ABBAN IS BÍZNI KEZDEK, AMIBEN NEM LENNE MUSZÁJ

nobody wants to hire me i'm chopped i can't write good my dearest internet friend is mia i have no way or no idea to reach him i hope he's okay i don't know how to maintain relationships with other friends i feel like I'm not worth keeping in touch with because i don't have anything nice to say or anything to contribute to their lives. plus I'm ashamed of everything i am. we are living separate lives. sometimes i pretend i can access them but it's like that short story looking through the glass of the aquarium at the axolotls trying to understand them and wishing you were the axolotl. have i mentioned i can't write good that's the one that bothers me the most

this interview was so much better😭😭😭😭😭

girls I'm going to be honest before getting into k-pop i was gonna do.. like legit on a conceptual level i was flirting with incredibly niche rpf and not just niche but "doesn't make sense and isn't interesting". but i was going to wring everything out of it. so in a way this is a blessing. just wanted to let y'all know

what's the science behind younger siblings being more beautiful

every day is like, do i kill my darlings finally or is it just whatever. and then i keep thinking about it and it never gets uploaded

people these days don't even know what a shota is they gotta say "he's girlmaxxing" or some shit like that

i want to write some good things down too because I'm hoping it'll reinforce them (i can't keep myself from venting about the bad things so i think i need to offset it bc it matters what gets dwelled on and what gets the luxury of being articulated) so: i had a pretty bad time today but after that i thought about it more and talked with my mother (hr manager lol) and now it doesn't feel like much of a loss or a mistake. it was not right that's not what i want i deserve something that suits me more and I'm going to be fine here with my tiny salary for the time being and my life isn't over and it might even begin soon if i try harder. the interview was a great learning experience now i know how i fare in that situation, and i think i did well, they called me back. i can be a normal person. there are no direct obstacles, to getting a job like i can do things others do and might have a place in society. and also this has gifted me extra appreciation for my current job, the work culture, the environment, the coworkers, them especially, I'm so glad to be around them and i miss them a lottttt unfortunately i miss that one guy too but i can't keep lashing myself over it I'll just let it pass through quickly and without struggle I'm like the riverbed just letting it pass through me. there will be other opportunities, maybe it'll take a long time and a lot of searching and many attempts and maybe I'll feel helpless and humiliated but a good outcome is possible eventually. Also last month i Fully ran out of money and this month i didn't so i may be capable of learning or making minor adjustments. that's huge for me

cancelled my appointment with the psychologist (tb) (it's free) (i went a week ago that's not enough time to reflect on anything I'm going to tell her the next ones should be farther apart) and i was so stoked to stay home and do what i want i couldn't stop dancing and jumping around !! (real not clickbait) but then the guy from yesterday's interview actually called and i said I'm still unsure and he didn't like that and we sort of mutually rejected each other. that was bad

but since then i've also been thinking that like.. i don't give a fuck