love when cats hear that you've woken up even just a little bit and they're like hiiiiiii oh my god oh my god!!!!! i wrote some poems in the night let me recite them for you. this one is called: screaming and knocking your water bottle off your nightstand

i think taylor swift wishes she was bisexual because she knows it would make her slightly more money. whereas sabrina carpenter wishes she was bisexual so she could have sex with someone who looks exactly like herself. and ariana grande wishes she was bisexual because she did too many designer drugs on the set of wicked and now she has kin memories of being glinda for real

theyre going to kill me because nobody in history has acted strangely and im the very first

What abou t me. Doesnt anyone think i should be at the club

Elves dont have any mice in their castles. They did some sort of sin that makes pleasant rodentia avoid them

when a human infant is in the womb, moments from being be born, a vague figure of glowing amber light appears before them. in one hand, it holds a small soapstone carving of a coiled eel. in the other hand it holds a mortar and pestle made of polished red quartz. it bids the infant to choose between these two things, but we don't know the significance of this choice, because all babies throughout history with no exception have always picked the soapstone eel. so that's still one of the big mysteries out there.

i came to your house with my hair down and my favorite gourmand fragrance on because i love you any more crazy questions

hey um i’ve got some bad news. we mulled your boyfriend. he fell in the wine and we mulled him. yeah with the cinnamon sticks.