Just Friends - Chapter 54
The nagging ache in my back alerted me to the hunched over seating position that I had likely been in for hours. I took a deep breath, pausing to roll my neck in a circle and shrug my shoulders up and down. The dull pops that emitted between my bones satisfied me. I stretched in my chair, feeling a yawn overtake my body. With a deep exhale I rose to my feet, stretching more and more. Both the cotton shirt and pants I wore were billowy and comfortable. I hadn’t purposely worn it knowing I would be at work all night but the outfit decision definitely worked in my favor. More yawns and stretches took me around the little free space in my office nearest the windows and couch. I glanced out, knowing I could be seen by people on the street if they felt so inclined to look upward.
This city truly never slept.
Granted it was only a little after 9 pm, most people were just starting their evenings. While this was an area with lots of businesses in the vicinity, there were also restaurants and shops and other reasons for people to be out and about. I watched as they walked along the sidewalks and cars moved easily through the streets.
I wasn’t the only one having a late night either, I mused as I continued to stare out of my window. Other scattered offices had lights on as well from what I could see. It was about to be the start of the third quarter soon, so I was sure that they were just like me, tying up the loose ends and reviewing the early half of the year.
I sighed, looking back at my desk knowing that I was almost in the clear. Papers upon papers filled folders and binders and my mind churned as I covered all the bases, leaving me mentally exhausted. Just a little but more work and I would be good to go for the evening.
Then, in a few days, I would take a trip to the spa.
That was just what the body needed. Running around like crazy and being stuck at a desk for hours in between was no good for my muscles and I needed someone to work it out for me… A trained specialist of course.
The offer I’d received to “get me back right” did sound especially promising though.
Just as soon as I’d parked myself comfortably in my chair, a spreadsheet in my hand full of flight records, my phone rang unexpectedly.
“Aaliyah speaking.” I answered mindlessly, still skimming various numbers. This sheet had to be right before I submitted it for expense review.
“Aaliyah speaking.” The airy yet dark voice repeated my name, accenting differently than anyone would with English as a first language. The background behind the voice sounded busy, but my focus was captivated by the person on the other side of this call.
“Why you calling my job?” I said with a smirk, allowing my hand to drop and the spreadsheet to sit in its original spot.
“Why you still at work.” Larry paused, the noises behind him getting slightly louder before quieting down again. “And why you answer the phone sexy?”
His tone was so distinct to me, and would always illicit a response that I couldn’t control. I shook my head, hiding my smile even though no one could see me. He was speaking in that tone purposefully. Larry’s voice floated over his words when he was calm, even more so when he was trying to be cute. I could almost hear the way he clamped the end of his sentence off with his teeth over his lips. It annoyed me and made me happy at the same time.
“I’m still at work because I had some shit to tie up here at the office.” I wouldn’t acknowledge his second question. “Why you calling me at my job?”
“Answer skype.” The line clicked and left me with a dial tone. Just as quickly, my MacBook began to ring, and I removed my headphones from my desk and plugged them in, clicking “Answer” while an old picture of Larry popped up on my screen. I could have spoken out in the open but I couldn’t be sure no one else was in the office to hear him.. and I couldn’t trust that he would be appropriate.
“I call you at work because you not answer you phone.” Larry said, seemingly walking through a busy area. The placement of his microphone must have been perfect because while normally I would have struggled to hear him over a crowd, every word was pitched just as if he was speaking quietly and directly into my ear. Why he insisted on maintaining this volume of speech was beyond me. Memories of late night conversations alone in silence flooded my mind and I got pushed aside just as quickly as they surfaced.
“Sorry, I left it today.”
“You leave you phone?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t thinking. Moving too fast earlier.” I didn’t tell him where it was and I wouldn’t. Hearing his tone change to disappointment whenever Jamal was even casually brought up wasn’t worth it. Knowing my phone had been with him all afternoon after I left it in his car over my lunch hour was probably not a story Larry needed nor wanted to hear.
“I send you a picture of Lau and me food. We get paella at this place, is crazy good.”
“Damn… that sounds amazing.” my mouth salivated at the thought of authentic paella.
“I wish you try some.”
Larry and I had made good on our promise to one another to maintain contact. We had gotten lost in the shuffle before and the months we spent apart coupled with the tension between us was a lot to come back from but somehow we’d both jumped back into a place where we could speak every couple days and it was always nice.
I had spent so much time trying not to think about Larry that when he came back, my brain initially relished in the work it was no longer forced to maintain. Forcing myself to not think about him was harder than actually having him around. Much harder.
Thoughts still remained and were necessary, however. Instead of trying to pretend he didn’t exist while still having to watch his career and plan events for him and his twin, I focused on what was next. There was still a pressing conversation to be had and I knew that we wouldn’t be able to continue on seriously with one another in any facet if we didn’t put it on the table.
We both knew this.
I couldn’t help but consider whether or not he had these thoughts like I did. They kept me up a couple nights after he left my apartment last time he was in town. I barely slept, running through event after event, replaying what went wrong, placing blame on him, then myself… on and on and on.
A lot of it went back to me… running. I wasn’t blame free. Larry could be a fuckboy at his worst. He avoided commitment, was self serving, selfish, and needy. But I was no saint. My issues with confrontation and commitment were a big part of the deal.
I hoped he saw things in himself like I did.
We would see.
“You look nice at work.” I smiled bashfully at his compliment. “Is cold there?”
“You know New York spring weather.” I shrugged, my shoulders wrapped in the thick grey sweater I kept at my desk. “Its hot as hell one day and chilly the next. It was hella nice out earlier but chilled down after lunch. The warmth is coming though. Next week it should really take a turn.”
“mm.” Larry nodded, smiling lightly. HIs eyes switched from me to looking at his surroundings. I could see the shoulders of the white and black letterman jacket that he wore. “It nice during the day but Spain get cooooollllld at night.”
“Wait…” I looked at the clock. 9:45. “Larry its like… early in the morning there.”
“You know the club not close here until like 6 am.”
“Then why are you not at the club?” I asked offhandedly, as I skimmed through a late night email from a team I was loosely advising.
“I am.” he paused. “I just wanna talk to you while I there.”
It was then that I looked back at the screen he was on and noticed the sky turning behind him. There was a very very faint boom of music and he leaned against a brick wall.
A smile played on my lips and he bit his in response. “You wanna talk to me? Instead of being at the club? That’s cute.”
My tone was playful. It was really adorable but I couldn’t help teasing him.
“Yeah.” he breathed out with a tiny laugh. “The music suck. You more fun. We maybe switch clubs tho, I tell Lau I’m ready to go.”
My first line flashed and I muted Larry, giving him the signal that I needed to take the incoming call.
“Hey I’m almost there. Sorry.” Jamal’s rushed voice came on the line when I picked up.
“No, no its fine. I’m still tying up a few things so I might even keep you waiting a little bit.”
“Aight. I’ll be there in like ten.”
“You should be good to come on up if you want, just call me when you get here.” I had already informed security that I would be having a guest up to get me later on. It was nearing ten and the words were beginning to blur together in front of me. When I replaced the earbuds on my ear, Larry was talking in rapid French to someone. I couldn’t hear the other voice until Lau exclaimed “HI PEANUT!”.
“You don’t want to let Lau talk to me?”
“Nah.” Larry’s reply was flat and annoyed. This tickled me immensely. “He talk too much and you busy at work.”
“You didn’t care that I was busy at work.”
“I different.”
“You are?”
“I am.” His voice darkened. He raised his eyebrow playfully and gave me his full face on the screen. “You want me to tell you how?”
The tilt of his head told me his intentions and my body warmed instantly. I rolled my eyes.
“I think not.” Larry’s laughter boomed as I rolled my eyes dramatically.
“We walking to new spot now.”
“Have fun.” I replied with a smile.
“I gonna text you later. How you get home?”
“I have a ride, don’t worry.”
“You better don’t take the train.” He chided. I rolled my eyes again, to which this time he kissed his teeth. “Not roll you eyes at me. I call an uber for you.”
“Larry don’t. I’m good. I promise I’m not taking the train.”
“You text me when you get home then.”
“Promise.”
“BYE LIYAH!” Laurent’s face filled the screen before Larry could move the camera away. “We miss you! Larry think he maybe miss you more than me but you my friend more I think so I miss you more.”
Larry moved away from him quickly, shaking his head and swearing in French. “I talk to you later.”
I waved to the camera, which made us both smile before the call ended. With that I leaned back in my chair, taking a deep breath and exhaling while trying to ignore the butterflies that churned in my stomach every time we ended a call.
Things were good. Too good to be true. I knew this could all disappear if we played our cards wrong. Deep down, I didn’t want to risk it.
There was a lot on the table and I wasn’t sure I was ready to face it.
A knock on my door took me from my thoughts. In a dress shirt with the top buttons undone, Preston leaned against my doorframe. “You sure you don’t need a ride home?”
“No thanks Pres,” I smiled. “I have a ride. He’s on the way now. But thank you for checking in.”
“No problem.” He sauntered in and sat on the arm of the couch in my office. “So… Might this ride be a certain… someone special?”
My eyebrow raised wondering who he was insinuating.
“We play coy now?” A smile played on his lips. “A certain… tall… caramel brown gentleman with a twin brother. He dresses fairly well, if you’re into that look.”
I began sorting papers on my desk, ignoring his attempts to bait me. I knew they were only in good fun, Preston and I had developed quite the relationship. He wasn’t like a brother, but like a slightly older cousin. In fact, he reminded me of one of the junior guys that I had befriended as a freshman. There were a group of Alpha’s that had taken a couple of us girls under their wing, less like the creepy upperclassmen and more like wise big brothers. Preston may not have had the same fraternity affiliation but the vibe was familiar and likely one of the reasons why I gravitated toward him. He and I played well off of each other in and out of office settings.
Preston continued, not satisfied with my lack of a response. “He was clearly was jealous of me… which,” He paused, before standing near my mirror and inspecting himself. “is understandable.”
I broke, laughing loudly at his cocky comparison. Preston was a joke. This gave him the opportunity to catch my eye. I was forced to respond in somewhere after a brief stare down.
“I don’t know who you could be speaking of.” I bit my lip and squinted my eyes in mock concentration.
“You don’t?” Preston said, shrugging me off before eyeing the photographs that sat in frames on my desk. “Well… aren’t these nic-oh! Well who is this?”
He turned the photo of the twins, Leslie and I toward me and tsk-ed at me while I held my face as stoic as I could. “Speak of the devil.”
“Oh those twins.” I replied to his accusations flippantly. “They’re in Spain.”
“Yes,” I put down the black plastic binder in my hand. “Yes they are.”
“Mmm… well regardless I’m sure one of these two would love to be picking you up after a late night at work.” He lifted the photo closer to his eyes as I watched on. “Correct me if I’m wrong… but the grimace in my direction belonged tooo…. this one?”
Preston’s finger dialed right in on Larry, his twists up in a ponytail in the photo similarly to how they were the night at the party. On the contrary, Lau’s fro was much much smaller back then.
Preston watched me with a tiny smile as I did my best to conceal my own. I noted that he still wouldn’t let up, despite my attempts at pretending it wasn’t a thing.
“Was it that obvious?” My face scrunched awkwardly. Preston simply laughed and nodded.
“You’re much better at containing yourself, I will say that.” He gently put the picture back in its spot. “I would have had no clue had I not been watching his behavior.”
“Only because I very clearly made him squirm in front of his…” my chest pained slightly. “his… whatever she was. It was very clear he was there for you way more than for work, and I don’t know what she was there for but that’s none of my business.”
“He and I just have… had… ” I sighed and rolled my eyes, failing to find appropriate words. “We connected, he and I did, and we’re very close. I’m close with both of them.”
I tried to explain it away in the most professional and concise way possible. As close as Preston and I were, this was a nightmare for me. I wasn’t good with my personal life being public consumption at work. Larry’s antics were bound to be noticed by someone who would have more than a little jokey commentary or a good nature to their words. “But you know that I take work seriously. I don’t fuck around. Professionalism is key for me, I’m not into those lines being crossed or scenes being made that involve me.”
It annoyed me that Larry couldn’t keep anything under control. That had always been a problem I had with him and the way that he handled things. He never seemed to be able to keep his shit under wraps. Majority of his problems stemmed from other people not knowing boundaries and either they reacted publicly or he did. He was wild, and while I’d learned how to tame myself for professional settings, I hadn’t found that balance with them yet, with him specifically.
Lau could be very outspoken in interviews, extremely verbose and oversharing but he always knew where the line was. Larry either gave nothing, or everything.
I made a note that it was something we’d have to work with for their career. Less needed to be more.
“You’re right but… you shouldn’t be worried too much. I just know a connection when I see it.” he shrugged lightly. I sat back in my chair, taking in his words, still annoyed that we’d been busted. “I mean for real, I haven’t seen a client that blatantly jealous at a normal work interaction since… well… since Alvin.”
“Wait… Alvin was a client?” I was genuinely shocked.
“I never told you that?” I shook my head no.
Preston smiled fondly as he recalled the past. “Yeah, yeah he was… I know I’ve told you about us before but we met when he was actually my client.”
“I thought y'all were just working on a project together.”
“Nope.” he shook his head, still slightly smiling. “He was new at his firm, I was freelancing and represented them. We’d worked together very early on during his time there and one thing lead to another…”
A pregnant pause in his words told me everything he had left unsaid. “I drove myself crazy trying to figure out if he and I were doing the right thing. You know I’m big on professionalism too, and having to answer to myself was almost harder than having to answer to a boss of some sort. I raked myself through the coals over it. The point is, there’s always a way to make it work if its worthwhile and if it’s right.”
I sighed. There was so much I wanted to say but couldn’t… wouldn’t.
I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe it wasn’t right… Or maybe it was and deep down I was afraid.
“I’m not trying to put any pressure on you.” Preston rose to his feet. “Trust me. I get it. So I’m not judging it. Just play your cards right and have fun.”
The wink that tailed his statement almost made me laugh. He had no clue. The ease with which Preston discussed this was something I couldn’t yet do myself. Luckily he had gotten past it all and it worked in his favor. I was in the midst of the story. There was still much to work through.
I appreciated him pulling back in that moment because he really had no idea how much internal drama this was causing for me.
“I just… it’s not that big of a deal. Really.” This wasn’t a lie. I just didn’t want to talk about it. Honestly, at current, there was nothing worth mentioning. I just needed to move past this until I could sort out the details.
And move on we did. We briefly chatted about work, the upcoming anniversary party for Linda and her husband, and the light conversation continued casually until Jamal was lead into the office by security. Preston’s eyebrows raised suggestively at Jamal as he left out, and my eye roll and laugh dismissed anything he was even about to joke about. With a quick introduction, he was gone, leaving Jamal and I alone in the room while I closed out of the documents I was working in.
“Take your time.” Jamal said, getting comfortable on the couch, kicking his feet up for emphasis.
“Nah, I’m spent.” I said, organizing the remaining papers on my desk based on completion. “Just give me a minute.”
“Oh, shit,” Jamal lifted up and reached into his pocket, fishing out my phone and sliding it onto my desk. “You been blowing up today, I was your lil secretary.”
He laughed and I rolled my eyes at him, before lifting the phone to check the damage.
No notifications were on the screen and I made a face at his exaggerations. He laughed before continuing to make himself comfortable.
“Nah it wasn’t bad at all. I answered when Leslie called and talked to her for a little bit. She was bored. Almost answered when your mom called too but I decided to chill.”
“My mom would have given you and I an earful. You saved us both.”
He laughed lightly while his fingers moved across his own device at a rapid speed. I opened up the messages, the number on the icon informing me of plenty of missed messages.
“Ya boy blew you up today though.” he said casually with a little laugh. “You might wanna hit him back and calm his nerves.”
Just as he said that, Larry’s name showed up at the top of my messages app, with a little blue dot indicating I’d missed something he’d said. The only thing I could see was a smiley face with the eyes closed and its little pink tongue out.
I didn’t open it, it made me feel awkward.
Jamal on the other hand was a picture of comfort. His face remained buried into his phone and a small smile played on his face as his fingers scrolled and typed. I couldn’t see what he was doing, and I didn’t particularly care to know but everything was so calm at the moment that I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
I just didn’t know if the lack of tension meant something and if anything, for myself, I needed to clear the air.
“Can I ask you something?” I said as casually as I could, slipping my phone into the pocket of my purse it usually remained in before sitting back in my desk chair, still warm from before.
“Shoot.” He said with a yawn.
“Is everything good… ” Though he barely acknowledged me speaking, and his fingers continued tapping the screen, I continued on. “With us.”
“What you mean?” With his lip between his teeth he finished up whatever he was doing and gave me his full attention. The look of his full beard was making its mark on his face, and with thick eyebrows to match, he looked much more sturdy than normal. I couldn’t even imagine him bare faced as he’d previously been. The long curls he sported during the peak of winter were lush, and with his skin much paler than normal, his plush pink lips and the dark coils on his head and face stood out. The look was cute and appropriate for winter time but with the weather slowly warming, Jamal had begun cutting his hair down to a fade, but the beard remained.
Honestly, he could probably dye his hair various shades of pastels like an easter egg and it would still suit him.
Jamal was fine. It was undeniable. Even though we had been much closer to the friends spectrum than to benefits, I couldn’t pretend that he was attractive as fuck. Part of me would likely always have those lusty feelings but I appreciated him not complicating things by pushing that.
“I mean… ” I considered skating over the topic. That would be useless. “I know that you know that Larry is back… around. The two of you didn’t get along so well before.”
I had to choose my words wisely. No things weren’t solid with he and I, but with Jamal being present when Larry had slept over and seeing the text messages come in, he had to have noticed that this wasn’t just a passing thing.
Or it was. I couldn’t be sure.
I just needed to make sure things were all okay.
“Yeah.” Jamal said, laying his head back and glancing at me with hooded eyes. He licked his lips and boldly kept his eyes on me waiting for me to continue as if my point was irrelevant.
“… well I just want to make sure you and I are good. Because in my book, nothing has changed between us.”
I leaned back trying to appear comfortable and willing my body to accept that sentiment. I crossed my legs, forcing myself to stop my nervous habits I’d worked to end.
“Oh we good. Yeah.” Jamal said with a shrug. “We real good.”
There was a tone to his voice that made me feel… something. I couldn’t pinpoint it.
“I get it, you know. You gotta do what you gotta do.” He kicked his feet from the couch to the floor and sat up, facing me directly. “You know… when you and I fell out, I knew we would eventually get to a place where we could talk again and be cool.”
“Yeah. I did.” He shrugged, his confidence told no lies. “Not because I was gonna like, r&b, smooth talk you back or no shit like that but because I just… knew.”
I leaned back in my seat just as he rose up a little bit from where he was. With one hand he grabbed my chair and slid me closer to him, so that I now sat arms length away from where he was.
With the height difference, we were close to eye level.
My pulse quickened slightly. I swallowed back, damned this chair and its ability to be moved with ease.
“I know that there was something special there with me and with you, and that even if we were done with the romance we weren’t done with each other.” His voice was soft, yet strong. There was intention behind the things he said and yet, an ease that he said them with. I hadn’t given him any reason to prepare a speech, so I knew these things were off the cuff. “We had too many people in common and we had shared too much together. We’ve known each other for a long ass time to let some silly ego shit get between us. We’re connected. I know you rock with me, and I fuck with you, on some real shit.”
I nodded. Satisfied with his answer.
“I care about you, Jammy.” He kissed his teeth at the nickname. “That’s why I asked you how you felt. I mean… I was going to do what I wanted-”
“Don’t I know it.” He quickly interrupted.
“Shut up nigga.” I rolled my eyes, making him laugh out. “I was going to do what I wanted BUT I did want to make sure we were good. I don’t want us to not have an open line of communication.”
“I mean, I gathered something was up with y'all when he was at your house looking like he wanted to fight me, shit.” We both snickered. “But I appreciate you respecting us enough to say something.”
I sighed and nodded, only to see him looking at me and leaning back. My foot touched the denim on his jeans and I rocked in my chair a little bit, only pausing because I felt silly being stared at.
“Since the communication lines are open or whatever, Ima just say this.” His long arm reached out and grabbed my leg closest to him.
“When we linked back up I didn’t know what to expect but I played it by ear and now here we are. I’m good, and you’re good. I get that.” He paused, his thumb caressing the fabric covering my lower body. “And I know you and ole boy got a lot to talk about I’m sure… some of that might be getting yall back into some romance shit.”
“I don’t know wha-” I started to explain to him that it wasn’t all that before he stopped me.
“It’s cool. I’m good. You need to do you and I’ve been doing me. We’re good.” I nodded in agreement.
“But on some real shit… ” his voice was still the same, but as if someone had dimmed the lights in his tone. “If that nigga fucks up, all bets are off.”
“Ima let him have his chance.” The calmness he spoke with gave me that feeling again. I couldn’t place it but I knew it wasn’t just simple. “But if that nigga loses you, I’m coming after you.”
We both paused. His hand left my leg and placed itself behind his head. He said it so matter of factly that I had nothing to say in reply.
“I’m at you until you’re mine, and I don’t ever plan on losing you again.”
HE SAID WHAT!?“ Leslie screamed making me throw my head back and sigh. I swear when she wanted to be she could be so dramatic. Normally, she was fairly contained. She could be rough around the edges, but there was also an elegant air about her that I always admired. But when she had an outburst, it was as intense as it was ridiculous.
To be fair, this was kind of worth the antics and had the roles been reversed, I would have reacted similarly. Jamal had really gone there and his actions following the statement let me know he was serious.
As casually as he had said that, he moved on with the evening and acted completely normal for the rest of it. I found myself stuck on stupid, while he simply rested his head backward and continued casual conversation about his brother coming to visit for a couple days and some shit that had gone down at the club.
I couldn’t muster up much more than a few nods and minor commentary. His response to me? “I don’t know why you’re surprised. You know we have something that’s worth exploring again. Stop overthinking it.”
He said this with a shrug as we rode to my apartment with the food we’d picked up on the way.
This wasn’t a joke to him. There was no need for him to change the way he had been acting because this was a normal thing to him. He didn’t care that he had dropped a bomb on me.
Well, it wasn’t necessarily a bomb. If I was honest, I knew we were both attracted to one another, had chemistry, and had delved into this before. I just wasn’t expecting him to be so forward with his intentions.
I knew Jamal was seeing other girls, I’d seen them out and about or in pictures and it never really bothered me. We didn’t discuss them too much, and I’d always taken precedence over them, but I assumed that was just because he was a good friend and none of these girls had made their mark enough to push us aside.
There was a small piece of me that had also assumed that he had lost his feelings for me and moved on. This flirty friendship we had was normal, even before we’d tried to take things to the next level, so nothing was out of the ordinary. But neither of us had pushed anything back to where we were before our falling out, save for one night we drunkenly kissed at a party. The next morning, we both woke up at my house and acted as if nothing had happened and for that I was thankful. This gave gas to my now incorrect theory that his feelings were no longer there.
Had I thought about the past with us? Of course. It was impossible not to. I couldn’t deny that I was attracted to him either. Jamal would always be himself and I would likely always find myself attracted to that. But I had no plans on pushing things back to where we were.
Except now, I didn’t know what to think. As the night went on, and I had time to process my thoughts on the matter, I realized this wasn’t as shocking as I initially thought.
But there was also the idea of working things out with Larry, and the What If’s on either end of both of these situations.
The only way I was able to sleep that night was because I’d smoked a joint and had a glass of wine to calm my nerves. That and a lavender candle gave me the reprieve from my thoughts that I needed.
“Damn Ali, teach me somethin’.” Leslie said, still laughing to herself, a smile playing on her lips as she shook her head. “What’s the first rule in hoe-maintenance?.”
“Oh please, I know you aren’t talkin.” I noted. Leslie had never been a one man kind of girl. She played the field and played it well. She was extremely loveable and captivating and always had been. I was pretty charming myself but she took the cake. To top it all off her nonchalance made the men want more. She was that girl. I always wished I could have half of the finesse she did. “They never want to act right until I leave their asses alone, shit. You don’t need my methods.”
“I mean, I’ve had some times.” She turned her head with a dramatic sigh, as if to be recalling the past. “But I mean, playboy Mal just, ever so casually claimed you. Claimed you. as HIS.”
“Oh so what, you’re team Jamal now?”
“You know I’m never team these hoes.” We both laughed at this statement because as ridiculous as it sounded, she was telling the truth. “But damn he really put his foot out there… and then acted as if it was nothing!”
“Les… literally nothing changed.” on his end… It took me a minute to recover. After he said that I was silent. He laughed at my speechlessness, knowing it was fairly unlike me to have absolutely nothing to say. Then he got up, grabbed my work bag, and I trailed him out of the building and into his car. We grabbed food, he dropped me off at home, then he went to work.
He texted me when he got home, as normal.
We made plans for brunch next week, per usual.
He came by when he was in the neighborhood.
Everything went right back to normal. I just… kept on, focusing on work and myself. Sorting out my feelings was part of the normalcy, I just now had added consideration for Jamal that I hadn’t really worried about initially.
Then there was the question of Larry. Did he even want a chance? My feelings were still there, as much as I tried to hide them or run from them, but again, there was so much baggage with us, so many words left unsaid and poor decisions made that I didn’t even know what was worth dealing with or not.
As usual, Jamal was easy. I didn’t have to give him answers. We’d dealt with our shit. We’d moved on.
Larry was the ever difficult one.
“I just… I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what he’s thinking, I barely know what I’m thinking… It’s too much.”
“Do you want to be with him?”
“I don’t know.” I said calmly with a shrug. “I mean he’s great, he’s attractive, cool. There’s potential there.”
“What about Larry?” Leslie asked. My heart raced.
“Huh?” I said for lack of words.
“What about Larry?” She repeated, with no tone or inflection. It was such a simple question and yet all I could focus on was the small flow of feelings that bubbled in my belly at the mention of him.
“I don’t know.” I said again, just as before, but this time my fingers tingled with a want to fidget and I bit my lip with words unsaid. “I guess I have some things to figure out.”
“You do.” Leslie said. “It’ll be hard. But… the balls are all in your court, so that’s a plus.”
The doorbell rang in the background and I rose to my feet.
“I got it.” Leslie replied quickly, still in her wheelchair. “It’s probably the food.”
“Nah, I’m close to the door. Let me.” Leslie said determined. “Why don’t you grab the plates and stuff and bring them to the living room so we can watch drag race.”
“Alright.” I replied, letting her go ahead while I toyed with my phone and slowly walked toward the kitchen. A couple notifications from social media popped up, along with a funny tweet sent to my texts from Jamal. What took all of my attention away was a picture from my sister of my niece, cradling an avocado in her tiny hands. The sparkly pink manicure made me coo. I paused, grabbing the plates and cutlery, as well as two bottles of water.
“You want something other than water?” I called out to Leslie as I walked in the living room, my free hand responding to a my sister requesting a video and promising her that I would be calling them in a couple days.
“Water good with me.” My eyes rose quickly as Laurent voice unexpectedly filled my ears. He stood in front of me in a pair of grey sweats as he unpacked the various bags and the scent of hot thai food filled my nostrils.
Quickly I placed the stuff down on the table and reached in to give him the biggest hug.
“Lauuuuuuu what are you doing here?!” He laughed in response, gripping me hard and lifting me slightly off the ground. “Put me down before you hurt yourself!”
I smacked at his back which made him wince and laugh simultaneously. Leslie giggled too, which prompted me to turn to her. “You hit too hard!”
“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?!” I ignored Lau’s complaints as I eyed Leslie, who had wheeled herself near us.
“It was a surprise.” Larry answered for her. I spun quickly, not having the chance to react to not noticing his presence initially. “I make her don’t tell you that I’m coming.”
My cheeks warmed at the way he looked at me. Leaned against the doorway, dressed simply in a white v neck and black jeans, with Jordan Breds on, his outfit was so normal and yet looked so so good.
“I don’t get a hug?” Larry mused. “You hug Lau.”
“Yeah because she love me.” Lau said over the crinkle of the paper bag within the plastic ones that held dinner, including my long awaited pad thai.
“You don’t love me too?” Larry’s eyes bore into mine in a way that made things a bit too tense.
I walked over with a grin and wrapped my arms around Larry’s torso, inhaling the soft, cool scent of his fragrance and the essence of his energy. I wondered if he could feel my heart racing.
His fingers dug into my shoulders and a gentle kiss was laid atop my head.
“I love you both the same, you know that!” I pinched his cheeks when we let each other go, to which he kissed his teeth.
Laurent laughed. “Is okay Liyah, I know you love me more then him.”
“You lie so bad.” Larry whispered over my shoulder.
“Where’s my ginger soup?” I asked outloud, searching the bags which were significantly more food than we would have ordered between the two of us.
“You not having that tonight.” Larry answered before anyone else could. Leslie had a smirk on her face as she glanced at me while her and Lau worked to make her comfortable to eat and chill.
“What you mean, that’s my favorite, we always order-”
“They eating thai together, Lau and Leslie.” Larry said calmly. I was confused and slightly annoyed because I had been looking forward to that simple ass soup and some pad thai all damn day. “You not eating that. You coming with me.”
“We going to dinner together.” He said simply. My mind began to run instantly. I wanted to look for a way out, but I also wanted to spend some time with him alone. It would be nice but … damnit I just wasn’t ready to sit and talk.
“Is that how you ask my girl out on a date, nigga?” Leslie’s voice picked up, making me laugh through my nerves. “Like you blow me up trying to coordinate coming here secretly and you don’t have the sense to ask her on a date properly?”
Lau’s laughter carried over his stuffed mouth, he had already dug into his curry and rice blend. Greedy ass.
“Leslie come on man.” Larry whined at her blowing his cool.
“Nah nigga.” It was nice to see them banter back and forth instead of her shooting daggers with angry side-eyes or them both saddened due to her injury. Things felt normal.
This dinner could potentially fuck all of that up.
I sighed. Things were so good right now. So easy, for once. I knew it could be ruined with anything. I wasn’t ready.
I didn’t know when I’d be ready, but I know I just wasn’t ready yet.
Ugh, this was exactly the problem in the first place. We both ran and ran from the bullshit between us.
“Aaliyah.” Larry’s voice took me out before I could delve too deep into my destructive thoughts. “Will you go to dinner with me? I have somewhere I wanna take you.”
“Sure.” I said softly, before I could convince myself otherwise. Maybe the heavens would bless me and we could just chill tonight. One couid only hope.
“Awwwwwww!” Laurent yelled. Larry and I both cut eyes at him and told him to shut up simultaneously. Mine was a bit gentler, while Larry’s was followed with a quick French that made Lau laugh loudly at his teasing. Leslie used her free arm to put her hand over Lau’s mouth to silence a reply, and he licked her, making her reel back. They began to fuss at each other gently, Lau still conscious of her various injuries.
“Cool,” Larry spoke up. “You ready so we can go?”
I looked down at my simple outfit. “I want to change.”
“Nah.” Larry muttered, eyeing me up and down in the simple black jumpsuit I currently wore. The pants billowed out below the ankles and the top was fitted. It could be dressed up, but I tossed it on casually to go into work this morning and never went back home to take it off. The little sandals I wore here were cute, and I’d worn them simply because I had just gotten a pedicure and with the weather finally warming this weekend I felt it appropriate to show the white toes off. I couldn’t wait for summer. We were barely into spring and yet the tiniest peek of warm weather had me excited.
“You look good. You don’t need to.”
“Where are we going? I should put on some makeup or something…” I’d gone mostly makeup free, a little mascara and a nude lipgloss was all that I wanted to do today and I hadn’t deviated from that.
“Aaliyah. You good. You look perfect.” My cheeks warmed, providing a blush that I lacked. “Come on. We gonna be late.”
The car ride was pretty peaceful as we made our way into Manhattan. Traffic was its usual annoying way, but where normally I would have considered Uber-ing or even taking the train, I opted to take this time to catch up, be alone.
We talked about the lightest things, how work had been. Leslie’s health updates. Her parents and their prep for a summer anniversary trip to Spain. I told her about Mama’s new living room set Lau and I had bought for her, and how I planned on hiring her a driver. We mused about our parents meeting somewhere in Europe.
There would be moments of silence, where Sango’s album filled the speakers and that was fine, but if I could tell she was getting nervous, I stepped in to ease her with more topics that were comfortable.
That was the point of tonight.
I just wanted things to be normal. Eventually, I explained just that to her.
“What’s normal for you?” She asked. There wasn’t a drop of sarcasm or a splash of slickness. She genuinely wanted to know. Her body angled toward me in the plush black leather seat, her skin the only thing really standing out.
“Normal is us just be together. We talk like old times. We have fun. We laugh.” I shrugged, turning her way briefly. The GPS led me for the most part, which made this a little easier of a trip. “Is so weird, we not be like that in forever, I forget what is like for just be around you.”
She smiled, only giving me her profile now. I could only glance in her direction anyway. My focus needed to be on the road. Had we not been cutting it close on timing, I would have pulled over just to really analyze her movements and body language.
“You think maybe we can be normal?” I asked, just as the song changed, leaving a silence in the air that lingered until the next track began.
“I don’t know.” Aaliyah said quietly. I exhaled the breath I hadn’t known I was holding. “But I can try.”
“Have to try?” She asked. I nodded. “I know… but it feels like I do.”
There was a question on the tip of my tongue. Why? one simple word that I wouldn’t utter. It could change the course of the evening and I didn’t want that.
“Don’t try. You no have to try.”
She took a deep breath, her mouth opening with words unsaid before she settled on silence. I peeked over at her, as she faced forward completely. I wondered if I’d said too much, gone too far.
Maybe we’d gone too far for normalcy to be a thing.
Out of my peripheral, I saw her shift in her seat again, only slightly. I glanced, catching her eyes on me with a slight smile. “I wont.”
From then on things felt different. Really different… but in the best way.
We both realized that we had been thinking about things way too hard tongiht. If the agenda was to be normal and feel like the old times, we would have to go about this as simply as possible. Yes there was a massive hurdle to cross in order to coninue on with anything between us other than a professional relationship, but tonight wasn’t for that.
Tonight was for the past. For fun, for drinking and eating and talking.
The calm before a potential storm of feelings. I needed tonight so that I could figure out if this was even worth it. We both did.
When we pulled up to the restaurant, valet met us near the entrance. I gladly paid the cost, having zero intention on waiting out the search for a parking spot. Aaliyah glanced around, her glossy lips shining as they caught bits of the fairly dim lighting.
“This place is nice.” She noted. “I maybe could have changed.”
“I told you you look good.” I reminded her. “I don’t lie.”
We were seated quickly, the benefits of my reservation I assumed. The small table was a great size for two, and there we sat, gazing through the special chef’s menu for the evening. This restaurant was a hot spot in the city, what with its ever changing menu and guest chefs being brought in once every month to curate a new agenda. It was a launching pad for some, and a way to promote for others. Even though it was fairly new, I could already tell it would make a nice drop in the market of other restaurants.
This chef’s menu was all French cuisine, with aspects of African and Caribbean culture in certain dishes, giving them a creole flare. There was a bouillabaisse with crab meat, a coq au vin made with rum for a different flavor profile, and and even accras, fritters from Guadeloupe, with a wine reduction au jus to dip them in. The menu made my mouth water. I hadn’t been to Guadeloupe in years, and my mom hadn’t cooked any staples in a while. Every dish sounded amazing and I knew whatever I ordered would hit the spot.
“This menu looks right up your alley.” Aaliyah’s voice carried over her own menu, her eyes big and bright at the options. We both could throw down on some food, and with me ruining her Thai plans I’m sure this was an eventful decision. “Everything looks amazing, I don’t even know what to get.”
“Shit. Me either.” We both laughed at our indecisiveness.
“I was going to make you pick for me.”
I raised my eyebrows, shocked that she would leave that decision in my hands. “I think you maybe like Chicken Basquaise. It say it’s with peppers and curry so it’s spicy.”
“I was considering that.” She paused, eyeing the menu even more. “Either that or the Ratatouille Gumbo. There was something about the mix of peppers and veggies and sausages that made me excited.
I relayed both of our orders to the waiter, adding fritters and a rum punch for each of us. I knew the drink well, having it well before I was of legal age and always feeling the nostalgia of walking through the streets of Guadeloupe with my brothers, the breeze kissing my skin.
“Damn this is bomb.” Aaliyah said after her first sip.
“I know. Is a thing in Guadeloupe.” I explained to her. “These fritters too, they fresher there but still the flavor the same.” The chef nailed these.
I’d be sure to send my compliments.
Over the rest of the meal, we laughed, continuing to talk about everything under the sun that came up. She told me about work, the new job requirements, her sister, her parents, and how much she missed driving herself around. I talked about the tour, how strenuous things were, how silly Beyonce was, the cool stops we’d made, and the fans. Conversation flowed naturally and comfortably.
We picked from each other’s plates, engorged ourselves in various dishes, and now split a desert platter with a spiced creme brûlée that was fucking insane. The leftovers would be plentiful and likely I’d send them home with her.
The bill had yet to come to our table, and wouldn’t, as I’d prearranged to have dinner squared away before she could even offer.
For some reason I felt that the best way to get us to a place would be complete comfort. Aaliyah and I spent so much time stuck together and running from the inevitable. It was useless. But for one night I just wanted to see. I knew somewhere deep down, there was something worth fighting for, even if she didn’t believe it.
Every time I made comments she brushed them off. Every little joke went past her with intention, and she shied away from seriousness like it was her most qualified job. But she knew just like I did.
When things were good, they were so good that they could outweigh the bad.
She and I were supposed to be something.
“Ladies and Gentlemen.” A black woman with a bald head stood up and greeted the full back area of the restaurant. “I’d like to thank you all for coming tonight, and because it is opening, I’d like for you all to meet the head chef who curated everything that was in front of you this evening. She worked long and hard crafting the perfect meal and dedicated a good amount of time to its quality.”
Everyone clapped, as she emerged from the back with a wide grin, her hands clasped. Even though we weren’t so close to the back, I could see her brown cheeks beginning to redden. Wispy hair hung from her bun, her bangs hung long and swept past her eyes, and I laughed to myself at how adorable she looked.
“Siobhan Michaud, everyone!” Aaliyah craned her neck and all of a sudden it clicked for her. Her eyes widened and her smile grew as she looked at me amidst her realization.
“Wait seriously? Why didn’t you tell me!”
I winked in response, and Aaliyah shook her head, still maintaining excitement at meeting one of my good friends from home.
Eventually Siobhan made her way to our table, to which I met her with the biggest hug I could. I really was proud of all of her accomplishments. She applied for this gig a while ago, asking me tips on living in New York and my opinion on what kind of food would go over well in Brooklyn. I just knew she’d get it, and she did. She’d been hand selected almost immediately. I’d been nothing but encouraging because Siobhan was a beast in the kitchen and I knew no matter what she brought to the states, she’d kill.
And that she did. All through out the night I kept my ears open toward the commentary from Aaliyah on the meal, as well as the others in tables nearby us. No one had even the slightest negative remark. I was also thankful for that, as I would have likely lost my cool and given away my familiarity with the chef had they been not so appreciative.
I introduced Aaliyah and Sisi, and their natural inclination was to hug and compliment one another as if they’d know each other forever. It made me happy to see, two women I held in high regard in the same place, vibing positively. Aaliyah couldn’t stop complimenting the meal and her talent, and Siobhan had heard so much of the work Aaliyah had put in for us and had to sing her praises in response.
“Listen, I have a connect with a food critic, I could have her stop by one night while you’re here!” Aaliyah began placing pegs.
“That would be amazing, Wow, I’m honored.”
“Oh please, you’re wonderful! I thought you specialized in Italian food, you clearly are extremely multifaceted. Those fritters? Bury me with a bag.”
“I’ll send some home with you.” Siobhan replied.
“You send some with me?” I asked, clutching my chest in mock hurt. Disgusted faces from both of them made me laugh audibly. “Hey, no fair you team up on me.”
“Boy.” “Tais toi.” They even brushed me off in unison.
“So what made you choose to do this style instead of sticking with how your restaurant is in Paris?”
“I started with Italian cuisine, it was the food I worked in when I was young… but branching out into a different style was always a dream of mine.” Her deep and guttural English was significantly better than mine, the accent lacing her words minimal. Living in London probably helped her with that. “If I was going to start anywhere, it would be with food from home. Creole styles, certain staples found in food from Guadeloupe? It just made sense.”
“Say no more.” Aaliyah snatched her phone from her bag and began sending a text, her fingers moving a mile a minute. “I’m messaging Cecily now, she’d love to hear all about your journey and is always looking to support women in food too.”
They both laughed and smiled as conversation continued, causing me to do the same. I chimed in occasionally, but there was something special about the natural connection between them. The time was passing and everything just felt… amazing.
“Excuse me…” a man walked over to our table with who I would assume was his son. “I don’t mean to be rude and please excuse me if this is out of line, but I’d like to take a picture with you both. My name is Chris and my son CJ here is a huge fan of you and your twin. I was so impressed by dinner and I -”
“Man it’s no problem with me as long as she cool.” I motioned to Siobhan.
“I’ll take the picture for you all, how about that?” Aaliyah offered with a polite smile, before saying hello to both the man and his son.
After that, the three of us talked for a while until it had gotten late enough for Sisi to head back to the kitchen for clean up and prep for the next day.
The perfect ending to a perfect night.
“Larry I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me she was in town!” Aaliyah said as she looked over at me from the passenger seat. Traffic wasn’t crazy heading home and for this I was thankful. All I wanted to do right now was get some rest. My eyes felt lower, making me thankful for Aaliyah being here as a distraction. “Did your brother know?”
“Yeah, he going another night I think.” I recalled with a shrug.
“You should have brought him tonight.”
“No way.” I shook my head and yawned uncontrollably. “Tonight for us. It for you and me. It was perfect without him.
Aaliyah tried and failed at holding back her smile. "It was, wasn’t it.”
I raised my eyebrows at her, looking shocked at her response. When she questioned it I had to be forthcoming. “I wasn’t expecting you to be that honest about how you felt.”
There was silence on both ends. Caribbean music filled the speakers as we rode peacefully. Jetlag and a full meal really had me exhausted. That third rum punch probably wasn’t the best idea. It didn’t matter though. The point was, I felt good.
I glanced over at Aaliyah, who simply leaned against the window, and I removed my hand from the shift and placed it gently on her knee. My heart beat faster when I felt the delicate touch of her fingertips, lining my rings and my veins. Her nails gently scraped in certain spaces, causing me to instinctively grip her knee.
A red light allowed me to look at her face on.
Just as I expected, the bright break lights of the people in front of us shined on her face, her brown eyes looking at me, her hands on mine. I swallowed, causing her to sigh and her bottom lip fell ever so slightly.
“So.” She exhaled deeply. “What’s next?”
