoughts, and his memories, and trapped himself in the depths of his mind, exactly where the beast could degrade his status as a person, she always found a way through that maze right to him.

In the end, he knew that one day both of them would rot away like fallen leaves, but regardless, all he desired was to live on frantically.

Shouldering their lives together, 

Living on,

Staring up at your darkened ceiling you wondered how the youtube video that prided itself in the title, “By the end of this video you’re guaranteed to be asleep!” failed in its one and only purpose. 

It was 3 am.

You had work tomorrow and you had counted about 137 sheep by now, not feeling any less tired than when you started. If anything you were getting antsier. You switched your sleeping position for the 30th time, hoping this one would change quite possibly anything about your current disposition. Yet, of course, nothing. 

So you got up, and in a fit of annoyance, you threw your teddy across the bedroom. You motioned to decapitate the other when you paused and recollected yourself. 

It was definitely the lack of sleep that was making you adapt your boyfriend’s mannerisms. 

His tendency to throw fits when things wouldn’t go his way was something you may have accidentally picked up. Realizing this, you hurriedly made the decision to go wash up and collect yourself before you began to copy his murderous stages in his fits. 

~~~~~~

You ended up wandering into your kitchen somehow. The lack of sleep was clearly affecting you because it felt as though you were periodically blacking out. While you showed some concern about this fact, you figured you would be fine when you got something in your system. Perhaps the hunger ate away at your capability to sleep peacefully.

The moonlight filtered into the room through the brief cracks in the blinds, creating subtle arrays. If only the tranquility of the room would aid in your endeavor to gain some respite.  

“Milk… yea… warm milk might do the trick.” You mumbled to yourself as you flicked on your kitchen lights and ushured out the dim moonlight. Trudging slowly towards your fridge you noticed the quaint roses that sat beautifully on the island. 

They were from your aforementioned boyfriend, Chuuya Nakahara. 

The previous comments regarding him would cause someone to have a mental image of a crazy, and possibly lethal, person. While they would be partially correct, he was more like a shouting pomeranian, a really sweet and loving one. He thought of you constantly and would check up frequently, especially since his work kept him away from you quite often. 

Actually, he had called around 1 am to make sure you had put away your work and gone to sleep. He really cared about you and truthfully it was endearing but you wished he worried about himself too. He was obviously calling you at 1 am so he wasn’t getting much sleep either. You brought up your concern to him softly. Turns out he was on a stakeout mission and would most likely be unable to sleep. 

Ironic, really. 

You weren’t doing anything and yet you couldn’t sleep either. Must’ve been a soulmate, string-tying-your-sleep-schedule-together thing. Next he comes over, you’re going to treat him to some princess-styled pampering. He really needs a break.

After adding some water to the rose pot, you returned to your previous mission. Just because you were in discomfort and dying internally did not mean the flowers deserved the same treatment.  

Opening the fridge you were greeted to the sight of nothing. 

There was no milk. 

And suddenly, you could really care less if you took after your boyfriend. 

~~~~~

With sleep deprivation fueling any and all organs in your body, you made your way to the local grocery store. You groaned slightly at the wind that tickled your body even though the light jacket you wore. It wasn’t cold by any means but the wind at the dark of night always felt sharper, as if warning everyone to be alert.

Chuuya always warned you against going outside at night. It was an obvious thing to be wary of, yet it was something deserving of more concern in Yokohama. 

The city itself was riddled with crime and destruction. It was especially dangerous for those without abilities of their own. With no method of self-defense, at night, the streets became wolves prowling around, hungry for their next victim. And oh were there a surplus of potential victims to be found in Yokohama. You just had to be careful to not be one of them. 

Typically, you would heed Chuuya’s warnings, he practically knew Yokohama’s underbelly like the back of his hand. But the grocery wasn’t too great of a distance away from your apartment, and the walk to it was already feeding into your senses; clearing your mind. You figured the recent stress from your work may have subconsciously been pricking at your ability to sleep. 

If you were quick about it, there really wouldn’t be any need for concern. Plus you were doing your best to be keenly aware of your surroundings. Any sound that echoed through the streets had you quickening your pace and checking yourself, particularly regarding the location of your wallet and phone. 

You would be fine, sure you had no ability but that didn’t mean you were stupid. If anything, living in a city like this had caused you to pick up some tricks here and there. 

Chuuya himself had a powerful ability, and sometimes you would be lying if you said you didn’t want one like it. With his ability, no one could really touch him, or you for that matter - should you be with him. 

Although he wasn’t particularly a fan of that idea. The thought of someone using you as a possible leverage against him left him in a cold sweat. That was the last thing he wanted; his position putting you in danger.

Thinking of your boyfriend’s constantly anxious character when it came to you made your mood shift to one a little more bitter. He’d lost enough in his life, he shouldn’t have to worry about you being another person he’d lose. You would make sure of that.

Your thoughts returned to your surroundings and your destination. You figured you could pick up some supplies to cook up something for Chuuya too while at the store. 

It was a win-win situation, you thought. And with that, plus a slight cheer in your step, you quickly made your way to the grocery. 

~~~~~~

‘All right, that should be it.’ You thought to yourself as you walked out of the mart. The wind was the same as before; scraping your cheek the moment you faced its direction. 

‘Tonight had no reason to be this cruel.’ 

It really was. 

An hour of sleep was all you asked for, and instead, you got handed a side mission to get food. But hopefully, it would be the last thing you needed to catch some sleep.

“Chuuya I hope you’re getting more sleep than me, even if it’s a power nap.” You mumbled into the night with your head facing the stars in fatigue. At the very least, you exhausted a lot of your energy, feeling more ready for sleep now than 2 hours ago. 

You traded the receipt in your hand with your apartment keys in your pocket. The small jingle they made was the only sound heard in the vacant parking lot of the grocery, even the register in the store was as silent as a ghost.   

That all-consuming silence did feel a bit odd. 

A chill went up your spine as you slowly registered the eeriness of the night. It was a feeling akin to being stuck at a graveyard at a time you knew you shouldn’t be there, or rather, you weren’t wanted there. 

“Um excuse me miss-” 

CLANG

The groceries you held were scattered on the ground, some rolling a brief distance before stopping. The voice of the employee had left you a bit more than just ‘frightened’. Perhaps the fact you were so vulnerable was playing up your nerves to a degree you couldn’t possibly calm them; thus, resulting in your current predicament.  

Still shaken from the sudden appearance of the employee, you bent down to grab the dropped products. You noticed another hand helping you; it was the employee. 

“Ha, you’re lucky there wasn’t any glass in there huh-” He seemed young, maybe around your age. He appeared energetic, even in the dead of night with presumably no sleep. He was the only one working the night shift too, you truly sympathized.

“Y-yea, looks like that’s the only lucky thing to happen tonight..”

“My apologies for startling you miss, that wasn’t exactly my intention.” He handed you the last product which you promptly put back in your bag, awkwardly shifting away in an attempt to end the conversation and go home. It felt as though you had already lost two lives in that scare alone, you might as well run home now and preserve the last one. 

Besides, the fact that the boy had snuck up on you without making a single sound in the already stilled night was a tad unnerving. 

“You seem really tense miss, something wrong?” He seemed to shift closer to you, possibly in concern. Yet, the dullness in his eyes had your hand twitching; the jingle of your keys serving as a reminder of where you had to be.

“Ah- you know it's just late and I don’t think anyone could particularly say being alone at night is something you can do while being carefree. Um was there something-”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Uh- what does-”

“Where is he?”

“H-huh..?” 

Your heartbeat filled the void left by the lack of noise in the night. Suddenly, you weren’t just shaking because of the salient winds. 

There was a swift motion in front of you; blurred by your panicked eyes and the speed at which it took place. He stood there, more or less emotionless, whereas your eyes were as wide as plates, staring back at him in horror.

“UCK-!!”   

You dropped down to your knees, clutching your stomach. That warm feeling that filtered out from your body left you cold; the sound of your heartbeat slowly disorienting you.

It was blood, you were bleeding. 

The boy threw a dagger your way, so fast you had no time to process what he had done. If you were shaking before, you were certainly incapable of stability in your current condition. You weren't even sure if you were capable of vocalizing a coherent sentence right now; your voice felt like a dimmed candle, barely heating its radius.

“Wh…wh-y..” You managed to croak out, wincing at the pain simply talking caused you. 

“Eye for an eye. Isn’t that how it works?” His head shifted its weight onto one side as if he was questioning you. Yet there was barely any sign of human emotion in his eyes. He began walking towards you, the sounds of his steps echoing in the barren lot. 

You couldn’t move your head up to look at him, so you had to settle for the sight of his feet making their way over to you. 

‘Badum Badum Badum’

If he didn’t finish you first, your incessant heartbeat would. 

Even with your eyes a little clouded, they stayed locked on the feet of the boy who appeared less lethal than he was. His feet stopped before you. The feeling of his ominously desolate eyes staring you down wasn’t something you could miss. With fear locking you into place, you couldn’t move to look him in the eyes. 

It was then he knelt down to look you in the eyes instead. Being able to fully inspect him now, you realized, his eyes weren’t dull. 

No not at all.

They were simply so full, full of unbridled fury that it was hard to pinpoint anything else in his eyes. That far-off look was just a mask for whatever he held underneath. And what was held underneath was hatred, and for you, it seemed. 

“Quite the catch you got. That boyfriend of yours I mean.” He brought a second dagger next to your cheek. The tip threatened to cut you should you move, and with how much you were shaking, it had already pricked you.

“That Port Mafia bitch cut down my brother not long back, and the law of equivalent exchange states that to obtain something, something of equal value must be lost. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I followed through with what he started.”

Ah yes, the Port Mafia. 

It was hard to ignore what Chuuya did, who he had to cut down, and how his actions affected others. After all, you considered his sins to be yours the moment you gave your heart to him. His work wasn’t something you couldn’t change about him, it was something you accepted was a part of him. You loved Chuuya, he was deserving of your love. And so, you were willing to pay for any sins he committed, because, at the end of the day, you wanted him to have peace...

“Being an assassin has its perks you know. I’ve been silently watching you and waiting for this perfect moment. Once you’re dead, I’ll give him your body in the same condition my brother’s- URK-!”   

...But for Chuuya to have peace, you knew you couldn’t die. 

Mustering all the strength in your body, you swung your keys at him as fast as you could. The keys left a gash on his neck, one which he was clutching with his hands now. The only opportunity you would have to escape with his hands now preoccupied.

You quickly made space between the two of you and ran as fast as you could, stumbling slightly as you got up. The groceries were discarded the moment you got up, they would only slow you down. 

Your pace was bad and your vision was even worse. 

You knew he would find you if you even tried running off in the direction of your home. Although an alleyway was the worst place to go, it was the only place that was close in proximity and provided coverage from the streetlights. 

There was no way you could run anymore. You’d lost enough blood by the time you found an obscure corner to slump down on in the alleyway. The dagger was the only thing holding back the rest of your blood from escaping your body, and it still wasn’t enough. 

The heartbeat in your ears dimmed down to the point you could finally hear the quiet of the night, but you weren’t sure that that was a good sign. Your hands felt cold and weak, but still, you moved to grab your phone from your pocket and called the only person you thought could save you.

“Ch-chu..ya..” 

The ringer continued to resonate in your ear. Not knowing how long your hand would have the strength to hold onto the phone, you prayed he would pick up soon. 

Your hope of him being with you seemed to dwindle with each ring, until finally, a sound. 

“Y/N-!”

Although you could barely move or feel anything, your head still turned to that warm voice you knew and loved. With the phone still ringing for him, there he was, running to you. You weren’t sure if the lack of blood was making you see things too, but you really hoped that was him, even if it felt impossible.

“Chuuya… y-you came..” He got to you in the blink of an eye. Particularly since your blinks were becoming just as slurred as your voice. You felt his arms wrap around you, gently lifting you up off the ground. 

“Of course I would- Hold on, shit-! I’m so sorry, let’s get you patched up quick, just- just hold on okay?! Please, please..”

“Don’t… worry.. I won’t .. leave you..” Before you lost consciousness, you felt his lips graze the top of your head, alongside a drop of what felt like rain. 

His grip on you tightened as you let go of your consciousness. 

You were in safe hands now so you could finally rest easy.

~~~~~~~ 

When you next awoke, it was to the sound of repeated beeps and the hushed murmurs of nearby staff. It was the hospital. Your head turned to look at the heartbeat monitor which had wires that trailed back to your body.

‘Well that explains the beeping- good to know I’m alive at least.’ 

While the beeping was the first thing you took note of, you paid extra attention to the red-headed man resting his head in the space next to your legs. 

‘Looks like it wasn’t a dream then..’ You reflected as you hung your head back, snug against the pillow. 

Truthfully, when Chuuya appeared before you, you’d thought you were seeing things. After all, you had just called him seconds prior, but here he was, resting rather peacefully next to you. 

So he had come for you. 

The moment you attempted to move your torso in order to reach him, an excruciating electrical current shot through you, forcing you back to your original position. Your shuffling woke up your resting visitor as you continued to wince in pain. 

“Y-y/n-! Let me go get the nurse-” Chuuya shot up, as though he wasn’t just resting just seconds ago. Even through your hazy gaze the panic and frustration on his face was something even a blind person could see. 

It had been some time since you had last seen him this way, and you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sadness. He was panicked.

 “Chuuya wait! Please stay..” You spoke breathlessly, it felt as though you were slowly drained of all your energy the moment you awoke.

You tried to move your hand to grab him, but all you could muster was a hapless imitation. He stopped before he could grab the door and carefully, he turned back to face you. His eyes were flushed and his head lacked that oh-so-familiar fedora, so his hair ended up appearing messier than it would look any other day. 

Least to say, he looked as well-put together like a bride whose wedding plans all fell short. 

Even if it hurt, you chuckled anyway. A soft smile played on your lips as Chuuya nimbly took his place next to you, hesitant to make eye contact. This was the most quiet you’d seen Chuuya since the day he drank so much wine that he was passed out for a whole day. And again, you laughed, not letting your abdomen’s current condition restrain you. 

Now Chuuya was looking at you like you had grown another head. At that, you tried to collect yourself and finally speak to him.

“Chuu listen, I know you probably think what happened was your fault, but don’t blame yourself ok..? Look at me right now- I’m still alive, a little bruised up- but fine!” 

He looked as though he was angry, but you knew better. He was in pain. He was regretting everything and recalling every mistake that led to this outcome. 

Your eyebrows unconciously knit themselves together in disquitude. You turned your gaze away from him momentarily, reflecting, while he continued to stare at your absurdly white bed sheets. 

After a pause, you starting again. This time, more somber and raw in your tone.

“Thanks for saving me… I… I don’t know what would’ve happened had you not come in time- I mean I think I held up well enough right?” You turned back to him nervously chuckling. 

The air in the room was becoming more thick with the words Chuuya couldn’t say. The wait was intense but you just wanted him to say something. If anything, to know he was okay too. 

“It- I… I was done the mission.. I was going to come over to check up on you when I saw what the bastard had done … and I saw you running- I’m not done with him yet, he’ll get what he dished out tenfold but-” Chuuya paused. His head tilted up to finally meet your eyes. 

“I’m sorry..” 

He mouthed some words but each one was held back as if he was unable to pick what he wanted to say most. So you began to say what you knew you had to express.

“Truthfully, Chuuya- I.. I was so scared. Everything feels like a haze right now because it felt like a horrible nightmare. I don’t want to think about it because I know if I do, I won’t stop shaking..” And now, your hand was quivering at the thought of the night prior. Chuuya’s gaze fell to your hands which he swiftly wrapped in his own, protecting them from everything that plagued your mind. 

“...I’m still scared… but I feel safe with you by me. I wasn’t going to let him take me down with him… because I want to be with you from now until forever.” 

Coming so close to death, you knew the words a person had to say before they regretted not saying them at all. It was better to express every weakness and strength, emotion and secret before everything fell down and all you were left with was the words you held tightly on the tip of your tongue.  

When Chuuya came and held you again, careful not to touch your wounds, the two of you took solace in the beating hearts of the other. Chuuya was scared to lose you, you could tell as much from his embrace. 

“I’ll always come for you.. I’ll always come and protect you. I promise that with everything I am.” 

And if he could read your touch - and you certainly wish he could - it would speak volumes of your love and trust for him. But most importantly, it would tell him; 

A soft breeze filled with springs essence flowed gently into the quaint office placed atop the red bricked building. It wasn’t much to look at, not really, other than its red exterior taking the eyes attention for a split second, there wasn’t much else to it.

Unless one was aware of its top floored residence. Quite the loud bunch many would complain. Always someone shouting and screaming about tardiness, unsettling comments about severing limbs, and often other occupants would notice a trail of emptied snack bags leading to the office. Simply a place to stay away from.

Now that was what you called home. 

The hums of the crowded streets played out in a symphony in front of you, just another side walk to cross and you were home. Home .. If the word stayed on your tongue for too long it might lose it meaning, or worse, become sour in taste. 

That top floor, was home. It had only been maybe 8 months since you began working there as an assistant. The Armed Detective Agency, the name really says all there was to it. The work wasnt too difficult, after all, you were a hardworker and you’ve been working your whole life one way or another. The president had made some adjustiments to your workload considering you were still a high school student. Of course you adamantly expressed your capabilities, but underneath it all, you were relieved. 

The breeze grazed your face and ruffled your hair, adding more knots into it after you had done so much to ensure it looked perfect, like nothing had happened. You sighed with a hint of ire plaguing not just your voice but your eyes. Perhaps holding your tongue could have granted you another hour or two of sleep. Alas, thinking of such what if’s was something you slowly learned to block out. It was pointless to fantisize of what could be anyhow.

You continued to fix your hair as you walked up the stairs, soon reaching the gates to your heaven with the oh so familiar sign positioned at the door. You hesitated briefly even as the sign urged you to come in just as the Earth welcomed rain. Thoughts began to overwhelm you. Mornings were never easy. You weren’t a sunflower waiting to greet the sun as the sun showers you with blessings and you return its gift with a smile. It was always terrifying. He was terrifying.

No matter what you did, no matter how hard you tried, you would never be enough to satisfy his will. At times, that thought alone shot bolts of desperation throughout your body, like an injured animal finding some way to stop the bleeding. What were you so desperate for? Home. It’s right in front of you, so why can’t you accept it now?

‘I didn’t get enough time to cover some of the bruises, what if they-’

“Ah you made it L/N-chan!” 

You shot up slightly at the new sound that entered your bubble. Your gaze turned towards the young boy’s voice, noticing his ragged hair. ‘Always quite slanted, not a single strand the same,’ you mused. “Atsushi you startled me aha..” Although the chuckle may have been a bit strained, you were happy to know your voice wasn’t void of that hint of delight to see him. 

“A-ah! Sorry! I guess I’ve been sneaking up on a lot of people lately. The other day it was Lucy, I made her drop her dish in the cafe- I really did apologize but she was very close to throwing me from a bridge aha-” Atsushi had a tendency of causing trouble from simple, and often innocent, actions. It was always amusing to hear about from him, they’ve never failed to crack you out of your reclusive state. 

Atsushi’s eyes wandered briefly to a mismatched coloured blotch on your arm, one you tried to conceal under your sleeves. When you took notice of his gaze, you quickly shifted that arm out of view; watching his shy and gentle eyes become disturbed with remorse. That unconcealable wrapping on your leg wasn’t any better to look at you figured, and you were sorry he had to see it. It was only for a moment though. He seemed more at ease once you smiled back at him. 

“If she did push you, I’d call Kyoka-chan.” You continued back at where the conversation left off at. At that Atsushi shaked his hands, trying to prevent the fictional scenario. “N-No! Kyoka might end up doing more than dragging me out of the water-” You both laughed at the scenario at the underlying understanding of Kyoka’s protectivness of Atsushi’s well being.

As you both walked into the office together, a scent of candies and coffee lingered in the air and the bustling office welcomed your arrival. Your eyes lingered on Atsushi as he made his way over to his desk to get started on what you could only assume to be another stack of Dazai’s unfinished paperwork. ‘I should go and get him some coffee, he might need it to finish all that.’ Looking at that stack was alone to make you wince and move towards your own desk. 

You usually make your rounds to greet everyone, but today was a difficult day and you were more tired than usual. So you figured finishing your work early would be the best way to go about things. As you began, the usual shenanigans continued to buzz around the agency. Naomi chasing Tanizaki begging him to bother himself with her rather than his work, the murmurs of the president and his secretary disgusing financial documents in his office, Ranpo-san’s loud crunches as he muched on what could’ve been his 15th chip bag of the day, and to top it off, Kunikida’s excessive yelling. You may be a hardworker but in this case, you couldn’t hold a handle to Kunikida’s work ethic. He kept everyone on task, or so he tried. 

While he was on his daily rant about Dazai’s tardiness to anyone who would listen, you felt a dreadful turmoil brewing in your head.

That buzzing in your head was a little more than unsettling. And just as your hand went to go reach your head, there it was again, that word. 

“Home.”

Why was it coming to the forefront of your mind? Why couldn’t that thought be subdued? Why were you so unlucky that the only word that haunted you was the one you cherished just as much?

He. Your father. Just a shadow of what he could’ve- no, should’ve been. A shadow who gained sentience and refuses to let you breathe. 

Your ‘home’ was hell personified. Every move you took would inevitably burn your feet. So you took no steps at all. Yet even then the fire raged on and clung to you. 

And right now, that fire was engulfing your head. 

You could faintly see Dr.Yosano in the distance, making her way to you. You couldn’t quite make out her expression when you dropped to floor and the fire took your eyesight.

~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes sleep was the only solace you could get, so you tried to cherish it whenever you could. This time, there was something different about the black void of unconsciousness. A dull pain.

It lingered and poked you in the void. Slowly voices became more clear, and feeling returned to your hands. Still, those wonderful eyes of yours refused to leave the dark. 

A part of you couldn’t deny that you liked it that way, but that poking sensation wouldn’t let you dream. 

You never had time for it.

So your eyes opened, breaking through the fire, and into the blinding lights of the ceiling panels. 

~~~~~~~~

“You’re awake-!” There a pair of wide yellowish-purple eyes looked back at you, secured with a load of concern.

It was Atsushi, worried about you as always. You wished he’d worry about himself more. 

It didn’t quite hit you that you were on Dr. Yosano’s lap or the fact there were tears in your eyes, slowly streaming down your eyes. Not until Kyouka, who sat next to Atsushi wiped them gently. 

What happened to you? 

Your body must’ve been more aware than your mind as it expressed it’s emotions more freely than how your mouth could vocalize them. Slowly you sat up and noticed exactly what had caused you to lose consciousness.

“What happened… y/n?”

Blood loss.

Dr. Yosano looked at the open wounds on your legs, carefully unwrapping the loosely tied bandages around them. She was inspecting the wound just as she was inspecting your face. 

They all were looking at you. Kunikida with a glass of water held firmly in his hand. Kyouka who stayed quietly by Atsushi, looking at your wounds. Yosano who looked slightly unnerved at the blood yet continued to press on; cleaning the wound. Atsushi who looked at you as though he knew and didn’t at the same time. But he wanted to know, oh how he wanted you to tell him. 

And suddenly, it was hard. 

You were young. You couldn’t hold it back anymore.

The tears poured out and so did the words you held in for so long. You tried to hold it all in, but everyone has their limits. Atsushi held you closely as you cried into his arms. Kyouka followed and joined the hug. 

She understood. 

You may be older than her but she knew your pain just as well. 

Yosano worked on your legs with utmost care and gentleness. She knew better than to ask to heal using her unorthodox methods. She’d rather not do that, even if it took away all the physical pain, it wouldn’t do anything for your mental anguish. So she helped in the ways she could. 

Kunikida offered you that glass of water as you talked and cried. He stepped back for a moment, eyes still intently on you as you spoke with your shaky voice and teary eyes. Until he caught the sight of someone hidden in the corner of the agency.

Dazai.

His expression was unreadable as always yet there was a sense of conflict stiring in those lax eyes of his that Kunikida rarely saw. Just as Kunikida noticed him standing there in obscurity, he left through the agency’s doors. Kunikida knew to follow him in case Dazai had finally built a sense of justice and planned to do something rash.

~~~~~~~~

When the tears stopped, you sat there with your ragged yet quiet, breathing. Atsushi never once left your side. Kyouka still sat by you, unmoving. Kenji had returned a little while ago and brought you over some tissues and began reciting stories of his farm life adventures. 

Ranpo finally appeared again. His whereabouts were always where his interests lied…. Or where the snacks were. Thus, it wouldn’t surprise you if he had been there the whole time, just hidden away. 

With a lollipop still in his mouth, he looked down at you. You couldn’t read his eyes, you barely ever saw them when you think about it. Kenji, continued to talk while your attention shifted to Ranpo. He brought his arm forward, in his hand, a single lollipop. He motioned you to take it. 

When it was in your hands, he was already gone back to whatever he was doing, yet you stared at it as though it were gold. 

Home…. A place that’s warm.. A place you feel loved..

You were home. You were safe.

And so you smiled, it would be okay.

~~~~~~~~

Weeks had passed since then, your father was arrested on accounts of child abuse and neglect and you were free from his torment. That moment when Kunikida had left that day, he must’ve gone to seek out your father you supposed. Regardless, you were thankful to not just him, but the entire agency. 

You were free, and you would be okay.

That ‘home’ meant nothing to you, so with Fukuzawa-san’s permission, you were allowed to move into the agency dorms. Again, nothing you could do would expression your gratefulness towards him.

Although old habits and traumas never die, you were healing. You had people who loved you and cared for you. People who would laugh with you as Kunikida and Dazai fought. People who would eat with you when you couldn’t sleep. And people who watched over you, even if silently.