decolonize your dichotomy

My health hasn’t been very good these past few months. They think it’s Crohn’s (again? Still?) so I’m back to being tested all over again. I spent all summer on steroids and am taking Humira weekly. I’m only going back to work 25% to start out and we’ll see if I can go back to half time. I don’t plan on going back to my school any more than the 25%, and am hoping to pick up more time at the board office and around the district doing my thing like last year.

We still have baby plans. I’m weaning off certain meds now, and will replace others before February. I am probably gonna need fertility help, and we need to be trying for a year before I get help because I’m still considered young. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for all of this, as well as getting my body ready. I definitely have some work to do this fall and winter!

Did I write about the chronic pancreatitis I get? That’s what they think has been going on all along, why my gallbladder failed and why I get flares of abdominal issues. The CT’s show inflamed pancreas and fluid in my abdomen when I get like that, like after Sepsis or the three bouts of pneumonia and resulting steroids/antibiotics.

I worry that if my rheumy records that humira isn’t working that my coverage via Indian Status will be pulled and I will be fucked over. I know it isn’t getting a chance to work because I am so stressed with life that my immune system is fucky and I’m flaring all the time. I can’t take leave from work because I am waiting to be approved for long term disability and I’m doing some big things in the district right now in curriculum and resource development as well as pro d. Ugh.

I would like to be able to walk without feeling like I need a walker. I am on tramadol xr daily now and the dr is talking about opiates but I am not comfortable with that. First we are gonna try trigger point injections and then maybe ketamine infusions. I need to be able to function but I am too scared to go down the opiate rabbit hole yet if ever.

ANYWAY, I make my announcement and I think it’s going ok. I get to the very end and kind of blank out for a few seconds. As in, how do I end this thing? Oh, I’m on the telephone, I know what to do... “OKAY GOODBYE!”

I yelled that in to the phone and ended the receiver like someone’s octogenarian aunt who confuses the tv clicker with the cordless telephone. I ran back in to my classroom and all my kids made so much fun of me. Every time they left the room they yelled OKAY GOODBYE at me.

Today I had to run to the orthodontist to pick up one of my girls because her dad fell back asleep and she needed to get to school. He did get her brother’s to school though, which is normally her responsibility. They are all very recently living back together and she was actually living with us for a few weeks because she was struggling with housing. It was the one thing I couldn’t help her solve so we let her stay on the couch. A couple of days turned in to weeks, and it was the most stability she’s had in a while, I think. I miss her a lot but I’m happy she’s back with her family.

I had to run my own two girls that live with me to the doctor after that. I couldn’t stay which really bothered me but I had to get to a meeting with our family counsellor. She’s a godsend and is meeting with us together one week and me the other week. We met for two hours which took much longer than anticipated but was so helpful.

My youngest is home sick too, and he just slept most of the day. The girls and I did a bit of running around (pharmacy, pet store) before it was time for one’s appointment with her social worker. We went to that for an hour.

I managed to come home and eat an apple, but I somehow lost my phone in the snow because we’re having a blizzard. I found it and it’s ok though. Then it was time to head to the district for the Aboriginal Ed Inquiry project conference call/meeting which lasted an hour and a half.

Now dinner and report cards, and today is my “day off”.

Most days are like today lately. From the time I wake up til I am finally in bed. I am only working half time, but I’ve picked up more responsibilities in the district in regards to Indigenous Education - curriculum and resource development, which takes away time from my school. Yet I still have responsibilities there so I just feel like I am pulled in multiple directions. I was also voted into the city’s Pride Society this week and there are a lot of meetings and planning for that. I also think I am gonna be a part of planning a grad banquet on National Aboriginal Day for our Indigenous grads this year? We’ll see.