B+

I found this drafted entry as I was cleaning my drive. 

It’s been exactly ten days since I turned 20. And really, I have no idea where I’m getting my spare time to write this. For the past few years of post-birthday posts all I did was thank everyone and everything, say sorry, and make up self-made life quotes out of some really significant happening during that year.

This 2016, on my 20th, I want something a tiny bit different.

I want to make 20 resolutions from different realizations, that who knows, may help someone who is both as scared and as excited as I am to turn two decades old.

Remove toxic people in your life. If you’ve done your part and still to no avail, let go. It will only hurt the longer you hang on to them.

Prioritize. A lot of things will be happening in your life and you know what it’s fine to say no to some of those and say yes to a few. May darating pa.

Show up. When you commit, live up to it.

Dont be late. Stop wasting your time, but most importantly others’.

I never got to finishing this list. A reminder that life is probably taking way too fast than I can imagine. A bit overwhelming when I suddenly realize the next ten years from now on will make or break the rest of my life. Or so how most put it.

I’m turning 21 in about three months, I’ll be on my first day of work in five days, and for sure I have another due client work in the next 12 hours. At the moment, there’s a whole lot of changes but I’m glad they’re all changes I see myself growing in and learning from. I wasnt forced into any of those aforementioned commitments.

Anyway, I just didnt want the effort to write the four bullets put to waste. But at the same time be a reminder that HAVING NO TIME OR HAVING NO ENERGY IS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE AN EXCUSE.

Pahimakas (2016) - Behind the scenes 

I honestly wasn’t sure how to feel after Bidyofest. It felt odd because 1. I was hurt and 2. I didn’t want to sound bitter nor a sore loser. 

Badmouthing others was not an option simply because EVERYTHING was well-deserved. 

So much has happened in putting Pahimakas into reality. This film was our brain child, our love child, our investment not to mention. Just like everyone else, we spent a lot, we worked our asses off, and we sacrificed so much; time, things, and even people.

We’ve come across some pretty interesting situations that tested not just our teamwork but as well as our friendship. Much like how other productions did. And maybe that what made it painful, because just like everyone else, we also did our best. We also lost and gained so much. We also laughed a lot and cried a lot, and yet there we were - standing in front of a crowd with a piece of paper barely justifying the kind of effort Optics has done in the two months of producing of the film. 

But you know what, it was that same painful jolt in the stomach which made me realize that someone may have done her best, her 101% but that doesn’t automatically grant her merits. There will be others doing 101% too, just as hopeful and just as cunning as you are in whatever pursuit that is. 

Life’s unfair, it’s going to suck every once in a while but we’re gonna have to learn to live by it. To love it. 

This loss taught me to look beyond the merits and focus more on things that turned this film, as I claim it to be, beautiful. To focus on the good stuff, to look back at the small triumphs we may have overlooked searching for far greater rewards when we were already given a pat in the back for something we did well. 

I know it sounds like I’m sourgraping to some extent, but I’m not. I’d like to think it’s a human reaction, you know? To join a competition, you aim to win, not for mediocrity. And if you end up with the latter it just makes sense to feel bad. You didn’t get what you came for at all. 

But in my case, I did get what I came for. Just not what I thought I’d end up having anyway. Tiny victories and the grandest experiences I’d say. 

KOREA 2016

Just when I thought 2016 couldn’t get any better my grandmother gave us sudden news that we’ll be going to Korea. Other than our slight frantic state during visa processing all was well before the trip.

Ever since the approval of our visa all I did was search for Youtube lookbooks and how-to’s of layering. I had zero idea of the art and science behind layering. Anyway ended up being clothed properly, though I did feel slightly judged by some locals with my choice of mix n’ match.

But I have to mention that I meant to not layer too much specially after day one. I wanted to make the most of the cold climate because I’m once I’m back in Manila, no doubt I’ll be sweating like hell again. Haha!

The places, people, food, and the culture’s just beautiful! And since this was a tour package, I’d really want to go back and explore the streets and cities on my own. At least a week alone or with my sister and friends would be lovely!

Yes, here I am again, attempting to break my curse with goals and resolutions every new year.

2016 was tough. It was by far the most challenging but most rewarding year. But then again that may just be me every year since I, excuse my term, became a woman. Ever since I entered that door of “adulthood” every single year that passed seemed so challenging. I like to think that’s just me getting closer and closer to the reality of independence and daring life changing choices *cringes*.

I am scared. Literally. But I’d like to put off that mentality by creating this post.

I’ve listed so much goals and resolutions but all in all I just really wish for three things that may help my trajectory of HAPPINESS:

Growth

Good health

Contentment and positivity

Then I just have sub categories for each.

BZT - May 2016

I felt lost and unimportant for some time but I found my way back to the same people. It was tough and realizing it were against people who’d usually be with me was tougher. 

It was a mix of emotions. Anger, jealousy, regret, disappointment. But circumstances lead me back to them. With a stronger friendship, better understanding, and a whole new level of trust and love. 

I never say “I love you” or “Mahal kita” to anybody. I never throw it around. I value it, just as how people I’ve said it to matter to me. 

My folks would tell me that college friends dont last. Because you have such separate ideologies and priorities and honestly, for a long amount of time that’s what I believed. But with these group of people turning my every days better, our typical lunch dates into memorable ones, I just debunked the claim. #mythbuster 

You dont expect friends to cradle you every time your down. They’re supposed to make you better, batter you would love and reality all at the same time. Friendship takes work just like any other relationship. 

January 2016 - Laiya, Batangas: Kuta Keluarga 

It was the quietest and most serene resort I’ve been to. There were so few guests that I am actually familiar with the face of almost every one. Reasons for such a low guest count is probably because 1. it’s a private resort of a certain executive village 2. it’s deep deep deeeeep in Batangas 3. it’s literally a dead zone. No signal, no nothing. The only connection outside is through their office which ironically has the fastest internet ever.

The staff was extremely accommodating and went beyond their duties when my dad expressed his need of double A batteries. They immediately someone to town to buy a fresh pack and handed it to dad later that day with the brightest smile. 

The sand that’ll meet your feet arent the friendliest things by being such sharp, big chunks. But that’s a good sign that the sea’s state wasnt altered, all was kept at natural that’s why only when you’re hip-deep you can already see tiny fish accommodating you.

The most fun thing about swimming through were the SUDDEN DROPS. You see the ocean floor there is literally covered with corals and rocks, so your feet basically has nowhere else to step on to. That’s why even though you’re quite far from shore it doesn’t seem like it because you can still elevate yourself. BUT you can get comfortable because there are certain “bald spots” of corals and rocks which when you find yourself in, makes the sea level rise a meter or more. It was exciting but a freaking crazy feeling. 

You know the “dont touch the butt” scene in Finding Nemo? Where the boat is beyond this cliff from where Nemo’s school were? Think of that only in a smaller scale, that’s what I mean by sudden drops. 

I saw more fish here than in Boracay! Not to mention how intimate the encounters were. There were no charges for me to explore the set of rocks found at the other end of the shore. 

During the second night we were there I decided to go lie down the shoreline. It was one of the most beautiful moments I’ve had. As my back was resting on the sand a blanket of stars were crowding the sky. Ugh, I can’t tell you how glad I was I did that despite my parents telling me not to. They were paranoid of me being taken over by the current (yow parents, I’m not even light enough for that to happen). 

Last shoots I did for 2015 - It’s been an exciting year for productions, projects, and personal creative ventures. These two sets of photos were from my most recent shoots, both were equally exciting and challenging. When 2015 started I made a pact with myself of exploring what else I could create outside the borders I’ve known. And I am proud to say that I’ve kept that promise. I know I have a long way to go but my progress this year did nothing but give me happiness, new friends, and experiences. I’m fortunate that people appreciate me for what I love doing and keeping my fingers crossed that the next years will be the same. 

This blog’s been practically dead half of the year and since keeping promises this year has worked well for me, I’ll try to do the same here; I promise to try and keep this blog up and running. Besides, I owe a lot to Tumblr. It helped me discover my passion and has driven me to pursue it in a way I didnt even saw myself in. 

I’ll try to manage what goes here, in my journal, and in my videos. A huge reason for this blog’s dormant is the sense of repetitiveness of content in my pov. Kind of a stupid excuse, I know, but I’ll work on it. 

Every time I have my camera with me in school, this is what happens 99.4% of the time. I dont mind. I love how they register on camera anyway. 

Ang Mga Kwento ni Lola Basyang by Ballet Manila - August 22, 2015

It was originally planned that we would watch with my grandmother but she insists on going since she says she’s seen this performance. Mom decided to push through despite of lola’s decision not to come with. 

I was expecting a play with dialogues and character conversations on stage, but this one didn’t have dialogues. All three acts were performed through ballet. The set design was breathtaking, especially the costumes for Act II (Ang Kwento ng Tatlong Maria), my favorite was Act III (Ang Mahiwagang Byulin) because of how amazing the performers did with their body language. Imagine doing comedy with no punchlines! Crazy! 

It was our first time to watch a production as a family and with our first being such a good show I think it’s safe to say that there’ll be a ton more left to watch. 

Hi Anon! If you mean by disposable the ones where you have 20-30 shots of film with and literally have the camera trashed, PHOTO PRINTING SHOPS LIKE KODAK AND PHOTOLINE have those! Pretty much any photo printing shops as far as I know. 

Unfortunately I dont have a specific go-to place for disposable cameras. But I know a place I’m pretty sure you’ve heard countless of times from photography enthusiasts - HIDALGO. It’s in Quiapo and it’s this one whole street blazed with cameras. You might go cray cray on where to go to first. 

And remember, when in doubt - go online! OLX is the place to be (former sulit.com) 

PANGASINAN AFTERMOVIE (2015) - There were pretty few photos taken during this weekend because I took most of my effort towards capturing things through video. Hence this lengthy aftermovie of our 3-day stay in Pangasinan.  

It draws sepanx and extreme recall of what transpired over the weekend. 

PANGASINAN WEEKEND - June 12-14, 2015

SERENDIPITY. That’s right, that’s the word that best describes what happened over the weekend of June 12th till the 14th. The first strike of luck was my parents allowing me to go somewhere as far as Pangasinan unchaperoned. It took the efforts of Jethro and her mom to have me come with. The bond and communication between mothers are unspoken. Haha! 

I got to be somewhere I’ve never been to with people I never thought would come to make such wonderful marks on my summer (and hopefully the rest of the coming years ehe). 

I felt a little unease at first, and we all agreed on this - quite curious if we’d all actually get along and not have divisions within the group. Counting in the idea that we’ve all never been an actual click. And holy hell, we couldnt have been more wrong with all these floating questions. 

The car ride to Pangasinan was quiet first hour or so, and then everything started to fall into place. Quiet turned into hysterical laughter, amusing stories, and formation of inside jokes. 

I cannot believe it all happened in a span of three days and two nights. In that short time, I created a new click that’s probably the most “serendipity” I’ve had in years. 

I cannot put into words the happiness that happened in Pangasinan. There weren't as many activities as promised but that weekend was priceless nonetheless all because of a great company. 

LYXEN - It was my first time to do an indoor photoshoot for a predebut. Most of my clients opt for an outdoor set up which made me extra excited for a shoot for a friend. She had her shoot in Heima in Makati. The place was lovely! Like a room decked up with Typo items. They were even selling a few pieces of Polaroid Cameras and films (had to snap myself into holding an SX-70). 

It was interesting how it’s more challenging in this setup. The place was a little cramped, but dont get me wrong, it was lovely! I was just challenged creatively on how to play with a fixed environment. 

I learned a lot from this shoot, like lighting and how important it is to pay attention to details (like what book she’ll be holding up, or what pattern is the chair she’s sitting on)