BRIAN JAMESON

Throwback of going to dinner at Kassi at the new virgin hotel in Vegas. Well It’s been a week now that I’ve had covid.. I’m shocked it took this long to get and I’m even more shocked that it was passed by my brother and not from me going out. All of last year I was flying to Texas and going places and then this is how I get it. My brother said he started to feel ill early last week. It seemed…

The Boy with the Dragon Tattoo

It’s 2:18am and I’m sitting in front of my computer in pain from getting my side tattooed on Sunday. Figured I’d get on here and fill you guys in on what’s been going on with me and my mindset as of lately. To be so honest it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be getting my side tattooed. I think that it was more of having self control over my thoughts and focusing on the different…

Super Flower Blood Moon

It’s 4am and I’m laying in bed listening to Briston Maroney-Freaking out on the interstate. This song makes me sad because it reminds me of someone/growing up and the park I would always go to. Just the tune of the song and the lyrics. “You got a lot on your and your heart it looks just like mine. It’s no use in wasting your time anymore. I’m sorry I, haven’t been myself somethings got me down…

It’s been an exhausting 3 weeks. I’ve been slammed at work, emotionally drained, in hermit mode and I am O-K with it. I don’t give myself enough time to feel things. I just keep moving and doing shit without realizing I need to take care of myself and be good to myself. So I’ve been shopping and saving (I know, that doesn’t make sense but it does in my head lol) and just minding my business.…

Straight Outta My 20’s

It’s Monday January 26th and I’m currently at a coffee shop called Makers and Finders here in Vegas. It’s freezing outside and it has been snowing and raining in Vegas all day. It’s hard to even type right now because my hands are so cold. It doesn’t help that I’m sitting next to the window which is even colder but I love the cold. I could be freezing my ass off and still be fine. I mean hell I…

Coming out of Quarantine

Today was the 2nd day being back at work and I couldn’t be happier. It feels so nice to finally be out of the house and be able to see my work family and clients. We’re currently unable to blow dry and have to wear a face mask all day so it’s been very strange but I’m happy to just be able to work again.

I wanted to make this blog post because there was a ton I realized during this whole shut…

Via Google: “Spiritually, the Pink Moon always signifies rebirth and renewal. After a long winter, the resurgence of the color pink is a revitalizing dose of beauty and joy. It serves as a reminder that life is a set of ups and downs, a cycle of hibernation and reawakening.

  Yesterday (April 7th) was the start of our pink super moon aka the brightest moon we’ll have this year. It was so gorgeous yesterday that I was able to see the pink hue from my part of town when it was rising. It was so gorgeous that I went to Red Rock around 11:30pm to get a closer look at it. I was out there alone laying on the hood of my car listening to my music and just focusing on my intentions. The moon was so fucking clear that I felt like I had another pair of glasses on.

As of the past 2 years I’ve felt this strange connection with the moon and I feel it more so when I go to Red Rock. The feeling I get when I go to Red Rock to visit the moon is like when you’re a child and you’ve had a bad day and just want to cry and so you go to your parents to let it all out and get some answers and hugs. The moon has a strange way of pulling out my emotions and allowing me to release what I need to and ask for the things I want. I feel it embraces me.

When I was driving home around 12:30am there were about 6 SUV cops all huddled at the stoplight right before you get to Red Rock. I have no idea why they were there but I’m pretty sure they were either stopping people from going to Red Rock or asking if people were driving to Pahrump or something of the sort. Crazy how we have so much restriction right now.

Anyways

It has been pretty cloudy lately that it doesn’t even feel like being in Vegas. All I can think about is how locusts might return again the way they did last year. At least this time no one will be out and about to be terrorized by the fucking things.

My allergies have been terrible and this virus comes at such a bad time because you can’t sneeze or cough around people right now without everyone scattering like roaches.

I just took my allergy medicine that I hate taking it because it dries me out completely. I always have to drink so much water and sometimes wake up with a dry throat that makes me think I got the ronez.

It’s been exactly 3 weeks that Nevada has been into its shut down and so far I’ve managed to: Clean and organize my room, shop online for shit I don’t need, drink, read, dance in my underwear all. fucking. day, drink, take selfies, and drink some more.

I think that during the beginning of my quarantine I was going a bit nuts because I was thinking about it a little too much. I’m used to going to bars and restaurants whenever I want at whatever time I want. Since I can’t do all the things I normally do, it’s forcing me to do the things I always wanted to get around to doing. I have the free time now but I’m also reminding myself that it’s also ok to just play on the computer and just relax.

I went as far as ordering an electric guitar and I’ve been watching youtube videos on how to play. Maybe playing guitar is something I should be doing to relieve stress? I’ve just always held myself back because I never had time to play or had anyone to show me how to play. Now just seems like the perfect time to teach myself and just jump into playing.

I’ve been off work now for a month.. I fucking miss my friends/co-workers. Now I’m just chillin like a motha fuckin villain. I can’t do shit to change the situation and things could be a lot worse so I’ve just accepted it for what it is. This situation has fucked up my sleeping schedule completely. I have been going to bed at like 5-6am every night lol. I woke up my nephew today and told him to open his blinds and so he opens them and I was like you realize that it’s 3 in the afternoon right? He straight-up covers himself with his blanket and goes “Yup and?” because he knows we ain’t going to do shit today so I couldn’t even be mad lol.

I’ve enjoyed this time off so I’m not going to complain. I doubt I’ll ever get to rest like this again in my life and it makes me really happy that my mom is resting more. My mom is who I’ve been the most concerned for when it comes to this virus since she’s older but the fact that she’s been resting and just sitting down more instead of constantly doing shit, makes me happy. I’m still in disbelief with how contagious this virus is and how rapidly it’s spreading throughout the world.

It’s just shocking how life was totally normal one day and then the following day I’m moving my things out of the salon and being told to stay inside because of a virus sweeping the nation. How did we go from 0-1000 in 5 seconds?

When I was in Canada it hadn’t even touched Montreal yet. I was still careful about everything I did and touched there but it wasn’t as bad as when I got back. I think a day or 2 after I got back from Montreal is when Italy was hit hard and after that I feel is when everything else in the world started to shut down and go crazy like a domino effect. Luckily I didn’t book my trip even a week after I planned on going because otherwise I would have been stuck in Canada! I would of became a citizen and a hooker! lol.

Overall

I hope that if there’s anything you’ve thought of wanting to do, whether it be learning a new craft, painting the house, learning a new language, then I hope you’re utilizing this time to do that.

If you’re someone who never had time to relax because of work or life etc etc. then I hope that you’re opening a bottle of wine and enjoying your time off because you deserve it and the universe thinks so too.

This is no obligation to do or not do during this time because shit is crazy and if you want to spend your time worrying about the world, then you’re more than allowed to worry about the world…. Just do us a favor and have a drink honey.

Date of Birth and Rebirth

I’m currently sitting at the dining room table drinking my sleepy time tea and trying to write out as much as what’s on my heart as I can. It’s a wolf moon tonight and I’m definitely feeling the effects. It’s called a wolf moon because back in ancient times, wolves would howl the most around this time.

I’m feeling compelled to write tonight because I figured now would be a good time to open up…

365 Day Memory Cycles

I really don’t know where to start with writing this.

My head is such a mess these days that I’m for once struggling to find the words on how I feel.

I’m in disbelief that it has already been a year since Nick passed. I really feel like I’ve stood still in time with the whole situation. It’s a crazy crazy feeling to really think that 365 days have really gone by. This past week has felt like…

I woke up to Janusz calling me at 9:30am… Before we parted ways the night before he specifically told me that he would be calling me at 9:30am to wake me up so we could go to the black sand beach where Season 7 of Game of Thrones ended. He told me he knew how to get there and wanted to also take me to a waterfall that was on the way. I didn’t believe he was telling me the truth about 9am, but he was! I slept through all 5 million phone calls because of how fucked up I got the night before and didn’t wake up until about noon.

He came over and we ended up heading out around 1:30pm.

The entire time I was in Iceland the weather was being so finicky. It was either raining, snowing, hella fucking windy (to where people were getting hit with shit from the street) or just cloudy. I didn’t mind at all but this last day was the clearest I had seen it. Janusz was even saying it was amazing how clear the roads were when we were driving and how they don’t get clear weather like that normally. I couldn’t believe it either. When I had taken my tours the roads were a fucking mess. There was snow everywhere and I was just thinking to myself there was no way I was driving BY MYSELF IN THE COUNTRY, with those roads the way they looked. But Sunday there was no snow anywhere in sight on the roads.

The beach was about 2 1/2 hours away from Reykjavik so a trip from Vegas to Zion Utah. We stopped by a convenient store to get some snacks and we were on our way!

One thing I noticed Janusz doing was taking photos of everything. I was paying attention to how careful he was being with making sure he took a lot of good shots and he would occasionally take photos of me. It made me smile because Nick knew how much I loved having my photo taken or I’d shout at him when we were driving to take a photo of the mountains if we were up in Red Rock lol. I felt like it was another guided message from him and the universe. For meeting a stranger and him taking photos of everything, was a pretty rare thing. The similarity brought me comfort and I was grateful for all his help creating memories.

I couldn’t believe everything I was seeing when I was driving. I mean fuck, this country was absolutely incredible. We would be driving through the mountains and all of a sudden you’re now next to the ocean and then driving through mountains again. I saw so many Icelandic horses on the drive. I saw a giant Volcano that was covered by a glacier. Janusz was giving me one giant history lesson about the volcanos.

Our first stop was the Seljalandsfoss waterfall

My friend Rae let me borrow her amazing raincoat for the trip since my dumbass forgot to take one. Let me just tell you guys that a raincoat by the waterfalls is an ABSOLUTE MUST. The closer you get the wetter you get!

He took me to this other waterfall that was inside a cave and MADE ME TAKE MY SHOES AND SOCKS OFF TO GET INSIDE! The water was about ankle deep and my feet were FREEZING. I could barely walk in it. People were looking at us like we were crazy lol. But that waterfall was absolutely breath taking. There was a giant boulder that people were taking photos on and the minute we got in is when everyone started to leave the cave so Janusz was taking a ton of photos of me on it lol. My hair was DRENCHED since I was so close to the waterfall.

We hung out for a good 1 1/2 and then headed to the beach that was about 40 min away from where we were. We had to be quick because the sun was starting to set and we wouldn’t be able to see much after that.

We arrived to Reynisfjara black sand beach

We got there and when you start to approach the beach you go up these steps that lead you to the water and the waves are sooooo close to the shore to where you find yourself struggling to take a selfie because you’re running from the waves rolling in. It definitely wasn’t Santa Monica lol.

Janusz took dozens of photos of me there and then I told him I needed a moment to myself to just kind of say some goodbyes to Nick and just talk to him. So I walked away to a spot where No one could really see me and I just talked to him and told him a poem I had recently heard on the way to Iceland from the movie ‘The Shape of Water’.

“Unable to perceive the shape of you, I find you all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with your love. It humbles my heart, for you are everywhere.”

As I stood there watching the waves crash, I could feel the amount of power and energy that beach held..

I had a necklace that was a heart and a moon that said ‘I love you’ on the heart and ‘to heaven and back’ on the moon. The heart is where Nicks ashes were kept and I felt compelled to scatter them but then I thought it over and the only words I kept hearing in my head were “release me, let it go, throw it out” and so instead of scattering his ashes I unscrewed the heart from my necklace and held it tight and made a wish of love and hope.

So with all my emotions and tears I threw it as hard as I possibly could when I saw the next big wave..

To me it was another step closer to getting closure and making my wish come true. I could feel every emotion in me and realized why this beach specifically was calling to me. All I did my entire trip was follow the signs when they presented themselves and this was the biggest one as I’ll reveal later in this post.

I walked back to where Janusz was and we took a few more photos before heading back to the car. It was dark and we had such a long drive ahead of us. On the drive back to the city we could see the northern lights vaguely appearing above us. It was true magic being able to just drive through the country witnessing such beauty.

We got back into town around 9pm and went to the store. Janusz studied culinary for 5 years so ya boy KNOWS HOW TO COOK. I hopped in the shower and he started to cook. He made me fish with mashed potatoes, a mushroom sauce and some noodles. It was DELICIOUS but so much food that I couldn’t eat all of it lol.

It was about midnight now and he had work the next day so we wrapped up dinner and said our goodbyes.

I was so thankful for him and for the universe putting him in my path because he made the trip so exciting for me and was someone who really knew Iceland and told me so much of the history and showed me around the country. Not many strangers are willing to do this and till this day I’m still grateful for him and the memories that were created because they’re definitely going to last a lifetime.

I laid on the couch for a bit and just really took in my trip. One of my best friends Tiara bought me a divinity tea reading gift.

The way it works: You pour hot water water into your tea cup with leaves and swirl it around. You place your hand over the cup and put your energy into it. You then drain the water out and leave the cup flipped over on a paper towel to drain the rest of the water and then you flip the cup up to see what formed and depending on what forms, is your message.

I feel like mine looked like an anchor and this is the meaning for it.

Anchor

This ancient tea leaf symbol suggests that you need to take a restful holiday by water.

There have been many times you have been challenged by others. It may be a time when confusion and stress is likely to undermine the health of yourself and people close to you. If you see the anchor on its own in your teacup, it indicates that you have many friends and acquaintances and you sometimes never know who they truly are. As the anchor goes down to the seabed indicates that you are going to listen to your deep unconscious inner self.

The anchor is an emblem of hope and promises rest and contentment after a tumultuous episode. It may indicate that a heartfelt wish will come true. Near the rim, the anchor symbolises true friends and a faithful lover.

This message was bizarre to me considering the fact I made a wish at the beach and considering the fact I am going through a hard time in life so I’m curious what manifests from this message in the future.

I finished up soaking in the last night being in my air bnb and packed my things for tomorrow morning.

  Monday: Going home

I woke up at 11am and made myself one last breakfast at my air bnb.

I packed up the rest of my things and loaded up the car. Checkout was at 1pm and it was now 12:30pm

After I was done eating and the car was all packed up, I sat down for a moment..

I looked around at where I got to stay and just thought of everything I got to do.. I felt so much gratitude and and wrote a thank you card to my Air bnb host. It was a couple, so I left them 2 Oribe sample packets along with 2 Charlie Brown Valentine’s Day cards as a thank you for letting me stay in their beautiful home. Afterwards I felt compelled to write a sorry letter to Nick so I could get a little more closure from the situation.

I started crying and realized that everything I was saying sorry for was everything I truly did feel bad for doing in our relationship. I never did anything out of spite or malicious intent just to be clear. We sometimes got into heated arguments like every couple does, but when someone you love passes away, all of those things you said, haunt you. So I wrote down everything I possibly felt in my heart I was sorry about and kept the piece of paper with me. Hopefully in 10 years I’ll open it up and see what I wrote and see how far I’ve come from the situation.

I grabbed my backpack checked out of my place and went to go walk around the city a little longer until it was time to leave. I had 2 hours to spare since my flight wasn’t leaving until 5:30pm. I realized my gloves that my friend gave me were wet still from the water fall! I was like fuck now I need to go buy gloves otherwise I’m going to be cold. I went searching for gloves and all I could find were Icelandic wool gloves…. I DON’T NEED THAT SHIT! I LIVE IN VEGAS FFS. I knew for a fact I wouldn’t wear them again and was not going to spend $50 on wool gloves for that reason lol. Plus I had already spent a fortune on the Icelandic sweaters I bought since I bought 3! So I gave up and went to the church since it’s a huge tourist attraction in Reykjavik. There’s an elevator that takes you all the way to the top of the church to overlook the city and so I walked into the church and the first words that left my mom were “HOLY SHIT” when I saw the massive line at the elevator to take everyone up! I was like GOD FORGIVE ME FOR JUST SAYING THOSE WORDS I DIDN’T MEAN IT! I couldn’t even believe myself saying that right as I walked in and not even exaggerating but EVERYONE in that line turned to look at me. I thought I was going to pass out.

I didn’t stay very long. I felt a little uncomfortable with people sitting down staring at others and at me and to be honest the energy felt a lot like being in a museum. It didn’t feel like mass had just got out, it felt like people just coming to a church to look and leave. I was kind of shocked by that so I left.

I went to the beach where I was staying at since I had not been to it yet. As I was walking there I was thinking of how blessed I was to be able to go on this trip. To see everything I did and to see how others live. I still didn’t have gloves but for some reason I didn’t care. Even though it was cold I didn’t feel that cold.

So I kept walking until I reached the beach and went to see the Solfar Sun Voyager.

Here’s the description:

Solfar Sun is described as a dreamboat, or an ode to the Sun. The artist intended it to convey the promise of undiscovered territory, a dream of hope, progress and freedom.

I took photos of it and then I was really bored at this point and decided to just head to the airport 3 hours earlier. I got in my car and realized my body was pretty cold but I noticed I was putting all of my emotions and pain into how cold I was and not even realizing it. I was obviously on this trip carrying a lot of pain and depression but 1 thing I didn’t realize is that I wasn’t cold the entire time on my tours or anywhere because I was putting all of my emotions into the cold and when it was time to go indoors and thaw out, the pain would leave and get easier. It was a repeated process that worked as therapy and it actually helped. I know it sounds a little out there and a little over the top but it’s true. The minute that I sat in my car I had this entire realization of what I was doing the entire trip. It was a concluded moment where I now realized why I came to Iceland. Why this is where I needed to be to heal because ever since the trip, I have not been the same.

  I was driving to the airport and I had no clue where I was going to drop off my rental or how I was going to get to my gate or anything. I had completely forgot that the rental drop off place was a little further away from the airport so I was kind of rushing because I didn’t know how long anything would take.

I rented my car with Hertz and I couldn’t find it so I stopped at some random car rental place on the way and asked for directions to Hertz and they pointed me in the right way. I got there and there was seriously snow up to my ankles and I had to lug all my shit out in it and drag it to the shuttle that was taking me to the airport. It took a good 30 min to get to the airport but that was because we were waiting for more people to get on the shuttle. Once in the airport I decided to eat and that took about another 20 min of my time. I then went to go check my bag and on my way to customs I was asked 5 million questions about where I’ve traveled to and what I was doing in Iceland and what not. 

I then had to take a train to my gate which took about 45 min because I got off at the wrong stop. Got back on then had to run to my gate because I had maybe 45 min until my plane was going to take off. I got to my gate right at boarding and had 20 min until my flight left. I was blown away that 3 hours had gone by so fast. While I was in line this girl was just as late as I was getting to the gate and had an attitude from hell. She then proceeded to I think call her boyfriend or friend or whoever the fuck that she went to visit in Iceland and bitched them out for almost missing her plane. She kept looking at people and saying things like “not your business look away” to just about everyone lol. I was cracking up and irritated at the same time because it’s not like she missed her flight she was just the last one to get to the gate like, SHUT UP.

After that it was time for take off and goodbye to Iceland.

I landed in Seattle at about 5:30pm and has about 2 hours to kill. I went to Starbucks and grabbed coffee because I was tired and this time change was going to fuck me up again. I started to board around 7:30pm. As I was standing for everyone to get on the plane I checked to see if I had any notifications on my apple watch. I had 1 notification telling me that I had friends who wanted to photo share with me. It was strange because my watch has never alerted me about photo sharing. So I was thinking it was my girlfriends I went on my Seattle trip with because we had a shared album from the wedding and so I thought they might of asked me to create an album to share so they could see my trip photos but that was not the case.

When I opened my phone to check it out, it was the photo album of the beach where I went to go say my goodbyes and where season 7 of Game of Thrones ended. I checked to see who it was that wanted to photo share and the only 2 people on the list were me and Nick…. Under Nicks name it said ‘Baby’ which was strange because I’ve never saved him as baby in my phone. His name was always Nick or Grizzly Bear in my phone, that was it, NEVER BABY. I was like NO FUCKING WAY…. It could of been any album from my trip.. ANY. I was taking photos up until that last day. Why the beach album? To me that told me that Nick heard me and was telling me that he was there with me. This is just how spiritual this trip was for me. I couldn’t believe the amount of signs I was getting from him the entire time and the connection I felt with the country…

This is the big sign I was talking about earlier in this post. This is the biggest sign I could of received from Nick on my trip.

After all of this happened I looked up and I saw my friend Sonny who I used to kickbox with! She was in Seattle for a girls trip and so we got to talking and when we boarded we magically were in the same row but across in the opposite side! It was like fate was guiding me the entire time. Like this trip was meant to happen. Not to mention I was sitting next to a guy and noticed his socks. He was wearing long dress cocktail socks and so was I! lmao. All the coincidences that happened in a matter of 30 minutes lol.

I landed back in Vegas around midnight and had my mom come and pick me up. I couldn’t wait to go home, take a shower and go to sleep.

And so that concludes my trip to Iceland.

I highly recommend everyone go check the country out. There’s so much magic to it and so much to do and see.

If you’re someone looking for some solitude and looking to self explore and just center yourself with the universe then you are someone who definitely needs to go and see and experience for yourself.

I won’t say that I don’t miss Nick. I won’t say that things are easier, I won’t say I’m moving on. I will say that life has been put more into perspective for me. I understand life in a different light now because of all the signs I received on my trip. I realize that the people you love that have passed are not worlds away but right next to you and whatever energy they have, they’ll send signs with and you just have to keep your eyes open and ear to the ground to watch for them.

I’m still healing and every day is still a struggle. The hardest part of this all is still missing him and missing the things we did together and how much he loved me. Finding love like the kind Nick gave me is such a rare thing but I have hope that there’s still some out there. Regardless, I feel him around still and dream him all the time.

If you’re reading this and you’re struggling with something similar, I hope you know that everything happens for a reason and know that life works out one way or another. Nothing lasts forever and we’re all here on borrowed time. It’s what you do with that time and all the good and happiness you bring to the world that makes life worth living. 

It was the day of my snorkeling tour and thankfully I woke up not feeling sick. It was a good idea to just go home after my dinner I had the night before to avoid getting sick.

I was beyond excited for this tour because of the amount of history it had to it.

I was going to be snorkeling in Silfra in between the 2 tectonic plates where 2 major oceans are separated.

Silfra is a fissure created by the separation of the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates cutting through Iceland. The Silfra fissure fills with glacial water that has been filtered underground for decades through hardened, porous lava rock. The filtering process of the glacial water makes Silfra one of the clearest bodies of water on earth with up to 120 meters of visibility.

Most people do this tour in the summer for obvious reasons but once I saw the images when I was booking my tours, this one just looked the most magical.

I walked down the street where my bus was going to be picking me up and there was a boy standing on the side of the road so I figured that was the bus stop. I swear some of these bus pick ups were literally just outside of hotels and hostels. There would be no bus signs, nothing, you just stand there on the side of the road and hope that your bus hasn’t passed by yet.

My bus arrived and my driver was hot. He was this bald tall buff dude wearing a tank and a jacket half zipped blasting Pantera on the bus. I was melting lol.

We drove out about 45 min to Silfra and when we got there we had clear instructions on where to go to start getting dressed for the tour. You had to go to a different bus that had the snorkeling suits with different sizes. You then have to go back to your bus and get suited up. Afterwards you then grab your flippers and the rest of the gear from crates that they had on the floor and just wait for everyone else.

Getting ready was easily the most miserable part of this tour.

The floors were all ice because of the snow and the rubber boots in the suits were so thin that your feet immediately start to freeze. It got to the point where we were standing on our flippers to avoid the freezing cold floor. We couldn’t wear gloves or beanies or anything and we were standing outside for a good 45 minutes. They put this rope around your neck over the suit so that water doesn’t get inside your suit and it was pretty uncomfortable.

You get put in groups of 6 and wait for your wave to go which took foreeeever. I was talking to these 2 girls while waiting in the freezing cold. One of the girls was from Canada, her name was Julie and the other from Taiwan and her name was Lien. They were cracking me up taking photos of themselves looking miserable because of how cold they were lol. Lien had a Gopro so she was taking photos of everything in the water.

When we got down to the ramp they have you do something disgusting. YOU HAVE TO SPIT IN YOUR FACE MASK. Like, literally spit all in that shit… I guess the enzymes in saliva help from the mask fogging up which did work but it was FUCKING DISGUSTING to me. I know everyone is going to ask ‘WASN’T THE WATER COLD?’ no not at all because once in the water you do not feel how cold the water is because of the dry suit, plus, it was colder outside than in the water. Something shitty that does happen is water gets in your gloves regardless of how much you move your hands around to swim and your hands start to freeze so I had mine clenched most of the time.

There are no fish or anything living in the water it’s all just rocks and shells that reflect light.

While swimming I was just thinking to myself  ‘wow I’m really swimming in something that holds so much history’ even though I was struggling to swim because of how obnoxious the suit was. We swam for about 30 minutes and at that point I was ready to go. My gloves were filled with freezing cold water and I literally ran my ass back to the van while trying not to fall because of the ice on the ground. I was so uncomfortable because of the gloves that I could barely take them off and when I did my thumb was literally frozen to where I couldn’t even move it. Once it thawed out it hurt because of how cold my hands were lol.

Once we all got back to the vans and got undressed they gave us hot coco to warm us all up lol.

We hung out for maybe 20 minutes and then it was time to go which I was kind of glad about. I love the cold I really do but this tour REALLY TESTED ME. Needless to say, the tour was not as easy as it looked in photos but it was worth all the money.

    I got back to my place and showered to go out on the town with Janusz, a polish boy I had met. We were going to go to 101 Hotel to have a drink by the fire place. We both had espresso martinis which I totally needed after all that swimming I did. My friend Jacob had wrote to me while I was in Iceland and told me he used to live in Reykjavik and that he and his wife Debbie actually fell in love in Iceland and every Friday night they would go to 101 Hotel and have drinks by the fire. I thought it was the most romantic and endearing thing to do and so I definitely wanted to toast to them and their love. I met them at a wedding recently and we all just connected and they’ve instantly become such a big part of my life.

Janusz and I sat by the fire and talked and got to know each other and it was just fun to be able to do this with someone I just met and since he lived in Iceland it was great to have him guide me around the town. I don’t think I’ve ever met a random stranger who was as kind as he was to me.

Afterwards we went to a restaurant that was across the street that supposedly had good Icelandic food. Definitely did not disappoint!

We ordered puffin for appetizer which was very tender and kinda sweet but very good! I had whale for my main course and that was a shocker because it literally tasted like steak. I think the fact that it was grilled really helped but it literally tasted and looked like steak.

Once we left the restaurant, we instantly hit the bars. He took me to a gay bar called Kiki which is the main gay bar in Iceland. It was cool but definitely not Vegas and I kind of felt like anyone goes there not just gay people. We kind of pub crawled after but once we left Kiki it started to snow! It was the first time I was actually in the snow while being in Iceland and it truly was like a dream. I felt the need to dance in it through out our escapades lol. The saying is definitely true about the rain and snow in Iceland…. It all comes at you sideways! So while you’re trying to walk, you’re getting wacked in the face with snow to the point where you can almost not even see lol.

I don’t normally make it a point to get drunk but I told myself I was getting HAMMERED since it was my last weekend in Iceland and I sure did get hammered. Janusz was taking me all over the place and we kept ordering more and more drinks. One thing I noticed is that most of these bars and clubs don’t have a DJ they just play music on a track which was different. Most of the songs coming on were either early 90’s or the super gay pop songs you grew up listening to. It really depended which bar you were at because some other bars we went to were playing early 2000’s songs from when I was in high school which realllllly took me back in time. It really made me happy hearing all the variety of different music I hadn’t heard in years but it was also interesting to be hearing it all play in a foreign country lol.

Soon it was 2am and time to go home. Before we parted ways Janusz told me he wanted to take me to the waterfalls and to the Reynisfjara Black Sand beach where Game of Thrones season 7 ended. I was STOKED because the beaches were not a part of the Game of Thrones tour and I was super bummed about it since I really felt that the beach was calling my name. I wanted to go to the beach so so bad but didn’t want to go alone after seeing what the roads looked like in the country when I was on my tours. So he said he would go with me and I felt like I actually would really like that. It helps having someone who knows their way around the city just in case anything happens. I know I was being a wild child but driving in Iceland definitely requires a lot of caution and focus because of the weather conditions in the country. Driving in the city is fine because they pump hot water into the roads so that there’s no ice to slide on but once in the country, you don’t get that luxury.. I would be seeing these itty bitty ass cars driving through plows of snow. So yeah I was not about to do all of that alone because the responsible me was like ‘bitch don’t even try it without someone because if something happens YOU’RE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY’ and so I listened to the voice talking to me in my head and took Janusz with me lol.

He walked me back to my place and we said goodnight.

Sunday was a very important part of my trip and easily the most spiritual..

It was the first night I was able to sleep since being in Iceland. My body had finally adjusted to the time change thankfully because I feel it was the hardest thing for me being 8 hours ahead.

I woke up at about 8:30am to get ready for the Game of Thrones tour I was doing. This was the longest tour I booked. It was going to be a solid 8 hours. The tour was going to be taking us to the main areas in Iceland where the show was filmed the most.

I made my way down to the bus stop that was maybe a 5 min walk from my air bnb and waited for the tour bus to come pick me up. As I got closer to the bus stop I was realizing more how fast it is to miss your bus if you’re not paying attention. There was a Blue Lagoon tour bus that came to pick up these people and these 3 girls are completely distracted by their phones that the bus driver had to physically go grab them and ask what their names were to see if they were the people missing from the list. He was pissed lol.

My bus came and I got on and apparently my tour guide was an extra in all first 4 seasons which was pretty neat. He was also in full costume so he had the whole beard thing going for him and I just knew he was going to really fill us in on everything about the show and I was right!

Let’s go down the list of what I remember since there was so much talking that it was putting me to sleep.

1.Season one of Game of Thrones is the only season that was not filmed in Iceland. Season 1 was filmed in Ireland. Every other season has been filmed in Iceland. The reason why they chose to film in Iceland is because they were having to spend so much money on fake snow for season 1 that they decided they just needed to go somewhere that had real snow where they could really film, that’s where Iceland came in!

2.The fighting scenes in Game of Thrones where the actors are in hand to hand combat is actually REAL. The actors were made to beat the shit out of each other all in the sake of making the show more believable! I was SHOOK. I wish a bitch would try to pawn me off like that lol.

3.Sometimes the weather would be so bad and the actors would physically have to shoot in that so in the show if you ever notice sometimes the actors look miserable it’s because they really were because of the snow and they’d be freezing from getting wet. Poor fellas!!!!

4. NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN FILMING THE SHOW

Those 4 things were the main things I remember because the guy was talking and talking and talking so I finally put my headphones in and just waited until we arrived to each destination.

  We first stopped at a stable to see some of the horses that were in the show and there was a dog that was chasing them around and getting them to go outside.

It was still early so the sun was slowly coming up. The sun doesn’t rise until about 9:30-10am so it was still barely coming up as you can tell in the photos.

After the stables we went to a convenient store to grab snacks and food for the tour and I took this opportunity to go shopping of course! They had all sorts of rad souvenirs so I grabbed a handful of keychains, an Iceland book of all the places to visit in Iceland, and an Iceland beanie! I must say that everything in Iceland is seriously so fucking expensive lol. On all the little shit I bought I spent easily $80.. I don’t even want to look at some of the receipts from the trip because I spent so much on little shit that it’s upsetting lol.

We left the souvenir shop and headed to our first destination.

The first stop we made was at the spot where the dragons make their debut in season 4 as adult dragons.

Since I had so much time to think and really absorb everything going on around me there was one couple that I was paying attention to that were so sweet with each other. They asked me to take their photo and when I went to take it the girl started to hang all over him and make funny faces and he was just cracking up at what she was doing and going with it. I immediately started taking photos because it’s those little moments that speak volumes about your relationship. It was the cutest thing seeing them interact the entire time because you can just tell they really get each other and love each other and I loved seeing that.

We spent maybe 30 min at each spot and were on a tight schedule so we took off to the next filming location.

  The following stop was where a lotttt of the show was filmed. It’s where they filmed the bloody gate with CGI effects and where Arrya and The Hound would walk through as well as when the Wildlings were passing by and the Thenns showed up.

Our tour guide was showing us photos of where he was in the show which was pretty neat.

I figure I’ll show more photos now since there isn’t much to say about the places we went to just that they were all covered in pounds of snow!

  The last location we went to was my FAVORITE. It’s where the fight scene broke out with the wildlings and the Thenns. It was my favorite because the house looked so cool and really gave you that sense of ‘wow, I’m standing where one of the greatest shows out was filmed’ kinda feeling.

The view from where this last location was absolutely beautiful.. It was high up and overlooked everything. It gives you such a deep feeling of appreciating life and appreciating how close to the Arctic circle I was and how amazing this experience has been. Never would I have imagined to be in Iceland meeting people and traveling all by myself.

The tour was over but the tour guide wanted to take us to one last place before it was all over.

We stopped at this waterfall that was pretty rad. We had enough time to literally take a photo or 2 and get back on the bus since it was getting late. They wouldn’t let us go down more to take photos since it wasn’t really part of the tour and it was getting late.

On the way back we stopped at one last convenient store. While I was there I was looking for this rune that my friend Kelly was telling me about. It was the Vegvisir rune the vikings would use before they set sail.

Description: The Vegvisir, also known as the runic compass or the Viking compass made of eight Viking rune staves, is a symbol of protection and guidance believed to be used as a compass by Vikings. The word vegvisir means ‘wayfinder’ and ‘sign post’ in Icelandic language.

“the wearer of this symbol will not lose his way during storms and bad weather, even if he does not know of his destination”.

I told myself that I HAD to find this symbol while in Iceland. I said to myself that if I find this symbol then I’ll have hope that I’ll find my way back in life and be able to live with everything going on.

I wasn’t going to get off the bus since I didn’t really need to piss but I figured I might as well just in case I really have to go and who knows how long we were going to be on the fucking bus again. So I got off went to the restroom and just decided to check out the gift shop. I started looking and keychains and boom there it was. The Vegvisir staring right back at me. The entire gift shop was all handmade viking and game of thrones souvenirs that the shop owner makes BY HAND. I made sure to get a handful of keychains with the Vegvisir symbol just in case I didn’t see it again. I even bought a coaster and necklace of it lol.

This symbol means everything to me right now…

There’s no worse feeling than feeling lost in life which has never really happened to me..

To try your absolute hardest and lose so many important people or things in life.

I understand this is all the process of life and life isn’t always going to be easy because that would just be boring as fuck but these major events that have happened in my life, have really made me realize how quick I can lose my way. Before my vacation I was drinking just to numb the pain and to avoid becoming too depressed. I was beating myself up to try and fight pain with pain and it just wasn’t working..

So to have gone to a foreign country and found a symbol that gives me hope, was 1 of the biggest highlights of the trip.. It was a piece of the puzzle of my healing.

I was dropped off at my bus stop and I went back to my place to shower. I took this opportunity to take photos of the city and all its glory.

There was snow all over the roads and I loved it. I’m not a fan of crazy amounts of snow but in Iceland I didn’t mind. It made Reykjavik seem that much more dreamy because of how cute the town was already.  It was about 6:30pm when I got back and my time was limited because I needed to get to a restaurant before everything started to close! Not to mention it was Friday so I needed to hurry and make sure where I went wasn’t packed!

I got dressed and decided to go hotel 101 for dinner and had their lobster pasta which was AMAZING.

The food was so good in Iceland but I noticed they don’t really salt, so it all tends to taste pretty plainnn.

I had a glass of wine and had a window view of the street. There was a big table next to me with business people at it being loud as all fuck so I was kind of annoyed by that. I again was the only person in the restaurant alone and it was ok. But again the same thoughts kept creeping in about how much it sucks not having Nick with me. How much I miss doing group dinners with me him and our friends.. Thinking of what could of been and how my life would of turned out to be with him.. Everything was going to get better for us and then everything just kind of completely slipped out of my hands and into the dirt.

I finished eating and went back to my place. I was going to go out for awhile for drinks but I wasn’t feeling that good and I was afraid I’d get sick so I went back home and waited for Eyvi to come over again so we could chat more.

He came over around midnight-ish and I was thrilled to see him since I just felt really comfortable with him.

The night was beautiful and so was the weather. Occasionally we would go outside to see everyone walking up and down the streets. I made sure to keep the door cracked a bit since the house tended to get warm quick.

He had been drinking a bit and so instead of drinking more I made us some tea and we sat on the couch and just talked. I opened up to him more about what happened recently with me and he went on to tell me about someone close to him that passed away in the same fashion.

He told me all about his story and it just made me sad but it kept bringing my attention to, is suicide really in someones destiny or does life give you choices and some people just continue to choose a negative path until it leads to suicide? I’d like to believe that suicide is not in anyones fate but I just don’t know.

We continued to talk about life in general and he was telling me more about his life in Iceland. I couldn’t help but to be so fascinated by everything he was telling me. He didn’t even really live around Reykjavik he lives like 4 hours away which made our meeting that much more spiritual. How did I manage to fly 5,000+ miles to find someone as interesting as this guy and that looked similar to Nick and had a past similar to mine? This was no coincidence and I definitely feel like it was fate putting us together. I felt the magic of Iceland and the universe working together with me.

We stayed up talking until about 2am and then he went home.

I stood out on the balcony and finished my tea watching the crowds of people walk by and just seeing how simple life is in Iceland. At one point I was looking at everyone in their apartments to see what they were up to and I remember seeing a man eating pizza in his dining room that wasn’t furnished at all. He had a table and food and was watching TV from what I could tell. It made me think of home and how everything is so over the top sometimes with furnishing houses and making sure you look good and are wearing designer or what not when life could be more simpler. I feel like anyone who just wants to live a simple life should just move to some part of Europe where people don’t judge and just go about their life.

The following day I was doing the snorkeling tour and I could not wait. I cannot wait to share those photos because everything about the tour was so majestic..

I woke up again from my interrupted sleep at 11am and packed my bags to now go to my Air bnb in Reykjavik.

I checked out at noon from my hotel and took off. When I left the hotel there was snow everywhere. It made me a little nervous driving but I’m glad I made the decision to rent a big car to have a less chance of sliding off the road.

It was a true winter wonderland driving. It’s not like anything I had ever seen before. I’ve been to Mt. Charleston in Vegas and seen some snow up there as a kid but this was something straight out of a movie. I mean it was miles and miles of snow everywhere and mountains covered. I drove by and just admired everything around me. Definitely had to stop on the side of the road and do the typical tourist thing and take selfies and photos of everything.

Driving into Reykjavik started to look a lot like the kids Christmas movies I used to watch growing up. The town truly looks so cute when you first get in. They even had a little town called “Elves Town”.

I arrived in Reykjavik at around 1pm and I remember my Air bnb people told me that there was street parking in front of the place but that I had to pay to park. It’s a one way street on most roads downtown so I got the most perfect parking spot that was right next to where I was staying! Someone pulled out and I parked right where they were. I parked and went up to the meter to pay and realized everything was in Icelandic…. OBVIOUSLY. I was like FUCK WHAT DO I DO. I start just pushing buttons until something pops up about language but could not figure it out. Thank God there’s parking people walking around that help you because one of the ladies came up to me since she could tell I was struggling and she helped me push the button on the meter that changes the language for you.

Tip: The red button I circled in the photo is the button you press to change the language on the meter.

Once again, I’m not used to paying for parking ANYWHERE nor did it ever register to me that there was a button that could help change the language because I’ve never used one of these things!

There’s 3 sections you can park in: P1, P2, P3.

I parked in section P1 which gives me access to park anywhere within the 3 paid parking sections because it’s the most expensive. I honestly didn’t care how much I spent as long as I was within walking distance to my car. I was not about to fucking hike to my car for some free parking or cheaper parking considering the fact the weather changes like I change my underwear.

I paid and headed towards where my Air bnb was at and got to the door where there was a key pad you push to unlock it and grab the key that’s inside. I pulled up the email with the instructions and was pushing the buttons and COULD NOT FIGURE IT OUT. I felt like I was in a fucking Resident Evil video game where you’re spending 2 hours trying to solve a puzzle or unlock something until you finally go on youtube to look it up lol. I spent maybe 10 min trying to figure it out and realized there was a button you pull down on that opens the box and in it was the key. THANK FUCK.

I get inside the building and look around for an elevator… There’s no fucking elevator to be found…. I had to lug alllll my shit up 5 flights of stairs.. All I could think of was the movie Cinderella when the mice steal the evil step mothers key and climb up all those stairs to get it to Cinderella to open the door to the room she’s locked in and the mice are sweating their asses off getting up the stairs… I was so irritated… My shit was so heavy and here my skinny ass is lugging all this shit up the stairs.

I punch in another code to get the house key and get in and the Air bnb is GORGEOUS and definitely worth all the hassle of lugging shit upstairs lol. I could not have found anything as nice as this. I had a balcony with a view of downtown and a view of the Ocean where I can see the sunrise. When I booked it I remember how hard it was to book because the apartment is typically always booked up and books fast when it’s available so I got real lucky there too.

I was starving when I got to Reykjavik and it’s hard for me to be on vacation sometimes because I HAVE to have breakfast before I eat anything otherwise it throws my body off. I’m not one of those people that can wake up and eat pizza. My body is very finicky with what I eat and the times I eat it.

I make my way down the street and find a little spot that has an egg on it and think YES THEY MUST HAVE BREAKFAST. I walk in and ask and the lady if they have breakfast and she looked at the clock and was like “uhhhh breakfast was over at 10am.. It’s 2pm….” I was like “miss, I’m sorry, I’m from Vegas where breakfast can be served all day and I saw the egg on the window and thought you guys were my best bet lol.” She laughed and showed me the Chinese food they had for the day. I looked at it and just thought to myself ‘fuck I really don’t want this I really want eggs and toast! 😦 ‘ I was having an internal conflict with myself over FOOD. She said there were other lunch places I could go to but I really wasn’t in the mood to spend more time searching for another place since my morning/afternoon was already so fucked, so I settled.

I got to talking with her and she told me her name was Alex. She was 35 and looked maybe 27. She was a red head with a beautiful long bob haircut parted down the middle and when she would walk her hair would flow so nicely. She had the most beautiful pale skin and I couldn’t stop staring at her.. Clearly lol. I was talking to her the entire time. I wanted to learn more about the city and what she was doing in Iceland. She told me she had moved from Poland and told me how hard people in Poland work and make no money. She said you can make waaaaay more money in Iceland which makes sense because the tourism has exploded over the past 5 years there so they’re always busy. She said she was going to school to study Forestry and would only like to visit the states to see the forests but that’s it. She had no desire to really go to the US.

I finished eating went to check out and noticed she had a map of Iceland which I could really use to help me navigate where I’m at and where I’m going since it’s hard to see the streets on my GPS sometimes. I felt like fate was working with me to let me know I wasn’t lost, just getting around the town and finding my way especially since I managed to go into an establishment that had maps of the city/country.

I walked around for a bit and met a guy by the name of Eyvi his full name is Eyjólfur Eyjólfsson. He was a very sweet guy. I invited him over so we could hang out and chat and he asked about my necklace (where I keep Nicks ashes in). I tried to dance around the conversation a little to try and avoid telling him but he asked if a boyfriend had gave it to me so I broke the news to him and told him why I was really in Iceland… I could tell he felt really bad and he opened up to me about how he’s experienced loss like that in his life as well. We really connected and I didn’t see it before when I was talking to him but he looked almost identical to Nick… I got chills when I saw the photo we took.

Eyvi is easily one of the most unique people I’ve ever met. He was wearing so much wool and just looked like something out of a movie. He was telling me he helps children how to build instruments and play flute and it was the sweetest thing I’d ever heard. We still keep in touch and hopefully I’ll get to party with him in the future when I go back to visit. He was meeting friends out that night and so he left from my place and I got ready to go to my tour to go see the northern lights at 9pm. This was the first tour I was doing and needed to walk to find the bus stop for this thing. I was damn near running to try and get there earlier than the time scheduled to leave because I had no clue what kind of bus stop this was or where I was going I was just following my map. On my way to the bus station I kept looking around at all the buildings and the amount of snow that was in the ground that kept getting all around and in my shoes. I was appreciating being in a different country all by myself and just happy I was doing all of these things alone and just figuring shit out.

I reached the bus station in time to start boarding the bus and off we went. I sat next to this guy that was as well traveling alone like me which I didn’t think would happen since it was Valentine’s Day and everyone was with their friends or couples.

It was raining on the way to wherever the fuck we were going to see these lights and idk where exactly we could see them since there were so many clouds.

On the way there the lady driving the bus kept talking and talking and talking and it was quite frankly driving me nuts. SHE EVEN FORGOT IT WAS VALENTINES DAY. She admitted that they don’t celebrate that in Iceland but that they celebrate the fuck out of Christmas! I thought it was funny that she had completely spaced about it.

We finally found a spot where it wasn’t cloudy or rainy and we just waited. The moon was beautiful and bright but this was the one time I started to get really cold since we had already been out for an hour and couldn’t see shit. It was supposed to be a 3 hour tour and I was over it after an hour. I was cold and just went back into the bus. When the lights finally decided to show they started pounding on the bus for everyone to come out and see the lights but you literally were only able to see them for not even 5 minutes. I managed to capture whatever photos I could on my phone since apparently my camera wasn’t able to pick up on them. The lights are normally more intense but it was beautiful to see them cut through the sky the way they did. Finally everyone was over it and it was midnight by this point so we were all ready to leave. I was beat tired so I was happy we were finally leaving.

Tip: I would NEVER buy a tour like that again. If you’re going to Iceland try and drive somewhere out of the city if you’re renting a car because you can see them just about anywhere in the country. Sometimes you can even see them in the city so paying for a tour is honestly NOT fucking worth it. I wouldn’t pay to GO SEE THEM ever again. JUST SAYINNN.

I got back to my hotel and just passed the fuck out.

The following day was going to be a very emotional tour for me and made sure I needed to be well rested since it was going to be an 8 hour tour. Stay tuned to find out what it was if you don’t know already. ♥

I’m finally back from Iceland and all I can say is just WOW. This trip was something truly unforgettable and I CANNOT WAIT to share.

I’ll be breaking up the days into different blog posts because there’s just too much to talk about and I really want to go into depth about the whole trip. There were sooooo many signs that I can’t wait to explain and share. I’ll be sharing my experience, tips and places to visit in the city if you go to Iceland.

So lets start with day 1.

Day 1

I packed the night before for a whole 4 hours…

I went to the store to buy shoes I could fuck up on my trip because I had no snow shoes whatsoever and needed to buy a bigger luggage. I wanted to make sure I had just enough clothes for the trip but not too much because I knew I’d want to shop there so I packed the essentials and maybe like 3 pair of pants because I knew I wasn’t going to be wearing a bunch of different outfits. I didn’t sleep much because I was really excited and because I just couldn’t sleep. I fell asleep around 3:30pm and My plane was leaving at 10am so I had to be up at 7am. I got to the airport tired af but on time and just chilled.

I flew from Vegas to Boston and then Boston to Iceland. The flight was about 7 hours to Boston. Once there I was supposed to have a 2 hour layover but we left Vegas late because of weather conditions. I went to go eat at a bar and the bartender was not very friendly lol. I ordered some clam chowder because it was late and not even before it came out I got a text from my airline telling me my plane was leaving early and that I needed to be at the gate by 7pm mind you IT WAS 6:45 WHEN I ORDERED MY FOOD! I’m sitting there struggling to get this food in my mouth and this foreign man comes and sits next to me and pulls out a whole bunch of change to buy who knows what with. The bartender looked at me with this face like (are you fucking kidding me) I just smiled and kept eating lol. The guy was like ok I figured out a dollar that’s the easy part so what else and the bartender straight up tells the guy “sir I’m not a bank I don’t know what you’re trying to do paying with all that change” and then tells the guy the kitchen is closed lol. I didn’t have enough time to see the show down so I paid and ran my happy ass to my gate and got there in time to board. I boarded the plane and the space I had was so fucking small I could barely stretch my legs and I had to fly like that for 4 hours.. I started talking to the guy next to me and he was going to Copenhagen and then to Iceland so he had been traveling for a long time. He asked me what my name was and I told him Brian and he replies with my name is Ryan. I was blown away… What the fuck are the chances of sitting next to someone with practically the same name? lol

I got into Iceland at about 7am and went to go get my luggage. I checked my phone for signal which was very important to me because hello I’m in a foreign country where I don’t speak their language and need to make sure I can make phone calls. I had called T-mobile and they said I had unlimited texting but that they would charge me for phone calls.

I walked to the duty free store to buy alcohol because alcohol in Iceland is very expensive so I wanted to stock up and buy some cool alcohol to take home with me too.

I’m walking around and noticing my phones signal says verafone and shows I have signal but nothing is loading and no texts are going through so I kind of panic and call T-mobile just to make sure. Tell me why these people proceed to tell me there are NO TOWERS IN ICELAND FOR RECEPTION. So here I am now panicking about the fact they just told me I wouldn’t have any reception on my phone… I handed this poor lady her fucking ASS because I was so pissed I was lied to. I’m sure everyone in the airport heard me going off… I mean, this is my first time traveling alone and when I did my research that was something that was not mentioned at all and that was a pretty big screw up on my service providers end. Luckily I remember my best friend Meagan was asking me if I had a portable wifi hotspot to connect to and I was confused as to why she would ask that but now I see why! So I went to the cafe and they had a portable hotspot I could use on my trip. This wifi was the SHIT! It worked everywhere! I paid $60 for my entire stay in Iceland with it and highly recommend it if you’re going to Iceland otherwise you ain’t getting service nowhere.

I finally grabbed my car rental and headed to my hotel where I was staying for the day to be close to Blue Lagoon and to just get some quick rest before going to Blue Lagoon. I got in and had breakfast. I had a great view of the morning sun even though it didn’t come up until about 9:30-10am.

I took a quick nap and headed to Blue Lagoon around 3pm. When I was parking it did not look like a lot of people were there until you get inside and there’s 3 lines for people to get in! I was shook. The guy at the desk handed me all my stuff and vaguely told me where to go I felt SOOO LOSTTTT. They make you shower before you go into the Lagoon so I showered and went out where the Lagoon was like something out of a dream. It was surrounded by mountains and the steam made the water look heavenly. I grabbed a beer and just made my way around the water.

There weren’t that many people in the water honestly. I know a lot of people will say that the Lagoon is not how it looks in photos because there’s so many people in there but I think that’s during the summer. I did my research on the best times to go there and Spring and Summer are the nightmare times of the year because Iceland is so small that it just gets PACKED with tourists during this time. So gladly there were not that many people in the water. I met a group of people from Italy and took some photos with them but for the most part I just wanted to be alone and just chill. I sat in the water for a solid 4 hours just taking in everything and floating. It wasn’t scalding hot which I REALLY liked because I think that’s how you get ultra fucked up and dehydrated. The water was perfect temperature and controlled very well. I highly recommend Blue Lagoon, it’s an absolute must.

There’s a restaurant inside the Blue Lagoon called the Lava restaurant where I had dinner. I had the fish of the day with Skyr for dessert and some champagne.

I sat there and looked around and noticed I was the only person in the restaurant alone. There was a lesbian couple sitting at the table next to me and I kind of got sad thinking of everything. Obviously I went to Iceland because of sentimental reasons and so I just started to think of all the dinners me and Nick went to. I remember the times we would do group dinners with friends and just have so much and there I was alone wishing he could of been there with me and how quickly things went from 100-0. Here I was sitting alone at dinner and just trying to enjoy it and pushing myself to feel more independent again. I finished eating and left to go find a grocery store to find snacks because being from Vegas I like to eat late and snack late too. IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO FIND A 24 HOUR STORE. It was so ridiculous the amount of detours I made to try and search for a store but I can’t complain too much because the sky was so clear that you could see the stars and the mountains are not like the mountains in Vegas. I got back to my hotel around midnight and went to sleep at about 1am. Sadly my body only registered the sleep as a nap so I was up at 4am… You can only imagine the hell the next day was going to be..

For the past month I’ve been trying to figure out where I want to travel to. I think this whole sad situation is definitely getting worse before it’s ever going to get better. I’m having separation anxiety where I come to realize he’s really gone and start to feel really shitty all over again like the day I first found out the news. Depression is a very strange thing. I’ll be fine all day and all it takes is 1 thought or go to 1 place we went to together and I’ll be a mess all over again.

Since things are still pretty rough and still fresh I figured now would be a good time to book a trip somewhere far far away to decompress and understand how I’m feeling. I need to really get in my head and heart and figure out what I need to do to help myself heal a little bit more. I’ve been working to the point of tears trying to save for this trip and to hopefully come back with a little bit more clarity on life itself.

During the time of me thinking of traveling, my bank sent me a travel credit card offer. Told me I’d get double points if I spent a certain amount within 3 months of receiving the card. I wasted no time, I opened that fucking credit card and booked all my shit on it right away. I want to focus my life more on traveling and not so much on buying stupid shit I don’t need.

When I started to think of destinations I knew that I wanted to go somewhere cold and gloomy or tropical and by the beach. I was thinking Hawaii, London, Paris, Thailand or Greece. I couldn’t figure out which one would really give me the solace that I’m looking for right now. So I went out one night with a bunch of girlfriends from Cosmetology school to the Golden Tiki, a bar here in Vegas. I was going through their drink menu and noticed they had a drink there called Blue Lagoon. I remembered that there’s a hot spring in Iceland called Blue Lagoon that has been on my bucket list for 2 years. Immediately I was like “I’m going to Iceland” I looked at flights with my friend Tyson and he helped me find the flight that was the most reasonable.

SO

I’m going to Iceland!

I’ll be there February 12th-18th. I chose these dates because I wanted to make sure I was out there for Valentines Day…

I felt like next year I need to fall in love with my surroundings and with another country. Things have obviously changed for me so Valentine’s Day is going to hold a completely different meaning for me right now.

I booked my Airbnb 2 nights ago because I was really waiting for a place to pop up that would be in the middle of everything and have a nice view of the city and that’s exactly what I found. I found a spot in downtown Reykjavík that has a view of the city and of the mountains so I could see the sunrise and sunset. I was looking at reviews of the place and apparently this particular apartment is always booked and there’s always some sort of wait for it so I feel really lucky to have been looking at the time I was because it’s gorgeous. Let me just say that booking a trip to Iceland is seriously A LOT OF PLANNING. I mean, I’m sure booking any trip international requires a lot of planning but I felt Iceland you have to really play your cards right. They don’t have Uber just taxis so you have to be very smart about where you’re staying and if the tours you’re doing can pick you up from where you’re staying or at least somewhere close by.

The Planning

I was trying to be smart about the trip and since I knew I was getting into Iceland around 6am. I booked 1 night at a hotel by the airport so that I could do the Blue Lagoon that same day since it’s 20 min from the airport hotel as opposed to 45 min since my Airbnb is far. I’ll go straight to sleep once arriving and then wake up in the afternoon and go to Blue Lagoon until closing. The following day I’ll take a cab down to where I’ll be staying and stay in Reykjavik the remainder of my stay. It works out better instead of going to my Airbnb first and then spending more money going to Blue Lagoon and then back. I have other tours I want to do but I haven’t booked them yet because I’m still trying to strategize with which tour will help me see more of the country. I want to pack the tours  all in 2-3 days so that the rest of the time there I can just walk around and explore the city alone. I’m praying that I’ll be able to see the Northern Lights because I think that would really complete the trip.

I don’t think this trip will help with the fact I miss Nick every day but I’m just praying and hoping it gives me solace to be able to move on and forgive myself somehow. I like to believe that this is a calling. I really feel that there’s something in Iceland for me. It’s almost like a feeling of buried treasure. Like, you have a good idea of where it might be so now you just have to go and start digging. Hell, I wonder if I’ll fall in love with the country and maybe I’ll consider moving someday. After all, I love the cold.

I want to just come back refreshed and ready to start a new chapter in my life. I’ll be going commission once I get back from vacation and will be ready to take on a new chapter at work as well. Time to start really growing up and piecing my life together. Luckily I feel that next year I will be more in a spot that I’m happy with myself and happy with where I’m at in life. It’s hard for me to feel fully satisfied because I want to keep doing more and more but I think next year will really help with that.

If you know anyone or you yourself have been to Iceland and have tips for me, please feel free to share in the comments below so I can continue to prepare myself for my trip! And yes I will be taking LOADS AND LOADS AND A FUCK TON OF PICTURES. I’ll try to write while I’m out there and keep everyone updated on how the trip is going.