me: *gets scared that i’m wasting my life* me: i’m gonna deal with this feeling by taking a long nap in the middle of the day

Honestly I’m not gonna survive the apocalypse. Y'all go on gathering berries and drinking cockroach milk (apparently) and forming barter economies and I’m gonna stay in my house until the last of my seltzer runs out and then I’m gonna put on an all cashmere outfit and lay down and die. Have fun fending off the coyotes and doomsday cults and living on expired canned goods in a world with no more Netflix. Pass.

LITERALLY ME

hoooOw dare you detective diaz i am your supIORIOR OFFICER! (BONE!!!!)whathappensinmybedroomdetectiveis none of your business (!boOoOoNE?!) dont, ever, speak to me like that again.

I’ve already reblogged this scene but the last comment is a masterclass in punctuation and vocal emphasis.

Why is this so painfully true 😭😭

i feel like we dont talk enough about how two of the most decorated female hockey players ever, one a former captain for team canada and the other for the usa, fell in love and had a baby together 

Ok but where is my cheesey lesbian rom-com about them falling in love while playing against each other

80% tired 20% also tired

“obviously, we have a lot of problems we need to address”, i say, referring to one specific problem, which i created, alone