brave little thing.

I’m working on stitching together pieces of me, in the aftermath of you. I need to feel whole again; regain my balance; find my footing – and it simply wont happen if I’m still tethered to the heart that got mine broken.

I never stopped loving you. Not even for a second. Even when I hated you.

He is not a bad person for not being in love with me anymore. To say it out loud. To mean it. To know it, true as a toothache. To remember how badly I wanted to have it back, your love. How hard I fought. But in the end, how even I knew. Like how trees know to let go of their leaves, that nothing can stop the winter.

Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.

I loved you, once, three years ago. Your eyes are different now. I wonder what it means to be able to set yourself free from regret, love, self destruction…. It all ends the same anyway, doesn’t it? I walk away. I look back. I miss parts of people that do not exist anymore.

Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little. And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.

Healing is layers. Healing is time. Healing is excruciating. Once you think it’s done, it’s not.