Brennik

Realistically speaking, also no. The fact that I like you (i won't speak for you here) or the degree to which I like you has no bearing on the logistics of the situation. Love, or whatever the equivalent of that is when you've only barely gotten to know someone virtually, does not in fact conquer all.

But. Yes there is a but.

But.

There is a small voice in me, the voice that often lands me in trouble, the voice that gets louder when matters of the heart are involved. The voice that tells me to take the leap of faith while my brain tells me I'm afraid of heights - that voice says, why not. That voice asks me, how often is it that you like someone, how often is it that someone excites you, how often is it that you actually pluck up the courage to talk to them, how often that there is actual chemistry, how often that they might actually also like you back? (Again I won't speak to your feelings, this is just what that voice says...or hopes)

Picture this as a video. We start by looking over at the universe and with each of those questions above, we zoom in further and further down. Planets and continents and countries and cities to finally this town and then this room from where I sit and write to you.

The chances of us finding each other, at this time when the world has stopped, when noise pollution has gone down, when people can see the Himalayas again; a time when the Ozone layer, the thing that has been dying since I was 10, has started healing itself. All of the factors, universal and personal, that aligned for this to happen, the chances of that happening are 1 in 1000000 (I'm guessing, don't quote me on this.)

The chances of this ending up in some way where we both come out unscathed, hearts intact, are maybe just that rare too. The voice, that hopeless romantic, that wretched fool, argues, that if one of those things happened, why can't we bet on the other as well? (She doesn't really get how probability works, so you'll have to excuse her).

How I see this, having heard all the opinions weighed out is this. I don't need a friend, I've got plenty of those, and sometimes I don't know what to do with half of them. I don't need someone to chat with, that bores me. I've got a good support system, I don't need someone to complete me.

What I do need is someone to get to know and have them get to know me in a way that leaves us raw. I need someone to trust, I need someone I can love, who will at least try to love me back. I need someone whose words are enough to light my body on fire. I need someone I can share my life with, someone I can lie next to and tell them about my day and hear about theirs.