Crab Hole @bramp - Tumblr Blog

#cao cao #shopping cart theory #pure evil

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#burger king #lu bu #crunchburger

sibenlun-deactivated20220613

Bionicle is more interesting than the Three Kingdoms.

I was walking the other day when I stubbed my toe on a curved blade of unbelievable sharpness. Huh, I thought, that doesn’t usually happen. I picked up the sword and inspected it. It was covered in drawings of famous mountains such as Everest, Kilimanjaro and Fuji. I decided to take it to be appraised by the great armchair sage sibenlun.tumblr.com.

When I entered his yurt with a door, he finished having sex (he was having sex) and he saw me with his eyes. I showed him the scimitar and he scowled. When I asked who fought for glory with this axe and then so carelessly discarded it. He said the rapier belonged to Meng Huo a long time ago, then he went back to playing Duke Nukem 3D on his Nintendo 2DS.

So I have the halberd of the great king Meng Huo himself! It’s pretty amazing to think about that, like who else owns a famous sword HUH? If anybody wants to see pics or it didn’t happen, well frig off my camera got bricked the other day.

sibenlun-deactivated20220613

So you’re back in history?

Since when?

bramp

Finally, Daolun is allowed back in the history books! Now we can know who shot JFK.

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sibenlun-deactivated20220613

Tier these parents on how badly they handled their children: Cao Cao, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and anyone you consider pverlooked in that department.

Not a father, can’t judge well on how bad or good they were.

the-archlich

You do not need to be a parent to point out bad parenting. You do not need to be a pilot to see a helicopter crash.

Anyway, Sun Quan is clearly the worst.

bramp

Egypt sends their condolences.

sibenlun-deactivated20220613

Tell me about Wei Yan! Why does he wear the mask?

Wang Ping: Who wants to try next?

[grabs another officer]

Wang Ping: Tell me about Wei Yan! Why does he wear the mask? A lot of loyalty, for a hired gun!

Wei Yan: Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man, before throwing him off a bridge?

Wang Ping: At least you can talk. Who are you?

Wei Yan: It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.

[Wang Ping removes the hood]

Wei Yan: No one cared who I was until I put on the mask.

Wang Ping: If I pull that off, would you die?

Wei Yan: It would be extremely painful.

Wang Ping: You're a big guy!

Wei Yan: For you.

Wang Ping: Was getting caught part of your plan?

Wei Yan: Of course... Fei Yi refused our offer in favor of yours, we had to find out what he told you.

Fei Yi: Nothing! I said nothing!

Wang Ping: Well, congratulations! You got yourself caught! Now what's the next step in your master plan?

Wei Yan: Crashing this bridge... with no survivors!

the-archlich

What happened to Liu Shan's descendants?

Nothing particularly interesting.

bramp

Bullshit.

Liu Shan begat Liu Cong, who begat Liu Rui, who begat Liu Feiyi.

Liu Feiyi was made into a eunuch at the age of five. He spent the next twelve years of his life working in the Changsha salt mine. During this time he kept a diary, detailing the development of his gradual mental breakdown. When he turned 17 on the year of the Fucking Moon, Liu Feiyi left the mine to be a sandal bearer for Sima Pei. But seeing the light of day once more dazzled him, such that he took hold of a swordfish and cut into his master’s cheek. Sima Pei was understandably upset and he sent Liu Feiyi off to the barbaric southern lands (modern day Zambia). Though he was effectively written off at that point, Liu Feiyi survived the Trials of the Ti’bouti and became a respected leader of the barbarians. At this point he was given a new name that you should recognise; Gunga Skreonk. He then spearheaded a northern campaign to get back at Sima Pei.

And yeah, you guys know the rest of that war. Most people just fail to study the origin story of Gunga Skreonk, instead assuming he was some nobody savage.

Musoo March is in full swing. I need you all to play more musoo games!

sibenlun-deactivated20220613

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sibenlun-deactivated20220613

You don't see any fans of Yuan Shao defend his actions because he literally has no fans.

I've seen people who like him. For some reason.

bramp

sibenlun-deactivated20220613

How do you pass time?

Breathe.

bramp

AAAAAAAAAAA BREATHEPOSTER, I’LL GET YOU!

fruitpilled-peachcel

daily reminder that Liu Bei is a dishonest, baby throwing sandal merchant who's only claim to the throne of the empire was because his distant family might've been in the court at some point.

all my homies support the Empire of Wei and the true and honest claim to the throne, Cao Cao.

sibenlun-deactivated20220613

Cao Cao:

Killed members of the Imperial family (including an unborn baby, possible heir to the throne)

Massacred Xu

Massacred Xu again

Massacred Wan

Massacred political enemies many times like Kong Rong, Cui Yan and Yang Xiu

Usurped Imperial Authority

Liu Bei:

Betrayed Warlords, aka acting like every other warlord of the era.

Didn’t throw a baby, actually threw a battle-axe

No more dishonest than anyone else

Are we demeaning the lower class with the sandal ‘merchant’ thing? Confucianism is alive and well I guess.

Why is his claim less relevant than Cao Cao?

the-archlich

Yuan Shu:

Was a leading member of the empire's most prestigious family

Purged the Han court of the corrupt eunuch faction that controlled affairs

Rallied the south against the usurper Dong Zhuo, drove him out of Luoyang, and repaired the ancestral temples.

Reclaimed the lost Imperial Seal in the ruins of Luoyang

Became the first and only Early of Xu province

Was spoken of in prophecy

Received the Staff of Authority from the Grand Tutor

bramp

Hua Xiong: 1. Died 2. Died 3. Died 4. Died 5. Died 6. Died 7. Died 8. Died 9. Died 10. Died 11. Died 12. Died 13. Died 14. Died 15. Died 16. Died 17. Died 18. Died 19. Died 20. Died 21. Died 22. Died 23. Died 24. Died 25. Died 26. Died 27. Died 28. Died 29. Died 30. Died 31. Died 32. Died 33. Died 34. Died 35. Died 36. Died 37. Died 38. Died 39. Died 40. Died 41. Died 42. Died 43. Died 44. Died 45. Died 46. Died 47. Died 48. Died 49. Died 50. Died 51. Died 52. Died 53. Died 54. Died 55. Died 56. Died 57. Died 58. Died 59. Died 60. Died 61. Died 62. Died 63. Died 64. Died 65. Died 66. Died 67. Died 68. Died 69. Died 70. Died 71. Died 72. Died 73. Died 74. Died 75. Died 76. Died 77. Died 78. Died 79. Died 80. Died 81. Died 82. Died 83. Died 84. Died 85. Died 86. Died 87. Died 88. Died 89. Died

I need to finish translating RotLH, but I can only guess he died a few more times than that.

Naruto was named after the famous philosopher, Naruhodo. Believe it!

#naruto #philosophy #anime

sibenlun-deactivated20220613

I don’t know why but I started thinking about the people that my opinions has changed the most on over the years. It’s a neat list.

Yang Xiu - positive, formerly very negative

Wei Guan - mixed positive, formerly very negative

Jiang Wei - mixed positive, formerly very negative

Sun Hao - mix positive, formerly very negative

Cao Shuang - positive, formerly negative

He Yan - very positive, formerly negative

Gongsun Du - very positive, formerly none

Gongsun Kang - very positive, formerly none

Gongsun Yuan - positive, formerly negative

Wen Qin - positive, formerly extremely negative

Wen Chu - positive, formerly negative

Hu Yuan - very negative, formerly very positive

Sima Jiong - positive, formerly negative

Sima Zhou - extremely positive, formerly slightly positive

Lu Kang - negative, formerly very positive

Zhang Hua - mixed negative, formerly very positive

Gan Ning - neutral, formerly very negative

Ma Chao - neutral, formerly very negative

Cao Pi - very positive, formerly very negative

Cao Rui - very negative, formerly positive

Xiahou Xuan - extremely positive, formerly slightly positive

zhaolie-the-benevolent-deactiva

Yeah my opinions on a bunch of people fluctuated a lot over the years too. This is my list.

Guo Jia - Very positive, formerly negative

Cao Cao - Negative, formerly neutral, even more formerly positive

Cao Ren - Positive, formerly neutral

Xiahou Dun - Negative, formerly very positive

Zhao Yun - Very positive, formerly negative

Sun Quan - Very positive, formerly extremely negative, definetely the biggest change in opinion for me

Zhou Yu - Positive, formerly very negative (shittiest character in the novel definetely)

Wei Yan - Neutral, formerly positive

Liu Shan - Very negative, formerly positive

Cao Pi - Positive, formerly neutral/negative

Xun Yu - Neutral, formerly very positive

Ma Su - Very negative, formerly positive

Pang Tong - Neutral/positive, formerly very positive

These spring to mind for me. I’ll probably change my opinions a bunch in the future too. Some of these changes were pretty recent.

bramp

I h-have a list, too!

Xiahou Dun - Negative, formerly very positive

Sun Jian - Positive, formerly very positive

Pang Tong - Very positive, formerly neutral

Zhong Hui - Positive, formerly neutral

Yuan Shao - Very positive, formerly positive

Yuan Shu - THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE HIM O R A N G E

Pan Zhang - Very positive, formerly neutral

Zhang Jue - Positive, formerly Zhang Jiao

Hua Xiong - positive, formerly negative, positive, negative

Zhou Cang - Very negative, formerly negative

Zuo Ci - Negative, formerly positive

Erzhu Rong - It’s complicated

Xiahou Ba - Positive, formerly negative

Zhurong - Positive, formerly I was 12

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